It’s Better This Way

A/N: Thanks again to MadBrilliant and all of you who have kept on with this fic and have left reviews. It's been 'a hard row to hoe' for Severus and Hermione, but I hope you all like this chapter. We're not done yet, but the light is starting to shine!

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Chapter 9 – It’s Better This Way

The spring came to Hogwarts, and Hermione waited for news from the Ministry. She had kept a clear distance from Severus now that word had spread about their ‘relationship’—whatever that was. The rumors ran the gamut. She stayed close to Madam Lucking and followed the rules to the letter on interactions with prisoners. It was torturous to be separated from him. She missed their talks, his help with her potions. She knew it had given him an outlet to be around what he loved so much, but now he was stuck working back on the line, in whatever capacity the Aurors saw fit.

Daily now, she watched them march off to Hogsmeade to help with the reconstruction there. Hogwarts was looking like its old self, although the mason work was a slow-moving process. At least the debris and carnage was gone, and the new plumbing system was up and running. It seemed the September deadline would be met and the school would be able to reopen. Hermione was sad to think what would become of Severus after the work was finished. The thought of him rotting away in that prison angered and frightened her immensely. Four years! What would he be like in four years? Would he be broken? Would he still love her? Would she still love him? Well, that was silly. Of course she would. But the ache of separation ate away at her. She watched him go off every morning and come back to camp every evening. All they had now were a few precious moments to look into each other’s eyes…

***

Madam Lucking came into the infirmary and announced that they were moving back into the castle. Hermione was elated for the normalcy that was returning, but the happiness she felt was short-lived. The only chance she would have to see Severus was only if he were ill, and she did not want that. So with a heavy heart she began to start packing up. She wished with all her being she could have just another minute to tell Severus good-bye, but by the time he returned from his work in Hogsmeade, the infirmary would have been taken down and all he would see was an empty field where he once had spent happy moments with her while she would be up in the castle without even so much as a window to look through to see him. She was on the other side…

She moved from her tent into the castle as well. She wanted so badly to go to the dungeons, just to be near where she would be reminded of him. As the days dragged on, rumors floated around that the prisoners would be taken back to Azkaban before the students arrived on September 1st. The Ministry did not want to deal with another winter debacle. Hermione resigned herself to her fate: Severus would be gone, and she would not be able to be with him for four long years. She decided to stay on as Madam Lucking’s apprentice. Then after two years, she could work at St. Mungo’s again and get a small flat in Muggle London, so when Severus would be released, he would have a home to come home to—that is if he wanted to make a home with her. She decided when he left for Azkaban, she would visit him every chance she possibly could. Then hopefully, they could keep their love alive.

***

Snape was distraught over Hermione’s distance. Carson explained to him what had occurred at Banes’ trial, that Hermione’s virtue had been called into question. That nearly sent him over the edge. He hated that she had to keep her distance but understood it was the only way to save face and also to keep any hope alive that he might be set free. But the days passed and no word came from the Ministry. Every day he lived for her eyes that sent him off to work in the morning and welcomed him silently at night when he returned.

Then came the terrible day when he came back from a grueling days’ work to find an empty field where the infirmary had once stood. There was no trace that it had ever been there, and Hermione was nowhere in sight. Carson told him she was in the castle now. He was devastated, and that evening he wept silently for her. He needed her so badly to hold him and to love him. He replayed their moment in the forest again and again. How long before he would be able to touch her again? What was this cruelty? He had found acceptance with her only for her to be taken away from him! This had been what he feared most. That was why he wanted to run from her in the beginning! But she had planted that seed to hope and to live inside of him. Now, it was withering away. If he had to go back to Azkaban, he didn’t know if he’d be able to crawl his way back out again. He feared he would always remain on the other side.

***

Hermione was working alone in the infirmary. It was quiet, no patients. It was a perfect time to do her inventory on her potions stores. It was important these days to keep busy. She was looking forward to a vacation. She was going to the Burrow for two weeks, and Ginny, Harry, and all the brothers promised her the time of her life. George was going to get her drunk and make her play Quidditch (“Not necessarily at the same time—but why the hell not?” he had joked). She had felt guilty about having fun while the man she loved was suffering, but Harry had nipped that in the bud. He kept his own tabs on Snape. He had told her that Snape had ordered her to have fun and enjoy herself. Hermione had laughed at the message.

“Severus said that?” she had asked, not fully believing him.

“Upon my honor!” Harry had sworn. “It’s okay Hermione, he’s doing okay. The weather’s nice, he’s eating better again, and he’s reconciled himself to the possibility of another four years.”

Hermione had burst into tears. “What is taking so bloody long!” she had screamed at him. Then she had crumpled into a heap into his arms. Harry just held her and had tried to soothe her. She was truly in a desperate way. She really needed to get away from here and have a break from all this if she were going to have to face a four-year stretch.

Hermione thought of her vacation plans as she worked her inventory. She heard the door of the infirmary burst open, and she jumped, thinking an accident had taken place and someone was injured.

Instead, she was faced with an angry-faced, black-haired man in a flowing black robe, sporting a very distinct and menacing scowl that she would know anywhere.

“No wonder it has taken so damned long to rebuild this ruddy castle! My dungeons have been overrun with the most dunderheaded group of idiots I’ve ever had the ill-fortune to meet!” he thundered.