At the Dawn of November
Chapter 14 of 19
morgaine_dulacAfter Snape has been told that Lily’s son has only been kept alive so that he can die at the right moment, he leaves Hogwarts for a little Muggle town where he once spent a happy weekend with his father. Walking down memory lane he finds a shabby little pub, a memory and hope. (Sequel to His First)
ReviewedChapter 14: At the Dawn of November
For the second time that evening, Snape strode through the grounds of Hogwarts, his black cloak billowing behind him. Yet while he had been looking forward to getting away from the castle earlier, to meeting Hope and to spending a couple of quiet hours in her company, he did not know now what to feel. At one moment, he was angry, even furious, both with himself and with Nadezhda, with Dumbledore and the whole damn world and wanted nothing more than to confront Hope and demand an explanation for what she had done to his mind. Then one heart beat later, a wave of shame washed over him and he slowed down his steps, blaming himself for everything. What right did he have to be angry? What right did he have to feel hurt? He should have known better that night. He had been the adult. He had been Nadezhda's teacher, her guardian, yet still he had initiated the physical contact. He had kissed her. He had forced himself upon her. But from what he had seen in the Pensive, she had not fought back. She had embraced him, had wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. She had encouraged him with her moans, had kissed him and caressed him. She had not stopped him.
'Don't even try blaming this on anyone other than yourself, Severus!' Snape chided himself. How Nadezhda had reacted to his advances didn't matter. She had been vulnerable that night, alone and scared. She had been his student, and he had been her teacher. It shouldn't have happened. He shouldn't have allowed it.
Driven by guilt and the need to beg for forgiveness, Snape Disapparated from the edge of the Forbidden Forest and landed in his usual spot where he for once didn't bother checking if he had been followed. It didn't seem to matter. Nothing mattered except Hope. He needed to see her, needed to hear from her own lips what had happened that night, how she had experienced the whole situation. Yet as he hurried towards the village, Snape found himself trembling with an icy chill. What if he found the door to the pub locked? What if Hope was gone? What if she never wanted to see him again? She would have every right to despise him after what he had done. But then again, she had known what had happened in the Riddle library all this time. Earlier that night, she had said that she was sorry. What was she sorry for?
Snape shook his head. He was growing more confused by the second and unable to think straight, and as he arrived at the pub, out of breath and shivering, he felt his heart stop for a few moments. For there was no light coming from the windows and the door was indeed locked.
Snape's shaking hand lingered on the door handle. He wasn't sure what to do. As part of him wanted to turn around and disappear into the night, leave everything behind him and try to forget. Yet he knew that he would never be able to, that he would always wonder what Hope would have said if he had spoken to her that night, that he would always wonder why he had lost control so many years ago. If he left now, he would never find the courage to return. His questions would never be answered, and he would never find peace. And so he produced his key from his pocket, put it in the keyhole, turned it and pushed open the door, almost surprised at how easily it opened. Then he lingered on the threshold, blinking, trying to make out any shapes in the darkness of the empty pub.
She wasn't much more than a shadow. The tea light that was burning on the counter in front of her was barely emitting enough light to illuminate her hands that were holding on to a glass of gin. Her knuckles were white, so hard was she holding on to the glass. It was still full, however, and the ice in it had long since melted.
She didn't turn around, neither when Snape closed the door nor when he carefully locked it. She just sat there with her back turned towards him and her eyes fixed on her glass.
'It is almost midnight,' Snape pointed out as he sat down on the stool to Hope's left. 'How long were you planning to wait for my return?'
'Until sunrise,' Hope answered quietly.
'And if I hadn't returned by then?'
'Then I would have continued praying that one day you would.'
She tucked a strand of hair behind her left ear and turned her head to look at Snape, and even though it was too dark for them to really see each other, they gazed into each other's eyes, Snape with his hands on the counter and Hope with her fingers once more wrapped firmly around her glass.
'I'm sorry,' she said softly.
There was a muscle twitching at her jaw, but she held Snape's gaze steadily.
'What are you sorry for?' he asked.
'I kept secrets from you. From you of all people.'
Snape shook his head.
'I assume you had your reasons,' he said, trying to sound calm. If he wanted to receive any answers, if he wanted to understand, he mustn't flare up. If he hissed and spat, he might just scare Hope into everlasting silence.
She made an odd sound now, something between a snort and a laugh, and lowered her gaze.
'I guess I did have my reasons,' she said, her voice not much more than a whisper. 'Maybe they were even good ones. Back then...'
She inhaled deeply through her nose and exhaled through gritted teeth. She had said that she was ready earlier that night, but she seemed to be losing her courage.
'Why?' Snape asked, trying to help her. 'Why did you take those memories away from me?'
Hope shrugged.
'I've asked myself that question many times over the years and came up with ever so noble reasons. But if I am honest with myself, I'd admit that I panicked. I was scared that night. Scared of the consequences, scared of your reactions, my own... I was scared of losing you.'
