Homecoming
Chapter 21 of 21
baylor713Witches and wizards have always carried the burden of their allegiances to the dark or to the light. The choice to follow one or the other dictates a person's character. Attica Flamel pays fealty to neither. When grief morphs into an irrepressible need for vengeance, Attica will stop at nothing until the debts are paid.
When Attica had penned that horrible letter to Neville the year before, she had written things that she didn't mean. Before she had written it, however, she had clutched her quill in a shaking hand and poured her heart out onto a piece of parchment.
When she had finished, when her eyes were stinging and her heart was sore, she looked at the tear-stained paper covered with her spiky script. She knew without a doubt that Neville would never accept her leaving if he knew how she truly felt. She could never send this letter to him because it was far too honest. Once he knew that she loved him, she was certain that he would fight for her. So Attica folded the parchment and tucked it away. She didn't want to hurt him, but his safety was worth more than his pride. She decided in that moment that he would never read it.
Instead, she wrote:
Neville,
I'm leaving Hogwarts, and by the time you read this letter, I'll be gone. Do not try to find me. Do not write to me. Do not come after me. There is something I need to do, and I need to do it without you. I know how you feel about me, and I am sorry to tell you this way, but the love you have for me is unrequited. We were friends, and we have shared a lot of difficult experiences, but we are also very different. I do not love you, at least not in the way that you love me. If you truly care for me, you will let me do what I need to do. Goodbye Neville.
Regretfully yours,
Attica
Her heart broke as she tied the letter to the owl's leg. The bird flew out of the tower of Malfoy Manor and into the night. She was faced with an onslaught of grief and remorse, but she prayed to Merlin that she was doing the right thing. "Forgive me, Neville," she whispered out of the window after the departing figure.
~~~
Attica sat on the bed in her childhood bedroom and relayed the entire sordid story to Neville now, including everything about Harry and the stone. As she told him the part about Snape and her deceit, she could not meet his eyes and studied her hands instead. She was determined to give Neville the full and unadulterated story. She needed to tell it and he needed to hear it. Even if Neville changed his mind about her and left the minute the truth was out, it was cathartic. No matter the outcome, at least someone would know the truth. She wouldn't have to deceive anyone anymore. She braced herself physically and emotionally and prepared for him to storm out of the room. As the final words left her mouth, she realized that he wouldn't actually storm out. He would quietly and diplomatically leave the room, and she would never see him again. She finally lifted her gaze to his face and froze when she saw the hurt in his eyes. He stood, turned away from her, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited to hear the sound of him opening the door and leaving the room.
Silence.
Her eyes opened just in time to see Neville turn around to look at her.
"I'm not going to pretend that this doesn't bother me, Attica," he said. Of course it bothered him, and it should. Contrary to what Snape had told her previously, she was not foolish enough to think that he would brush this knowledge aside and pretend that it hadn't happened. She did hope that somehow he could look past it.
Attica dropped her head with the weight of her shame. She still did not know if this meant he was staying or leaving, so she held her breath for what was coming next.
He took a deep breath before he continued. "There is also nothing you can do to change what you have done or what you tried to do. You tried to kill my friend, Attica. That is something you will have to live with forever. I will not lie to you. I will not tell you that everything is okay. I will not tell you that none of this matters. I will not tell you that you haven't hurt me or anyone else. That's not fair to me. And frankly, it's not fair to you." Attica had never felt such pain, not when the Horcrux had been destroyed, and not when Snape had stood before her and called her a fool. She wondered, in that moment, if it was really possible for the heart to break...not metaphorically or symbolically, but literally. It was the only explanation for the pain that had suddenly and potently bloomed in her chest.
"So yes, I am hurt by what you have done. But it would hurt infinitely worse if I didn't have you. No, it's not okay right now. But as long as we're together, it will be."
Attica stood and took a tentative step toward him. Neville was still for a moment, then closed the space between them so that they were mere inches apart. She reached out to place her hand on his chest, moving slowly, afraid that he would change his mind. "You aren't leaving," she said, her voice betraying her desperation. Neville just as slowly raised his hand to cover hers and shook his head.
"No, I'm not," he said with a tired sigh. "I can't leave," he continued. "I love you." He spoke the final words in a way that was so plain and clear and simple. He had said it like those words could solve everything. And for Attica, they did.
Neville smiled one of his shy half smiles in an attempt to reassure her that everything would actually be okay this time. She simultaneously felt elation and a deep sorrow because she knew that she had hurt him deeply. She could see the pain in his warm, chocolate eyes. Attica burst into tears yet again. It occurred to her briefly that she had cried more tears within the last few months than she had in her entire life. Then she began to smile because Neville was looking at her now with a mix of panic and confusion because he didn't understand.
