A Brit Without Footie Is Only Half A Brit

Disclaimer: JKR is the owner. I'm just playing with her characters.

A/N: Thanks to tinnidawg, the bunny feeder. ;)

Lots of thanks to my lovely twin, Lore. And last but not least, thanks to my betas Shalimar and Southern_Witch_69.

Chapter Three: A Brit Without Footie Is Only Half A Brit.

Several months into the first year of DuSaQ Nursery and Primary School, Headmistress Ginny was so worried about her students that she went to talk to Hermione almost in tears. She had tried to interest them in sports, she had tried to teach them about Quidditch. She really, really, really had tried, but more than half the children simply weren't interested. Ginny couldn't think why any wizard or witch wouldn't be interested in Quidditch. It wasn't normal. It sounded like heresy, even. Hermione had promised her to investigate the matter. She went to the school to talk with the teachers, with the children and even with their parents. She took her time to research thoroughly, but the result was clear. And Ginny didn't want to believe her.

Once a month, the Quartet held a big meeting with the people in charge of their businesses and other supporters. That way they were updated about their progress, and they could think of plans to improve each enterprise for everyone's benefit.

And so it was that in the presence of Bella, Lucius, Severus, Neville, Luna, Remus, Skeeter, Tonks, Kingsley, Charlie, and Flitwick, Ginny exposed her problem, and Hermione explained yet again.

"It's simple, Ginny. The kids are Muggle-borns and half-bloods, and they live in Muggle surroundings." Hermione looked around, hoping for someone to catch what she was trying to say without much success. "They aren't allowed to use brooms. Of course, as any normal person would, the kids are interested in football."

At this, the shock was generalised. Hermione could point out which of the persons in the room was a pureblood, and who wasn't, just by looking at their faces. It was a slow reaction, but the non-purebloods were starting to nod.

It was Tonks that finished the explanation. "Quidditch is something that will present itself to them at Hogwarts, but until then, their hearts are in what they know."

"Exactly!" exclaimed Hermione, relieved that someone was at least figuring out the issue at hand quickly. "And that means football."

The purebloods in the room sided with Ginny and protested that it couldn't be right. The others, including Severus, laughed at them and called them narrow-minded. The debate was a long one and consisted of several points.

To begin with, it was the issue of convincing the purebloods that it was a great idea to have football and not Quidditch as the school's sport. It wouldn't have been an issue if Ginny had embraced the idea, but she insisted that it was somehow perverse and refused to even find out what football was.

As it was quite impossible to take all the people in the conference room to a match to see it for themselves, they took several steps.

First, they used a Pensieve. That Hermione was the first one putting memories of watched football matches in it wasn't surprising. But when Severus stepped up and told them that he'd show them what playing felt like, even the reluctant ones scrambled from their seats to see that.

They were entertained and a bit interested. Severus had to glare most of the time so no one laughed at his younger self. Some sniggering from Lucius at young Severus' Victory Dance was met with mild hexing from both Severus and Hermione.

The second step was to use the Muggle flat Lucius owned as a gate to the Wizarding world to gather them all in front of a television (after explaining to the more recalcitrant purebloods what that was) to watch some matches.

And then hell broke loose. They may not have been a big party, but they were loud, and they were very fervent over their clubs. The purebloods were astonished at the way their otherwise calm and normal friends hexed each other because some foul words about the other person's favourite player were said.

Tonks had changed her hair to her team's colours. Remus had brought a ridiculous hat while Severus and Hermione squabbled to decorate the house with the appropriate flag.

After that performance by their friends and acquaintances, it was clear that football was as important to them as Quidditch. Not to mention that after two or three matches, most of the purebloods were more than hooked themselves.

In the next monthly meeting, it was unanimously decided that the children were going to practice football in the school. It wasn't difficult to find a parent who would be willing to teach them and even to give lessons to some of the adults.

The construction of the field was done quickly, and some of the most important business people in the Wizarding world had not felt any embarrassment at playing in the big opening game. Slytherin versus Gryffindor was forgotten in sight of the more important Arsenal versus Manchester United. With much sulking from the one Chelsea fan that refused to play.

Bella thought the new wave created by the introduction of a sport that could easily compete with Quidditch for a place of honour in everybody's heart had to be exploited somehow.

