Chapter 14

The first half of the weekend went quite well. Hermione and Ron spent time out hiking through the countryside and just enjoying the atmosphere. It was very relaxing, especially when their hike got stopped by the sheep moving pastures. Neither one of them complained about having to wait for a very large flock to cross the road. Instead they spent the time making up personalities and stories for the various sheep.

It was silly, but it was very entertaining, and it was exactly what they needed. Ron had suggested they color the sheep, but Hermione had protested that it would draw too much attention to them as she was pretty sure the shepherd was Muggle. But a part of her thought that it would be a very fun idea.

Every meal they requested through the magical blackboard was excellent and hearty, and it was nice to have a home cooked meal without actually having to cook it. They spent the evenings lazing in front of the fire to ward off the late summer chill, occasionally playing one of the board games from the cupboard. There wasn't much conversation, but Hermione did not mind. Moments like this reminded her of what a wonderful person Ron could be.

The next morning when she exited their bedroom, breakfast of sausage and eggs was already waiting for them. Hermione made one last longing look around the adorable cottage, she knew they needed leave early in the afternoon, but they could at least enjoy the morning. Ron came out a moment later, scratching his head, ruffling his hair and stretching. "So, what do you want to do today?" she asked as she poured tea.

"There's an old castle nearby, and I thought you might like to explore that," Ron offered, dropping his arm.

"That would be wonderful." It sounded like the perfect activity. She had always enjoyed visiting ruins as a child traveling with her parents.

After they had eaten and gotten dressed, Ron Apparated them near the castle. It was a short fifteen minute walk from where they arrived to the abandoned castle. At least Hermione presumed there was an abandoned castle. She could see nothing, but she assumed it was charmed similar to Hogwarts to keep the Muggles away.

As they walked up the hill to the castle, Ron confirmed her thought by saying, "This was a wizarding castle, so the Muggles don't know it's here. I've never been here, but Charlie told me about it."

She kept looking from the path up to the castle and it slowly came into focus. While it was not completely intact, it was also not completely ruined. "Did he say what sort of state it was in?" she asked curiously.

"I didn't get to ask a lot of questions, but he did mention that there are a lot of artifacts, that a lot of the original furnishings are still here. Apparently the witch who lived here last was a bit paranoid and charmed the place so that people wouldn't steal her belongings."

"A bit like Mrs. Black?" she asked jovially.

"Probably a lot like that, though hopefully without the portrait," he replied with a chuckle. They had reached the top of the hill and were standing before the entrance to the castle. One of the two doors was broken off one of its hinges and hanging at an angle, leaving a gap large enough to slip through. "Ready?" he asked as he pulled his wand out.

She took hold of her wand and replied, "Ready." She felt a little nervous about entering the shadowy wizarding castle, but if Charlie had been here, she reasoned there was nothing to fear.

Once inside the darkness of the castle, they both lit their wands. While furniture was broken and dust and cobwebs covered everything, it was amazingly intact. As they explored deeper into the castle, she was amazed that there hadn't been any effort to preserve the castle or turn it into a museum like the Muggles did.

Of course, now that she thought about it, she couldn't think of any wizarding castles that were tourist attractions. Then again, that might have something to do with the fact that many were still inhabited.

"This is really amazing," she said as they entered the main dining hall. The table was still set and there were candles in all the holders. To add warmth to the room, there were tapestries on all the walls interspersed with mirrors. The colors were faded, but the people and animals were still animated. She lost track of time as she tried to decipher the stories that the tapestries were telling. After a while, Ron prodded her to keep going through the castle.

She was disappointed about having to leave before she had finished analyzing the tapestries, but she realized that Ron had to be getting bored standing in the dining hall waiting for her to finish.

When they arrived in the library, she gasped audibly. While it wasn't a large room, every wall was covered with books. Immediately she started reading the titles. Naturally they were what would be considered rare books since they were so old. She started to reach out for one of the books that she had only heard mentioned in other books, but stopped before she touched it. She remembered what Ron had said about the castle being charmed so that no one would steal its contents.