'Losing me?'
Snape frowned. He couldn't follow at all.
'If you had remembered,' Hope started to explain, 'would you ever have looked me in the eyes again?'
Now it was Snape's turn to shrug, and Hope answered the question for him.
'You always made sure to draw a distinct line between the professor, the Death Eater, the protector. But that night all the lines were erased, and it would have been impossible to draw them afresh. And so I... I needed those lines. I needed you. You were the only constant in my world. If you had turned from me, I wouldn't... I couldn't have...'
She gave a frustrated sigh and banged her fist on the counter.
'I have been rehearsing this speech for years, and now I am not making any sense at all.'
As she turned her head away, Snape feared she'd slip of her stool and vanish into the darkness, so he reached out for her, cupped her chin and made her look back at him again.
'What happened that night?' he asked.
'You saw what happened.'
Snape shook his head.
'I saw... I saw what I did,' he said. 'But I want to know what happened inside your head, inside your heart. Why did you allow... Why did you let me...'
He broke off, unable to find the right words. Exactly what had she let him do? Had he made love to her, had he fucked her, raped her? What had he done to her?
They were gazing into each other's eyes again, green emeralds locking on to black obsidians in the darkness of the night. It would have been easy for Snape to penetrate Hope's mind, to forcefully take the information she seemed unable to put into words, but he decided not to. He didn't have the right. He had hurt her enough.
He extended his fingers and brushed her cheek with all the tenderness he could muster. He needed her to trust him, needed her to feel safe in his presence once more.
'Tell me,' he prompted her. 'Tell me everything.'
Hope took a shaky breath.
'I was convinced that I would not live to see another morning,' she started timidly. 'I was cold, so terribly cold. It felt like I was freezing to death from the inside out. And when you kissed me, I... I should have told you no. I should have told you to stop. I am sure you would have backed off and apologised, and we would have agreed to forget all about it. But I didn't. I couldn't. I needed you. I needed to feel alive. I needed to feel... loved. I knew all along that you weren't there with me, that you weren't making love to me. But there was something in your eyes that night, every time you looked at me. I knew it wasn't mine to see, but still I stole it. I took it, I kept it and I hid it away. It made me survive that night.'
Snape swallowed. Just like during the night they were talking about, he was now gazing into Hope's green eyes, was mesmerised by them and drowned in them, and even though he knew that Hope was talking about what she had felt all those years ago, the words rang ever so true even for him. He, too, had been close to dying that night. He, too, had needed the closeness of another human soul. And what Nadezhda had seen in his eyes had been his love for Lily, the woman whose death he had been mourning, the woman whose eyes had been just as green as hers. He had been with Lily that night. It had been Lily he had made love to, not Nadezhda. And the girl had known. She always had.
Snape's breath caught in his chest. No matter from which angle one was examining the events of that night, he had been the one who had made a mistake. He had succumbed to his grief. He had let his emotions overpower him, and eventually he had lost control.
'I am sorry,' he said quietly.
'I know,' Hope replied. 'You have been from the very start.'
Snape frowned. How could Hope know?
'You didn't see all of it, did you?' she inquired. 'You didn't see the whole memory.'
Snape shook his head.
'To be honest, I was slightly... shocked by what I saw,' he admitted. 'I withdrew.'
'Can't blame you for that,' Hope conceded. 'But I think you should see everything. You need to.'
'Do you want me to return to Hogwarts to use the Pensive once more?' Snape asked incredulously, but Hope shook her head.
'There's no need to return to Hogwarts. It's all here, right inside my mind. All you need to do is take it.'
'No!' Snape burst out. 'I will not use Legilimens on you to satisfy my curiosity.'
'You will have to,' Hope insisted. 'I lack the courage to tell you, but you must know. Please.'
'No,' Snape said once more. 'It is not a pleasant experience to have someone trample around in your mind. I will not...'
'Please,' Hope interrupted him. 'You need to know.'
Her hand was cold and clammy as she reached out for his, but her grip was steady as their fingers entwined. They would help each other through this, just as they had helped each other through a Halloween night half a lifetime ago.
Upon entering her mind as gently as he could, Snape tried to ignore the sight of dishevelled hair and undone robes, tried not to look at Nadezhda who was still lying down. Instead he focused on his younger self, the young man who was sitting at the edge of the chaise with his face buried in his hands. He heard his ragged breaths, his whimpers and dry sobs. The man wouldn't cry, Snape was quite certain of that. For he knew that he didn't deserve the soothing salvation that tears had to offer.
Was this what Hope had wanted him to see? His younger self full of remorse, desperately struggling to regain the control he had lost only minutes ago? Did she think this would be enough for him to absolve himself?
His heart sinking, Snape prepared to withdraw, yet Hope tightened her grip around his hand.
'Stay,' she whispered. 'There is more. So much more.'
