Hindsight

Chapter Ten - Hindsight

Hermione Granger was a perfectionist, a trait that lent itself well to homework, housework... work of any kind, really.

It was not a personality trait that helped in situations where a gut feeling is the final decision maker. It did not help in Potions, it did not help in cooking, and it certainly did not help in life-and-death situations.

Well, that wasn't completely true. She was fine if she was in dire situations where she did not have time to think. Jumping on the back of that dragon at Gringotts? Made perfect sense at the time, but was a decision she would have never made had she the luxury of more than three seconds to think about it. Answering the riddle when they searched for the Sorcerer's Stone? That had just been too easy to even think twice.

But now, in spite of knowing she was going to figure this out and having every affirmation that Snape was going to return home and survive, she still couldn't drop the feeling that she was missing something vital in her research. All that she could detect, with any certainty, was that Snape really was the only person to have ever successfully achieved forward time travel, which surprised her. When he successfully returned, why had Voldemort not sent others into the future to find out other things? Would this Time-Turner be damaged in its journey? Was it one of a kind?

Then again, until just a few days prior, Hermione had believed herself to be an expert on all things Snape, and yet this entire episode had been missing from his notes. In all likelihood, others had traveled forward as well. If that were the case, why had Voldemort lost? Surely, she was keeping all knowledge of the future from Snape, but who knew who else would be sent along on this sort of mission should Snape return home without knowledge?

And what would happen to him if she did let him go home with no information? Would he be tortured? Killed? Certainly not killed, as six years of classes with the man, not to mention his portrait downstairs, proved he had lived beyond this jump to the future. But had he lived longer because of her meddling? Was she supposed to give him some sort of information to take back? Or would he survive because she sent him back with absolutely nothing, leaving him to his own devices?

As to the physical side effects of time travel, well, from her own experience, the worst that had ever happened was a bad headache that took an hour or two to shake, and that had happened rarely. From her research, other side effects could include trouble sleeping, vertigo, nausea, and migraines. There had been absolutely no mention of any sort of cranial bleeding in any accounts she had read, but none of her references dealt with jumps of time of this magnitude. According to her sources, time travel of greater than one year to the past is never recommended, but she could not for the life of her find out why this was the case. Her best hypothesis was that something akin to Chaos Theory came into play...much more than a year, and one really could not have any idea what one's actions might change.

There was no evidence that anyone had ever made a jump of more than about eight months or so, and certainly not twenty years... forward. He had been here four days already...five if you counted the night he showed up...and she was no closer to finding a safe way for him to return than when he had arrived. Assuming, of course, she was right in thinking that the travel was actually unsafe. Sometimes a nosebleed is simply a nosebleed, Hermione. She would do well to remember that and not let the trauma of his death cloud her judgment.

It was times like these, when answers felt just outside her grasp, that she began to wondering how different her life would have been had she completed her seventh year of study. She had done the readings on her own but had never taken that final step and actually taken her examinations. After everything that had happened to her, it just had not seemed important anymore.

Regardless of what Ron and Harry, and even Professor McGonagall, had to say, what she was doing was important. She really did not believe anyone else would have done such a professional and thorough job of setting up the museum, and she never would have trusted the job to someone who had not fought in the war. So many of the people who could have handled this job, say like Remus, were dead, and the rest were off in adrenaline-charged occupations because their bodies had never gotten used to not being on edge after the war.

In the end, Hermione knew she really was the only viable option if this museum was going to be run correctly. She could have handled something much more challenging than answering questions like what Snape's favorite breakfast cereal was... but until recently, she had not wanted to. Staying in one place with no one relying upon her but herself had sounded like a fantastic option... at the time.

Getting Snape back to 1980 was the first project she had had since the initial setup of the museum that gave her purpose, that tasked her brain at all. Sometimes, she could not help but wonder if her intelligence had somehow atrophied. She was finding it more and more difficult to concentrate, partly in due to her increasing fear of mistakes and partly due to thoughts about the man in her attic.

She could certainly see why James et al had despised Snape. Most Gryffindors were not known for their understanding of and appreciation for sarcasm, so naturally, every word that came from Snape's mouth could easily be misinterpreted by the Marauders as rudeness. Moreover, while much of it had been bad mannered, some of his comments to them, as recounted in his obviously biased journals, were positively hilarious. If those Gryffindor boys had been anything like her two best friends, it was not that hard to believe that James and his friends would have avoided Snape. Their relentless bullying, however, was completely uncalled for.

