Chapter 6 - Find Another Fool
Chapter 6 of 10
thebridgeovertheriverkwaiHermione Granger has had enough. What with the war over and Voldemort gone, she finds the confining walls of Hogwarts overbearingly trying. And with just a month left to graduation, she needs to find a way to make her snarky Potions professor accept her dinner invitation – even though she doesn't want him to.
ReviewedChapter 6 - Find Another Fool
Professor Snape,
Kindly meet me at the Apparition point outside the entrance gates at 7 p.m. on Saturday, as per our agreement. We will then proceed to the Björn and the Sill by Side-Along Apparition.
Dress code is jacket if you don't have any Muggle clothing, I am quite sure Professor Dumbledore can assist in loaning you something suitable.
Hermione Granger
Miss Granger,
Since I am fully capable of Apparating on my own accord, Side-Along Apparition is out of the question. I will ask you to instead provide me with proper directions thus enabling me to meet you outside said restaurant at 7 p.m.
Also, thank you for your concern regarding my potential inability to dress properly for the occasion. I do believe, however, that I will be able to manage without consulting the Headmaster's extensive wardrobe.
Professor S. Snape
Professor Snape,
I strongly recommend that we use Side-Along Apparition since, as you are well aware, secondhand directions when Apparating can cause severe splinching. And since there are no public Apparition points nearby the restaurant (obviously, it's located in central Muggle London), you will have to trust my abilities to get us there.
I will not stress this issue any further, but I will say this: If you're not present at the gates at 7 p.m., I will personally collect you from your quarters.
Hermione Granger
Miss Granger,
As much as I loathe to admit it, you may have stumbled across something similar to a valid point. You should cherish this moment, as it is bound to be a rare occurrence.
Escorting me from my rooms will be completely unnecessary. I am not a third-year girl you are taking to the Yule Ball.
Professor S. Snape
Professor Snape,
I somehow doubt anyone would mistake you for a third-year girl.
Hermione Granger
Miss Granger,
It would do you well to remember with whom you are corresponding. Although there is little doubt in my mind that any knowledge once retained resides infinitely in that know-it-all brain of yours, I feel inclined to remind you of this little fact: I am a professor at the school you are currently attending. As such I demand to be treated with the amount of decorum and respect that position holds.
Professor S. Snape
Professor Snape,
How strange, I thought I was doing exactly that.
Hermione Granger
Knowing that her last reply might have been a tad overboard, Hermione decided it was best to seek refuge in the library for a while, giving herself a little room to breathe and calm down.
The library was, unsurprisingly, empty, with the exception of Madam Pince who was fervently dusting and re-organizing a section of battered eighteenth-century tomes addressing the Goblin Wars of Midwestern Asia.
Hermione had become intimately acquainted with those very shelves a few years back after she, Harry and Ron had had a particularly nasty encounter with Draco Malfoy, which had ended with Malfoy in the hospital wing and a weekend of detention for the three of them. Needless to say that was the only part of the library she felt no need to revisit.
After settling down in her favorite spot in a far away corner, she pulled out a couple of books from her backpack and opened up to the first page in A Guide to Diagnostics and Healing When Encountering Dark Wounds. Hermione eagerly devoured the first two chapters and was just about to begin with the third when she felt a hard tap on her shoulder.
She turned around, prepared to give the person behind her a piece of her mind when she found herself face to face with her Head of House. Her fuming Head of House.
"You. My office. Now," McGonagall seethed through clenched teeth, nostrils flaring in sync with each word.
"What is..." Hermione began, confounded, but the Deputy Headmistress was already heading for the door, furiously clanking her cane on the hard marble floor.
The noise, echoing and ricocheting off the walls, sent Madam Pince into a full scale rant, and the last Hermione heard, as she clumsily sprinted past her to catch up with McGonagall, books and backpack in her arms, was something quite inappropriate about what exactly the Transfiguration professor could turn herself into.
She really doesn't need that cane, Hermione thought distractedly as the two of them walked briskly through the castle. Once in front of an old painting of a sleeping Godric Gryffindor, McGonagall unwarded her office with a complicated combination of incantations and then shooed Hermione inside.