There wasn't an easy way to either go to Muggle matches or to have wizard matches of their own. The first one, because it was clear that witches and wizards weren't good at mingling with Muggles, and the second one, because training football players would take some time. Watching children play wasn't what she had in mind, and unfortunately Hermione's team of researchers hadn't found a way yet of making electrical appliances work well around magical towns. So the telly was out of the question.

And there was the answer. They had their own mass media, although calling the wizard's wireless a mass media was a bit of a stretch. Bella knew the Muggles had something similar called radio, so she guessed the research people could find a way of adapting a Wizarding Wireless Network to piggyback Muggle football transmissions.

There were only a few short steps from there to owning both a Muggle radio station and a wizard's wireless radio.

The Muggle radio station was the front for them to get access to Muggle news, including the rights to transmit football matches. Faking identifications was not an option when you were working in the outskirts of Ministerial regulations. Wizarding Ministry regulations, mind you. The Muggle Prime Minister was very happy with all of this and gave them his blessing.

Again, they hired Muggles with relations to the Wizarding community (be it because they were the parents of Muggle-borns or because they were married to a wizard or witch) to work there, as they were able to be among Muggles without attracting their attention by committing a faux pas. Maintaining the Statute of Secrecy was essential if they didn't want to end up in Azkaban again.

There was going to be a ball, organised by Lucius, to inaugurate Bella's new Wizarding Wireless Network – the Wireless Omni Network (or WON, for shorts).

Everyone who was someone was invited... and a couple of nobodies, too.

But this time the ball wasn't to be held at their house, as usual. They were using the new WON building instead. That left Lucius to believe they weren't going to play the hosts role, but that they should behave like guests. And that meant the women should be escorted. So he informed Hermione of his decision.

"Hermione, I'm pleased to inform you that you're going to be my partner for the ball." Lucius wasn't sure why she was looking at him oddly, but it wasn't reassuring for his ego. No woman had been less than thrilled of getting his attention.

"Why should I?"

"Well, this is a formal event, one that is not going to be held at our house. You shouldn't go alone when I can escort you." Lucius thought all of this was pretty obvious, but he wanted Hermione to accept, so he tried to be charming and patient about it. He might be old fashioned in his manners, but what was wrong with that?

"Shouldn't you go with Bella, then? She shouldn't go alone either."

Lucius looked at her with a dumbfounded expression. "Hermione, Bella is still a married woman..."

"Yes, even if we don't know where the hell Roddy is hiding," interrupted Severus, raising his head from the book he was pretending to read, "it is good to know that someone remembers him."

"Wherever he is, he doesn't read the British news. He'd be here begging Bella to forgive him otherwise."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

Lucius sighed. "Anyway, as I was saying, not only is she married, but I was married to her sister. People would think I'm shagging my sister-in-law, and that's unacceptable."

Severus rolled his eyes at the dramatics of Lucius' speech.

"So you'd rather let people think you're shagging me?" an infuriated Hermione asked.

"I'd rather it was true," whispered Lucius to himself, but from the smirk on Severus' lips, he had said it loud enough. He was grateful Hermione seemed oblivious of it, or he was sure he'd end up hexed. Out loud he answered, "Of course not, Hermione, I would rather people wouldn't gossip at all. But..."

He never got to finish. Hermione was final in her decision. "You'll escort both of us, then. Unless you think they will be saying we're having a threesome." And she left before Lucius got enough time to open his mouth.

Severus had to laugh at that. He was sure if Skeeter weren't on their side that would probably be exactly the gossip. But they all knew no one would say anything about them. If by living in the same house they hadn't suffered any ill-spirited comments, surely attending a party wasn't going to change that. Lucius was too prone to dramatics. But even all his Slytherin skills weren't helping in getting Hermione to see him in any other light than that of a partner-in-annoying-the-Ministry.

Lucius wasn't happy. So he snapped at him. "And who are you taking to the ball?"

"I'm not going."

Raising an eyebrow, Lucius smirked. "And offend Bella by doing that? I don't think so, friend."

"Fine. Then I'm sure Augusta Longbottom would be glad for my company. At least I'll be able to get blackmail material about my business associate."

"Tsk, tsk, that way you'll never find a woman of your own."

"And you will? With Bella and Hermione as your dates? No woman would dare to get close to you, just in case."

And with those words Severus left grinning.

The balls and parties continued. At some point during a party at the Quartet's home, Percy Weasley, showing all the signs of having been hit by a Bat-Bogey Hex and an assortment of Ginny's other specialties, approached Hermione.

