Hot and Bothered

A/N: Again, many thanks to Charmed Force for being awesome! Please follow the links for music/mental imagery. I only wish I owned this stuff.

Severus stood at the front of his class, daring the students to make one single comment about the white box bobbing around his head. To his dismay, not one did. In fact, other than a few curious glances, they didn't even acknowledge it was there. Lucky for them. This did not mean that he did not remove a fair share of points for sneezing, blinking, or standing too close to their tables. He was certainly glad, however, that the box had chosen to remain silent, especially after the last song.

As the students worked on their potions, Severus stood there brooding over how he could convince the witch to remove the stupid thing. At that moment, a very Neville-esque Hufflepuff tipped his cauldron, and a whole mess of green goo splattered the table and melted it straight away.

"Mr. Jones! While your mother may love you, I do not appreciate your inability to ..."

The box began to bounce and vibrate. Click Here For Music by Ozzy

"Oh, no." Suddenly the sound of drums was blaring out of the box. Severus froze.

The whole class stopped what they were doing and stared at the box. Severus stared right along with them. Then anger overcame distress and he could feel his blood beginning to boil. Briefly Severus realized this could be bad for his health. His hand grasped his wand inside his robes and squeezed. A man's voice began to sing, and Severus could hear whisperings from some of the male students.

I don't know what they're talking about

I'm making my own decisions

This thing that I found ain't gonna bring me down

I'm like a junkie without an addiction

"What is that?"

"Hey, it's an iPod."

"Cool."

"Man, that's Ozzy!"

"Who?"

Severus turned slowly and looked at his class. A few of the Ravenclaw boys were nodding their heads in time to the music. Severus just stared at them.

Why don't they ever listen to me

It's just a one-way conversation.

Nothing they say is gonna set me free

Don't need no mental masturbation.

With that Severus shook his head, coming to his senses.

"Dismissed! Everyone out, now!"

The students quickly Scourgified their stations and gathered their things to leave. Severus could hear a few of the students murmuring as they left.

"Aww, that was a cool song."

"I didn't realize that was an iPod."

"Figures he would like Ozzy."

"Who's Ozzy?"

"Yeah, I bet he even bites the heads off of..."

"Out NOW!" The students picked up their pace. Severus was livid. He had to find that woman and stop this. (End Music)

Severus made his way to the Great Hall with his new little buddy bouncing happily next to him. Miss Granger had proven elusive, and now he was hungry and tired and had a terrible headache. Is there at least some way to turn the damn thing down? He wondered. He was anxious to confront miss I-am-a-teacher-now-and-I'm-so-clever.

He was marching through the corridors creating a nice billow when the little box began to issue forth again. Click Here For Music by The BeeGees

Severus glared at the box briefly but continued walking, so as not to disturb the billow. He ignored the box. And kept walking. And walking. He passed through a group of fifth-year Gryffindor girls, who immediately burst into fits of giggles. He glared.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,

I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.

Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around

Since I was born.

He passed a group of fourth-year Slytherins who stared at the sight. He stared back. He passed the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, several of whom began to nod their heads in time to the music. He kept walking. And billowing.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',

and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

He walked right through the main doors of the Great Hall and towards the High Table.

Well now, I get low and I get high,

and if I can't get either, I really try.

Got the wings of heaven on my shoes.

I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.

You know it's all right. It's OK.

I'll live to see another day.

We can try to understand

the New York Times' effect on man.

He took his seat next to Albus, grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice, as there was nothing stronger readily available, and began eating. The entire Hall was silent except for the song coming out of the box and Severus' scraping fork. Eventually the music was quiet as well. (End Music) Everyone sat gaping at Professor Snape, who continued enjoying his shepherd's pie as if nothing was amiss.

"That was quite an entrance, Severus."

"I'm so very glad you enjoyed it," he grumbled through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"In fact, I think you should make that your theme song, Severus."

Severus made a noise that sounded peculiarly like growling.

"I wonder if perhaps Miss Granger could conjure me one of those."

More growling.

The students went back to devouring their meals, unsure of what to make of what they had just seen. At that moment Professor Granger came through the staff room door and took her seat at the end of the table. Severus threw down his napkin and began to stand when Albus reached out and touched his arm.

"Severus, perhaps the best course of action in this case just may be to let it go. I imagine that if you give Miss Granger some time, she will either remove the charm or it may simply run its course. Consider, possibly, not giving her the satisfaction of seeing you upset."

Severus stared at the man next to him. He was right and Severus knew it. And he hated it. He'd like nothing more than to take Miss Granger out in the hall and discuss the situation. He stood and noticed that Miss Granger was watching their exchange. He tried to smile at her, he did, but his face simply wasn't accustomed to that kind of muscle movement and what he produced was more of a grimace. Which, all things considered, was more appropriate to how he was feeling anyhow.

He stood and made his way past Hermione, never once looking down at her, and out the staff room door. He was tired and going to bed. Hopefully by the time he woke tomorrow, the charm would have worn off.

