Three

Author's note: This story was written for Potter Place's Winter, 2007 Challenge. However, contrary to a message that I posted on Potter Place, this story was not written in response to prompt #31, but rather in response to prompt #33. Mistakes like this are what happen when middle-aged women try to do things from memory rather than actually look at the list of prompts.

At any rate, this is the prompt I used to inspire this story:

Typical someone-walks-in-on-someone-else-bathing situation. But instead of the typical reactions (they are mortally embarrassed or they start to shag like bunnies immediately), Remus, in the true spirit of the '68 sexual revolution, tells Hermione that he is sexually liberated, being naked is only natural and that he doesn't mind her seeing him naked at all. So Hermione takes her robe of as well to call his bluff. What happens then? Does she succeed and fluster him? Do they shag like bunnies anyway? Do they have an in-depth discussion about the pros and cons about the sexual revolution – with a take on the impact on the Wizarding World? Your call, though romance would be nice.

I don't know who left this prompt, but I hope that person is pleased by my interpretation.

As always, I am grateful to my beta, JuJuJenn. She never lets the prose get too purple or the dragon dung too deep. Thanks, honey.

I would also like to thank Janine and DawnEB for responding to a question I had about British television.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Three

A moment later, they were standing inside a small parlour.

Hermione released Remus and stepped back.

"Just let me adjust the thermostat. It'll be cooler in a minute," Hermione said.

"This is nice," Remus said as he turned in small circle, taking in the room and its furnishings. There was a couch and a matching chair, a coffee table and a couple of small tables with lamps. There was a large armoire against the far wall, and he wondered if Hermione had a telly behind the closed doors. He'd had a secret addiction to the telly ever since Lily had introduced it to him, James, Sirius, and Peter during the summer after they'd left Hogwarts.

"In spite of my years at Hogwarts, I never got used to functioning on a day-to-day basis without electricity," Hermione said.

"I guess that's the difference between growing up in a Muggle home and a wizarding home," Remus said. "I suppose you have to be careful about using magic here, though. Don't your Muggle neighbours wonder what's going on?"

"I try not to use too much magic when I'm here. It's not that difficult to keep things clean without magic. After all, that's all I knew until I was nearly twelve years old."

"How do you get back and forth to the Ministry?" Remus asked. "Do you Apparate?"

"Most days I walk, actually. It's less than a mile, and it's just about the only exercise I get. On inclement days, I Apparate. My neighbours tend to keep to themselves, anyway. I don't have more than a nodding acquaintance with any of them."

"It's a lovely flat. I'm hoping to get out of Grimmauld Place soon. I'd like a place that's truly my own."

"As I said, this is just a rental, but my parents are after me to buy a house. They insist it's a good investment."

"Well, they're right, but it's a lot of responsibility, as well."

"And since I'm currently unemployed, I doubt I'll be engaging a real estate agent any time soon," Hermione said with a smile.

"You won't have a problem keeping this place until you get another job, will you?" Remus asked. "There's plenty of room at Grimmauld Place. I'm sure Harry would be happy to let you a room. The rent's cheap, too," he added with a chuckle.

Hermione smiled. "I've already paid my August rent. And I'm sure I'll have a job by the time the September rent is due. I've a bit put by, so I'm all right."

"Did the place come furnished?" Remus asked.

"No. Just before I moved in, my Mum and Dad conveniently decided to re-do their house. I got all their cast-offs."

"These hardly look like cast-offs," Remus commented.

"This stuff was barely five years old. My parents knew I'd never let them buy me new furniture, although they offered to. This was their way of seeing to the job of furnishing the place," she explained.

"Clever of them," he replied.

"The couch opens up into a bed. There're sheets and an extra pillow inside," she said.

"I couldn't impose on you this way, Hermione," Remus protested.

"It was my idea, so I don't consider it an imposition. The bathtub isn't as big as the one at Grimmauld Place, but I've a shower. I don't cook nearly as well as Molly does, but I should be able to throw some breakfast together in the morning."

