Oops, Our Mistake.

Author’s Note: I apologize for the delay in updating. I’ve been rather busy lately, not to mention that I’ve had a plot bunny gnawing on my ankle to get me to finish the first few chapters of my new story.

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“You slept with Ron too?” Ginny asked incredulously.

Hermione’s self-confidence after being able to render Ginny silent was quickly deteriorating. “Er, well...”

The hook nosed, bushy haired Granger-Snape children that Ginny had mentally pictured all suddenly developed flaming red hair. It wasn’t possible physically, Ginny knew. Still, the image was disconcerting. The very fact that Hermione and Snape could now possibly have children was almost enough to send Ginny running for the nearest anti-nausea potion.

“Please tell me that at least you use protection, right?” Ginny begged.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Of course I did! I’ve been taking a monthly potion ever since–” she paused, blushing, “–ever since Ron and I...you know...”

Now Ginny really looked like she was about to be sick after that tidbit of information. Still, she took a deep breath and asked, “And how long ago was that?”

Hermione blushed, for a much different reason this time. It was one thing admitting that you’d slept with your best friend’s brother (they had been dating). It was a completely different thing confiding in a friend that you’d been damn near celibate for the past eight years. “Seventh year.”

“Merlin, Hermione! You’ve been taking anti-pregnancy potions for eight bloody years even though you haven’t had sex all this time?”

Hermione frowned, just as she used to when she was defending the amount of studying she’d done to Ron and Harry. “I’m just being careful.”

“Careful?” Ginny snorted. “But whatever. As long as it keeps you from having his kids, it’s fine.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on Ginny. He isn’t that bad!”

Ginny arched a brow, unconvinced.

“He’s extremely intelligent, and very deep, if you get to know him. Of course, he is still a bit of a bastard–”

“–A bastard who happens to be standing in this doorway,” Snape cut in, effectively stopping Hermione mid-sentence. Both girls flinched. “Please,” he growled, “don’t let my presence stop your malicious gossip. I find it very enlightening what my wife and her best friend seem to think of me.” Again, he scowled. It wouldn’t do to have either girl know how painful it was to hear that kind of talk outside the halls of Hogwarts. And to think that, although she had praised his intellect, it was his wife who was saying the worst of it. The wife to whom he’d finally opened up a bit of himself and shared an intimate occasion with.

“You received a letter with the morning post,” he continued, pushing those pesky things like emotions aside. He’d deal with them later. He thrust the letter into Hermione’s hands. Recognizing the Yenta Livery Company’s seal, she tore the parchment open, quickly scanning the few lines.

Yenta Livery Company

Yenta Livery Company, London Office

A smile broke out on Hermione’s face. “We can get the marriage annulled!” She exclaimed, looking to Snape for confirmation. “Right?”

“That is incorrect, Ms. Granger. Or should I say, Madam Snape,” her still-husband replied sourly. “And most unlike you. Perhaps you did not read clearly enough.” Withdrawing his own copy of the letter from a pocket, he read, “And I quote- ‘Provided the marriage has not yet been consummated, you are eligible to apply for a Wizarding annulment.’”

“So we’re stuck like this?” Hermione asked, the smile disappearing in an instant. Snape nodded. “That– no! Last night doesn’t count!” She mumbled, looking distressed. “That consummated the marriage?”

Snape nodded. “And to think that if you hadn’t been so intent on hopping into my bed last night, we could have had this marriage annulled by lunchtime.”

Hermione blushed, not too happy to be reminded that she had pressured Snape into doing...it. “You could have resisted a bit more!” She argued, her face beet red.

“I am not to blame simply because you are some sort of sex-starved–”

“AHEM!” Ginny interrupted, clearing her throat loudly enough to drown out the rest of Snape’s sentence. She stood, positioning herself so that she was physically separating the enraged couple. “Not to get in the way of your little squabble here, but Hermione and I have got to go to work.” Hermione and Snape turned to look at Ginny, both looking as if they couldn’t decide whether or not to strangle her or hug her (though Snape probably would have preferred the first option regardless).

“I’ll see you later,” Hermione said tersely, taking a few steps away from Snape. He rolled his eyes. With his wand he picked up her bra that had been left on the couch armrest, holding it as far away from himself as he could as if it was somehow toxic.

“Don’t forget this,” he added, tossing it at her. “If we must stay married, I will not be made a laughingstock while my wife parades herself around like that in front of the entire Ministry.”

Hermione scowled, but put the bra on, struggling as she attempted to do it while still wearing her shirt. Finally attired properly, she and Ginny apparated with barely a glance back at her husband.

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Hermione arrived her office, quite thankful to have some time alone before the workday officially started. However, it did not seem like her office. Her desk was covered in bouquets of flowers, each one apparently from her coworkers. All bore the same message: “Congratulations!” Hermione frowned after reading the fifth note. Why were they congratulating her? Then it dawned on her.

She snatched up the previous day’s Daily Prophet, she skipped to the back pages, the personal announcements. To her horror, under ‘Marriages’ her name was listed alongside Snape’s, and the date of their nuptials. She groaned, sinking into her chair. The news was out. Somebody at the Weasley home must read the ads, she thought despondently. They’d find out soon enough.

Ron’s sudden appearance in her office told her that they already had. Looking absolutely gobsmacked, he held the paper aloft. “Hermione...” was all he could squeak out.

With a sharp CRACK! Harry appeared beside him. “Hermione,” he began, as if he wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to hear the truth, “Tell us this was a mistake. Please tell us that you and that greasy git aren’t married!”

Her secret was out.

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Author’s Note:

“Dear Ms. Granger. Whoops. We meant to marry a different couple. Our bad. Here is your refund of ten galleons. We’d let you guys get a divorce, but there has already been some Snape!Sex so, we can’t. Have a nice life! YLC.”