"Sit." She motioned impatiently to a wing-back chair in front of her desk as she walked behind it, bent down and retrieved something from a drawer. She then come to stand in front of Hermione, clutching a heap of parchments in her hand.
"What, pray tell, is this?" McGonagall spat as she thrusted them into Hermione's lap.
Hermione looked at the pile and immediately recognized her correspondence with Snape.
"I believe this is a private conversation between me and Professor Snape," she said slowly.
"Not particularly private since he chose to share it with me. And with good reason, as I have never seen anything like it!" McGonagall said shrilly.
"You have proven yet again that you are incapable of controlling your temper in a manner befitting the Head Girl. Or any student at Hogwarts for that matter. This..." She furiously snatched one of the missives from Hermione's lap and waved it in front of her. "Is NOT a proper way to address a professor of this school, and if there is one thing I cannot and will not tolerate, it's disrespect."
"But that's just not fair, Professor! Look, I can admit that I might have crossed the line a little bit..."
"A little bit?"
"But I'm certainly not the only one." Hermione raked through the parchments. Every single one seemed to be there, except the one where Snape brusquely suggested that she should be expelled without further ado. How convenient, she thought angrily.
McGonagall took a deep breath and leaned against her desk, eyeing Hermione.
"What on earth is going on with you?" she said exasperatedly and spread her arms.
Hermione let out a frustrated sound.
"First of all, there is nothing 'going on with me'; it's Snape, he's the one..."
"Professor Snape, Miss Granger. Do try to pretend like you care, at the very least."
"Fine. Professor Snape," Hermione snapped, "And I do care! But I won't pretend that this discussion is anything but ridiculous since Professor Snape is behaving like a complete git, and if anyone, he's the one disregarding all forms of civility and getting away with it. I won't accept it. Not anymore."
Professor McGonagall's grip on the edge of the desk tightened, turning her knuckles white as she narrowed her eyes at the student before her.
"Very well," she said icily. "Then let's talk about something else. Professor Sprout came by my office this morning and told me something very disturbing. She said she overheard you use foul language in front of both first and second years in the Great Hall during dinner a couple of days ago. Is that true?"
"Yes, unfortunately," Hermione said, deflated, "but that was Professor Snape's fault as well!" Really, when she came to think of it, Snape seemed to be the root of all of her problems at the moment.
"It's just not good enough, Miss Granger," McGonagall said crassly, "I am sorry to say that I am forced to relieve you of your Head Girl duties. You are clearly unsuited to continue until end of term."
Hermione gaped at her Head of House in disbelief. So that's how it's going to be, is it?
"Fine. Take it," she said as she unpinned the shining badge from her robes. She flicked it unto McGonagall's desk and rose. "Good luck in finding someone else to do your tedious tasks."
"I fail to see how that would be particularly demanding, considering our last one's pitiful performance," McGonagall quipped.
But almost immediately after the words had escaped her lips, she seemed to regret them. "I am sorry, that was, I mean to say, you have been, up until now, extremely thorough..."
"No, you're right," Hermione cut off, "I have been inattentive and careless, and someone else should be offered this opportunity instead, an opportunity I apparently have been taking for granted." She put an index finger thoughtfully to her mouth and frowned.
"There is someone competent and capable, actually, who has been showing maturity beyond the rest of my year. And this someone, I believe, is almost as intelligent as anyone on the staff." She paused briefly.
"Yes, she is the obvious choice, and it would also send a clear message to the rest of the student body in what to expect quality wise from their school."
McGonagall relaxed her grip on the desk, and her lips, which up until now had been pursed together, turned into a slight smile.
"I'm relieved that you agree. I'm truly sorry that it had to come to this." McGonagall looked expectantly at Hermione. "Would you care to share who this someone might be?"
"The bloody Giant Squid."
Later that evening found Hermione in her four-poster bed, fiercely scribbling on a piece of parchment. Littered around her lay rejected drafts, crumpled up and tossed aside.
A young gray owl, borrowed from the Owlery, was impatiently hooting and hopping on the spot on the window sill next to Lavender Brown's bed. Finally, Hermione decided to go with her latest jumble of thoughts and quickly walked over to the window before she changed her mind. Again. She tied the note to the bird's leg, and as it took off she could have sworn it almost sighed in relief.