"Ron, do you think it would be okay for me to look at one of the books?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged. "Dunno. I have no idea what kind of charm has been put on everything. You could try it and see."

She thought about it and then thought better of it. It could have been a harmless type of sticking charm that wouldn't let her move one of the books or it could have been something with much nastier consequences. She thought back to their days in Dumbledore's Army and how she had charmed the contract so that Marietta Edgecombe had been permanently labeled 'SNEAK' and decided not to risk it. She could always return when she was better prepared to decipher the nature of the charms before looking at the books. It wasn't like they were going anywhere.

"I think I'll wait." She then continued to peruse the books, mindful of how long she was taking. She saw at least a dozen books that she would love to read. She would definitely have to look into whether or not it would be possible to read the books. It would be a shame if they were forever locked in the castle, never to be read again, left to crumble to dust.

Realizing it was getting close to lunch, they did not linger very long in any of the other rooms. "Thanks for suggesting this, Ron," she said as they left the castle. She was pleased that he had finally found an activity they both enjoyed.

"It was pretty wicked, wasn't it?" replied Ron, and he led her back down the trail.

They could have easily Disapparated from there back to the cottage, but it was a beautiful day, and she did not mind walking for a while.

There was a long silence as they walked down the hill. Hermione started to grow uncomfortable with it since she got the impression that Ron wanted to say something.

Finally he spoke. "Hermione, I know you like your job..."

"Ron, please don't ruin the weekend," she pleaded, knowing what he was going to say and hoping to waylay him. They had been having such a wonderful time; she didn't want the moment spoilt.

He sighed heavily. "I just want an answer. I keep thinking that you're just putting me off – that you'll keep putting this off and then it will be too late. A family is very important to me."

She sighed. "I know that. And I'm not going to keep putting it off." She had known this had been too good to be true.

He stopped and sat on one of the large rocks on the hillside, gently holding her hands. "Then we need to talk about this, really talk about this. I need you to tell me when you think you might be ready – next year, the year after, three years from now, when?" he looked imploringly into her eyes.

"I don't know," she said pulling her hand from his. This was something she hated putting a definitive time frame on. "By the time I'm thirty," she finally replied with a shrug. That gave him a definite answer of sorts and gave her some maneuvering room – at least she hoped it did.

"You're sure?" Ron asked cautiously, clearly not believing her. "Thirty?"

She was as sure as she was ever going to be. "I am. I just need you to be patient."

He didn't hide the pain in his voice. "I'll try, but it's hard to watch everyone else having children, having a family, having what I want for us."

She placed her hand on his thigh. "I know that, but I'm just not ready."

"You keep saying that, and I keep wondering if you will ever be ready," he replied seriously.

"My parents were in their thirties when I was born. There's nothing wrong with waiting a little while before having a child," she said to defend her viewpoint.

"It's already been five years, and now you are asking for even more than that. I just always thought that our kids would grow up with Harry and Ginny's, maybe even going to Hogwarts together," he replied sadly, throwing one of the pebbles that had been on the boulder down the hill.

Hermione had once thought the same thing, but she hadn't expected them to start a family so soon. She really didn't know what to say, so she said nothing.

Ron asked softly, "Can you think about this? I'm not saying we have to start a family now, but I'd prefer to have kids sooner rather than later."

She stared down at her hands in her lap. She was incredibly tired of having this conversation. She thought she had given Ron a good answer, but it seemed like the only answer he wanted was that she would agree to have a family in the immediate future – something she still wasn't sure about.

He took hold of her hand. "Hermione, the wizarding world isn't like the Muggle world. I thought you would have realized that by now. Married witches..." he paused, searching for the right words. "Married witches just don't work."

