Prologue: Evocation
The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane
Chapter 1 of 13
TeddyRadiatorWizarding Britain, ten years after the war. Things are good, but the Ministry thinks what's needed is a good old fashioned Beltane revel. Hogwarts is just the place to do it. In the meantime, Severus isn't enjoying life right now; he's the subject of Rita Skeeter's new tell-all book. And don't get Hermione started on how Ron continues to make her life a misery. Perhaps this Beltane stuff may just be the ticket to help them out as well. Written for Jenidralph in the winter 2013 LiveJournal SSHG_Prompfest.
Thank you, jenidralph for this prompt. I had a blast and a half writing this fic for her. A huge thank you to my beta, stgulik for her inspiration and encouragement.
Also, I would like to apologise in advance to my Pagan friends. This is my take on the Beltane ritual, and while I have used authentic parts of the ritual, I have also used other quotes from authors and my own imagination. The final speech in chapter 12 is based on a poem by Osho, and Hermione's discourse on the god and the goddess in chapter 5 is based on an essay by Beau Ravn Ap Gwyddon. The original prompt was: Hogwarts Gone Wild.... a spring break escapade. I hope I have given them a wild ride, indeed.
I sing this prayer to the old one, to the Lord of the Hunt, to the wild, dancing, mischievous masculine, to he who is born in winter and dies with the leaves. To the soul guide and pathfinder Cernunnos: lead my arrow true. Fill me with virility that I might stand strong and proud, ride hard, sing loud, and drink deep of all that is set before me.
If you're going to do something, by the gods, do it! Don't waver, don't waffle, don't sit around thinking, "Should I?" or "Shouldn't I?" With any ritual, one's convictions are the predominant means of success. It takes practice, attention to detail and a certain ability to queer the pitch if necessary. I mean, if it were easy, any old Muggle would be out there, prancing around in stag horns, pretending to know what they were doing.
~ Introduction: Evocation - The Witchhiker's Guide to Beltane
~o0o~
Open for me the secret way, the pathway of intelligence, beyond the gates of night and day, beyond the bounds of time and sense. ~Beltane Ritual
Minerva McGonagall closed the book with a loud THUMP. "Gods, I hope for her sake I never run into her in Knockturn Alley," she muttered. "And I if I do, I hope I have a copy of this book with me. It'll be very satisfying to beat her repeatedly about the head and shoulders with it."
She looked around and wondered, not for the first time, if voicing violent thoughts to oneself was a prerequisite for the Head's job. A lifetime of talking to portraits had a way of doing that to a person. "Well, that settles it, then," she said, staring ahead, her eyes troubled. "I only hope I'm doing the right thing."
"I am convinced of it, my dear Minerva," replied a lilting voice. Minerva looked up at the familiar, painted face of Albus Dumbledore. He was smiling benevolently down on her, as he had done for so many years in real life. A quick glance told her that the rest of her past predecessors were fast asleep, or at least pretending to be. Oh, they were always awake for the gossip and the unwanted advice, but ask them anything during a real crisis and you'd think they'd had Dreamless Sleep Draught mixed in with their pigments. She knew a fake snore when she heard it. Flaming lot of bloody cowards, the lot of you.
Albus was the most infuriating of all. As irritatingly cryptic in death as his corporeal counterpart had been in life, his portrait often gave Minerva the feeling that he loved the conflicts best of all, that he thrived on a little bit of whinging and turmoil. The look on Albus' face at present gave Minerva a queasy feeling of déjà vu. He had always been a secretive wizard, and never so conniving as when he looked his most innocent.
With his blue eyes twinkling wistfully, he looked positively beatific. "It is a good plan, Headmistress, and a fine idea." He sobered. "And completely necessary, as you well know."
"I don't like meddling," Minerva retorted, shooting the portrait a hard look. She stood and straightened her dark robe. "That was always your department, Albus, and he's not going to like it coming from me any more than he did from you."
The portrait's subject nodded gravely. "No doubt, Minerva, no doubt at all." He heaved a great sigh and threw up his slender, spidery hands in a 'what-can-you-do?' gesture. "Sometimes, though, dear Headmistress, meddling is the only way to show someone you love them."
Minerva's face twisted into a sour expression, irritated at Albus' smug complacency. "That's your style, Albus, not mine. The boy needs help, I'll be the first to admit, but there's a last-resort feel to this scheme that makes me feel like an arch manipulator."