The cool air was starting to waft through the room, and the thought of returning to his sweltering room at Grimmauld Place was becoming less and less appealing to Remus.

"What about Molly?" Remus asked. "I left her a note telling her we'd be back later."

"I've a hunch Molly knew exactly what she was doing when she left that note with no name on it," Hermione said.

Remus looked startled. "You think she meant for us to run into each other naked?"

"I wouldn't be surprised. She's an inveterate matchmaker, you know. She's been trying to pair me up since Ron and I broke up."

"Now that you mention it," Remus said, "she's made a number of remarks to me about my solitary status, as well."

"And there were two glasses next to the tub, weren't there?" Hermione said.

"You're right; there were two glasses."

"I doubt she'll worry if we don't return to Grimmauld Place tonight," Hermione said, "but I'll let her know, anyway."

With that, Hermione went and knelt in front of her small electric fireplace. She reached into a decorative pot that sat on the hearthstone.

"Don't tell me you're on the Floo network," Remus said with a chuckle.

"I charmed the electric fire to send and receive messages only," Hermione said. "It's much too small to travel through, but it's a lot less messy than a regular fireplace, and I don't have to feed it or clean up after it like I would an owl. And in spite of the fact that my neighbours generally mind their own business, I'm sure someone would notice if I had an owl hanging about my window."

"You are the cleverest witch of your age," Remus said.

Hermione threw a pinch of Floo powder into the electric fire and called out, "Molly Weasley, Grimmauld Place."

A moment later, Molly's head was floating in the middle of Hermione's electric fire.

"Hermione, is everything all right? I was just getting ready for bed."

"I'm fine, Molly. I just wanted to let you know that I've decided to stay at my flat tonight. It's much too hot at Grimmauld place to sleep comfortably," Hermione explained.

"I don't blame you, dear. We were actually going to go back to the Burrow – we might catch a breeze there, at least – but then Arthur charmed a few of those Muggle fin things. They've helped cool the house a bit. And I really did want an early start in the morning."

Hermione smiled. "And just so you don't worry, Remus will be sleeping on my couch tonight."

Molly smiled ingenuously. "That's nice, dear. You have one of those Muggle hair conditioning gadgets don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Hermione said, inwardly smiling at Molly's malapropisms.

"It'll be much cooler there, then," Molly said.

Molly twisted her head slightly, turning to try to catch a glimpse of Remus.

Remus obligingly moved into her line of vision, making a point of letting her see him opening the couch out and pulling the sheets and pillow from inside.

"I'll be by early tomorrow morning to help with the party," Hermione said. "Do you need me to bring anything?"

"Ginny and I shopped this evening. I think we've got everything. I do hope Harry will be surprised," Molly added.

"I talked to him earlier today at the Ministry," Remus said as he moved closer to the electric fire and crouched down beside Hermione. "He didn't seem to have any idea that anything was going on."

"Will you be coming over in the morning, as well, Remus?" Molly asked.

"Yes. We'll both be there right after breakfast," Remus assured her.

"Good. Arthur will need help with the decorations."

"Then it's a good thing I've a deft hand at stringing crepe paper streamers," Remus said with a smile.

"Look at the time!" Molly exclaimed. "I've got to get to bed. Goodnight, you two."

"Goodnight, Molly," Hermione and Remus said. Molly's head faded from the fire.

Remus got to his feet and held out a hand to help Hermione up.

"Thanks," Hermione said.

"You're welcome," Remus said. He held her hand a few moments more than was necessary.

"Would you like a nightcap, Remus?" Hermione asked. "I've a bottle of zinfandel in the fridge."

"I think I've had enough to drink tonight," Remus said.

"Me, too," Hermione said. "Tea, then? Or a soft drink?"

"I'm fine, but thanks."

"Let me help you make the bed," Hermione said as she reached for the pile of linens.

They worked together to make up the couch. Hermione patted the pillow into place. "There you go. I hope it isn't too lumpy."

