Truths

Many, many thanks to my beta pipedreamer for putting some extra effort to this chapter. And sorry for the delay – I've been skiing *g*

3: Truths

Sunrise found them all in the kitchen. Harry's birthday seemed a lifetime away. Ginny had just told them that Sasha was fast asleep, but that Hermione might wake up soon.

"She will tell us if it's true," Molly Weasley said. She was tired. Otherwise she would have thought again before speaking the words.

Ron's reply was full of hate. "He's told us himself, mum. What's there to doubt?" He was bitter – he was godfather to Sasha and had gone green when he had seen the child's broken fingers. Only Harry's hand on his shoulder had held him back when Snape had told them so carelessly about Macnair's little secret; otherwise, he would have crushed Snape's worthless skull there and then. "He's a bastard, mum. Face it. All of you, face it!"

A small sound from the door caused Ginny to get up and have a look outside. "Hermione!" she exclaimed and reached out to support her friend, who leaned white-faced against the wall. "You should not have got up; it's too early. Ah well, come into the kitchen. I'll make you something to eat!"

Hermione shook her head and couldn't stop her face revealing her disgust at the thought of food, but allowed Ginny to help her to the kitchen where she sat heavily on one of the chairs. Slowly, she put her hands on the table. "Some tea?" she asked, her voice tired and strained.

"Of course!" Ron jumped up and poured a cup for his friend. She was so pale, and he so much wanted to take her in his arms and hug her and protect her and to make her forget the awful memories of last night. But knowing that she wouldn't want that, he just placed the cup in front of her and watched her pressing her trembling finger to the warmth.

Harry sat next beside her and gently stroked her shoulders. "It's good to see you awake, Hermione," he said carefully. "Is Sasha still asleep?"

Hermione nodded – she had checked on her daughter and had held her hand for more than 20 minutes. She took a sip from her tea. The sweet and hot liquid ran down her rough throat and eased the pain caused from many hours of screaming. "Where's Severus?" she croaked.

Molly and Arthur shared an uneasy look, and so did Remus and Harry. "He... brought you here, then left," Harry offered, keeping his voice as neutral as possible. He didn't want to think of last night and definitely didn't want to mention Snape more often than possible. He saw her frowning – naturally, she was scared at the thought that he still might be somewhere in the house.

"He... left?" she asked. "Just like that? I would have expected..."

Remus interrupted her. "Can you tell us what has happened?" he asked, wanting to know if she remembered anything of the past night. If not, it might be better for her – she would at least be able to sleep peacefully; if yes, she could confirm Severus's version of the events.

She looked at him. "Didn't Severus tell you what... what has happened? I... that's nothing I really want to talk about right now." Desperately she stared into her tea, but couldn't stop a tear running down her face.

Ron wordlessly handed her a tissue. "You don't have to say anything, but... it would be helpful if you could tell us how you came to be there...?"

Impatiently, she wiped the tears off her face. "It's alright," she whispered. "We survived. Sasha is alive, relatively unharmed, and that's all that counts." Another sip. Then she faced Harry, as it had been always very easy to talk to him. "It was so stupid; we had been inside the house tidying up all day, and Sasha was restless and wanted to play, and so I decided to walk here rather than Apparate. The evening was so nice and warm and then... I... I bumped into Goyle only round the corner from here. I didn't recognise him – he's so fat! He... he stunned me, took us to the new hideout Severus had been trying to locate but couldn't, and I knew they would... they would torture us. And then kill us."

Harry just took her hands in his and forced himself to listen.

She wrapped her hands round his, and Harry nearly winced at the strength of her grip. Word for word she worked her way through her memories. "They didn't kill us, obviously not. Avery was there, and Goyle, and it was so hot, and it stank of food, and they beat us and cast a Cruciatus Curse on me, but... weren't as cruel as I had expected. I was able to knock Sasha unconscious, so she wasn't really aware of what was happening. And holding her in my arms when they tortured me, I could at least feel her breathing."

Molly Weasley sobbed at her words. Arthur took his wife into his arms and held her close.

