Part II

A/N: Please review! These characters are not mine; I'm just torturing them for a little while.

* * *

"Ladies, please resume your seats." Professor McGonagall stood, lips pinched, at the front of the classroom. "For our second segment, we will be joined by none other than Professor Trelawney." Her voice and expression rather reminded the class of someone who had bitten into an especially sour lemon.

As if on cue, Sibyll came gliding into the Transfiguration classroom, eyes blinking nervously behind her large spectacles. She had drawn her scarves and beads tightly around herself as though they were a shield to the humiliating task she had been set.

"Is she here to teach or is she here to learn?" whispered Parvati, though normally an admirer of Professor Trelawney, and Lavender giggled.

Minerva silenced them with an icy glare and began to speak. "As you know, we have discussed both the male and female anatomies and the reproductive functions of both sexes. We close with our discussion on menstruation."

Uttering a soft shriek, Sibyll covered her face with her hands. "You dare to discuss the curse, Minerva?"

"Yes, I dare." Professor McGonagall was barely able to refrain herself from rolling her eyes. "Now, as we discussed previously, it takes both a sperm and an egg to create an embryo. The female's egg is released from her... what, Sibyll?"

"Should we not discuss the dangers of engaging in such activities when Mars is in the moon's seventh house?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"When the seventh month dies, and Mars creeps slowly to make a right angle with the moon, even the strongest draught of silphium is ineffective against conception!"

Pansy Parkinson raised her hand slowly. "Silphium? What is that? I heard that Cho Chang stole some from Professor Snape's stores and tried to brew something, but Daphne just said Chang wanted to make 'The Potion.'"

"The Birth Control Draught," replied Minerva. "Can anyone tell me the components? Yes, Miss Granger?"

"The Birth Control Draught is made up of one part asafoetida, two parts silphium, one part lacewing flies, and one part pomegranate juice," replied Hermione. "When brewed correctly, it prevents pregnancy, but not venereal disease."

"Exactly. Fifteen points to Gryffindor." Flicking her wand at the blackboard, Minerva said matter-of-factly, "The Birth Control Draught prevents an egg being released from the ovary, and though menstruation still occurs, it is a bit lighter while a witch is on The Potion."

"Lighter?" queried Millicent Bulstrode. "So there's less chance of you dying, then?"

"Precisely!" cried Sibyll dramatically. "But the hour of death can be warded off by performing a simple Tergeo, the Siphoning Charm. All one must do is, a day or so before the moon bestows the wretched curse of nature, place one's wand as far inside of... "

"Sibyll!" cried Minerva in outrage. "That is a very dangerous way to use that particular spell. A qualified Healer would never condone such a thing. No, girls, menstruation is nothing to be ashamed of, and it will certainly not kill you."

"But how can you bleed for five days and not die?" pressed one of the Hufflepuff girls. "I think I'll do what Professor Trelawney says."

With an exasperated snort, Hermione said, "Go ahead, if you want to end up in the hospital wing. You could end up sucking out your ovaries or worse."

"Very good, Miss Granger, take another five points." Gesturing to the diagram on the board, Minerva said patiently, "Menstruation is the shedding of the uterine lining, which grows thicker during the twenty-eight day cycle. Only a very small bit of blood actually leaves your body at this time. Most of the discharge is merely this inner lining. If you were to become pregnant, however, the thick, nutrient-rich lining... "

"Nutrient-rich?" hissed Lavender in deep disgust. "What are we supposed to do, drink it?"

"Silence, Miss Brown," said Minerva with a repressive look. "Menstrual discharge has some useful properties in potion-making, though not nearly as many as virgin's blood, which results from the breaking of the hymen as we discussed earlier and must be collected in phials immediately after defloration. It is most commonly used in the Fanon Clichendia Potion."

At that statement, Hermione's face turned inexplicably pink, and the entire room turned to stare at her. She quickly busied herself, staring into her Ministry-issued pamphlet, but she was unable to ignore the curious glances of her classmates.

"But of course Miss Granger is embarrassed by such perverse discussion!" Sibyll decided. "And well she should be. I myself find such subject material more offensive than Grim!"

"As I was saying," cut in Minerva repressively, "the uterine lining remains if an embryo implants itself in the womb. However, that will hopefully not happen to you girls for a very long while, especially if you remember the spells and potions we have discussed here today. Now, if there are no other questions, you are dismissed. Sibyll, put your hand down!"

* * *

The staffroom was nearly empty, save for the four team teachers, who were busily recovering from the day's ordeal. Moody, wooden leg slung over one of the extra chairs, was taking long draughts from his hip flask; Sibyll was greedily nursing a bottle of cooking sherry; Snape, with a rather rakish gleam in his eye, contemplated a crystal phial filled with a dark red substance, and Minerva fanned herself steadily with her tartan hat.

