We're So Close, Yet So Far Apart
Chapter 3 of 6
themistresssnapeMusings on the things that separate me from Gerard, and what would happen if we tried to overcome them.
ReviewedWe're so close, yet so far apart.
I know you're there--just the other
side of the room--but it might as well be miles.
She's there, too, sitting at your side,
looking like she's in love.
Is she? I wonder, trying to listen to him.
He's here, too, you see, but sometimes
I think he knows. The way he looks at you,
he's almost itching to move. I think I'd
die of shame if he hit you, knowing it
was all my fault. Have you noticed?
She looks at me the same, the closed
and calculating look of protecting what's
yours. But you were mine, long before
she ever knew you. How did it come
to this, of trying to catch your eye
and steal a smile? Could we end this?
Stop the secrets, end the lies?
Could we break their hearts to
balm our own? Or will we all
end up broken, and the feelings
we had gone?
I include these remarks on the off chance that Gerard reads these, so please bear with me. You don't have to read them if you don't wish to. Putting thoughts to these feelings is theraputic, and that is why I write them. I suppose this one's a bit of guilt over the others in our lives who are bound to get hurt because of the way we are. Feelings that have been there for years only seem to get stronger when we are given over to other people. I can't bear to hurt them, but I can't bear to give Gerard up either.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Things I Can't Say Aloud
5 Reviews | 9.4/10 Average
WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!That is amazing! Oh, best of luck to you. Gerard sounds like your true soulmate. I know how much it hurts when other people are involved... the night I left my first husband - although I knew I was doing the absolute right thing - I went to my mom's house and cried so hard I actually got a nosebleed! But I couldn't be happier now... and I couldn't be happier for you!!!!It's impossible to go through life without getting hurt, and without hurting others. It happens... it will most likely happen with you and Gerard, too. But you won't go wrong if you follow your heart.Yay! I'm so happy! I'm off to do a lot of smiling now!~ jPS - Can I come to the wedding?
Response from themistresssnape (Author of The Things I Can't Say Aloud)
Thanks so much! We haven't set a date or anything, but we've talked about having it near his grandparents, who live in Scotland. It might happen that we don't get married until after we graduate from school. Who knows, but I do know that I'm happier than I've been in years. ~The Mistress
Oh, Mistress...I'm sure this is none of my business, but I'm going to tell you how I feel about things, and about my life.When I entered college almost 20 years ago (holy crap!) I met a wonderful guy who quickly became my best friend. My mother wanted us to be together (although we were both seeing other people at the time) but we knew that we were destined to be nothing but friends. Over the years we became a part of each other's everyday lives, and although we knew that we were perfect for each other on paper, we also knew that the feelings just weren't there. But he remained the one person that I always ran to when I needed to feel better, and I remained the one person that he could truly be himself with. 10 years ago I got married. My best friend was one of my ushers, and I had a special song dedicated to him that we danced together to. (On a side note, my irrepresive mother made remarks to my sister that HE was the one I should have married! Nice, huh??) One year later, he moved across the country.He was miserable living out there, and I was miserable without him. The high point of my day was when I would get to work each morning, because more often than not there would already be a message from him on my voice mail. He came back that Christmas to visit, and we were inseparable while he was here. I felt like I could breath again. Two months later... on my birthday... he moved back. Yay!! 
He was the only one I spoke to about the problems with my husband. He was the one who held me when I cried, and - invariably - made me laugh. In November of that year, I left my husband. Within a month, my best friend and I realized that we couldn't be without each other. This December will mark our 6th wedding anniversary.I know how hard it is to love someone when you're with someone else. I know how unfair it feels, and the guilt that goes along with it. But I am a firm believer that you don't do ANYONE any favors by staying in a relationship that is not right. Even if my best friend and I had not been falling in love, I would have left my first husband, for the simple reason that I knew that he was not the one.It is possible for your dreams to come true. It is so rare, and so beautiful... I would hate to see someone waste their chance. People may get hurt, but people do recover.I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you get your true heart's desire.Love,Jackie
Response from themistresssnape (Author of The Things I Can't Say Aloud)
You have no idea how comforting your words are. I am on my way to post another poem it what I hope will be a much lighter collection now. Take a look at the notes on the bottom for a bit more explanation. ~The Mistress
Something about this one reminds me of a haibun. (Just in case you've never heard of that particular form, a haibun is a form of Japanese poetry; in its English form it is basically a descriptive paragraph in poetic language; it ends in a bold line that's separated from the rest of the poem which acts as a sort of summary, kind of like a photograph with a caption.)
And you're right; life's not easy. I sometimes think that we tend to overcomplicate things, though I'm not sure if it's intentional or not.
Response from themistresssnape (Author of The Things I Can't Say Aloud)
In my life, at least, things tend to overcomplicate themselves and I'm left to work out the mess. ~The Mistress
I thought that this was very touching. There's very little that I can give by way of criticism—but then, not everything has to be taken apart and analyzed. I look forward to reading more poems like this should you decide to post them.
On a personal note, I wish you luck as well; I can certainly sympathize, as I've suspected for quite some time that I've met my own soulmate though (for various reasons) there will probably never be anything between he and I but a friendship with some strange overtones.
In any case, good work. Keep it up. =)
Response from themistresssnape (Author of The Things I Can't Say Aloud)
Thank you. I just read your posting of "Three Big Fat Poems" and loved it. More people in the world need to think like you. I'm in the same boat, but I guess I've been lucky. The guys--and girls--in my life have never been anything but loving, at least the ones who mean anything to me. I've given Gerard the address to read these, I just hope I haven't set us on a path where one or four hearts are broken. Thanks for reading, and for understanding. ~The Mistress
Very lovely (pardon the pun)—and congratulations! 
Response from themistresssnape (Author of The Things I Can't Say Aloud)
Thank you so much. He's going to ask his mother for her great grandmother's engagement ring. Neither of us have the money to buy one, but I'd rather have a family ring anyway. It's surprising how easily the words came out after this happened. I guess happiness--and love--does that to you. ~The Mistress