There was a rustling of robes, and Snape watched his younger self struggle as Nadezhda put a comforting hand on his shoulder. But very much like Hope now kept holding on to his hand, Nadezhda refused to let go of the man on the chaise, no matter how much he hissed and growled. Instead she bravely moved closer, wrapping her arm around him from behind and resting her chin on his shoulder. She was crying silently now, if for herself or the man she was embracing, Snape could not tell. But when he saw his younger self give in, when he saw the tears trickle down his pale cheeks, one after one, he was ready to forgive himself. And he also forgave Nadezhda for raising her wand and obliterating the last hour of his memory.
~~~
The sun had not yet risen above the horizon, but the dim light of the street lamps was enough to make out the shapes of the little graveyard; the old stone wall which was crumbling at some places and the ivy that was covering it, sculpted angels and carefully crafted headstones. Yet the dark clad wizard who was standing at the far end of the graveyard, as far away from the chapel one could get without leaving the sacred ground, didn't see any of it. For his gaze was lingering on a simple wooden cross in front of him. There was no inscription, no flowers, yet still the little grave didn't seem neglected. There were no weeds growing at the foot of the cross, and the wood wasn't weathered, even though it had been exposed to the elements for fifteen years.
So here lies my son, Snape thought. He was neither feeling sad nor wistful, neither bitter nor aggrieved. In fact, he had not yet come to terms with what he was supposed to feel. No surprise, really. For merely a few hours ago, he had not even known that he had fathered a child.
In hindsight, it was rather embarrassing that it had taken him so long to figure it out. The possibility of Nadezhda's child being his should have sprung to his mind the moment he had been presented with her memory of their intimate encounter in the Riddle library. But right then, back in Dumbledore's old office, Snape had either been too shocked to understand or had simply chosen not to. First some hours later, after he had seen the whole memory and found it in his heart to forgive both himself and the young woman who had erased his memory, he had allowed himself to put two and two together. The truth had hit him like a Stunning Spell, and he had stared at Hope, gasping.
'The child,' he had brought forth, even though it had felt as if all the air had been knocked from his chest. 'Was it mine?'
There had been no need for her to answer. The look in her eyes had said everything, and had she not been holding his hand and squeezing it tightly, Snape would have fallen apart. But she had been giving him strength, much like she had done that night many years ago.
'Why?' he had asked in the end, trying to make sense of everything. 'Why did you not tell me?'
'How could I have told you that you had fathered a child when I had taken the memory of its making away from you?' Hope had replied calmly. 'Besides, by the time I realised that the child had to be yours, I had already made up my mind about leaving the Wizarding world. I couldn't risk you asking me to stay.'
Would he have tried to persuade her, Snape wondered now as he was standing in the graveyard. He had been thinking about different scenarios for the better part of the night, but one seemed as unlikely as the next. He couldn't see himself as a father, but at the same time, he doubted that he would have let Nadezhda take care of her of their child all by herself. And the third possibility, him asking her to get rid of the child, seemed the most absurd of them all. For how could he have asked her to end an innocent life?
'What was his name?' he inquired. His eyes were still on the cross, but he could see Hope from the corner of his eye. She was standing some feet away from the grave, refusing to come closer, and Snape couldn't help but wonder if she had ever come close enough to touch the wood of the cross.
'I named him Severus,' she replied quietly. 'He looked so much like you, there wasn't really any other option.'
She drew her coat tighter around herself and buried her hands in her pockets.
'I had planned to tell him all about his namesake once he was older.'
'And what exactly would you have told him?' Snape asked.
'That you looked out for me when I was in danger,' Hope replied without having to think twice. 'That you were kind to me even though you didn't have to.'
Snape closed his eyes, and for some blissful moments, he relished the thought of there being at least one person in the world who would never have known about the horrible things he had done. A person who would never have known that he had lied and deceived, that he had hurt people and that he had killed. That person, his son, his own flesh and blood, would always have believed that he, Severus Snape, had been a good man.
'Did Dumbledore ever meet the boy?' he now wondered.
'Yes, he did,' Hope replied. 'He came to check up on us on the very day the boy was born. In disguise, of course. He told me later that he used a Confundus Charm on the doctor and the nurses at the hospital so they wouldn't keep any records.'
She broke off and gave a dry laugh.
'I should have known that magic had followed me here. Everything went far too smoothly. But I desperately wanted to believe that I had succeeded, that I had built a new life in a new world all on my own. How naïve I was!'
Who could blame you? Snape thought silently. She had ben young then. Young, inexperienced, scared, confused. And she shouldn't have had to take care of everything herself. Of course, Snape was grateful that Dumbledore had stepped up and taken care of her, but he couldn't help but think that he should have been there for her instead. For her and their child. Maybe this was how things would have been, had he known. Maybe he would have let her go and let her live her life the way she wanted and needed to, and he would have looked out for her from afar, just like Dumbledore had done.