"Hermione, I was wondering if you could do me the great favour of having a chat with my sister. She doesn't pay attention to me."

There was more than a bit of whinging in his voice, Hermione noted. "And what do you want me to tell Ginny?"

"You have to help me convince her to leave that silly job of hers and start looking for a husband. It's understandable that she wanted some years to do whatever she pleased and experiment how it feels to have another kind of life, but now she has reached an age in which she has to settle down soon if she has any intention of having a normal life."

Hermione was speechless. She couldn't believe the prat was actually serious, but his stance was the same pompous one he always had, so it had to be true. She doubted he even knew what humour was.

Percy took the silence as a permission to keep explaining the point. "At her age, she should be looking for a husband, not working."

"What do you mean by that? What's wrong with working?"

"Oh, nothing at all. I understand that women too old to marry want to do something with their lives, feel productive somehow, and it is normal that they want to do something that gets them close to children, even if they are not their own, hence teaching. But Ginny still has a chance to find someone, even at her age."

"So, are you saying that it was alright for McGonagall to be Deputy Headmistress because she was a spinster, but it's wrong for Ginny to be Headmistress because she should get a husband and be... what? A housewitch?"

No one else could have been able to mistake Hermione's tone but Percy.

"Exactly! I'm pleased to see you agree with me. You have always been a sensible person," said Percy, nodding. "Could you explain that to Ginny? For some unfathomable reason she doesn't understand it." He was whinging again.

Hermione blinked, confused. When did she agree with him? Was this a Twilight Zone episode? It felt like it, for sure. "I guess I'm in the same category as her, then. Or do you deem me too old already? Shouldn't you be convincing me to marry? Or am I already a spinster in your book?" She was frothing at the mouth, although the prat seemed completely oblivious of her state.

Severus saw Hermione's face turning puce and her hand strangling the glass she was holding and went to investigate, hoping to arrive before it was too late and she hexed the guy. It was obvious she wanted to, and her restraint wasn't going to last much longer.

Percy blushed. Or at least that was what Hermione supposed it was. He had turned into a freckled tomato, and he was fidgeting. "Well, you're not that old, Hermione, and you still possess the cleverness you had as a student. I-I'd be willing to marry you before it's too late... Of course, you'll have to change y..."

Severus didn't wait to hear what she was supposed to change in order to get a marriage proposal from the ginger idiot. He grabbed Hermione by one arm and took her away with a mumbled "You're needed elsewhere" thrown in for good measure.

Lucius had watched (and heard) the exchange and followed the pair out of the ballroom and into Severus' office.

Hermione was spluttering and pacing, a mad glint in her eyes. She was so agitated that the Slytherins didn't know what to do. They had never seen her like this. They tried to calm her, but she was having none of it. Neither Lucius nor Severus wanted to be hexed by the angry witch for saying or doing the wrong thing; after all, they both knew what she was capable of. But nonetheless they had to do something.

"I can hex him if you want," offered Lucius warily.

"And you know that you have all my pretty poisons at your disposal if you need them," volunteered Severus, keeping a safe distance.

"Severus, mate, you know it is considered bad manners to poison one's guest."

"I never said you have to poison him in our house, Lucius. Finding a scapegoat and having an alibi were implied."

Hermione smiled a little at that. "You would do that for me? Really?"

She looked so lovely that Severus almost forgot for a moment that this was the woman who could destroy someone's life if she woke up a little cranky and someone spoke to her before she had her breakfast.

Lucius was ready to admit that he'd do anything for her, even if it was a bit too Gryffindor to admit to that publicly. But Severus interrupted. "Of course we'd do it. No one crosses you and gets out unpunished. But I'm sure you'd want to teach him the lesson yourself. And I'm positive you are already thinking of something more creative than that."

Hermione kissed them both on the cheek, and smiling brightly at them, she said, "Thank you."

The glint in her eyes a minute later was unmistakable: she was well into the plotting stage of her rage, and both men shuddered. Ron Weasley had been right all those years ago, she was scary. Fortunately, her target was one Percival Ignatius, so they weren't in danger for the moment. They really didn't want to be in the room when Hermione told Bella and Ginny what had happened.

They were correct. The room where that conversation took place looked like a battlefield afterwards. The ladies looked around sheepishly and confessed they had let their anger loose for a bit while trying to put everything back to normal.

An extraordinary meeting was called, and everyone was informed about the prat's behaviour.

