Truth
Chapter 17 of 21
baylor713Witches and wizards have always carried the burden of their allegiances to the dark or to the light. The choice to follow one or the other dictates a person's character. Attica Flamel pays fealty to neither. When grief morphs into an irrepressible need for vengeance, Attica will stop at nothing until the debts are paid.
Great men find what tainted trail / The fallen man shall ever fail.
These lines from that old nursery rhyme came unbidden to her mind. If she could have stopped the tears long enough, she would have snorted in derision. Her unconscious mind had dug up these words to torture her already anguished heart. They served only to remind her that she was now one of the fallen; she was tainted and she was a failure. For the first time in her life, she had failed at something she had been determined to achieve. And thank Merlin for that. If she had succeeded in killing Potter, if her killing curse had ended his life, she would have been forever marred with guilt surpassing that already caused merely by her feeble attempt at his murder. She was so ashamed that her mind had entered that dark place, and that she had allowed it. The force that had convinced her that it was necessary to kill an innocent person was dark and savage and absolutely evil, but it had been bred in her own heart. The strength of the Horcrux was overpowering, and she shuddered at the thousands of could-have-beens, the direst one, of course, being that she could have committed murder in cold blood outside the Shrieking Shack that night before she went back for Snape. Only Harry had the power to truly end Voldemort’s life and with him gone, Voldemort would currently be stronger than ever and well on his way toward total tyranny. With the Elder wand in his possession, Voldemort’s reign would have continued unceasingly until he had stamped out all the good in the world, leaving nothing but destruction and misery in his wake. Without the Boy Who Lived, no one would have been able to stop him.
Attica cried until her tears gave way to wracking sobs that finally settled into a gentle rocking back and forth. Then even the rocking ceased, and her body fell silent and still. She vaguely wondered if she had cried enough tears to wash away every emotion that she had ever felt, but a voice that sounded only like a shadow of the voice of the Horcrux told her that she deserved no pity, not even from herself. This started a fresh wave of tears because she knew that it was absolutely true. This time, she cried until her eyes were dry and her soul was numb.
She knew she deserved every bit of this pain. There was no way to end the agony of knowing that she had been impossibly close to performing any number of ghastly deeds and that she had wasted several years of her life preparing to perform them.
She thought of the exhilaration that welled up inside of her each and every time she met the Dark Lord’s eyes and shame washed over her anew. She suddenly realized that she was lying on the floor of the study and that night had fallen. She knew not what time it was, nor where the professor had gone. She remembered that he had announced that he was going to speak with Professor McGonagall, and she knew that he must have left a number of hours ago because no candles were lit in the study. She was alone and shrouded in darkness and uncertainty, just like she had been for the past seventeen years of her life.
She had now gained the presence of mind to at least attempt to sort out everything that had transpired since the discovery of the Horcrux. When the professor had left her alone in the study, she had fallen into a haze of despair. She had been so consumed with grief that she had not even been aware of her surroundings for several hours. For all she knew, several days could have passed without her cognizance of the event. She fleetingly thought of Moby and thought it strange that he had not come in to light the candles or leave a tray of food beside her comatose body.
Then her thoughts turned to the professor. He had tried so hard to rationalize her actions for her, to help relieve the guilt she was feeling. At first, he was fierce in his insistence of her innocence. He realized the depth of her panic and had tried to show her what he so wrongly believed to be the truth.
“It was not your fault,” he had said. “You did not know. Knowledge of the Horcruxes remained hidden to all of us. Dumbledore did not even know about all of them.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and practically shook her, his dark eyes wide and imploring in an attempt to reach her in that haunted place in her mind, the place she had retreated to in languish.
This much was true. She had not known of the existence of the Horcruxes. But did it matter? Would it have mattered if she had killed Harry Potter?
He had tried to reason with her, his voice rippling through the still room. “You were a child, a lonely child, Attica. You have done nothing worse than I. You joined the circle in an attempt to understand the force that caused the greatest tragedies in your young life. That is all.”
And that is enough, she thought bitterly. But that wasn’t even the beginning. If he only knew.
She had sat in stunned silence at his words.
Finally, he spoke again, but more quietly. “Augusta will forgive you. Neville will forgive you. That much is certain. You will even forgive yourself in time. All is not lost.”
He had sighed heavily at her nonresponse and left the room to contact the Headmistress. He had made it sound so simple, and with every fiber of her being, she wished that she could believe the lies he unknowingly spoke. How badly she wanted to let his words surround her and carry her away from the torment that was slowly and painfully constricting her heart. But the truth was nagging at her, deriding her, and keeping her grounded in the reality that she so desperately wished she could alter.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Alchemist's Agenda
45 Reviews | 7.56/10 Average
So much progress has been made since Attica wrote her goodbye letter to Neville, and much more needs to be made before all is said and done, I think. I happy that Neville will not give up on her and will be with her from now on.
Now I find myself wondering what Severus is doing and whether he has found peace.
Thank you for this very intricate and well plotted tale.
Beth
sad that attica been wearing a horcrux all this years.. that her thought were evil in nature.. hope they can destroyed it.. great narrative of her thought, imagines..
the evil emerald is like controling attica.. onward to find what severus on this new dilemma..
weird that attica's drak mark is darker, but not severus! onward to see if answered will be shown...
why didn't the curse work! what going to happen to attica, now? happy that voldie was killed.
She not afraid of Bellatrix! Now, she apart of the inner circle of voldmort's followers! She feel what voldmort's emotion, wonder has she share with severus or albus.. love learning the background of attica..
maybe attica is spy like severus..
onward to see what next...