"It'll be fine," Remus assured her. He sat on the edge of the couch. "I appreciate your inviting me to stay here tonight. Almost as much as I appreciate your accompanying me this evening."

"I enjoyed myself," Hermione said.

"I'm glad."

"I was so nervous."

"Really?" Remus said with a smile. "I couldn't tell."

"Liar," she replied. And then she smiled.

Remus patted the seat next to him, and Hermione sat down.

"I invited you on an impulse. I never expected you to actually agree to come with me," he said as he turned his body slightly toward hers.

"I accepted on an impulse," she admitted. "The whole time I was getting ready, I was trying to think of a way to get out of it."

"I would have understood," Remus said.

"I'm glad I couldn't think of anything."

"So am I."

They looked at each other for a moment, and then Remus cleared his throat.

"Hermione," he said, "would you like to go out with me again?"

"I do owe you a dance," Hermione replied. "When's the next get together?"

"They usually have them about every six weeks or so, but I didn't mean then."

"Oh?"

"I meant would you go out with me again soon. Would you have dinner with me next week? I'd say tomorrow, but I know we have Harry's party tomorrow night," Remus spoke in a rush.

"You want to take me on a ... on a date?" Hermione asked.

"I'm sorry," Remus said as he jumped to his feet. "Forget I said anything."

"No," Hermione replied.

"I understand," Remus said. He was running his hands through his hair. "I'm far too old for you, anyway. I shouldn't be thinking about you that way ..."

"I meant, 'no, I won't forget you said anything', not 'no, I won't go out with you'," Hermione said. "I'm flattered that you would think of me that way; and you're certainly not too old for me.

"I'd very much enjoy having dinner with you," she added, almost shyly.

"You would?" Remus sat back down next to her.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I'm a werewolf," Remus said simply.

"Only one night a month. There're thirty other nights each month, aren't there?"

Remus smiled. "Most months, yes," he said.

"Would we go to a wizarding place or a Muggle place?" Hermione asked.

"Where ever you would feel comfortable," Remus replied. "I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen consorting with the likes of me."

"Stop that!" Hermione said sharply. "Stop putting yourself down! You're a powerful wizard. You're a respected and honoured member of the Order of the Phoenix, and you're a Ministry employee. I'd be happy to be seen with you anywhere."

Remus looked taken aback slightly by her outburst. Then he reached out and took her hand in his again. "I'd be proud and honoured to be seen with you anywhere you'd like to go."

"We could start by going to Harry's party together tomorrow night," Hermione said.

"We'll both be there anyway," Remus said.

"After everything is ready at Grimmauld Place, I could come back here to shower and change. You could come get me and escort me to the party," Hermione said. "If you want to, that is."

"I'd be delighted," Remus replied.

"We could arrive fashionably late, and everyone would wonder what we'd been up to," Hermione said with a smile.

"Well, since we've already promised Molly we'll be there early, I guess we should get some sleep," Remus said.

Hermione got to her feet. "You're right. I'll see you in the morning, then." She moved toward the short hall off the parlour.

"Might I use the loo before I retire?" Remus asked as he got to his feet as well.

"Oh, how stupid of me!" she exclaimed. "Of course you can use the loo. It's the door on the right side of the hall."

"I'll only be a few minutes," he said as he moved towards the door she had indicated.

"There's a new toothbrush in the medicine chest," Hermione said. She flushed slightly. "My parents are dentists. They're always giving me toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss. I've a whole drawer full."

"You don't have to explain anything to me," Remus said over his shoulder as he entered the bathroom and closed the door.

When he came out a few minutes later, he had transfigured his shirt into a long, loose-fitting nightshirt. His feet were bare.

"Sorry," he said as he saw Hermione still standing near the made-up couch. "I didn't mean to tie up the loo so long."

"Oh, I wasn't waiting for the loo. I didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression," she said.

"About what?" he asked.