Before Dumbledore could reply, the door chime sounded. Grateful to turn her attention elsewhere, Minerva glanced up at the clock, and took an educated guess as to who was entreating entrance to her study. "Come in, Filius," Minerva called.
Filius Flitwick strode into the room, a warm smile upon his homely face. Some of her unease dissipated as she greeted her diminutive Deputy. It was hard to keep her dour Scots mood while in his endearingly sunny presence. Hogwarts' Charms professor and Head of Ravenclaw House barely reached Minerva's hip, but that had never prevented him from casting a large shadow. Whether it was because of the nature of her chosen lifestyle or her personality, Minerva had few friends she could honestly say she trusted inside and out, but she would have stated emphatically that Filius was one of them. He had ever been a loyal, encouraging friend; he always managed to make a room grow brighter merely by walking into it, and he always came bearing her favourite biscuits.
Now, he was practically humming in anticipation as he faced his boss. "Well, is it done?" he asked, his merry eyes bouncing with excitement. "Is it going forward?"
Minerva nodded. "It is, my friend." She cast a final glance toward the peanut gallery. "For better or worse, it's done."
"Huzzah!" Filius cried in delight, and shot a quick burst of multi-coloured fireworks from his wand. He clapped enthusiastically, with a bright, hard gleam of expectation in his eyes. "Well done, Minerva. A bold move, to be sure, but the right one. I told you bringing Harry on board would seal the deal." He, too, glanced at the wall of portraits, and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Have, er, they been told yet?"
Minerva's smile faded. "Not yet. I thought I'd announce the plans during evening meal, then call the staff in for a quick meeting afterward." She shrugged. "It's a bit cowardly, springing it on them like that, but since it's a fait accompli, I don't want to give them time to think about it too much."
Filius nodded sagely. "Good idea. Catch 'em after they've got stoned on treacle tart and you can convince them of anything. You know the type of reaction you'll get, but stand firm, Minerva! You can count on the rest of the faculty for support."
Professor McGonagall sighed. "I know. And we'll do everything we can to make it worth their while." She glanced at the thick book on her desk, and Filius' eyes followed hers. The leather binding was deep green, almost black, and innocuous looking. "This was so cruel, Filius. An outrage! After all that happened, after all he's been through and back again. He doesn't deserve it."
Filius' sunny demeanor refused to dim. "Of course he doesn't! And this will be just what is needed to illustrate that very fact." He placed a reassuring hand on her arm. "We are doing the right thing. You are doing the right thing." He rubbed his hands together gleefully. "I for one am looking forward to a return to the old ways. We need them. We've allowed our world to become too homogenised and Muggle-ised."
"That's not a word and you know it," she chided mildly. "Muggles have had precious little to do with us forsaking our rituals. Voldemort did enough of that." She cast him a sly look. "Besides, I know you're merely looking forward to cavorting naked with a bunch of witches around a bonfire."
"It's a tough job, but someone has to do it," he replied sincerely, a great beaming smile lighting his face. "Besides, we have a higher purpose than just doing a reel around a balefire. We have a friend to restore."
Another chime sounded. "Yes?"
Although no one appeared at the door to the study, a familiar voice called out, "Professor McGonagall? We're going to Hogsmeade now. The Hogwarts Express is due in forty minutes."
Both Minerva and Filius cast wistful glances toward the door, and to the voice beyond. It sounded so empty and colourless, like a finely-crafted instrument left neglected to gather dust and lose its tuning. It carried no warmth, but no real bite either.
"Thank you, Severus," Minerva answered, and looked at Filius. He shook his head, and she suddenly felt a little better about the scheme they had spent the entire Christmas break composing. "We'll be waiting for you."
"As you wish, Headmistress."
They listened silently as Severus Snape descended the stairs from her study, his boots making a soft sound on the flag steps.
"I used to love the sound of his voice," Filius sighed, his eyes sad. "Even when he was in a mood, it was a thing of beauty."
"I know," Minerva agreed. "He's like a shade of his former self now. You can't even get him all riled up anymore."
For a moment, both Headmistress and Deputy were silent. Then Filius perked up.
"Well, I think that is proof like no other. You've made the right decision," he nodded, his good humour restored. "The lad gave his all for us; it's time we returned the favour."
