Pissed or Pissed Off? (Or, Hair of the Dog)

Pissed or Pissed Off? (or Hair of the Dog)

Disclaimer: All legal jargon about money and ownership applies.

Snape's attention wandered. Shuffling his bony bottom on the hard wooden seat of the trial bench, he tried to concentrate. The discussion swirling around the Wizengamot was of Snape's Final Memories, his Unrequited Love for Lily Evans and why he gave Those Precious Memories to Harry Potter as he lay close to death on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. Rolling his eyes, Severus stared up at the vaulted ceiling; it was the most he could do within his magical restraints. He sighed and let his thoughts drift.

*

"To University, the fountain of knowledge where students come to drink," said Lupin, lifting his pint in a toast and saluting his flatmate for the umpteenth time.

"Sláinte." Severus tilted his dram at Lupin then tipped the amber liquid down this throat before slamming the glass back down on the bar counter.

Coughing slightly, he wiped his eyes.

"This cheap, Muggle stuff isn't as smooth as Firewhiskey, is it?"

"No." Severus wheezed, slapping his chest. He waggled his empty glass at Lupin. "More."

"Drinking's not helping, Severus."

"No?" Peering into his empty glass, Severus scowled before holding it up again for a refill.

"You need to talk to her; it's been months now."

"Pssh!" replied Snape, almost articulately.

"I'll ask her to come down to Edinburgh for the weekend to... I dunno... to help me with my studies. She can stay in the spare room at the flat. You can apologise for shouting at her. And we'll all be friends again." Lupin nodded his head wisely. The action caused a distinct spinning sensation, and he wobbled a bit on his barstool.

"She's a poison... a poisoner... no, a poisoneer. Is that the right word?" Snape looked at the other man for help. Lupin nodded again, a little less vigorously, and lifted his hand, indicating for Snape to continue. "Anyhow. What does she know about your course that she could help you with? I mean History and Philosophy of the Dark Arts, what kind of a... a..." His hand waved ineffectually in the air.

"Subject."

"Subject. Exactly. What kind of a namby-pamby subject is that?"

Lupin looked up through his shaggy fringe. "It's brilliant, actually. There's plenty of free time and loads of hot looking students to chat up."

"Why don't I get hot chicks talking to me in my classes?" Severus grumbled, staring at his empty glass.

Holding up his hand, Remus stared at it thoughtfully for a moment before counting down on his fingers. "One, you're doing Potions. Only geeks study Potions, not hot babes. Two, you're a miserable, greasy-haired, lanky geek who no-one would want to sit next to, let alone talk to. And three, you're not paying enough attention, because you're way too busy moping over Charmaine." He paused, tapping his pinkie finger. "Oh, and four, you're mingin'."

Lupin giggled. "Mhairi MacDonald said that today. I'm not sure if she was talking to me or about me." He sighed, looking wistful. "Maybe my luck isn't so good either."

"What you need, Lupin, is the right partner." Severus swayed forward and prodded Remus in the chest with an unsteady finger. "You need a mate to brew your Wolfsbane, who can tolerate your dog breath and who appreciates the alpha male in you."

"Like you, y'mean?"

"Exactly!"

They both nodded sagely.

There was a pause, followed by a quick exchange of glances. Lupin cleared his throat and stood up. Struggling to his feet beside him, Severus placed a hand on Remus's shoulder. Snape swayed slightly, and his nose brushed along the curve of Lupin's ear, causing Lupin to inhale sharply.

Remus turned to face the dark wizard. Leaning forwards, he slid a hand around the back of Severus's head and pulled the other wizard towards him.

"Let's move on from here," he growled in Snape's ear.

Another long, dark-eyed stare.

"To the next pub for another drink, Sev, you tosser." Lupin gave Snape a gentle push towards the exit.

Somehow, a couple of drams at the next bar turned into a pub crawl, which in turn, eventually, led to Remus sitting slumped at the kitchen table the next morning pulling at something sticky in his hair.

He tried to sort through the memories of the previous night. Wincing, he thought he remembered telling Severus he loved him... like a brother.

His stomach rolled with nausea. Merlin's hairy arse! No, he couldn't have, otherwise he wouldn't still be alive, would he?

His head pounded when he glanced up as Severus shuffled in to the room. Snape's complexion was even more sallow than normal and his eyes were half-closed against the weak, morning light.

Remus cleared his throat, not knowing how best to approach the grim looking wizard.

"Morning."

"Yes, it appears to be morning, Lupin."

"About last night. What did we... did I...?" Scarcely looking at Severus, Remus muttered, "Whatever happened last night, we're still friends, right?"

"Indeed," replied Severus warily, inclining his head very slightly, the movement causing him to wince and put a finger to his temple. "To tell the truth, Lupin, it's all a little hazy."

Remus snorted. "What were you thinking, knocking on Edinburgh Castle's gates asking to be let in?"

"I believe, I was trying to evade the werewolf with the traffic cone on his head."

Groaning, Remus put a hand up to the sticky patch on his head. "Tell me I haven't got road tar in my hair."

"For goodness sake, stop fiddling with it. You're spreading black grease through your hair. Once I have found the Hangover Potion, I will assist with its removal."