"That's just so 1950s and needs to be changed," she pulled her hand away and balled her fist as she tried to control her anger before rising to her feet and pacing. "Women can contribute a lot. I do have a brain, Ron, and so do the other witches I know." Why could he not see how much she could contribute? Then she started thinking about some of her magical classmates and Lavender Brown immediately came to mind. Hermione realized that most of the girls in her classes had not really put forth a lot of effort into academics and that no witches born to magical families had been in her Arithrimancy or Ancient Runes classes, that she had been one of three girls in NEWT Potions and all had been Muggle-born.

She had known that the wizarding world was old fashioned, but she had never really paid attention to exactly how old fashioned. After all, about half of their professors at Hogwarts had been witches, but then none of them seemed to have families – at least not that anyone was aware of. And almost all of her coworkers were male or older witches with a few younger witches in clerical jobs, but most of them were under twenty, and she could not think of one who was older than twenty-five. She was the only young witch potions brewer.

Her blood was really starting to boil. She had thought that being a witch would open a wonderful world of possibilities to her, but instead she was being told that she should shut up, stay home and have babies by everyone. Well, everyone other than Lucius who had recruited her for her mind and placed her on the most difficult and important project his company was working on.

"I know you have a brain..." he started.

"Just because every witch you know is happy being a baby factory, doesn't mean that is for me," she said loudly, cutting him off, knowing he was just going to say the same things he always did.

"I never said – don't expect you to be a baby factory," he said defensively.

"Ron, I just want to wait until I have a child," she started to say, but he corrected her, "Children. I want a family."

"Ron, a child is a family," she pointed out.

"You keep saying child – only one. Why? You know I want a big family – four tops," he said, his tone becoming the one he used that felt like he was interrogating her.

"And I don't want to spend my life focused on four snot-nosed kids. I put a lot of hard work into my education, and I intend to use it," she poked him in the chest to emphasize what she was saying.

"Snot-nosed – you think my kids will be snot-nosed..." he started to spout.

"I'm an only child – I never considered having more than one child, maybe two at the most," she stated firmly. "I grew up with a working mother, and I turned out just fine. And like my mother, I intend to work and help support my family." Unlike your mother, she stopped herself in time from saying the last part, but the memory of Mrs. Weasley exalting about her new oven range on their last visit struck her. "I'm not some 1950's housewife who'll be excited by the new gas range or modern magical cooking appliance! And I intend to make a serious contribution to the world – not fill a house to the rafters with redheads."

With that she popped back to the cottage and put an anti-Apparition charm around it until she could leave. Right now she needed to get away from Ron before she did something she would regret. He was so pigheaded and stubborn and did not seem to really care about her feelings.

She stuffed her belongings in the suitcase and left Ron's strewn around the bedroom, not caring how he got them home. She couldn't go home because she knew that was the first place Ron would look for her. Nor could she go to her parents' house, not that they would understand what had her so upset anyway. Sadly she could not be around her wizarding family. While George and Angelina were likely to be sympathetic, she knew that would be a logical place for her to be and made it someplace Ron was likely to check. Checking her pockets, she saw she only had about five Pounds of Muggle money - not enough to get a place to stay. She decided to head to Edinburgh and hope that Ron wouldn't think to look for her there. The wizarding community there wasn't as vibrant as the one in London, but there was a decent inn, The Green Dragon.

She was so incensed that his romantic weekend away had been nothing more than a ploy to butter her up to agreeing to have a family. She should have known that his behavior had been too good to be true. He wasn't doing it because he loved her and wanted their marriage to get better, but so she'd stay home and raise his children.

Once she had calmed down a little, she transfigured her robes into a suitable Muggle dress and headed out into Muggle Edinburgh for a while. It was a Sunday so most shops were closed, but she wasn't interested in shopping. She just wanted to walk around and try to make sense of her emotions.