Professor Snape,
Unless it somehow wasn't crystal clear before, here is a missive in print, informing you of my total disapproval of you displaying our correspondence, which I thought was private, to my Head of House. As a result I have now lost my Head Girl-badge, and also been made a total fool.
I hope this piece of information brings you great satisfaction, since you undoubtedly had this outcome in mind from the very beginning.
Hermione Granger
It didn't take long before the black sleek-looking bird from before showed up outside her bedroom window.
Miss Granger,
The outcome I had in mind was actually a scenario where you stopped bothering me. Ironically enough, it seems my actions have had the opposite effect.
As to the supposed privacy of this correspondence, I cannot fathom why you would draw such inaccurate conclusions when you seem to be adequately clear-sighted otherwise.
Then again, it would be problematic for me to comprehend anything at all since I, and I have it on good authority, apparently have the intelligence level of a sea creature so marvelously dumb it makes the rocks on the bottom of its home appear as bright as Nicolas Flamel himself.
In hindsight my rather hasty decision to show your crude comments to the Deputy Headmistress only resulted in me being forced to listen to her tear-filled recapitulation of your dramatic rendezvous. It was most disturbing.
You are, therefore, wrong in your assumption. I am definitely not as satisfied as I could have been. Although, I must admit I find some comfort in the fact that someone finally made a sensible decision regarding the Head Girl post.
Professor S. Snape
Professor Snape,
I want it on record, should this note also drift astray, that I believe my exact words were "almost as intelligent as anyone on the staff", "almost" being the keyword here.
Hermione Granger
P.S.: You seem rather confident that I won't turn the tables on you and show this to Professor McGonagall. Is that wise regarding your rather unflattering description of her emotional state?
P.P.S.: What did you do to my owl?
Miss Granger,
Ah. Well, that wouldn't do at all now, would it? You will refrain yourself from engaging in such foolish actions simply because you probably are, for one, rather fond of your life and I might just consider reviving my earlier threat.
Regarding the owl, I have never seen a bird so desperate to leave the premises as the one you sent. Whatever the cause of its distress, a warning regarding your person should be issued to the Owlery. Maybe we should restrict your use of school owls altogether.
Until Saturday, then, unless you suddenly find yourself unable to show up, in which case I will bring someone else. I hear it's quite hard to get reservations.
Professor S. Snape
Professor Snape,
The rudeness of bringing someone else to a dinner I am paying for is, well, beyond disdainful. But the question of whom you might bring instead tickles my imagination to the point of it almost being unbearable.
See, I have a problem picturing anyone, with the exception of perhaps Moaning Myrtle and she is rather dead, I am sorry to say. And now that I come to think of it, since she is confined to that U-bend in the girls' lavatory on the first floor, it would be impossible for even her to come with you.
But don't let me cast a shadow over what is clearly bound to be a fantastic evening. Order take out and your problem is solved.
Hermione Granger
Miss Granger,
You seem to be in the habit of giving me little credit. It might not have crossed your mind but it is actually within my capacity to be both sociable and, at times, perfectly agreeable.
Professor S. Snape
Hermione stared at the little piece of paper. Whatever she had been expecting, that was not it.
Could I really have hurt his feelings? Who knew he even had any beneath that cold, sneering exterior? Hermione shook her head as she reached for a quill, already composing various numbers of apologies in her head.
A peck on the window pane stopped her mid-sentence, and she instantly felt something awfully similar to anticipation spread through her body.
"Hermione! It's after midnight! If that effing bird doesn't stop, I swear I will glue owl treats to every single part of your body, shove you off to the Owlery and leave you there," Lavender Brown groaned. Launching herself off the bed, she angrily stalked to the window and flung it open.
"That's disgusting, Lav, even coming from you," Hermione said, now desperately trying to ignore a sudden flutter in her chest.
The black bird didn't even look twice at the sleep-deprived girl by the window as it zoomed in, dropped a neatly folded parchment in Hermione's lap, and flew out again.
With slightly shaky hands Hermione unfolded the note.
Miss Granger,
I almost forgot.
Fifty points from Gryffindor for being plain insufferable.