A short time later, Severus eased himself onto the settee. He indicated the seat next to him and waved two potions bottles at Lupin.

"Hangover cure. Sit here quietly, take this potion and I'll try to remove the tar from your rat's nest. Can you remember the spell Charmaine used?"

"Vaguely. I just remember laying my head on her lap like this, and she whispered sweet incantations whilst running her magical fingers through my hair." Lupin lay down with his head on Snape's knee, grinning up at the dark wizard.

"Spare me." Giving Lupin a very sour look down the length of his nose, Severus started spelling the black gobbets from the werewolf's hair. It was surprisingly soothing work and, now his headache was relieved, Severus felt himself relax. His already half-closed eyes drooped shut.

Suddenly, startled by a loud noise, Severus sat up, opening his sleep-heavy eyes wide. He was alarmed to find Mademoiselle Bien-Aimée standing looking down at him, arms crossed and foot tapping.

Trying to rise from the seat, Snape realised Lupin had fallen asleep with his head on his lap.

Severus gave him a shake. Slowly, Lupin woke and sat up, blinking like an owl caught in a dust storm.

"We were just..." Severus started to explain, but stopped abruptly as his brain registered a moist sensation at his crotch.

Looking down, he realised Remus had been drooling in his sleep, leaving a very large, damp patch on the front of his trousers.

"This is not as it seems," Severus assured. "I was just... and we... and I fell asleep."

"How very eloquent."

He cringed.

"Now, get up both of you and get ready."

"Ready?"

"Have you forgotten what day it is?"

Remus groaned. "Now I remember why we went to the pub last night, Severus. We were commiserating over Lily and James's wedding today."

"So, why are you here, mademoiselle?" Severus inquired.

"Professor McGonagall has Order... other business to deal with, so Professor Dumbledore sent me to escort you. As the only Death Eaters invited to the ceremony, you will sit at the back of the church with me. Hurry and get changed. The Portkey will activate soon. Allons-y!"

The wizards stumbled over each other in their haste.

They were breathing hard and still smoothing their dress robes when Charmaine pulled a small plastic unicorn from her pocket. As she did so, a scrap of paper fell from her pocket and fluttered unnoticed to the floor.

Touching the unicorn activated the Portkey, transporting them to the enormous, ornate, arched doorway of a large cathedral. A keen wind blew up the city street, whipping their robes against their legs. Both wizards automatically moved in closer to Charmaine, sheltering her from the cold. Opening the huge double doors, they escorted her inside.

The trio paused in the doorway, disconcerted by the sight of a virtually empty church. Only a handful of people sat in the pews close to the front.

Their footsteps echoed around the vast, vaulted interior as they strode down the stone-flagged centre aisle. Their approach elicited surprised looks and nudging of neighbours by the already seated congregation. One wizard started to draw his wand before the witch at his side stilled his hand.

"Close family and friends only," Lupin remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"Lift your chins and walk with confidence," murmured Charmaine. "You are invited guests."

Sliding into a pew, which Charmaine indicated, some way back from the rest of the guests, Remus grinned and waved to the Gryffindors in the front row.

"Trust Lily and Potter to want the big church wedding," muttered Snape darkly as he sat on the wooden bench next to Lupin.

Shuffling in next to Severus, Charmaine whispered to him. "Look at those bridesmaids' dresses. Is it legal to wear that shade of pink with those yellow ribbons and frills? I bet Lily's wearing a meringue of a dress, too."

"Strawberry-banana creams." Snape snorted. "Lily was my closest childhood friend, but I'm very glad I'm not the wizard marrying the Ginger Whinger."

Lupin elbowed Snape, lifting a finger to his lips and shushing him.

Severus leaned closer to Charmaine, murmuring in her ear. "When I get married, we'll have a private ceremony with our closest friends, and my stunning bride will wear an elegant, simple dress with flowers in her unrestrained hair."

Charmaine sighed. "That sounds very beautiful, Severus."

"Mmm, indeed," Severus breathed in her ear.

"You may have to discuss it with the witch involved, you know."

"I've already told her," he whispered.

"Oh!" The sound was pitiful. Charmaine looked at her hands resting in her lap.

Blushing with mortification, she scrunched her hands into fists. Her breath stuttered through trembling lips. "Well, I trust you will be very happy together. You and...?"

She turned to give him a questioning look, only to find him watching her closely. His deep, dark gaze was on her lips before it travelled upwards to meet her warm, brown eyes. Licking his lips, Severus raised a hand and ran a knuckle gently over Charmaine's flushed cheek. With his other hand, he teased her fisted hand loose and insinuated his fingers between hers.

He rested his forehead against hers, breathing her familiar scent deeply. Organ music swelled in the air.

"I love you."

"No, you can't." She turned away to watch the nuptials.

"I love you guys too," muttered Remus, elbowing Snape sharply. "Now, show some respect; this is a church wedding, not the back row of the cinema."

A/N: sunny33 says, I don't own my wayward commas. They're like cats, they own me.

There may be some delay with uploading the upcoming chapters, for which I apologise in advance. I am going to be away from my computer, in Scotland. This may involve visiting a few Edinburgh pubs. Jokay assures me this is purely for research purposes... you understand.

Slainte mhath! Cheers!

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