Lovely chapter, with this turn of, or rather, arrival of and realization that his act of kindness has reverberated and affected her on levels unknown during all this time.... Hmm... the depth and profoundness of Severus' effect on her and in her life seems to have been underestimated and still to be fully revealed--although, a part of me is a bit wary about how such an intertwined horcrux could be destroyed without destroying the vessel *biting nails* Baylor, I know you could take this tale one way or another, so... Can't wait for the next chapter!!!
'The force that had convinced her that it was necessary to kill an innocent person was dark and savage and absolutely evil, but it had been bred in her own heart.'.. so powerful and provocative and profound are her torturous thoughts she is continuously being berated by--both she and Severus have had their paths guided by forces beyond their control and carried along on the currents of events... but this truth that is controlling and guiding her? Whose truth will it be, hers or alone, or shared with another? Lovely, lovely work!
Love this memory of the past, a rare glimpse and insight into a shared exchange between Attica and Severus that she is able to have her own connection with unhindered or untainted by Voldemort. There is a profound connection and understanding between Severus and Attica that is captured, and which seems to accentuate both's emotional wounds and hesitancy and delicateness--lovely, lovely work!
The narrative is so full of concise, poignant and powerful moments and realizations, such as (one of many) 'Feeling like she was someone other than the person she had been all her life, someone dark.' I just love experiencing both Attica's and Severus' revelations and inner-thoughts--the heaviniess, horror, sympathy and empathy is so very moving... Lovely, powerful work--looking forward to more and more!
There are four entities in that study, and only one of them deserves to die— and he entombed himself in the emerald. I hope Vlodemort is experiencing many times the agony that Attica, McGonegall, and Severus have felt over all the years that the Dark Lord has been terrorizing the world.
I very much hope that the remaining three of them will be left alive and well!! Pretty please?
Thank you for this wonderful chapter. I'm looking forward to the next update.
Beth
My heart is breaking for Attica. I'm glad that Severus was able to talk to long enough for her to recall some happy memories–he had drowned out the whisperings of Voldemort.
I hope Minerva arrives with Gryffindor's sword soon!
Beth
Plausible and well-written. Particularly without a beta. Any more? Unpredictable and fresh.
Great chappie! ;)) nice opening shot!
I think Severus and Attica have a long, hard slog ahead of them as they try to make things right– individually and together. I hope he will try to discover more of her memories. It would be a very uncomfortable thing for Attica, and I can envision her trying to stop him simply because of the lasting effects that harboring Voldemort's Horcrux for so many years has caused, but I'm afraid she will fall back into trying to do the Dark Lord's will instead of what her own unaffected heart would choose to do.
Hopefully Minerva will be able to quickly arrange for the destruction of this remnant of Voldemort's soul. And hopefully it is the last remnant.
I can't wait for your next update.
Beth
Brilliant chapter in revealing the state of things and poor Attica's dilemma... Love Severus control and Attica's struggle. Looking forward to more of this intriguing, original tale!
I enjoyed reading about Attica's memories of her first class with the Potions Master. Her bravery to stand her ground with him in class made me smile right along with the Professor.
The extracting fluid had begun as a pearly ivory liquid but had changed to a pale red by the end of the third week. Perhaps the the fact that they got a convoluted, murky brown color by treating that last test tube with sap from the juniper bush doesn't mean that they hadn't learned anything from the test. Although Attica was disappointed that it hadn't turned red like the ruby or blue like the sapphire she had written on her list of possible components, maybe the emerald stopper had reacted with the liquid. If you mix red and green in the right ratios you can create various shades of brown. Perhaps ruby is one of the components, after all. And with amber being another ingredient, that could have further influenced the formation of a muddy color tending toward brown.
Did she neglect to roll up her sleeves because she didn't want him to see that her Dark Mark was turning darker? He did comment that she seemed quite attached to the vial– I wonder what Severus was thinking when she replied only that she needed it as she left the room.
Hummmm... lots of clues here, but I'm not quite sure what is what and how they fit together. Thanks for a wonderful chapter!
Beth
There is something so poignant, and yet, harrowing about Attica's grandmother's rhymes--it stikingly contrasts her childhood innocence with the dire reality of what has happened to her when older...
Loved her first day in Snape's class and that his lips turned upward--HA! So Severus is aware of how she must have the vial with her at all times... Looking forward to more!
It's a truly horrid realization that her Dark Mark has only darkened... One can feel her level of distress as she compares Severus' mark to hers. Brilliant writing, brilliant story! Looking forward to more!
Bloody hell! The emerald is another one of Voldemort's Horcruxes, isn't it? If that is so, then in trying to recreate the Stone, they may actually be bringing the Dark Lord back...
I did NOT see this coming. Well done, baylor!
Beth
Reading this chapter gave me the shivers and made me sad at the same time. I don't know if the voice Attica hears is really Voldemort's or just a cruel figment of her imagination, but I'm hoping like the dickens that it is Severus who has broken the wards. Please let it be him!
Beth
OMG! I'm glad Attica's curse didn't kill Harry, but I'm not sure why. What's going to happen to her now? Please let Neville or Severus or McGonagall find her before something horrible happens to her.
I hope the next chapter updates soon!!!
Beth
I was glad to see Attica show her emotions when Neville stepped forward to stand up to Voldemort. When the Sorting Hat settled over his eyes and she just caught the look of utter fear on his face, it gave me hope for her that she allowed the tears to fall.
If she were to try to kill Voldy now, he wouldn't really die, would he? Nagini is a horcrux, too. I guess she doesn't know that yet.
Good chapter!
Beth