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane
170 Reviews | 6.16/10 Average
Awesome fic. I was totally taken in by the twist if flitwick and mcgonnagal setting them up. Well written. Bravo
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so very much! :)
Oh I haven´t had such good read in I don´t know how long. Thank you for your humor. Looking forward to getting my eyes on another of your brilliant dance of words!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I think you can probably tell I had a great deal of fun writing it.
Well, I'm worn out! Probably not as worn out as Severus– the REAL Severus– was, but I'm exhausted just the same. This chapter was so well choreographed, Teddy! Just out of curiosity, how long did it take you to write these scenes?
You're an amazing writer, and now I'm off to the Handfasting! And I hope the Skeeter bint gets her wings clipped. Big time!Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Beffey, I'm not sure how long it took, but I do remember feeling that my Muse was driving, and I was just taking dictation a lot of the time. I know when that happens - I look at what I've written and I don't remember writing half of it! I just remember feeling that A went before B and F went after E, so I just had to put them all in order and make sure the suspense didn't suffer. I hope it didn't!
WTF? What the hell just happened? You have officially just shocked my socks off! Gotta get to the next chapter. 
Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Hey, conflict is King! :)
As I read Skeeter's hissy fit when she realized that she was too late again, I could not stop laughing. It's everything she deserves and nothing she didn't. Damn that was funny! I can't figure out just what she picked up on that Hermione said, but if her luck is holding true, she'll make an arse of herself once again... and be paying back lots of Galleons to somebody.
The talk Rolanda had with Hermione was wonderful. I like the way you've written Madam Hooch!
The sensation or vision Severus experienced while he was proctoring the O.W.L. Herbology exam was the same thing he and Hermione had experienced in Minerva's office during their Consecration and Blessing. I think Cernunnos is trying to communicate with him. To protect him... from Rita's machinations perhaps?
I adore the winks and looks he was getting from Filius and Madam Hooch. and I'm tickled that he didn't mind. Speaking of tickled, I really happy for both of them that Severus found that loophole in the Witchhiker's Guide. And he found Hermione two more chocolate biscuits! *giggle*
Rita's lunch with Weasley was effin' hilarious! "Sorry Rita, but as you know, I'm sort of already spoken for, sort of." He cast what he apparently thought was a smouldering glance. "However, if you're free this Wednesday—" I have every expectation that this brilliant plan is going to go tits up faster than Hermione can cast a hex.
I love it!!!Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
I'm so glad you're loving it! :)
"Cunning and art he did not lack, but aye, her whistle would fetch him back." I would so love to hear Severus say these lines. If I can't hear Severus, then Alan will do quite nicely.
This chapter is one of the best you've ever written, Teddy. There is not one word too many, nor one word too few. You painted such a vivid picture of the chase and the claiming that I shall hope for lovely dreams tonight. I especially like the descriptions of when the magic and the ritual take part in their love making. It's lyrical, it's poetic, it's down right bewitching!
I had to stop and catch my breath before I could write a word of comment. Great writing!!!
Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much, Beffey! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. This was such a fun story to write, and I have really grown fond of it; I am always so glad when a friend enjoys it as well.
OMG. I love the way Argus took to Minerva's invitation to be part of the ritual– and the way he told the Skeeter bint not to be surprised when the rules change tickled me no end. Mr Filch is awesome! (I hope I don't regret saying that.)
It was nice to see Harry, and they way he and Severus got along was neat. I wonder what sort of "advice of no consequence" he gave Harry.
The chase was positively thrilling! I had as much fun reading as they did chasing, and toward the end when Hermione spun right into Severus' arms all I could think about was that I'd love to see his face when he claims the red scarf and beholds her in her peacock blue bra, knickers, suspenders and stockings.
Uhhhh, I gotta go. I'm off to the next chapter.
Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you, Beffey. If I am honest, I have to say that writing this chapter was one of the most enjoyable writing experiences I've ever had. I really had a ball doing it, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it.