"You don't have to go on," Remus said quietly. He had placed both of his hands on the large table where hours ago Severus had been lying and still couldn't believe last night's events or anything Hermione was saying. That she was so calm, that she just could tell them in detail about her torture was unbelievable.

"No, Remus," Hermione said, her voice already stronger. "I want to tell you what happened. You need to know." She got up and stared at her feet. That she wanted to tell them didn't mean that it was easy for her. "Avery and Goyle – they seemed to be waiting for someone. They were waiting for Severus." She laughed bitterly. "I was meant to be a surprise for him – and I was, a terrible surprise, as he thought me here, with you, safe. When he found us there..." She didn't finish that sentence. She had been tremendously relieved at his arrival, but the look in his eyes when he had recognized her had been horrific enough to cause her nightmares for the rest of her life.

"We know what he has done," Ron said briskly. "He's told us what he's done. He's told us everything."

A small smile lit Hermione's face; he'd been here, he'd told them. That was good. "He was there with us for hours," she said hesitantly. "At first, he didn't even recognise me; and when he saw that Sasha was in my arms he nearly... I had to move away from him otherwise he might have... it was impossible for him to have touched her!" She had to close her eyes for a moment when the memory overwhelmed her. "He talked and drank his water and waited and pretended he didn't care... . I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for him."

Harry couldn't believe that she was defending him and growled. "You don't have to excuse his actions. He said, and I quote here, 'She obviously wasn't important enough for me to act sooner'. I nearly knocked him out when he said it."

Hermione raised her head that seemed to be too heavy for her neck and looked at him, frowning. "I don't... I don't understand," she stammered, confused. "Why he would say something like that? He would never... and why do you think – I thought he told you everything?"

Remus laid his hand on her shoulder. "He did, Hermione. He told us that you were the victims, you and Sasha. He told us he hadn't acted earlier because he hadn't wanted to risk his own life. He confessed that he had watched you getting tortured." Gently, the werewolf brushed her cheek with his fingers. "A day ago I would have sworn it was beyond him to watch someone he knows – maybe not likes, but knows – being tortured." His voice was hard when he said that. "Obviously, I was wrong. Merlin knows what has happened to him; maybe we have asked too much of him in these past years. But that he put his own life above yours and that of your daughter... I cannot understand it. After all he's told us... all the dreadful things he has done... This divided-loyalties game must have completely twisted him. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he even enjoyed the sight of the both of you getting tortured. Your hate for him must be tremendous."

Hermione had gone pale at his words. "What are you talking about?" she whispered. "You got that all wrong! He saved us! He got us out of there, alive, both of us..."

"You have avoided him ever since you've left school, never as much as looked at him when you were here for the meetings, so you don't need to speak up for him now," Molly Weasley said quietly. "Merlin knows why he saved you in the end, but that he did nothing to help you beforehand... Please do not waste a thought about him. He isn't worth it."

Harry and Ron both took a step forward as Hermione seemed close to fainting on the spot. She was swaying slightly; then she took a deep breath. "Isn't he, now?" she muttered. Steadying herself, she carefully took a few feet away from her friends. Every movement thundered right to her head, but she didn't halt until she had the kitchen door at her back.

She faced them, one after the other. Her huge brown eyes were filled with emotions too complex to describe. There was fear and pain, obviously. There was rage and hate, naturally. And there was something else. Something that chilled the air. Something that was more terrible than the fact that she had been tortured.

Harry thought he knew what that something else was: the fact that Snape had been there and couldn't have been bothered to save their lives.

Hermione studied the kitchen floor for a little while, then she looked up to face Remus. "Did I get that right, you couldn't watch someone getting tortured? Not even someone you don't know?" There was steel in her voice.

Remus refused to feel accused – why she should accuse him, anyway? – and shot her an angry look instead. "No, Hermione, I couldn't. Under no circumstances. I would always try to save this ... someone's... life immediately."

"At all costs?"

"Yes. I think so," he answered. Of course he would.

Hermione turned to Molly and Arthur. She looked so young and helpless. On her jeans and on her blouse were bloodstains – Arthur was disgusted at the thought that it must be Snape's blood as well as hers.