"I don't want you to think that I make a habit of giving men toothbrushes. Well, I do. But then, I give them to everyone. What I meant was that I don't make it a habit to have men staying overnight." Her cheeks were still stained a slight pink.

Remus smiled. "Even if you did, which I could never believe, it wouldn't be any of my business," he said.

"I want you to know," Hermione said as she looked at him earnestly. "I mean, if we're going to ... to date, you should know that I'm ... healthy."

"You're not a ... I mean, you and Ron ..." his voice trailed off, and it was his turn to blush.

"No, I'm not, but my experience is somewhat limited," she said softly.

"Well, since we're getting things out in the open, I'm ... healthy, as well. Aside from my lycanthropy, that is. By virtue of my years, I've probably a bit more experience than you, but I've never been much of a ladies' man."

There was an awkward silence for a few moments and then Hermione smiled.

"We're a pretty pathetic pair, aren't we?" she said at last.

"Dismal," he agreed, and then he started to chuckle. Hermione joined in, and the awkwardness between them disappeared.

Hermione stood on tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I'll see you in the morning. Good night, Remus."

"Good night, Hermione."

Hermione ducked into her room and closed the door.

Remus stretched out on the sofa and let the gentle hum of the air conditioning lull him into sleep.

Remus woke up to the tantalising smell of coffee brewing. He had a moment of disorientation as he sat up and looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings, and then he smiled as he realised where he was and remembered the events of the previous night.

"Are you always so cheerful in the morning," Hermione grumbled as she walked into the parlour carrying two cups. She held one of the cups out to Remus.

He took the cup and then sipped, savouring the taste. Nothing was better than freshly-brewed coffee in the morning.

"Good morning. And, yes, I'm definitely a morning person. Are you always so grumpy?" he asked.

"Only when I forget I don't have to get up for work and don't turn off my bloody alarm," she muttered.

"Your grumpiness is understandable, then, and forgiven," Remus said. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Half past five, or thereabouts. I've been up for about a half hour. And good morning to you, as well," she added.

She sat on the edge of the side chair that sat at a right angle to the sofa.

"Ministry hours are nine to five," Remus said. "Why do you get up at five o'clock, anyway?"

"I've been working extra hours trying to get all those bloody Portkeys finished," Hermione explained. "I've been going in at seven most mornings."

"Why didn't you just shut the alarm off and go back to sleep?" Remus asked.

"Once I'm awake, I can't go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you. I actually forgot you were here until I walked through into the kitchen. I had to have coffee."

"It's all right. I usually get up early myself. I smelled the coffee. I think that's what woke me, but I don't mind; it's coffee worth waking up for." He took another sip of the fragrant brew.

"It's my favourite blend," she said.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, drinking their coffee.

"In spite of Molly's wish that we get an early start this morning, I can't imagine she'd be happy if we showed up now," Remus said when his cup was empty.

"By the time we shower and have breakfast, we should be all right," Hermione replied.

"You want the bathroom first, then?" Remus asked.

"If you don't mind. Sometimes it takes me a while to tame this awful hair of mine." Hermione stood and headed toward the bathroom.

"What's wrong with your hair?"

Hermione turned back toward Remus, about to make a scathing comment. Then she realised that he had a puzzled look on his face.

"You don't think my hair is terrible?"

"Of course not," Remus replied.

"It's bushy and unruly," Hermione insisted.

"It's lovely."

"You're barmy. Everyone thinks my hair is a mess."

"The colour is marvellous, and I like the way the curls frame your face," he insisted.

"You're serious, aren't you?" she asked, almost in wonder.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you that?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Even my mother used to despair of keeping it presentable," she said with a smile.

"Well, I like it. I think it suits you perfectly. Now, go take your shower while I pour myself another cup of coffee," he said as he got to his feet and moved toward the kitchen.

"The sugar is ..." Hermione began.

"I'll find it," Remus assured her.