They walked back to the village in silence, much in the same way as they had left it. There wasn't much to say, really, as there was no point in discussing all the what-ifs and should-haves. Bygones were bygones, and what had happened could neither be altered nor undone. There was no point in dwelling upon the past.
At the edge of the village, Snape politely declined Hope's half-hearted offer of tea and toast at the pub, claiming that he needed to return to Hogwarts before daybreak. He wasn't lying, of course. For surely, the Carrows would be up and about soon, most probably in a foul mood, and should the DA have spent the headmaster-free night writing on the walls again, Snape would have to hurry back to the castle if he meant to clean up after them. But most of all, he needed some time on his own in order to think about everything he had heard and seen that night, and he was quite certain that Hope needed to do the same.
'I do not know when I will be able to come back here,' he explained, his heart heavy. 'I do not even know if I will be able to.'
'But you want to come back?' Hope asked, a note of tentative optimism in her voice, and Snape nodded.
'Yes, I very much want to. And should the worst happen, should I never be able to return, please know that it has nothing to do with what I have learned here tonight.'
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Latest 25 Reviews for There Will Always Be Hope
64 Reviews | 7.31/10 Average
What a lovely final twist. The way you maintained canon was perfect. The fact that you still manage to give us a happy ending was absolutely brilliant. You're a very talented Author and I wish you the very best on your original works. The story earns a 10+
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
I just could not kill him off again. Just. Could. Not. (I'm getting soft, haha.) The Muse is lurking around with a part three to Severus and Hope's story, but we will have to work out some details before I even consider sitting down to write it. Thank you VERY MUCH for reading! I''m thrilled that you ejoy my stories. :)
That was truly heartbreaking. How devastating it must've been for Severus to learn about the elder wand and the dark Lord's need to master it. Reading this discovery as well as his journey leading up to and including his death of the shrieking shack was absolutely heart wrenching.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
*hands over hankie*
As I have cried often and long when reading your stories I waited until this one was finished before I read it. The wait has been worth, it is simply a heartbreaking tale, thank you!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
I need to stop making people cry. :P The ending of this story was nothing like I had imagined it in the beginning. Actually, both Hope and Severus stopped following the original plot around chapter three. As an author, I sat back and let them play. It is THEIR story, afterall, not mine. I think they did well. Thank you very much for reading and leaving a review. Both are very much appreciated!
When I first began reading this epilogue I wasn't completely clear about where all these students were and why they were there, but then it dawned on me that it was a group from Hogwarts and that they had to be at Hope's pub. But where was Severus? Had she managed to save him or not?
I really like the way the charmed key had brought Severus back to the pub. It was a brilliant bit of magic by a witch who hadn't routinely plied her craft for decades. But the Apparition to St. Mungo's with Severus was even more impressive! I don't know if "doing magic was indeed like riding a broom" or if it was an indication of just how powerful a witch Hope really is, but save him she did, and she erased the memory from the healer who had so skillfully applied the Phoenix tears, the bezoar, and the potions he had found in Severus' robes. Hope is damned good at memory charms, isn't she? She's very clever that way– no one is mortally damaged, and yet her purpose is accomplished.
When she went for her walk down to the lake, I was champing at the bit. Surely Severus would be there... YES!!! When a voice said, ‘Swans mate for life. Did you know that?’ I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't realize I'd been holding my breath. I have come to associate Hope and Severus with the mated swans so much, and it was especially sweet to see that the lovely birds had their place in this epilogue, too. I sometimes think of Severus as a black swan, so when she looked toward the willow and saw him– "Black clothes, black eyes and black hair streaked with strands of silver"– it seemed perfect to me.
I love knowing that Hope and Severus are together. I love that they can tame each other's demons and wraiths with a gentle touch. And I love that both know that There Will Always Be Hope.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift for story telling with us. I have completely enjoyed this journey together, and "hope" to see more of these two sometime in the future. Likewise, I'm thrilled to know your first novel will soon be out and that you're working on a second one. Go, You!!! Of course I'm interested in finding out more about them, so be on the lookout for a PM from yours truly.
*sending loads of hugs and bouquets*Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Dear Beth, First, I'd like to offer my sincerest apologies for taking so long to reply. The last couple of weeks have been filled with editing and re-writing and sitting at the computer almost felt like a punihsment. I am ever so thankful to be able to count you among my most loyal readers. Your reviews and your willingness to share your thoughts with me have been ever so appreciated. I am quite sure that I will never be able to leave the Harry Potter fandom completely. Also, writing for me is like breathing, and sometimes writing in someone else's universe is easier than creating one of your own, so I am pretty sure I will return to fanfic sooner or later. When I do, Hope and Severus will be high up on my priority list. Their story certaintly isn't finished yet.Once more: many, many thanks for being there through the years! Hope to see you again!