Eventually, she found herself sitting on a bench on the Royal Terrace Gardens, staring across the city at the castle, absentmindedly watching the people around her. Seeing them with their cell phones and iPods, she was reminded about how much the Muggle world had changed since she started Hogwarts, and how she didn't quite fit in there either. Oh, she knew what the various devices were, but she found that she didn't miss them. She really liked the wizarding world, but just not the attitude towards young witches. Ron was right, once a witch was older and her kids were in school, she was generally welcomed warmly into the workforce. Younger witches... well, she definitely got the impression that everyone expected you to be tending to home and hearth for her next eighteen – no, next twenty to thirty years of her life!

Well, the wizarding world would just have to accept that Hermione Granger Weasley was not going to happily or quietly fit into their molds. She realized that starting an equality revolution was probably not something that she could feasibly do – at least not without finding more supporters. Besides, by focusing on that campaign, she would be jeopardizing the job she was trying to prove that she deserved to have.

It was all much more difficult than it should have been. For now she would just settle for setting an example for other young witches that even females could go forth and be a successful and contributing member of society. Perhaps she could even introduce the idea of day care, though unlike the Muggle world, there were no wizarding primary schools. Parents either hired a tutor or mothers taught their progeny. That mindset was part of what hampered witches from having careers. Though presumably, those who could hire tutors would be free to work, but generally if a family could afford a tutor, there was no reason for the wife to work. It really was a self-defeating cycle now that she thought about it.

Of course, this model had the advantage that it encouraged families, and the wizarding world was not afflicted with the degradation of family values that was evident in the Muggle world, so it wasn't entirely bad – she just thought that it was horribly outdated.

When her stomach rumbled, she thought about getting something to eat and decided to return to the inn because five Pounds couldn't buy a decent meal.

She slipped in barely noticed and sat in a booth where she could see the main room but be relatively unnoticed. She ate quickly, borrowed a few books off the shelf and retreated to her room before Ron could find her. Of course, that presumed that he was actually looking for her, but given the fact that it was Ron, he might have decided to just let her return of her own accord.

Hermione tried to read one of the books, but her mind just kept drifting to how miserable life with Ron could be. Sure, they had their good times, but it always came back to him wanting her to quit working and start a family. Always. This was an impasse in their relationship. A very big one. She knew that given the fact he came from a large family, it stood to reason that he would want the same, but it was something that had not really dawned on her before they married, or even during the first year of marriage.

"Stupid Ron unwilling to bend," she muttered to herself as she finally gave up on reading the book. "Stupid Ron won't respect my wishes. Stupid Ron always questioning me about my job. Stupid Ron never trusting me – as if accusing me that I'm too naïve to know if Malfoy Industries is carrying out Dark Arts and practices," she said as she started beating her pillow into submission. It was strangely therapeutic to punch the pillow as she thought of all the ways Ron annoyed her.

A bit disturbing as well. There were quite a few.

She sighed and finally settled onto her back. With neither of them willing to budge, she did not see how they could continue like this. Not that she hadn't tried to, but she had spent the first five years of her marriage retreating to the library in the evenings or working late into the evening, and that was no way to behave in married life. She started to doubt they could make their marriage work, and it made her feel horrible. They were fighting over something they should have considered before they said 'I do'. Now it was her turn to feel a bit stupid.

She had a very hard time falling asleep and even when she did, she slept fitfully.

Hermione looked through her clothes and picked what she thought was most appropriate for work. She then packed everything else up and decided to take it with her. She still wasn't sure if she would be going home. She really needed to, at least to get more clothes. Whether she stayed or not would depend on Ron.

She tried her best to keep focused on work, drinking copious amounts of coffee in an attempt to stay alert.

"Rough weekend?" Harold asked as she started on her third cup of coffee.

She blushed at being that obvious that she hadn't slept well. "You could say that, but I think we all have those from time to time," she replied casually, not wanting to mix her private and work lives.

"That we do," he commiserated and then glanced over her work, evaluating whether she was overloaded. "Everything okay?" he asked.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'll be all right."

He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Take a break when you need one."

"Thanks," she replied. She knew that he was looking out for the rest of the team as much as he was looking out for her. After all, any mistake she made could set their work back quite a bit.