Two hours later, Hermione and Remus, along with Ginny and Arthur, were in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, and Molly was rattling off instructions.

"The first thing we need to do," Molly said in a tone that brooked no argument, "is go through the house and cast some cooling charms. It's already warm in here, and it will be stifling by this evening if we don't do something about it. We'll need to go through every couple of hours and renew the charms to keep the place bearable.

"Next, the drawing room and the library both need to be dusted. Hermione, you and Ginny can take care of that. Be sure you check the curtains for Doxies. I sprayed them with Doxycide a couple of months ago, but if I missed any of the eggs, they will have hatched by now."

"I hate Doxies," Ginny muttered under her breath.

Hermione nodded and hoped that Molly had some Doxy venom antidote handy, just in case.

"Remus, I think another Boggart has taken up residence in the writing desk in the drawing room, as well."

"I'll see to it," Remus said.

"Arthur, you need to start transfiguring chairs or we'll never have enough seats for everyone tonight."

"Yes, dear," Arthur said.

"I'm going to start cooking," Molly finished.

The four of them scuttled away before Molly could think of any other chores to give them.

Starting on the top floor of the house, the four of them went room to room and cast cooling charms. By the time they got to the ground floor, the house was much cooler, but hardly as cool as some nice Muggle air conditioning would have made it.

As she cast the last cooling charm, Hermione blessed her foresight in deciding to live in a Muggle flat rather than a wizarding home. She was further grateful that the flat had come with air conditioning. There was a lot to be said for the convenience of air conditioning in the summer, heat in the winter, and electricity all year round.

Hermione and Ginny approached the drawing room curtains with trepidation. Ginny poked the curtains with her wand. A small shower of tiny, black specks fell to the carpet, but it seemed the Doxycide had rendered the eggs incapable of hatching. Hermione used her wand to banish them to the rubbish bin.

Once they knew the curtains were Doxy-free, they began the actual cleaning.

Remus, meanwhile, was trying to pull open the drawer of the writing desk. He tried a number of spells, but he didn't think it was magic keeping the drawer shut. Something seemed to be jammed inside the drawer, and it wouldn't slide along its runners. He finally resorted to simply pulling forcefully on the knob, putting most of his weight behind his effort.

There was a loud screech as the drawer released suddenly. Remus fell back and landed hard on his bum. The momentum caused the drawer to fly up and hit him in the chest. He fell backward, hitting the back of his head on the carpeted floor. His wand fell from his hand as his eyes closed.

A Cornish Pixie flew up and out of the drawer. It hovered near the ceiling for a moment, and then it dived toward Remus's head.

At the sudden noise, both Hermione and Ginny had turned. Hermione was a second quicker than Ginny. She raised her wand and aimed it at the Pixie, casting a Freezing Charm on the pesky creature.

The Pixie, its wings frozen and useless, fell to the floor.

Hermione didn't spare it a glance as she rushed to Remus.

"Remus! Remus, are you all right?" Hermione cried as she fell to her knees beside him.

"I'll go get Mum," Ginny said as she hurried toward the door.

By the time Molly and Ginny got back to the drawing room, Remus was sitting up, rubbing the back of his head.

"I'm fine, Molly," he insisted.

"Ginny says you were knocked out," Molly said as she passed her wand over him.

"I saw stars for a second when my head hit the floor, but I heard Hermione cast the Freezing Charm, and I heard Ginny say she was going to go get you, so I don't think I lost consciousness," Remus said.

Molly was reading the words that had formed in the air as she'd cast a diagnostic spell.

"No concussion, but you're developing a bruise on your chest and another on your ... your bottom," Molly said.

"I'll never live this down," Remus muttered as he got to his feet and glared at the immobilised creature on the carpet. "I'm a Ministry Auror and a former DADA professor, and I got knocked on my arse by a bloody Cornish Pixie."

"Should we call a healer?" Hermione asked anxiously as she urged Remus to sit on the desk chair.

"I don't need a Healer," Remus said as he sat down gingerly. The developing bruise on his arse was already sore.