All I have to say is, "YEAH! Right on everything!"This chapter is probably my favorite so far. All of the nervousness, worrying, and being afraid of what might happen was worth it for both of them. I think having had so much intimate contact and both of them feeling so attracted to each other made fertile groundfor some misunderstanding. But thank the gods that Severus found the guts to follow Hermione back to her rooms and insist that they talk about what was happening between them.Severus' explanation of what happened between him and Lily (and between Lily and every other male with a willing dick) is likely the best I've ever read. My compliments! (But Slughorn and Pettigrew? *gag*)And what's all this business with Filch? My money is on him taking his orders from Minerva. And would I be right to be suspicious about Filch's need to start with the doxy bombs a bit early? And I hope Skeeter gets suckered again on the "chasing in the field" fun.Nicely done, m'dear.Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it. I had a reader criticise me for not allowing them to act on their feelings in this chapter. But sometimes you just have to let them make their mistakes! ;)
There are soooo many things in this chapter that I absolutely love! •washing todgers•soaping up willies•Hermione in full lecture mode while being completely in her cups as well•'Save a broom, Ride a Hooch'
I love the way you've written the Women of Hogwarts as they enjoy the water and the wine. The characterizations are spot on, and I love how they rallied round our Hermione when she confessed her love for Severus and her fear of competing with the memory of Lily Potter. All of those lovely witches gave Hermione the straight of all that "Lily" stuff, and I think she's primed for her part in the Room of Requirement. YAY!!!!
Severus' experiences before Hermione arrived had me laughing one minute, and saying "don't' leave, please don't leave" the next. I was secretly glad that Severus ran out of mead. There's no telling what he could have gotten himself into if he'd had more. LOL!
This had me cackling:Severus looked down at his ropy, skinny body, his knobbly knees, his general unattractiveness, and made a decidedly human sound of defeat. Out loud he intoned, "By night he's the wild wind's rider, the Lord of the Shades. By day he's the King of the Woodland, the dweller in green forest glades." He groaned. "And by the time this sodding ritual is done, he's going to be the laughingstock of Wizarding England, bar none."
When Severus saw his little green snake and his doe, it made me happy for him that he could now embrace those totems as of-himself and not someone else's idea of what they thought he was or ought to be.
In thinking about Hermione and their last time in the Room of Requirement, he finally arrived at new appreciation for the lovely professor: "He thought he might have fallen in love with her."
And in closing I would like to say that I love Mr Filch and Sadie... and I hope that Skeeter bint gets what she deserves.
Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much, Beffey! I am so buzzed that you are enjoying the story so much! Your delightful comments just make my heart sing!
OH, but that was erotic... I am so jealous of Hermione Granger right now, but I'm also supremely happy for her and Severus. (That man is sex on legs.) I think these two should practice more and more, don't you? And Rita is such a nasty piece o' work. I hope Filch is only playing like wants to help her infiltrate Hogwarts for the purpose of trapping her her beetle-arsed-self in jar... or better still, using her for potions ingredients.I'd just like to close by telling you how much I love your writing. 
Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much, Beffey dear!
Wow! The Consecration and Blessing took my breath away. Realizing that they had literally been touched by the God and Goddess must have been both humbling and invigorating– a life altering event. I was moved by the beautiful things Magister Honeyclutch said to Severus. It was just the vindication and validation our Severus needed to hear: "You are the perfect embodiment of the High Priest. A wizard who has seen both the light and the dark, and has given his all to protect those he loves. It is enough to try," he added, as Severus tried to interrupt. "It was enough that you tried."And I can state with a full and light heart, my friend Severus: I'd rather have you presiding' over this ritual as its High Priest than any other wizard in the world."And the scene you wrote of what each of them experienced and the physical effects that were apparent to everyone was filled with magic and rebirth and everything Beltane symbolizes.I wonder if either of them will one day be able to recall the actual events that had take place. What a great chapter, Teddy!!!~hugs you~Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much, Beffey! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. I had such fun writing this, as you can tell.
"It is said that a child conceived on this day will grow up to wield great power and knowledge and to be healthier than upon any other." OMG, dare I hope this means what I think it means?Minerva and Filius are to be congratulated for their cunning pre-announcement preparations. "...what happens on the fourth floor stays on the fourth floor." My favorite part of this chapter is when Hermione finds out that she will be expected to dance skyclad. Severus enjoyed himself too much with that little bit of observation. I can't wait for all this fun to begin. Bring on the Room of Requirement!Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
I think you're in for a treat, Beffey! :)
She was what his dignified Slytherin seventh years would call a crazymaker. I love Severus' description here.When it comes to announcing things that make it difficult if not impossible to resist, Dumbledore's had nothing on Minerva. That was as brilliant a "now, this is how it's gonna be" as I've ever read. Can't do much anarchy-planning in ten minutes.I'm grinning and laughing my arse off! Well done. 
Beth
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you dear! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Amazing story! Keep up the great work!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you!