All this research into the mind and life of Severus Snape had certainly changed her sense of humor. She often found herself laughing aloud at some of the stories in his personal writings, and she was constantly amazed at how deliciously funny the margin notes in his books were. She had read a couple to Harry when she had first taken the job, and he had not understood the humor in them, mumbling the usual vitriol about their Potions master. She was sure Harry's scoffing had something to do with a combination of Severus' wit being just that dark and Harry's not having an appreciation for Potions in the first place.

Yet it was Snape's cleverness that she found... dare she admit it... attractive. The man upstairs had it, though not as refined as he would as an adult. There had been more than a few moments in the last few days that she had been surprised at how... unfettered he could be. His inebriation had peeled away at the layers he would later muster, and she was surprised to see the silly boy underneath.

His intelligence was what had kept her engaged in the first few months of cataloguing his life. The man was brilliant, in many ways more than she. His ability to use half-truths and white lies in the face of the most terrifying wizard of all time, and Dumbledore, was astounding. In fact, reading his personal accounts of how he had managed to do this repeatedly had been part of how she had managed to continue half-lying to him this entire time. The Hermione of Hogwarts days had been very good at staying out of trouble, but the Hermione of not even a few years ago could not have handled keeping Snape here. She would have relied heavily on Harry's de facto leadership in a situation like this.

So, in spite of all her misgivings, it was nice to realize that she had this in her too. That after months and months of doing nothing but cleaning up potted plants in the living room and straightening food cupboards, she could jump back into a challenging situation and come out victorious...without Harry Potter leading the way.

Assuming she could figure out how to send Snape home.

As Hermione made to grab another book, she heard a telltale tapping from the kitchen window. Receiving owls only rarely, she supposed this would have something to do with yesterday's run-in with Ron. Sure enough, sitting outside the ledge was Harry's new owl, Yo-yo. The owl's name never ceased to make her smile; leave it to George to find Neil Gaiman's The Books of Magic, think the kid on the cover looked like Harry, and buy it for him as a "Happy Anniversary of Voldemort's Death Day" present. She figured the gift was meant to distract George from thinking about Fred just as much as it was to cheer up Harry in general. Harry had been hooked on the books instantly and had named his new familiar after the owl of the books.

She unfurled the parchment and smiled again...Harry had sworn off quills the second they left Hogwarts, but rather liked parchment. His letter, as always, was written in bold felt-tipped pen.

Hermione,

After that last major fight you had with Ron, and our discussion at the time, I swore I would not get involved between you two again. I spent most of my youth making you guys "make up" after fights (and, of course, ridding the world of evil), and I'm not doing it again. I simply cannot play peacemaker between the two of you again.

The three of us went through too much together for us to no longer speak. You can't just turn your back on those years, Hermione. They are a part of who we are and who we will always be, for better or for worse. I'd like to think for better, but with my two best friends no longer speaking to one another, I just don't know.

Do you remember the night before the museum opened when Ron wanted to take you out to dinner with us? Do you really remember? Did you know that Ron bought that suit especially for that night...the first suit he ever owned that wasn't a hand-me-down from Percy or Bill? Or that he purposely found the one restaurant in all of Diagon Alley that did not rely upon house-elves in the kitchen? Some of the many things about Ron you failed to see. I've never seen a guy try so hard to live up to a girl's expectations, only to have his efforts ignored because your brain was God knows where...

All this time, you've thought Ron and you split up because you took that job. Ron wasn't mad at you for taking the curatorship, or not moving in with him...do you think Ronald Weasley so stupid as to think he would ever chain you to a kitchen like his mum? He's always known that you'd far outshine him in whatever career you chose, and being the decent bloke he is, he's always been okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I think he acted like a prize idiot that night, but what you've failed to see is that his acting like that is the exception more often than the rule...something you would see if you were around.

Ron was and continues to be hurt because, like so many other people in his life, you didn't put him first. Did you know that the first day I met Ron, all those years ago on the train, he confided in me that his own mother failed time and time again to even make sandwiches he liked? Ron has been forgotten and put last his entire life. And you did the exact same thing to him when you put the museum first. We had all come off the war, Hermione. We all needed support. But if you loved Ron as much as we all thought you did, how could you not see how much he needed you?