"Men," spat the women with contempt. At which point the wizards in the room remembered they had other pressing matters to attend elsewhere.

Remus excused himself by saying that after last night's full moon, he needed to rest.

Severus sorted mumbling something about a potion left on the burner.

Neville remembered it was time for his carnivorous plants to have dinner.

Filius claimed work at Hogwarts while Charlie told Ginny she had all his support, but if he wasn't back at the dragon colony right at that moment, he'd lose his job.

One by one they vacated the room, leaving the coven to concoct revenge on their own.

Each one of them had an idea of how to make him pay for being such an idiot.

"Can we ask the twins for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products? They have several things I'm sure Percy will be delighted to try." Ginny actually looked too much like her brothers at that moment, making the women wonder how strongly they had influenced her life when they were children.

Since Percy had deemed Hermione unsuccessful in the grounds of not having a husband and children, they thought that maybe showing him a woman who was that and who was also a working woman could prove him wrong. Or at least prove him that there wasn't anything bad with women having a job.

"I'm barefoot and pregnant," said Luna while trying to put her feet on top of the table to show the statement was true. She giggled.

"But I don't think the Wizarding world would be that happy if we put Luna as the poster girl. They are not that acceptant of unwedded witches having children," said Bella, hurrying to add, "yet", before Hermione had the chance to glare at her.

Luna and Remus saw each other again when they started working with Hermione, and he was fascinated by her brilliant and quite unusual mind. They got involved and moved together after a few months of dating, surprising family and friends. Now Luna was pregnant with Remus baby.

"It's not as if I don't want to marry," pointed out Luna. "If they are the ones forbidding me to do it, they can't expect me to be married before having children, can they?"

The Werewolf Code of Conduct forbid werewolves to get married with a witch or wizard. Their relationship was considered a scandal amongst many, but they were quite respected by the majority for the campaign they were doing to get the right to get married and form a family.

"I'm sure the prohibition of marriage was because they didn't want you to have his children," Ginny tried to reason with her.

"That's just silly. Do they really think that you can't get pregnant if you are single?" Luna was giggling again. "Odd."

Hermione sighed and stopped Skeeter before she answered. "Leave it. Luna is still Luna. Just focus on the point at hand, and she'll join us in conversation soon enough."

And it was true. The women were still trying to figure out what punishment was best for Percy ("Are you sure we couldn't simply hex him? I do know very creative hexes.") when the suggestion of "We should hex his balls off" was interrupted by Luna's, "By the way, what are we doing against the Werewolf Code of Conduct? Not that I mind the child being a Lovegood, but I'd love to be able to tell people who is his or her Daddy."

The non sequitur left the ladies thinking for a minute until they remembered that Luna was living with Remus, and the question was about the aforementioned rule against marrying a werewolf. But they never had time to respond, as Luna decided it was time to rejoin the previous conversation. "Didn't you mention some Potions research about gender change the other day? We could slip him a potion to turn him into a woman. Let's see if he's willing to spend his life as a housewitch."

Luna may still be Loony Lovegood, but she was also a Ravenclaw on a mission. If the prat was to pay, she thought it her business to concoct the most clever and sneaky way.

"Can't we give him a love potion so he'll fall in love with a goblin?" asked Tonks.

"Ew," was the general response. And Tonks answered herself, "Nah, that would be too cruel for the poor little goblin."

In the end, Skeeter won the argument. Maybe because her idea didn't impede others to also do their own, maybe because it was the most devious one that didn't involve Unforgivables. Hermione didn't only want to punish him, she wanted the message to reach the masses. Troglodyte behaviour wasn't accepted anymore. Women would see to that.

And so Rita went to her trunk and dug up her famous acid-green Quick-Quotes Quill. She had an appointment with the Fates. Or, more specifically, she was going to interview Percy Weasley in her old and very famous style.

A lot of people trembled at the sight of Skeeter and her quill, but Hermione reminded everyone, herself included, that this was for a very good cause.

Hermione thought it was crass to post something bad about Percy in her own newspaper. But neither Pansy Parkinson nor Lavender Brown had the same qualms, and both volunteered to post the interview in their respective columns in Witch Weekly. And seeing as that had mostly women readers, it was a great solution. It was disconcerting for Hermione to see the Queen of Slytherin and Lav-Lav being close friends, but she supposed that bonding between them was possible since both of their exes (Draco and Ron respectively) were now an item.