Professor S. Snape
Author's notes:
Find Another Fool the Marcels
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Something Akin to Normalcy
62 Reviews | 7.74/10 Average
Adorable! Thanks!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
You have saved me from a paroxysm of tears, and I couldn't be happier with the outcome of your story! I LOVED the way you tied so much of what was said and done during their dinner at the Björn and the Sill in Chapter 7:
•Hermione 10 years ago: "Maybe we'll have to meet here in ten years, and I can lend you my notes."
•Severus now: "It's the original formula for the Wolfsbane potion." Snape cut in. "I just thought that ... to get you going, but then ..." He cleared his throat, not daring to meet her gaze.
•Hermione 10 years ago: Severus had declined her invitation to meet her at the restaurant in ten years. "Alright, fine." She shrugged and took a last bite of her dessert. "But if you change your mind, I will be sitting right here, with all my awards lined up, waiting to be admired."
•Severus now: "Your awards." He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I thought the premise of this meeting was for you to show off all of your achievements in the Potions field."
•Hermione 10 years ago: She asked him if he would like to try the specialty dessert- "lingonberries with a fudge-like sauce." "Sounds ... endurable," Snape teased.
•Severus now: He asked her if she would like to get some coffee, and she replied "Sounds ... endurable," with the smallest smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.
•In Chapter 8, on the top of the Astronomy Tower 10 years ago: Severus found Hermione drinking Professor Palmer's whiskey and trying to light a cigarette. His reaction was to lean forward and gingerly plucked the unlit cigarette from her mouth. "Don't be ridiculous," he said softly. "You don't smoke." Snape examined the cigarette closely before he tossed it out the window. That was when he said "Unless you would like to join me." And she had.
•Severus now: When he left the restaurant after Mrs. Granger had informed him that Miss Granger was now Mrs. Collins, but just before he Apparated, he saw Hermione "leaning casually against the facade, gazing out at nothing in particular, a cigarette in one slender hand, was indeed Hermione Granger. Collins, he corrected himself and rolled his eyes. Such an inane name."
"That's really not good for you, you know," he said and pointed towards the cigarette in what he hoped was a nonchalant way.
I wanted to cheer when Severus laid that inane man out cold after he had called Hermione a lying, conniving, cheating bitch. In fact, that entire scene with Severus, Hermione, Christopher, Mrs. Granger, Percy, and the elderly couple tickled me no end! It's as perfect a Snape defends Hermione
as I've ever read. Well done!
I had a hopeful smile on my face when she said she'd like to have dinner with him sometime and then Apparated away. But when she came right back and kissed him and Disapparated both of them, did a happy dance!
I know I've gone on too long in this review, but I just couldn't help myself. I have looked forward to every single update since I read the first chapter. It's one of my favorite stories, and I thank you for sharing your talents with us. It's a real joy to read a good hurt-comfort SSHG story.
*Hugs you*
Beth
PS– Thank you for the nod to Alan Rickman's Colonel Brandon.
PPS– Further thanks for reminding me of the song for this chapter. It had been decades since I'd heard it. "I was hopeless, helplessly without a love until you came along." GREAT CHOICE!
I love how the evening turned out for Severus and Hermione, although I wish there was a way to Make the Night Just a Little Longer.
Hermione handled Lucius' rude behavior very well– put him in his place and took away his favorite restaurant at the same time. LOL!
May favorite lines were the last ones in the chapter: "Well. Nevertheless, thank you for an unforgettable dinner." He gave her a small smile. "Hermione." This bodes well for the future.
Beth
I loved the update. I also loved that they had a great time, even if I must admit that I am still angry at Severus for all his biased and harsh words to Hermione before their dinner, I guess I am not as forgiving as she is:-) (And no matter what he thinks, running to Minerva with Hermiones letters and costing her her Headgirl position, was childish, immature, rude and several other negative words.... I would not have forgiven that any time soon)
Well after all the fuss that Severus made, it turned out to be a lovely dinner after all. I loved the way Hermione delt with Lucius Malfoy, I wonder how he is going to explain not being able to come back to her favorite restaurant to Narcissa.