There was a tiny smile on Hermione's lips when she asked Ginny's parents, "What if this ... someone ... would be someone you know, not closely, but from a few years past, let's say a former neighbour, the baker, a distant friend of the children? Would you try to save this someone?"

She even didn't wait for their reply, but turned again to face Harry and Ron. Although still smiling, the look in her face was nothing less than murderous.

Harry and Ron both took a step back. She's insane, they've broken her, Snape has broken her, Harry thought, horrified that he hadn't been there to help her. I'll kill that bastard!

She looked at Harry as if she had heard his thoughts. Crossing her arms on her chest, Hermione said, "Imagine now that this someone... this...supposed victim was someone you knew well. A former student, maybe. Someone you might have once had an affair with. Or even someone you really cared for. Imagine, Harry, that you were unfortunate enough to watch someone you really like getting tortured. Imagine it was me, or Sasha. No! Imagine this someone at the wrong end of the wand was someone you loved. Your wife, for example! And your child you love beyond measure!"

"Hermione," Harry whispered, and a cold, icy hand grabbed hold of his heart.

She took a step and stood only inches away from Harry. Her face bore a hard, even cruel, look. "You would try to save them, Harry, I know. But could you? Would you be able to save them even if it meant holding back on some stupid heroic urge to act immediately in order to get them out alive? Would you have been able to do what Severus did for me and Sasha last night? He couldn't do anything, for hours, but he had to stay and watch in order to find the one moment when it would be safe to act. It was killing him, Harry, ripped him to pieces to witness every single curse they cast on us – because he loves us!"

She had shouted the last words, had screamed them at Ron and Harry, at everyone there in the kitchen.

A glass shattered on the floor.

Suddenly, Molly Weasley swooned. Realising what Hermione had just said, the small hairs on Remus's neck stood up, and he bared his teeth. Her last words were indicating something simply and utterly impossible. They gave the events of last night the most horrible twist.

"Snape ...?" Ron whispered in horror.

"Severus is my husband and Sasha's father. Which is the reason why we always avoided being in the same room together – we feared that a look, a gesture, a smile would betray us."

So simple an answer, but Hermione started to shiver, thinking about him, knowing how much it had cost him to sit and talk and watch their pain, supposedly unimpressed, in order to get them out alive.

Harry stared at her wide-eyed and tried to understand what she had just said. Then he remembered how much he had hated Snape only a moment ago and that he had hoped the Potions master wouldn't survive the night. "Why did you never tell us?" he asked into the silence that had followed her revelation.

"We had to keep our marriage a secret," she answered calmly. "Had the Death Eaters as much as suspected that he was married to a Mudblood, was married to me out of all people, we both would have been dead years ago."

Remus needed several attempts to get out the question that had worried him all night. "Why on earth did he wait that long to get you out?"

Hermione didn't even look at him. "In that house, in that horrible room – they always had their damn wands out! From the first moment on, always, every second. One wrong movement, and at least one of us wouldn't have survived the night. And at the first opportunity, he killed Avery and Goyle."

"We didn't know that," Ginny whispered and wondered if Hermione would be able to forgive them for thinking so badly of Snape.

Remus's words rang in Hermione's ears once more, and she had to sit down before she would fall. "Where is he?" she asked, longing to see him. "Why isn't he here?"

Ginny wanted to tell her that they had more or less thrown him out, but couldn't bring herself to open her mouth.

Harry got up, slowly. "He told us... what Severus told us... he said he didn't care. He said he didn't get you out... in order to save his own life?" He was shaking, and he felt sick.

"Well, it's a lie and I guess he was not really himself when he told you that," Hermione snapped. "At least one spell hit him, and he was barely able to stand right before he Disapparated with us, so don't hold him responsible for his words."

Ginny whispered, "But we did. We were blinded enough by fear for your lives and with rage at his words that we didn't consider that he might have told us nonsense." Folding her hands behind her neck, she squeezed her eyes shut in despair.