Incredibe story. Seriously. It was beautiful and so full of energy! I usually stay away from stories full of elements and rituals, but this was so well done and well researched. Fantastic work, and the imagery was so vivid. Damn, this was just awesome all around. Congratulations on a job well done.
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you so much! I understand your reticence. I didn't want to bog down the story with the ritual itself, and I was hoping I achieved a balance that incorporated Beltane but didn't swamp the story. thank you for you lovely comments!
Wonderful story loved the quotes and the definitions at the end!!!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you sooooo much, Deedee!
So sorry Teddy for the slow response!! Love Ron in this chapter..sorta thought that Hermione might finally squash Rita,but no off to Azkaban she goes!! Great chapter!!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you!
Boy, you're just knocking them out of the park with this one, aren't you? I can't even come up with any words to do this chapter justice. Just know I thought it was beautiful, and sexy, and sweet, and honest, and just plain yummy. I love how this ritual is not technically making them feel or do things, but it is causing such unfettered actions because it is enhancing the feelings that were already there. It was such a lovely moment for those two that it will make my skin crawl if I find that Rita was there.
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you soooooo much! I'm thrilled to pieces you enjoyed it. To be honest, this was my fav chapter. I really had such fun writing it, so I'm doubly chuffed you enjoyed reading it!
My lack of review for the last chapter is only reflective of my busy schedule. As for this one, I find myself getting excited for the real ritual. She sounds uncertain of what will happen that night (as if there is any doubt, lol). I love how playful and youthful the chase felt, yet so sexy and primal. Can't wait to read more!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you! I think I enjoyed writing the chase more than just about anything I've ever written. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Love, love, love Hermione and her girlfriends! And Filch ... Any chance leading Rita down the wrong path is part of his job as school security? I hope so! Well, good things are comng, so off I go ...
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
You never know! ;)
Rita is so much fun to hate, you know? You'd think she'd have learned her lesson about messing with Hermione. But she'll get what's coming to her. Of that I have no doubt. And the ritual ... *melts into a big messy pudfle*. I love your ability to write super hot explicit sex, but then also write scenes like this one where nothing much happens from a sexual standpoint, but they are oozing sensuality and pure primal desire. I can almost feel it in the air, and I am a million miles from Hogwarts. Geez, Teddy, I forgot how wowed I am by you each and every time!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Oh, thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I actually based this ritual from a short story I wrote in the 80's and I sort of updated it to my writing style now. It was still a lot of fun to do, and I'm thrilled you liked it.
"It was up to her to make sure those two didn't do something stupid, like miss this opportunity to fall in love." I love this line! Because these two intelligent people really are stupid about love. I think Severus and Hermione are in way over their heads in the most wonderful of ways. I can't wait to see what happens from here!
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Thank you! I know - they are a bit clueless, aren't they? :)
Plotting a against Severus and Hermione seems to come so easily to Minerva and Filius. Wait, did I say against? I definitely meant plotting FOR them. Sorry, I tripped over that fine line, lol. Rita is a nasty piece of work, as always. I love the banter at the end between Severus and Hermione! Course, if the broadcast adds a stone EVERYWHERE, Severus just might redeem himself with the ladies at home, despite what Rita says. ;)
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
Hmm... yes, a stone... ;)
Sorry, these may be subpar reviews since I'm short on time and reading by phone, but it has nothing to do with how much I am enjoyng the story. And I am. This bubbly, happy Hermione is well within character, but a little different from what we normally see. And Severus too, is a milder version of himself which is kind of nice. We'll see if those things stick after the staff meetng. :). The funniest thing, though, is how despite the fact that 90% of the planet's fan girls want Hermione to throw Ron over for Snape, it is Snape himself who says he thought they'd do fine as a couple. The irony of it really made me laugh.
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
I'm thrilled to bits to receive any review from you, dear! And I truly hope you'll keep on enjoying the story. This one is kind of dear to my heart for a lot of reasons.
When I see things like Beltane as a subject, I usually run the other way. But you haven't missed yet, so I'll give it a go. I haven't read in forever, and now that I find myself with a few minutes to spare, I can't thnk of anyone with which I'd rather spend it. Very intriguing start! Off to find out more. Poor Severus! :(
Response from TeddyRadiator (Author of The Witchhiker's Guide To Beltane)
HELLO! Wow, it's good to see you here. It has been awhile! I hope things are good with you, and I'm so glad you decided to give my Beltane story a try. I had a wonderful time writing this, and I truly hope with all my heart you enjoy it.