Chapter 11: A New Day Dawns on Christmas Eve

Author's Note: I'm sorry for the shortness of this chapter, I'll update soon.

Chapter Eleven: A New Day Dawns on Christmas Eve

I sauntered into Severus’ chamber to find him sitting on the bed wearing a black turtleneck. I adjusted my red Muggle dress on my shoulders. It was a cocktail dress, but I saw it fit for the occasion, as it was the only thing I had. He looked desperately up at me and rushed to me, swooping me into a surprisingly gentle kiss. I was breathless, but pushed him away for the sake of propriety.

“Merry Christmas. I brought you a gift,” I told him.

“I have one for you.” He plucked a small parcel off of the bed and put it in my hand. I set a box in his. We sat on the bed, and he placed his hand in mine. I urged him to open his parcel, and he agreed.

I waited expectantly as he carefully un-creased the parchment I had used to wrap it with. When his eyes lit upon the gold-lettered, leather-bound book, he smiled.

“Spindle’s Autobiography.” He chuckled. “He was the root of that first argument.”

I smiled. He urged me to open my gift, and I took a tender look at the mathematically-precise wrapping. It was green parchment, and I undid the Spellotape with care. I saw a wooden box, and I paused to look up at him.

“Go on then,” he said impatiently.

I opened it, and I saw an emerald the size of the fingernail on my littlest finger. It was cut like an oval, and it glittered ominously in the torch light.

“Severus, it’s beautiful.” I sighed. He took it from me and stood behind me to wrap its golden chain about my neck.

“It was my grandmother’s,” he said, but before I could respond, his arms wended their way down to my chest, and he began to kiss me tenderly across my neck. I let out an involuntary whimper. He lovingly held me, and my breaths came lightly and quickly. My ribs prickled with passion, and I became dizzy with desire. An aching feeling began erupting across my shoulders. I turned around and cupped his face. I pulled him to me without preamble, and I slipped his shirt off. I then pulled down his slacks, shirking Gentle Hermione in the process. The movement of bodies subsided for a moment, and he pulled my dress up over my head, splitting the zipper. The scratchy woolen blanket irritated my tender skin. He noticed my discomfort, and we shifted.

“Are you sure?” he panted when I was too far gone to resurface. I could only kiss him in response. When we moved away from each other, his lack of presence was more profound than anything else before that point.

He ran his soft fingers though the sweat gathered on my forehead and breathlessly told me over and over again that he loved me. I smiled warmly at the proclamation and said the same. I closed my eyes and fell into a smooth and gentle slumber cradled in his arms.

I woke up to see Severus quickly walking towards me with a beaker full of blue liquid. He poured its contents into my mouth, and all I could do was swallow the vile substance. I nearly gagged. I forced down the rest of it and wiped my mouth. I looked at him with comprehension. It was the potion he had brewed weeks prior. Once that task was completed, he lay back on the bed and invited me into his arms. I went back to sleep despite the sharp pains in my stomach from the potion.

When I awoke again, he was slumbering lightly. I covered him with the woolen blanket and went to the window to observe the frost that had gathered. I drew a heart with my finger on the crude glass pane. Through it I saw the virginal snow and felt a sinking feeling; it was no longer kin to me. I looked down at my naked body and cursed my foolishness over and over.

Shocked tears brimmed in my eyes as I realized that I could never, ever regain what I had just given to the first man who had asked. And that was when I faced that Severus and I could never be together. He was a Death Eater, and I was the treasured daughter of the Order of the Phoenix.

I was unclean. I was impure. I had rubbed flesh with a Dark Mark. I had tasted of a mouth that gave frequent reports to Voldemort. The scent of my perfume had been smelled by the same nostrils that were never disgusted by the scent of blood. My cries of ecstasy had been heard by ears that had heard information that led to the downfall of Harry’s parents. I had been looked upon with desire by the very eyes that had seen Tom Riddle gradually transform into a monster.

I sank to the stone floor and let my tears roll down my face. What had I been thinking? The answer was that I hadn’t thought. I was sure he hadn’t either. We’d been caught up by our bodies. But now every word I spoke, everything I looked upon, was being contacted by a woman who was missing a piece of her heart. I noted that when Severus would inevitably leave me, I could never elect to give my purity to a man who could freely give me his. I closed my eyes, but tears rolled forth regardless. I fell into a fitful slumber. My dreams spoke only of missing pieces, cracked window panes, and doves flying away.