For cripes sakes, Hermione, think about the guilt Ron goes through on a daily basis. Ginny and his dad almost died due to Voldemort, Fred actually died, I all but died. And all Ron survived to do was play the best game of chess known to man and smash a locket. Hell, even Neville got to kill the world's largest fucking snake. But does Ron ever remember the heroic stuff he did? No, all he can remember is that he left us in the woods. And you know who ended bailing us out of that, bringing us a sword, and reuniting us? Severus bloody Snape. Don't think Ron hasn't figured that out, too. And now you're walled up in the house of the guy who stepped up when he screwed up the worst, and Ron has no idea how to compete with a dead hero.

Hermione, you must know that I am proud of you for the work you do. If anyone deserves to be remembered, it's Professor Snape, and you're the only person who could have done that job with any hope of objectivity. I don't think you are completely in the wrong in this situation with Ron...we all know Ron tends to react first and think later, and this current fight hasn't been any different in that regard than any other row you two had as kids. After all, maybe Ron and I have hidden from our past for far too long, but Hermione, you never left it. It's been nearly two years. The war is over. Remember when you wanted to be a lawyer? Whatever happened to that girl? The one who drove Professor Snape to drink every time she obnoxiously waved her hand about? The girl who wanted to prove herself to everyone and anyone around her. I haven't seen her since you locked her away in that attic.

I love you, Hermione. You're my sister, and you always will be. But honestly, get your head out of your arse! For your sake and ours. We miss you terribly!

Kisses,

Harry

Hermione stared back at the parchment, stunned. While Harry had always stood up for people, for the first time in a long while, his righteous indignation was focused upon at her. And in many ways, he was right. They really did grow up experiencing too much together to no longer speak to one another. But Ron not supporting her in her need to run this museum, well, that was just as bad as what Harry was accusing her of... wasn't it?

Except Ron did support me. All he wanted that night was one night for the two of us before the stress of the day-to-day operations of the museum really got to me...

That fight had been horrible. When Ron had shown up at her Floo, unannounced, she had been in the middle of getting ready for the next day. She had been a wreck...quills holding her hair in a look she had never quite shaken from her school days. And Harry was right, Ron had looked quite nice that night. Funny that it took Harry pointing it out to her all these months later for her to even remember that.

The argument had escalated instantaneously from the moment she said no. He'd left, accusing her of never wanting the things he wanted. She had always thought he had meant marriage, cohabitation... babies. To hear from Harry now that all Ron had really wanted was for her to put him first for two hours... It stung.

She supposed it was her own fault on some level. Harry had shown up to her apartment too, hours after Ron's rage-filled exit, trying to talk her down and maybe get her to come back to his house and talk to Ron. She had treated Harry in her typical supercilious manner, pushing him away and putting the blame solely on Ron for not realizing that the last thing she had needed was to go out the night before her big day.

Which, in hindsight, was probably exactly what she had needed. To leave her apartment and actually celebrate her accomplishments. With friends. Like people do.

Poor Ron. From the moment he had rejoined them in the forest, he had been trying to make up for his betrayal of their friendship. And what betrayal? In many ways, Ron was the one of their trio who had the most fodder for the Horcrux's torture...sixth of seven children, followed by the only girl, whom all of the family doted upon. Sidekick to the Boy Who Lived. Constantly reminded of his poor status as compared to other old pureblood families. Brothers who had gone on to open their own shop, train dragons, break curses. And what did Ron have now? A good-paying job at the Ministry pushing papers like his father.

And through all of it, being one of the kindest, gentlest friends she had ever had. To be sure, he had his temper, but so did she... And at the end of the day, he always found some way to apologize...

Except she had just thrown his last apology back into his face, keeping secrets from him that she never would have kept as a child.

She folded her arms on the table and lowered her head in sadness, in shame. Somehow, when all of this madness with Snape was over, she would have to eat crow and fix this.

AN: Don't worry, dear readers, we'll get back to Hermione and Severus in the next chapter. As always, thank you so much to my betas!

I am on the road the next week, so here's your update a day early! the next one may be a day late. Sorry in advance!