She realized she hadn't said anything in response to his declaration of love. She placed her hand on his cheek. "I love you too, Neville."
"You don't have to say that," he whispered as he leaned into her touch. His eyes never left hers.
"But I do love you, Neville. I always have. And I know there is nothing I can say that will absolve any doubt you have about that. But I do have this."
She pulled the original letter that she had written for him from her pocket. It was dirty and looked like it was about to fall apart. Her cheeks began to burn as she handed it over to him, because of the sorry state of the parchment as well as the contents, but he had to read it. If he didn't, he would never know that what she felt for him was truly love and not merely affection born of his presence during the hardest times of her life. He was her entire world and he always had been. These were the words she should have been saying to him their entire lives, but her selfishness had gotten in the way.
"The letter I sent you when I left Hogwarts was almost impossible for me to write because nothing in it was true. I knew that if you knew what I was doing, and if you knew how I truly felt about you, you would have stopped at absolutely nothing to save me. So I lied to you. I wrote horrible things, and there is nothing I can do to take them back now. Sending that letter to you is one of the biggest regrets in my life. I wrote this letter first, but I didn't want you to come after me because that would have put you in danger. I've carried the letter with me ever since, and I need you to read it now."
She returned to the bed and he sat down next to her. He took the parchment from her fingers, and she watched as his eyes flickered across the words as he read.
Neville,
I'm leaving Hogwarts, and by the time you read this letter, I'll be gone. I am so sorry that I left without telling you goodbye. I am sorry that I left without saying what I needed to say. You mean the world to me, and I would never have left you if it wasn't absolutely necessary. There are things that I need to do, and I cannot tell you anything beyond that because the knowledge would put you in danger. I will not be responsible for endangering you or Augusta or Algie. I owe all of you my life. I can never repay your family's kindness to me, but maybe keeping you safe in this instance will be one small step toward trying to. I already miss you more than anything. I miss your botched charm attempts, I miss searching for Trevor, and I miss the comfort you offered me during my nightmares. You are the bravest and kindest person I know. You have protected me since I was twelve years old. Let me protect you now.
I love you, Neville.
Attica
"You were right," he whispered when he finished reading. "I would have come after you. I would have done whatever it took to bring you back to safety. And if I could have, I would have fought this battle for you." He stood and took Attica's hands, pulling her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her and gently kissed the top of her head. "I'm never letting go."
When Neville finally pressed his lips to hers, Attica felt an intense feeling of homecoming. She had been searching her entire life to find a place where she could truly belong. Whenever she lost one home, another one would open to her, and the people there accepted and protected her. She had been grateful for that, but there had still been something minute. And in that moment, she found it. Her home was right here, enveloped in Neville's embrace. In his arms, she was where she belonged.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Alchemist's Agenda
45 Reviews | 7.56/10 Average
So much progress has been made since Attica wrote her goodbye letter to Neville, and much more needs to be made before all is said and done, I think. I happy that Neville will not give up on her and will be with her from now on.
Now I find myself wondering what Severus is doing and whether he has found peace.
Thank you for this very intricate and well plotted tale.
Beth
sad that attica been wearing a horcrux all this years.. that her thought were evil in nature.. hope they can destroyed it.. great narrative of her thought, imagines..
the evil emerald is like controling attica.. onward to find what severus on this new dilemma..
weird that attica's drak mark is darker, but not severus! onward to see if answered will be shown...
why didn't the curse work! what going to happen to attica, now? happy that voldie was killed.
She not afraid of Bellatrix! Now, she apart of the inner circle of voldmort's followers! She feel what voldmort's emotion, wonder has she share with severus or albus.. love learning the background of attica..
maybe attica is spy like severus..
onward to see what next...
Lovely chapter, with this turn of, or rather, arrival of and realization that his act of kindness has reverberated and affected her on levels unknown during all this time.... Hmm... the depth and profoundness of Severus' effect on her and in her life seems to have been underestimated and still to be fully revealed--although, a part of me is a bit wary about how such an intertwined horcrux could be destroyed without destroying the vessel *biting nails* Baylor, I know you could take this tale one way or another, so... Can't wait for the next chapter!!!
'The force that had convinced her that it was necessary to kill an innocent person was dark and savage and absolutely evil, but it had been bred in her own heart.'.. so powerful and provocative and profound are her torturous thoughts she is continuously being berated by--both she and Severus have had their paths guided by forces beyond their control and carried along on the currents of events... but this truth that is controlling and guiding her? Whose truth will it be, hers or alone, or shared with another? Lovely, lovely work!