Hermione looked at her mercilessly. "How come that a little girl can look behind his mask, but not you, who knew him for so many years? When Dolohov disarmed Severus I really feared that it would be the end, but Sasha found her father's wand and was able to push it back to him. He killed Dolohov and we escaped."

"Dolohov's dead?" Remus asked in disbelief. This had been one of their most important targets ever since the man had taken on leadership over the remaining Death Eaters – to kill him. "He didn't... Severus didn't mention it!"

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "It seems he didn't mention a lot of important things; so I am a bit at a loss why you couldn't be bothered to ask a few more questions!"

Harry buried his head in his hands and wished he were elsewhere, anywhere but in his own kitchen where he had so thoroughly fucked things up. "When he said that he put his own life above yours we believed him guilty of letting you down," he murmured. "He wanted to leave and we... we let him go." He couldn't face Hermione or any of the others.

"He would have never left here without a very good reason to do so," Hermione said without the slightest hint of doubt. "So I wonder what you said to him that he considered it safer to leave than to wait until I woke up." Getting up, Hermione walked over to Harry. "Tell me what happened," she demanded.

"Isn't it obvious?" Arthur Weasley asked sadly, well aware of how badly he had misjudged Snape. "After what he told us – I suppose he saw in our faces that we didn't want him to stay."

She couldn't believe what she heard; she couldn't believe that, after all those years he had served the Order, they still thought the worst of him. "I would have thought better of you," she whispered. Then she turned to Remus, raised her hand and slapped the werewolf hard across the face. More surprised than hurt he staggered, lost his balance and fell into the wall behind him. His nose was bleeding. "And you really believed he enjoyed what happened last night, Remus?" she whispered. "Think again, and keep Tonks and Teddy in your mind before you answer!"

**********************

Ginny's brain started to work again when Hermione told them the missing parts of last night's events. She nearly got knocked down when she dared to grab her friend's shoulders, as Hermione whirled round, hand raised and ferocious, but Ginny didn't budge.

"Hermione," she pressed, not letting go of the outraged woman. "I know we have failed him, have wronged him, but you have to understand that what you say doesn't match Severus's version at all. I can only assume that his mad behaviour was caused by the spell that hit him. Which one was it? Do you know that?"

Hermione frowned. She had been barely conscious in the minutes before Severus had managed to get them out. She stared at Ginny and raided her vague memories.

"I think... Dolohov," she finally said. "Severus had just killed Avery and Goyle, and – I remember! Dolohov had cast a spell, aiming at me. Severus stepped between us, blocking it."

Ginny just closed her eyes for a moment. "Sectumsempra. It must have been. Oh Merlin, that damn spell out of all possible slash spells!"

Hermione paled. "What?" she whispered. "But then... he's injured! He must have been half dead when he arrived here and you... you let him go?!"

"He was alright when he left," Ron murmured, but Hermione didn't even hear him.

Ginny barely got the words out. "Only that specific spell would explain why he told us those half-truths... and his state of mind and... Gods, I haven't thought of that one! It's so rare; it's not even commonly known! It must have been Sectumsempra... and I have severely misjudged his condition! I truly believed all he needed was a few hours rest and some potions. But a victim of that spell is lost in hallucinations – that's why he didn't want a sedative! He thinks he's guilty; what he told us – he thinks he failed to save you! He isn't at all aware of his condition, and he won't take any potions or rest or... I have to find him!" She turned, heading for her med kit and picking up a phial from the table, only to be held back by Hermione's cold voice.

"Do you truly believe he would allow you to get anywhere near him?"

Ginny stopped dead in her track. Hermione was right – he wouldn't, ever, not under the circumstances. "The spell – that is, the effect on the mind – weakens after a few hours..." she started, but Hermione cut her off by snatching the phial out of her hand.

"I'll leave Sasha with you, but only because I have no other choice. Look after her. Tell her..." Hermione took a deep breath and steadied her voice. "Tell her that we will pick her up soon. Tell her I'm getting her father back home." She walked out of the door without another word. Moments later, it silently closed behind her.

"Fuck," Ron cursed and started heavily on the Firewhiskey. It was nine o'clock in the morning.