"What have I told you about using Transfiguration as punishment, Alastor?" sighed McGonagall wearily. "I shall have to go to Professor Dumbledore about this."

Moody snorted and growled, "That little, er, prick got what was coming to him." He took a shuddering sip of his drink. "This suited him better than the ferret, believe me."

Even Snape managed a grudging smile. "You'd have wanted to see it, Minerva. He still had his blonde hair, if you can believe it."

Slapping two of her playing cards over her ears, Sibyll groaned loudly. "The Inner Eye grows weary of all this filth!"

Moody's magical eye fixed itself on the distressed Seer. "Are the rumors true?"

"R-rumors?" quavered Sibyll nervously. "I have no notion what you're talking about, Moody."

Moody raised a grizzled eyebrow. "The word in the staffroom's that you weren't exactly teaching from experience today."

With a disdainful sniff, Professor Trelawney informed him coldly, "That's neither here nor there, Alastor." However, much like Hermione hours before, she could not hide the blush that stole across her cheeks.

With an appraising look, Snape clutched his crystal phial more tightly in his hand. "You know, Sibyll, there are ways your situation could be... "

"I'm not a virgin!" she burst out, tears trickling from behind her glasses. "I like to engage in... have... complete the act with... with... "

"It can't be that bad," snapped Minerva. "Out with it."

Sibyll cowered for a moment, but finally said, "With Neville Longbottom's boggart! When it's wearing his Gran's clothes."

"Sorry I asked," growled Moody, choking on the contents of his flask. "Least I told Dumbledore I'd only do this job for a year."

"Yes," replied Minerva. "I don't relish having to instruct Miss Weasley next year. She could probably teach us a thing or two." She swept from the room then, muttering, "I think the new one's Cockroach Cluster" to herself as she made her way toward the headmaster's office.

Sibyll's magnified eyes darted toward the old wardrobe, which was shuddering violently. "I wonder where young Neville is this evening?" She stood and swept off toward Gryffindor tower to find the boy who could summon her favorite boggart.

* * *

Challenge Rules:

THE SEX ED CHALLENGE

Premise:

Parents in the Wizarding world have traditionally told their children

about 'the birds and the bees' in their own time. But this is causing

problems at Hogwarts (gee, problems with sex at a coeducational boarding

school where the age range runs from the beginning of puberty to full

hormonal fever pitch? Who could have guessed?)

The exact nature of the crisis is up to you; but whatever the triggering event

or series of events, the Ministry of Magic and/or the Board of Governors has

decreed that once a year, a class on 'reproductive health' (or your favorite

euphemism) will be taught.

Since we monkeys issuing the challenge aren't interested in the educational

quality of the class per se, the only absolute requirement for course content

in your version of 'Sex Ed at Hogwarts' is that the little monsters must be

told where babies come from. You decide how much detail you wish to go into,

and which other topics to cover.

Naturally, no teacher will voluntarily touch that class with the proverbial

ten-foot wand, so you decide which professor(s) draw the short straw.

Additional information:

1) Challenge commences July 7th and concludes August 21st (just in time

for back to school frenzy to start kicking in!)

2) Length: 2,000 to whatever you can write within the time limit. No

extensions, but if you go multichapter and haven't finished it by the

deadline, what you have up to that point can be submitted for voting. Any

rating/category.

3) No 'pairing' requirements. You can have any or none. If you opt

for 'any,' please keep everybody legal (if not ethical.)

4) Oh, and set it whenever you like...AU is fine; if you can shoehorn it

into canon (pre- or post- HBP), also fine!

5) Post on TPP (The Petulant Poetess)

6) Voting will commence on Potter Place August 26th-ish, and the poll will close September 4th--so the 'cirriculum' will be all ready for the good professors when school starts up! MUHUHWAHAHAHA!)

Optional Shenanigans:

You don't need to incorporate any of the following features...they are just

suggestions to get you in the right frame of mind! ;-)

--Someone is revealed to have an interesting kink or fetish as a result of the

course. How public the revelation is up to the author.

--The topic of sexual injuries is brought up, to the extreme psychological

trauma of every male within listening distance.

--The topic of menstruation is broached, and people are badly squicked.

--Someone (it matters not whom) asks the question (of anyone), "What was

losing your virginity like?"

The answer is either

"None of your business" (at which the conclusion is reached, either correctly

or incorrectly, that the respondee is still a virgin)

or

"Which time?" (you're on your own for a follow up if you choose to use THAT

answer!)

--Make up really freaky Wizarding STDs and/or discuss how wizards deal with those from the Muggle world.