Click Here For Mental Image

Severus stood in his sitting room in an ill-fitting, sleeveless, bright pink t-shirt and immodestly short grey shorts with half of his black locks up in a topknot, spinning his wand in his hand and regarding himself in his full-length mirror. He began moving his hips in time to music that was coming from the white box. Suddenly the music got very loud, and Severus began to throw his body around the room, smashing into the chairs and throwing books off their shelves. He found the large mermaid painting on his wall and began serenading it. Then he ran into his bedroom and threw himself across the bed and began kicking his legs in the air and... playing air guitar.

"ARGH!" Severus awoke with a start. The box, still floating near his head, was silent. It was just a dream. This bloody curse was affecting his sleep. He had to talk to Granger and he had to do it now. It was only 4 am.

"Sod it. If I can't sleep, neither will she."

Severus got up and threw a green dressing gown on over his black boxers and white t-shirt. Cautiously, he looked out the door of his quarters. The last thing he needed was for some Slytherin early-riser to catch him in his undies creeping to Miss Granger's quarters. He silently made his way down the hallway to her door and persistently began knocking, quietly but firmly.

It took her some time, but finally Hermione hesitantly opened her door. Her sleepy eyes widened to see Professor Snape standing there in his robe, which he had not bothered to tie shut, and boxer shorts. Not that it was an entirely unwelcome sight. In fact, if she were to be totally honest, it was a sight she would have paid good money for.

Severus's eyes widened as well. Miss Granger, uh, Professor Granger stood there wearing a thinly strapped nightgown that went just past her hips. Granted, it was pink, but Severus could think of no superior color at the moment. They stood there gaping at each other for a minute before she spoke.

"Yes, Professor, is there something you wanted?"

"Um." Severus swallowed. He could think of about a thousand things he wanted right at that moment but he was snapped out of his reverie by the inconvenient box.

Click Here For Music by Foreigner

The song that came out of it had the two of them speechless as they stared at the noisy bouncing box. Hermione's eyes widened even more. She immediately recognized the song. This couldn't possibly get better! Severus began quickly glancing back and forth between the box and Miss Granger as the song went on.

I'm Hot Blooded, check it and see

I got a fever of 103

He could feel his face begin to flush, something that hadn't happened since he was fourteen. It was embarrassing. Hermione noticed his discomfort and began to smile brazenly at him. Severus began to scowl deeply at her. "Miss Granger, this box is a nuisance and I insist you end the charm. It has disturbed my sleep, my class, and Merlin knows I don't have time for this bloody rubbish!"

"Honestly, I don't think I can do that."

The song momentarily distracted him, "Wait, what, why not?"

Now you move so fine

"Well, I didn't really give the charm much thought," she replied. Severus knew it. Despite his better judgment his inner git was pumping his hand in triumph at having been right. That is, until it realized what she was saying.

"Wait, you didn't give it much thought? Well, what the bloody fuck am I supposed to do now?"

Now it's up to you we can make a secret rendezvous

"Professor, I am sure it will wear off in its own due time."

I'll show you loving like you never knew

"Am I to believe that you, the know-it-all-extraordinaire, can't even control her own charms? You don't know when it will wear off?"

"Professor, you caught me in a bad temper and I ..."

"A bad temper! You haven't seen bad temper!"

Come on, baby, do you do more than dance?

"Professor, honestly I don't imagine it will last that long, and besides, in the meantime you get to enjoy some brilliant music. This song is a classic."

"This whole fiasco is classic Weasley-Potter-Granger stupidity."

If it feels alright, maybe you can stay all night

"Severus, grow up! I am not a child. Just enjoy what you've got and I'm sure it will go away soon."

But you've got to give me a sign, come on girl

"Not a child? You sure have a funny way of proving it!"

Are you, hot Momma? You sure look that way to me

"Honestly! You're the child, Severus!"

Are you old enough? Will you be ready when I call your bluff?

"I..."

Is my timing right, did you save your love for me tonight?

Severus was sidetracked momentarily by the boldness of the song. He snapped out of it quickly when the chorus began again and took a deep breath.

"Miss Granger," he said quietly, "This drivel had better end soon or you'll be sporting a charm of your own. Trust me. I don't always play nice." He stepped closer to her.

"Really, Severus, is that a promise?" Hermione stepped closer to him and put her hands on her hips, looked down at his black boxers and then smiled coquettishly back up at him. They were only inches apart now, having come close to yelling in each other's faces. She glanced from Severus' eyes to his lips and back up.

Severus noticed the move, raised one eyebrow and leaned his head back, looking her scantily clad body up and down. She was toying with him, and he was about to tell her just how much he was promising when he heard the sounds of timid footsteps and he looked up to find a few of his seventh-year Slytherins in their pajamas watching the two of them closely; the girls taking in the sight of their loosely clad Professor caused Severus to realize just where he was and what he was wearing. The boys, obviously distracted by their other loosely clad Professor, caused Severus to realize just what she was wearing in front of all of them and what was coming out of the box.

"Good night, Professor Granger," Severus said as he stepped back and tied his robe shut with a jerk and walked off to usher his students back to bed.

She stood there watching him go, long white legs poking out from under his green dressing gown. Shutting the door, she chuckled to herself.