When you told me there would only be two chapters left, I expected something like this, of course. But you write it so emotionally, eloquently and elegantly that it didn't matter the least. I absolutely adore your empathy with your heroes and how you keep the plot focussed on them and yet tell a whole story also on side characters. Even the village came to life before my inner eye.Would love to bestow a dozen or three more stars on your story!Thank you so much for sharing your talent with us and all the best for a career as a pro!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Dear
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
, Thank you for making it through yet another story with me. Your continued support means the world to me!Hopefully I'll will be able to visit Severus and Hope one day and hope you'll come along. Maybe Hope will make her famous Shepard Pie for us?
Wonderful story! Thank you. I hope your imminent novel is successful
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Thank YOU for reading, for leaving a lovely review and for your best wishes.
Severus' conversation with Dumbledore' portrait and his return to his private study afterwords was heartbreaking. I cannot begin to imagine the soul-withering emptiness that must have claimed him as he sat before his cold hearth and watched the small candle flame in the wooden frame.
Reading his thoughts during his brief meeting with Lucius and Narcissa put tears in my eyes. And when he was finally able to cast his Patronus to guide them to Draco, I latched onto that beautiful Swan with all my mental might. I hope that the symbolism of the Swan, that they mate for life, would mean that Severus might somehow get lucky and find his way back to Hope. But then he was in the Shrieking Shack, and Nagini's attack was swift and vicious.
I hope it was a fortunate happenstance that led him to use his right hand to try to staunch the bleeding so that he found the key in his left pocket. "A spasm went through his body, made him convulse and involuntarily close his hands to fists, and in his left pocket, his fingers closed around a little piece of metal."
Oh, dear god, please let those emerald eyes he saw at the end have been Hope's eyes. Please let the key she had charmed have brought her to him. Please let her save his life. Please, even as Severus falls into nothingness, please let him awake to find himself alive and his love there with him.
Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
*hands over hankie and big girl panties and sends Beth to read the epilogue* Come on girl, be brave. You can do it!
When I'd finished reading this chapter I thought back to what Severus had noticed about the preparations Hope had made for the New Year's Eve feast. The simple fact that she couldn't make herself sit down, and the fact that "She had cleaned the tables so thoroughly that the wood shone with polish and had decorated them with white roses and tiny silver stars," spoke volumes about how tense she was. By the end of the chapter it was very clear that she was dreading the moment when Severus would have to leave, worried about him because of the things he'd told her about the light fading, and afraid she would never see him again.
I'm very happy that she used her magic to charm the key to the pub that he always carried with him. I hope she turned it into a Portkey that it will bring him back to her if he should be injured or unable to Apparate on his own.
George tickled me when he started giving Severus the third degree: ‘When are you going to take our darling Hope out for a date?’ Yes, I imagine many of the village folk have noticed a change in our Hope– she smiles when her friend is around.
I totally understood that Severus not staying another night was the right decision, but it broke my heart when he Disapparated. I had read this chapter the day it posted, but I just had to live with it a while to let my feelings sort themselves out. As always you have so entangled my emotions with those of Hope and Severus that at this moment my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest.
When I came back to this chapter to reread it, I saw that the final chapter and the epilogue had already posted. So I'm going to put my big girl panties on and go find out what happened. Whatever it is, I know I'll love it because the way you write your stories it all makes sense. ~Lots of hugs~Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Oh, this was a tough chapter to write. I really wanted Severus to stay. I really wanted him and Hope to have a sweet night togethe. But nope, no sir, no way Jose. The Muse wouldn't have it. She really kills me at times!
It's good that they have at least addressed their feelings. And I hope her charmed key will somehow be essential in his survival.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
*sits back and waits for you to read the two last chapters* :-)
Oh, she's reconnecting with magic and shows an interest in the wizarding world! I guess it will be a while until we know what spell she used on the key. So good for Severus to know there's a place he's welcome to visit any time, even if he cannot risk it. Once again a great chapter!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
*sits back and waits for you to read the two last chapters* :-)
My gracious, so much has happened in such a short time. Edmunds' death came as a complete shock! I felt so sad for Hope and for Severus. It seems that how ever long it's been, things will happen that remind each of them of the sorrow, loss, and sadness they've known... separately and together.
Thank goodness they both had gotten a goodnight's sleep the night before because the day would be a difficult one to navigate. Laying Edmunds to rest seemed to open the lid on all those closely held memories for both of them, and I'm amazed that Hope was able to stay strong for all the friends who had come back to the pub to have a drink in his honor. These loving neighbors were people that Edmunds cherished and looked after just as he had looked after Hope.
I completely understand why Hope would want to be alone for a while to gather her thoughts. And even though she had asked Severus to be there when she returned, I became just as worried as Severus when she hadn't come back by ten. When he saw the crack in the ice on the lake my heart jumped to my throat. Whew! I'm very happy she was just standing on the shore looking out over the water.
I wondered what she was thinking when she asked him about what was happening in the Wizarding world, and it made me breathe a sigh of relief that she said she needed to know 'whether or not there is a chance that you will come back to me once you’ve left. I need to know if there is hope.’