"Are you sure?" Hermione was biting her bottom lip.

"I've raised seven children, Hermione," Molly said in a soothing tone of voice. "I know when to call a Healer. He has a few bruises, that's all. He'll be fine in a couple of days. I've got some Bruise-Be-Gone that he can use."

"What made you think there was a Boggart in that drawer, Molly?" Remus asked as he looked around for his wand.

Ginny picked it up and handed it to him.

"Thank you, Ginny," he murmured.

"Fred and George told me they thought ..." Molly's voice trailed off as she realised what she'd said.

Remus grinned. "Fred and George, eh?"

"I'm sure those boys thought it would be funny to see a Cornish Pixie fly out at me," she said grimly. "They didn't know I'd ask you to clear out the 'Boggart'!"

"Are the boys staying here tonight?" Hermione asked with a gleam in her eye.

"Probably," Molly replied. "Why? What do you have in mind?"

"A little pay-back. How about a Cornish Pixie in their drawer?" she said as she bent down and picked up the Pixie from the carpet. It glared at her and made a slight humming sound, but Hermione knew the Freezing Charm wouldn't wear off for hours.

"That's a fine idea," Molly said with a grin. "When they open the drawer to get clean underwear ..."

"Oh, and the Pixie should be good and angry by then," Ginny said with a grin of her own.

"Give it to me," Molly said holding out her hand. "I'll put it in a nice safe place for now."

Hermione dropped the Pixie into Molly's outstretched hand.

Ginny, Hermione, and Remus were all smiling as they watched Molly stride purposefully out of the drawing room and head toward the stairs.

"I know where Mum keeps the Bruise-Be-Gone," Ginny said. "I'll go get it for you, Remus."

"Thanks again, Ginny," Remus replied.

Ginny nodded and left.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Hermione asked.

Remus got to his feet, wincing slightly. "I'm fine, really. It takes more than a bump on the head to finish me off."

"It doesn't seem like it's your head that hurts," Hermione said. She was trying to stifle a grin.

"You think it's funny, don't you, that I got knocked on my arse?" He tried to keep his tone stern, but he couldn't help but smile.

"Well ... now that you mention it ..."

"I'm sure you won't be the last one laughing at the image of me brought low by a Cornish Pixie," Remus said in a rueful tone.

"I won't say anything, I promise," Hermione said.

"It's not you I have to worry about. Molly'll be telling this tale to anyone she can get to stand still long enough to listen."

"She doesn't mean any harm. We could ask her to keep it quiet," Hermione suggested.

"Might as well ask Hagrid to keep a secret," Remus replied.

Hermione sighed in an overly dramatic way. "I'm afraid you're right. You'll be the centre of attention tonight. I wonder if anyone will even know Harry is here."

"I just hope no one asks to see my bruises," Remus said.

"Wrong party," Hermione said. She started to laugh, and Remus joined in.

"Oh, you're feeling better," Ginny said as she walked into the drawing room.

"I'm fine," Remus said.

"Mum's telling Dad what happened," Ginny said as she held out the jar of salve to Remus.

"Of course she is," Remus said as he took the jar. "Thanks, Ginny."

"Mum says to rub it in good," Ginny said with a small giggle.

"It's going to be a long night," Remus said.

---

Author's note number one: After I wrote this story, I learned that air conditioning is not as ubiquitous in Great Britain as it is in the United States. As you can see, I needed air conditioning to make this story work. At the end of the story, I will provide what I hope is a reasonable way to reconcile this paradox. I ask for your indulgence until then.

Author's note number two: The moderators of The Petulant Poetess have graciously granted me Validated Author status. I am grateful and humbled by their faith in me. In an effort not to 'blow it', I would like to ask my readers to let me know if they find any spelling, grammar, punctuation, or Canon errors that slip by me or my beta. I hope there won't be any, but if there are, and I am notified, I will correct them as quickly as possible. Thanks so much!