She did take a few extra breaks during the day, heading outside to walk around the building and get some fresh air. Those breaks helped, but they also gave her time to think. She wondered why Ron had not bothered to even send her a message. It just started to reinforce to her that he thought about her the way most of the others born into the wizarding world started to think about witches being good for nothing more than raising children.

As she walked around the building, a part of her began to wish that she had discovered this five years ago. She had been so naïve about the wizarding world, having only really experienced that isolated environs of Hogwarts. There had been signs, but she had been blind to them as she had focused only her education. The signs had been more obvious in the Ministry, but she'd ignored the occasional odd look and muttered whisper form the older women and focused on her career. She had never considered how it would affect her life and her relationship with Ron. She had her plan for her life and he had his for her life, and they had never really discussed how compatible those two plans were. She wanted to put the blame solely on him, rationalizing that he should have seen how ambitious she was, but she knew that if she had only opened her eyes to the ways of the wizarding world, she should have mentioned it to him. The fault lay with them both.

She returned to the building and saw the rest of her team started to clean up for the day. She walked over to Harold. "I think I'm going to stay a little later to make up for the extra breaks."

He smiled weakly at her, understanding what she did not say. "Sure. Just don't stay too late."

She did not really have any work to do, but she did not want to return home – at least not right now. If she had received some sort of message from Ron, she might have felt differently, but he still hadn't tried to reach her.

She was trying to concentrate on the notes from their last attempt on the Dragon Pox cure when she heard Lucius' voice ask, "Working late again?" from behind her.

His voice had carried well across her small workroom, making her jump and placed her hand over her heart. "Don't do that! You scared me out of my skin."

He grinned playfully and leaned against the door frame. "My apologies. Perhaps you should work facing the door in the future to prevent me from sneaking up on you if you are going to make a habit of working late."

"I'm not planning on making a habit of it," she replied quietly.

"That's good to hear." He quickly looked over her work as he moved towards her work area. "This doesn't seem that urgent."

"It isn't," she reluctantly admitted and tossed her quill on the table.

He sat next to her. "Then is there a reason you are working on it now?" he asked gently.

She absentmindedly stacked her notes up. "Not really." While she longed to talk to someone about her conflicted emotions, she was almost positive that Lucius was not the right person.

"Ah, tension at home," he replied knowingly. "It won't get better if you're here."

She arched an eyebrow at his reply, surprised that he would be suggesting she try to work things out with Ron since she had the impression he had feelings for her. "True, but I've been giving him chance after chance to work things out, and he doesn't seem to be making an effort. For example, we got in a row yesterday, and he hasn't sent me any sort of message or tried to contact me at all. Now I ask you, what sort of signal does that send?" she asked, then snapped her mouth shut. Her mouth had outpaced her brain. While she had not given him full details, she had said more than she would have preferred.

He furrowed his brows. "I see your point. Surely you aren't planning on spending all night here."

"No. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but staying here isn't any good, is it?" she asked hopelessly. For once she did not know how to solve a problem facing her.

"Not in the least," he replied with a jaunty grin. "I'll leave you to clean up your work." He rose and headed towards the door.

She really did not want him to leave because she did not really want to be alone. "Lucius," she said before stopping to really think what she wanted to say to him.

He turned to face her. "Yes, Hermione?" he asked gently.

It took her a moment to compose a response. "Thank you. I think I really needed someone to talk to."

He smiled warmly and replied, "That's what friends are for. Which I must say I'm surprised you did not turn to one of the Potters."

She looked away and started restacking her papers, not wanting to meet his eyes. "It's not really something they would understand," she said in little more than a whisper.

He silently crossed the distance to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "But you do want to talk more about it, don't you?" he prodded gently.

She could not believe that he was offering to listen to her problems. "I do, but... what would people think?"

"I know the perfect place where people won't ask questions." He pulled out his wand and flicked it, organizing her workspace. "Come with me," he said as he offered her his hand.