I don't know which one of them is behaving like the bigger fool, but I do hope Severus shows up for the "date" and that they both can refrain from baiting each other... but she does make it easy for him.BTW, I love the Marcels.Beth
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
I love the Marcels as well! I know, she really is. But she'll learn. Eventually. ;)
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
I love the Marcels as well! I know, she really is. But she'll learn. Eventually. ;)
OH Severus you flirt you!
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Haha! He is, in his own way. ;)
Poor Professor Palmer, what a nightmare, to watch the lovely, kind, vibrant young woman he loved, turn into the monster she became. Severus Snape has been called many things, easy going is not one of them, but thats why we love him.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
It isn't mentioned in the books, but supposedly she has somebody waiting for her when she gets home from work ... Brrr.
Just spent lunch catching up with this. It's FABULOUSLY HILLARIOUS are the only words to describe this. I love the tension between Hermione and Snape.
Just Awesome.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you so much! This review made my day!
Ooh I love correspondance stories. The repartee between the two is wonderful. And she hurt his feelings. My only complaint is that the next chapter isn't up. Pooey.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you! :) I've just posted chapters 7 and 8!
Poor Palmer. Married to, to HER. No wonder he has a drink before breakfast on weekends. And smokes. I hope he gets chocolate daily as well. Really GOOD chocolate.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Me too ... me too.
HaHaHa this was a great chapter. Snape's "apology" made me LOL. I enjoyed the tete et tete between the two.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you! Glad you liked it! :)
Mmm haggis and pickled herring. How can Severus even think of refusing and offer like that.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Who would? ;)
Entertaining chapter.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! :)
The bird looked at her with disgust as she tried to offer him an owl treat, flapped his wings irritably and took off for the Head Table.I loved Severus' raven (or crow). He's kinda like his master, isn't he? And brava for Hermione calling his bluff. It cracked me up when Miss Tomlin told her that Professor Snape was outside the portrait hole. I am tickled pink that in the end he was able to properly behave himself and that she did offer the invitation again. I hope sooner or later we might be hearing the Platters singing The Great Pretender in the background just over Severus' shoulder:Oh-oh, yes I'm the great pretenderPretending that I'm doing wellMy need is such I pretend too muchI'm lonely but no one can tellThis is such a great chapter! Thank you.Beth
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Haha, I'm glad you liked it! I always pictured Snape to have an ill-tempered raven or crow, just sitting in the dungeons, with a sneer on his face. Not up to delivering anything unless he absolutely have to ... or possibly if there's a bribe involved. ;)
I think they are both having fun dancing around each other.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Haha, I do too!
I feel that Severus should apologize to Hermione when she gives him another chance to go to dinner with her. But I somehow can't see that happening without someone giving him a little nudge to get his head out of... where it doesn't belong. Maybe Minerva can help?Thanks for another great update!Beth
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you for reading, Beth! Yes, he really should, shouldn't he? Well, I'll see what I can do. ;)
Maybe Severus will sample some swedish cuisine after all. 
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
I'm certainly working on it! But he's a tough man to persuade.
Loved the start, I look forward to read more
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you so much!
Mmmmm,you have me intrigued, what is Hermione offering?who is this Christopher she is seeing? I will be waiting for an update to find out.
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
You'll find out soon enough ... ;) Thank you for reading and reviewing!
This is a great start to a story! And also, and let me be perfectly clear regarding this, I can't wait for the next chapter.
I didn't recall Something to Shout About by the Exciters, so I found it on youtube and took a listen: "...he put on quite a show... strutting up and down the street classroom..." I think my favorite by them is Tell Him. I can remember dancing with my boyfriend to that song when we were in high school.
Thanks for sharing you tale with us. I'll be looking out for the next update!Beth
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you so much! Next chapter is coming up soon! I love that you took the time to listen to the song - I think my favourite is A Handful of Memories ... or Hard Way to Go ... or Just Not Ready, gah, there's just too many. ;)
Great start I'm looking forward to reading more!
Response from thebridgeovertheriverkwai (Author of Something Akin to Normalcy)
Thank you! More to come!
This was great! Loved how you portrayed the characters, loved the story line.... just great!
Hahaha, that bit with Lucius-pricless! Love it!
Thank you for a wonderful story! I took me quite by surprise, that much heartbreak and a ten-year-separation after all that banter ...