Love this memory of the past, a rare glimpse and insight into a shared exchange between Attica and Severus that she is able to have her own connection with unhindered or untainted by Voldemort. There is a profound connection and understanding between Severus and Attica that is captured, and which seems to accentuate both's emotional wounds and hesitancy and delicateness--lovely, lovely work!
The narrative is so full of concise, poignant and powerful moments and realizations, such as (one of many) 'Feeling like she was someone other than the person she had been all her life, someone dark.' I just love experiencing both Attica's and Severus' revelations and inner-thoughts--the heaviniess, horror, sympathy and empathy is so very moving... Lovely, powerful work--looking forward to more and more!
There are four entities in that study, and only one of them deserves to die— and he entombed himself in the emerald. I hope Vlodemort is experiencing many times the agony that Attica, McGonegall, and Severus have felt over all the years that the Dark Lord has been terrorizing the world.
I very much hope that the remaining three of them will be left alive and well!! Pretty please?
Thank you for this wonderful chapter. I'm looking forward to the next update.
Beth
My heart is breaking for Attica. I'm glad that Severus was able to talk to long enough for her to recall some happy memories–he had drowned out the whisperings of Voldemort.
I hope Minerva arrives with Gryffindor's sword soon!
Beth
Plausible and well-written. Particularly without a beta. Any more? Unpredictable and fresh.
Great chappie! ;)) nice opening shot!
I think Severus and Attica have a long, hard slog ahead of them as they try to make things right– individually and together. I hope he will try to discover more of her memories. It would be a very uncomfortable thing for Attica, and I can envision her trying to stop him simply because of the lasting effects that harboring Voldemort's Horcrux for so many years has caused, but I'm afraid she will fall back into trying to do the Dark Lord's will instead of what her own unaffected heart would choose to do.
Hopefully Minerva will be able to quickly arrange for the destruction of this remnant of Voldemort's soul. And hopefully it is the last remnant.
I can't wait for your next update.
Beth
Brilliant chapter in revealing the state of things and poor Attica's dilemma... Love Severus control and Attica's struggle. Looking forward to more of this intriguing, original tale!
I enjoyed reading about Attica's memories of her first class with the Potions Master. Her bravery to stand her ground with him in class made me smile right along with the Professor.
The extracting fluid had begun as a pearly ivory liquid but had changed to a pale red by the end of the third week. Perhaps the the fact that they got a convoluted, murky brown color by treating that last test tube with sap from the juniper bush doesn't mean that they hadn't learned anything from the test. Although Attica was disappointed that it hadn't turned red like the ruby or blue like the sapphire she had written on her list of possible components, maybe the emerald stopper had reacted with the liquid. If you mix red and green in the right ratios you can create various shades of brown. Perhaps ruby is one of the components, after all. And with amber being another ingredient, that could have further influenced the formation of a muddy color tending toward brown.
Did she neglect to roll up her sleeves because she didn't want him to see that her Dark Mark was turning darker? He did comment that she seemed quite attached to the vial– I wonder what Severus was thinking when she replied only that she needed it as she left the room.
Hummmm... lots of clues here, but I'm not quite sure what is what and how they fit together. Thanks for a wonderful chapter!
Beth
There is something so poignant, and yet, harrowing about Attica's grandmother's rhymes--it stikingly contrasts her childhood innocence with the dire reality of what has happened to her when older...
Loved her first day in Snape's class and that his lips turned upward--HA! So Severus is aware of how she must have the vial with her at all times... Looking forward to more!
It's a truly horrid realization that her Dark Mark has only darkened... One can feel her level of distress as she compares Severus' mark to hers. Brilliant writing, brilliant story! Looking forward to more!
Bloody hell! The emerald is another one of Voldemort's Horcruxes, isn't it? If that is so, then in trying to recreate the Stone, they may actually be bringing the Dark Lord back...
I did NOT see this coming. Well done, baylor!
Beth
Reading this chapter gave me the shivers and made me sad at the same time. I don't know if the voice Attica hears is really Voldemort's or just a cruel figment of her imagination, but I'm hoping like the dickens that it is Severus who has broken the wards. Please let it be him!
Beth
OMG! I'm glad Attica's curse didn't kill Harry, but I'm not sure why. What's going to happen to her now? Please let Neville or Severus or McGonagall find her before something horrible happens to her.
I hope the next chapter updates soon!!!
Beth
I was glad to see Attica show her emotions when Neville stepped forward to stand up to Voldemort. When the Sorting Hat settled over his eyes and she just caught the look of utter fear on his face, it gave me hope for her that she allowed the tears to fall.
If she were to try to kill Voldy now, he wouldn't really die, would he? Nagini is a horcrux, too. I guess she doesn't know that yet.
Good chapter!
Beth