‘There will always be hope,’ he said quietly, and for the duration of a heartbeat, he managed to believe it himself.
I think sharing Hope's bed that night lead to a wonderfully redemptive moment that I'm sure scared the pants off Severus when it began... 'How do you know? What did you lose?' By choosing to answer her question, I believe Severus finally allowed a deep festering wound to finally open so it could then heal. Even though it was painful, I think being able to talk about Lily to someone who obviously cares about him and to be able to shed the tears and say 'I loved her more than life itself' was immensely healing. The most beautiful thing about this scene was Hope's response: ‘I know,’ Hope whispered, bringing his hand to her chest and cradling it like a little child. ‘I know you’ve loved. And I pray that you haven’t forgotten how to.’
Thank you for such a lovely, sad, tear-filled, heart rending, and loving chapter!!!
Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Dear Beth, Imagine my surprise when the Muse looked at me with her head tilted to the side and an ever so innocent smile on her face, saying: "We're gonna kill someone today." My Muse is bat-shit crazy, I tell you. Needless to say, the crack in the ice made me wet my pants a little as well. :P They have a lot to work through, Severus and Hope, and none of it will be easy. But they'll manage... I hope. To more chapters and the epilogue to go. All written and beta'd. Should all be posted soon. Thank you, as always, for reading and your lovely words. Have a great weekend.
Response from braye27 (Reviewer)
Imagine my surprise when the Muse looked at me with her head tilted to the side and an ever so innocent smile on her face, saying: "We're gonna kill someone today."While she may be bat-shit crazy, she clearly takes her job seriously. The proof is in the pudding, m'dear! I'm excited to know the story is complete, but I'm beginning to suffer from separation anxiety myself. I can't find the words to tell you how much I look forward to each new chapter!!! ~hugs you lots~Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
I know all about separation anxiety. Spent the whole day yesterday feeling "hung over". The day after finishing a story is always totally weird.
This is a beautiful chapter. I suspect the next time Severus casts his patronus, it will have changed--released to Harry, on some level. And the spoken and unspoken in their discussion about sharing a bed was beautifully done. Except the imperative of the verb lie is "lie down." The past tense is "lay," as you correctly have it in your last sentence ("he lies down," "he lay quietly," and "he has lain still for hours.") The verb is intransitive. "Lay down" is the transitive verb and expects a direct object: "I lay the book down on the table at this moment," "I laid it there yesterday," and "I have laid it there every evening for weeks." The difference is the same as that between sit (intransitive) and set (transitive). Sorry to be pedantic, but from your writing you obviously care about such things, and a slip in this lovely story is unusual and distracting.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Thank you for finding and pointing out my typo. Lie and lay confuse me. Alway have, always will. Which annoys me because if I think about it, it's actually pretty easy to understand. So again, thank you for being "pedantic". And thank you for reading, of course.
I am so damned glad that Severus has never found himself in the land of the of the fairies. I couldn't have borne it. And as painful as it was for him to send his Patronus to call Harry, I'm so glad he was able to call forth his Doe to guide the young wizard to the Sword of Gryffindor. He's going to need it...But the thing in this chapter that totally blew my socks off was the exchange between Severus and Hope. Thank goodness he was able to return to the village because I don't know what would have happened to him if he hadn't. The minute I read the last part of this chapter I realized how much it reminded me of Chapter Nine in His First!!! Except his and Hope's roles were reversed... he was the one whose lips had turned blue, he was the one who was shaking uncontrollably, and he was the one who was afraid that he would freeze to death. When I read this part I was so glad I had read the first story. It is a great feeling when an author ties part of a sequel to something so vitally important as this in the original story. Although there was no love making here in Hope's bedroom, I can't help wondering what the morning will bring. I have no idea what these two will tell you write in the coming chapters, but I guarantee I'll be here waiting with bated breath.Brava! Well done! Here is a lovely bouquet to show you my appreciation for all your hard work, my friend. Ten stars, not even twenty stars would be enough.Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Allow me to give a lovely bouquet to you too. Or how about some nice chocolate? You are spoiling me, dearest Beth. With flowers, your wonderful reviews and rec'ing my stories. Thank you SO MUCH!! Bit speechless right now, really. Chapter 16 should be up withing the next few days, and I just sent chapter 18 off to my beta. Now there is only the epilogue left to write. Need to buy chocolate tomorrow. And tissues. Seperation anxiety, here I come. Smooches!
As much of an interferer as Dumbledore can be, I was delighted that he interfered on Hallowe'en night so that Severus, his colleagues, and the students and ghosts can enjoy the evening without fear of the Carrows wreaking havoc far and wide. I don't know that the Carrows deserved to get a good night's sleep, but everyone else in the castle deserves that they have one... but that's not exactly how the evening turned out for Severus.
I went back to "His First" and reread Chapter 9 (The First He Cried With) so I could refresh my memory about what happened that night, and I have to applaud your gift for so seamlessly merging the two in this chapter of "There Will Always Be Hope." Take a well-deserved bow, m'dear.
When Severus and Hope were talking in the pub everything about her spoke volumes about her frame of mind, but I had no idea of what was about to happen– until she told him to speak to Dumbledore and tell him that she had sent him and that he needed to use the Pensieve, and then I knew what was going to happen.
I'm very sorry that Severus couldn't watch the entire memory, but I damned well understand why he didn't. But if he had, he would have seen something of monumental importance: '... Nadezhda understood. She knew you would blame yourself for what had happened. She knew that you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. So she did the only thing she could think of at that moment. She used a Memory Charm on you.’
My heart is breaking for both of them. In the review I left for Chapter 9 in "His First," I said "...it is the passion we feel that gets us through the impossible times. Their passion didn't have to follow this particular path, but in the aftermath, in thinking about what has happened in these last few chapters, it just seems like the right path."
And it still seems like the right path to me. I don't want either of them to needlessly suffer, but I hope that Severus will go back to the village. Tonight. And I hope the fact that Dumbledore smiled after him when he turned and left will mean that he won't go off half-cocked. I hope he remembers what Albus said about Nadezhda understanding and that he will remember that Hope had told him that she was sorry: ‘I am sorry, Severus. Unspeakably sorry. And I’ll understand if you decide to never come back here. But please know that I never meant to hurt you.’ I hope this means that Severus will remember that the underlying meaning of this last thing Hope said to him, at the pub, on this night, is that she will understand if he doesn't come back, but that she hopes with all her heart that he will.
And I'm wondering when Severus will remember that Hope gave birth to a son.
This is one of the best chapters I've ever read. You've answered some questions and posed more. Now that we've reached this point, I'm already trying to guess how the rest of the story will read. What will happen? Will they both survive? Is their son still alive? If so, where is he?
A Thousand Point to your House! Perhaps I should just say "to Our House" since both of us are Slytherins. Thank you for this story! Thank you for hanging in there when I know there might been times when you could have thrown up your hands and walked away... and that would break my heart... so thank you from the bottom of my heart for this amazing gift.
Hugs, Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Dear Beth, sorry you had to wait so long for a response. For being off work, I have been ridicullously busy this week. But hey, I wrote the next chapter which will be posted in a few days, so I'm forgiven, right? ;-) Hm, Dumbledore... You've read a few stories of mine, and you know that I don't like the old man. But he is a good plot device. And he does have his students' best at heart. His means, however... Anyway, while you're on the edge of your seat waiting for the next chapter, I promise you that Severus WILL go back to the pub. I can also tell you that the Muse has decided to NOT follow the original plans for this story and that I am considering to take away some of the warnings I posted in chapter one. Curious yet? Hopeful? ;-) "See" you in a couple of days. /M
Response from braye27 (Reviewer)
*fist pump* I am totally curious and filled with hope!!! *big grin*
omg, I didn't expect her to let him know... and just now! Poor Severus!I wonder if she has used the wand by now.Loved also the fine notions like trading chocolate frog cards and feasts. It is a relief that Severus can remember simple habits like these!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
There is no gentle way to roll in a hand grenade, and Snape needed to be told at some point. I figured Haloween was as bad a night as any other. Buckle up for the next chapter. Thanks for reading and leaving a review!
I love the way you described life in the village in the opening paragraph. The townspeople "had no idea, of course, why the fog made them miserable, why it made them feel as if every ounce of happiness had been sucked from their hearts." But Severus and Hope "knew that the fog was the result of Dementors breeding and that the risk of the world plunging into eternal darkness was more imminent than any Muggle could imagine."Hope and Severus have so much in common. Both were treated horribly by their fathers, both of them had had to lie and pretend to be someone else under circumstances that no child should have to endure. It gives me a feeling of comfort knowing that each of them carries with them something that belongs to the other. In his pocket Severus keeps the key Hope pressed into his hand so many months ago. And Hope now has the larch wand that had belonged to Eileen Snape. I like knowing that the key can symbolize "safe haven," and that larch bestows courage and confidence to its owner. In folklore the wearing and burning of larch was said to protect against enchantment and evil spirits. I have a feeling that before everything is said and done both of them will have need of a safe haven and protection against evil. I think Severus' discovery that when Hope lights her comforting candle he can see her and watch over her was one of the most important things to happen in this chapter– other than Hope agreeing to accept the wand.Thank you for another wonderful chapter.*hugs you*Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Dear Beth, I am - as so often before - impressed and honoured by the way you write your reviews. So detalied, so deep. And I love that you understood the larch reference! Well done! 10 points to your house! As you can imagine, there are hard times ahead for Severus and Hope, and they will need each other more than they can imagine. I'm hoping to have a new chapter for you soon. It's my last workday today, so I should have time to write. Yay! Take care and see you soon!
I am so glad Snape was able to change her self image and encouraged her to take back her strenght.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
And strength they will need, both of them! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. Just sent chapter 12 off to my beta.
‘If I left you a wand,’ he started, deeming that there was no point in waiting any longer. ‘Would you use it to protect yourself?’When Severus offered her a wand, Hope reacted just like I thought she would. But what truly surprised me was the gentle argument, the purest illustration that he employed to break through Hope's fears. May I just say that was one of the most gifted bits of writing I've ever read. 
You done GOOD, my friend!Thank you for this beautiful chapter. I feel much better about Hope's future in these coming weeks and months. If push comes to shove, I do think she will fight like a tiger. Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Dear, dear Beth, your words make me blush and smile and believe that there is hope for my writing. Smooches to you! Just sent chapter 12 to my beta, so it should be up soon. Hope you'll enjoy it.
omg, there's a horrid year ahead of them. Your Snape is almost nice, and you've created such a uniqe and loveable own character. Now pulling them through this hell is sheer terror for us as well! Nevertheless, keep going with this excellent story!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
*giggles at "Snape is almost nice"* He's about to get a whole lot nicer! Well, not ooey-gooey-nice, but Snape-nice. Bit, scary, I know, almost as scary as the year that lies ahead! Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you won't have to wait too long for the next chapter.
I was afraid this would be what happened when Severus was Summoned. The nightmare has truly resumed, and all I can think about is what's to come:•How can Severus protect Hope and Edmunds while still playing his role as a spy for the Light? •How will they keep Edmunds from finding out that Hope is a witch and that Elisabeth was a Squib?•Will Hope be able to master her fear and depression to be able to aid Severus in his efforts to defeat the Dark?•What will Severus do if and when he finds out that he fathered Hope's child?•What about their son? Is there any chance that he is still alive?There is so much roiling beneath the surface, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this story!Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Your review looks almost like my check-list for the next couple of chapters. Great minds think alike, they say. :-) I've answered two questions with no, have ignored one and put a maybe on the others. Haha! Oh, I do wish that my muse would follow the original plot line just once!
I was afraid this would be what happened when Severus was Summoned. The nightmare has truly resumed, and all I can think about is what's to come:•How can Severus protect Hope and Edmunds while still playing his role as a spy for the Light? •How will they keep Edmunds from finding out that Hope is a witch and that Elisabeth was a Squib?•Will Hope be able to master her fear and depression to be able to aid Severus in his efforts to defeat the Dark?•What will Severus do if and when he finds out that he fathered Hope's child?•What about their son? Is there any chance that he is still alive?There is so much roiling beneath the surface, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this story!Beth
Response from braye27 (Reviewer)
Arrrggghhh! 
Please ignore this... I posted it to the wrong chapter.Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
And here I was, thinking that the story had become immensely popular. ;-)
I was so glad that Severus had been able to spend time in the Muggle village with Hope and Edmunds. Being able to feel rested, relaxed and utterly at peace would be a true blessing, one he probably hadn't known in any number of years, if ever. I also believe (with all my heart) that having Severus there was a blessing for Hope, too. Both of them have led such hectic and unpredictable lives that any peace and serenity would be gratefully received as the precious gift it was.When Severus felt himself being Summoned by the Dark Lord, my heart sank. Why couldn't he and Hope and Edmunds have had a little more time to enjoy each other's company. But one thing that stood out clearly was that Hope had felt his summons, too. That tickled some of my memory cells and I just had to go back to His First to recall that Voldemort had given Hope a silver bracelet on her seventeenth birthday... and this bracelet had turned into a silver snake with emerald eyes and had buried its fangs into the flesh at her wrist. It functioned the way Severus' Dark Mark did and she felt the summonds the same time he did. Thank goodness Severus didn't have any dangerous tasks being asked of him by th Dark Lord, and both Lucius and Narcissa should be grateful that he friend was there to help them. Bella is a right nasty piece of work. I hope she ultimately gets her just desserts.Will Severus go back to the village before going back to Hogwarts? I hope so because it would be nice if he and Hope could have a few minutes to be assured that the other hasn't come to any harm. I can't wait to see what happens next!Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
I do believe that Hope and Snape are good for each other and that they are able to see things in each other that other people can't see. And I promise that I will give them some more time together. It will not be as carefree as before, but... Well, you'll see. Chapter 10 is posted. :-)
Oh, you're giving Narcissa a bit of spine here, although unwisely displayed. I'm very curious how you lead us through the seventh book!!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
I'm quite curious about that, too. The muse hasn't been sticking to the original plot for quite a while. ;-)
I haven't been reading for quite a while and caught up a few chapters right now. This was a most touching and well-written chapter. You've given also the side characters a true story and their own backgrounds in so few words. Amazingly well done.Now I'll read on, although, considering, I should leave the story for a night to give Snape more rest.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
Welcome back to reading,
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of There Will Always Be Hope)
!