A Life Exposed

They're telling secrets that should never be revealed. There's nothing to be gained from this but disaster...' –Sarah McLachlan, "Dirty Little Secret"

Twenty hours later, Severus walked out of the library with a stiff gait. He had slept in the chair in the library for so long, he wondered if he would be able to relieve any of his tense muscles before the day's end. He turned into the bathroom and found fresh towels awaiting him, along with a jar of muscle relaxing cream. Severus felt begrudgingly grateful towards his newly acquired house-elf. His original plan had been to order her back to Hogwarts, but at that moment, he was reconsidering his decision, if she were to remain as resourceful as this in all other aspects.

After a long, hot shower and a liberal application of muscle-relaxing cream, Severus Summoned clothing and dressed quickly, as he smelled breakfast in the air. He arrived in the kitchen to find it much changed. What had originally looked like an explosion of a group of Hufflepuffs, the kitchen was now a tan colour, with bits of deep purple and dark green standing out in various locations around the room, giving it a pleasant feel. There was also a tiny house-elf dressed in a Hogwarts tea towel, standing on a wooden stool in front of the stove, cooking what looked like eggs and bacon. She turned when she heard him enter the room.

"Master Snape, please sit. Bijou will bring your breakfast in a moment." Her voice was higher pitched, and she was much tinier than the average house-elf.

Severus seated himself at the wooden kitchen table and a cup of very black coffee floated across the room, settling down directly in front of him. He took a sip of the coffee gratefully, realising that the only thing missing from his morning routine was the Daily Prophet. He surmised it was going to be arriving later in the day, due to the extended distance the owls had to travel; though why he still wanted to read the paper was a mystery to him. That day's Prophet would reveal the release of his 'biography' for sale to the public. It was the day that his entire life would be exposed to the whole of the wizarding world. Whether much of anything Skeeter had written about him would be the actual truth, Severus did not know. Despite that fact, Severus could not decide what he would prefer: the truth or a lie.

The truth would show a friendless, neglected little boy who was desperate to prove himself to anyone who would pay him the slightest attention; a boy who grew into a secretly insecure man who lived to avenge the death of his only love, a woman who was ultimately dead due to his own stupidity. And this reality showed a man who had maintained a duplicitous existence for so long, he hardly knew himself anymore. The truth would reveal a man who had almost died and yet wasn't grateful to be alive.

Fiction, on the other hand, could be either very helpful in boosting Severus' image or it could turn him into someone even worse than he actually was. He could be painted as the ultimate spy, saviour of the wizarding world, who had women falling over themselves to shag him and every man envious of him.

Severus took another sip of coffee as he thought of the harm that fiction could bring to him. He could be labelled as Dumbledore's sex slave, a lover of opera or even the best friend of James Potter. The last thought caused Severus to choke on his coffee. It then struck him that he was more repulsed by being James Potter's best friend than Dumbledore's sex slave. Severus shook his head, mentally berating himself for turning into an over-analytical loon. Bijou's sudden appearance with his plate of food was a much welcomed distraction.

"Does Master require anything else of Bijou?" she asked, her eyes on the floor. "Bijou is needed at Hogwarts to help with repairs to the castle from the battle, if Master can spare her."

Severus took a bite of his breakfast and swallowed before answering question. "No, you may go. Be back in time to prepare my dinner. I prefer to take dinner at seven o'clock."

Bijou bowed deeply before disappearing with a loud crack. With another bite of his breakfast, Severus was glad he changed his mind about sending her back to Hogwarts permanently. She made great food and seemingly read his mind.

Severus continued to eat his breakfast in peace, debating how to spend his first morning in his new home. He became so lost in his thoughts of exploring the library, taking a walk around the lake and unpacking his trunks that he lapsed into an old habit from his days as a young child at home with his parents; physically carrying his dirty dishes to the sink and rinsing them. Severus cursed at himself once he realized what he had done. His father had hated magic and demanded that everything be done in the Muggle way. Once, his father had seen his mother use her wand to clear the dishes. He had broken Eileen's wand and from then on, would sit in the kitchen and watch until Severus and Eileen had finished their meals and had taken their dishes to the sink to rinse them before he would leave the room.

Irritated with himself, Severus decided his best course of action would be to take a walk around the lake to clear his head before getting into anything more complex around the house. Ignoring the snoring portrait of Albus Dumbledore, Severus walked outside into the front garden that looked out over the lake. A gentle breeze blew across the area and its ever-so-slight chill told him that autumn was only a few weeks away. He peered around the side of the house at the pathetic-looking garden. In it grew a variety of herbs that he could use to brew any potions he might need while he was there, but it looked neglected, with weeds growing as high as some of the plants. Severus decided he would salvage whatever good bits he could find later, before the first frost killed everything. Next spring, he would try to plant more vegetation that would be of use.

Taking in his surroundings, Severus decided to start walking anti-clockwise around the lake. He would first be reaching the house that Dumbledore's letter indicated belonged to the American witch, Sara... something. As he got closer to her home, he noticed it was painted a pale yellow, painstakingly similar to the colour of Lily's old house. A white porch was attached to the house, overlooking the lake. A few minutes later, as Severus was becoming level with the porch of the cottage, he noticed a woman sitting on a wooden swing, suspended by chains that were attached to the ceiling of the porch. Her long legs were stretched out on the length of the swinging chair. She was wearing a black shirt and white pants that only went to her mid-calf. She was barefoot and reading a very large black book with gold letters down the spine, her long blonde hair falling down her back. She looked up as he was passing her house. She gave him a suspicious glare and averted her eyes back to her book. Severus noticed she used her free hand to ensure that her wand was still resting next to her on the swing. He turned his gaze away from her house and back on the lake, but could feel her eyes resting on him.

Half an hour later, Severus was on the opposite side of the lake, approaching two homes. One belonged to the potioneers and the other to the French version of the Lovegoods. Severus had no intention of becoming friends with any of the neighbours, so he didn't care to remember their names. The grey house that he reached first had an extensive garden, protected by a large dome. Severus assumed that this house belonged to the potion-making duo that worked from home. The cottage looked empty, its occupants possibly out on business. The brown house he reached next clearly belonged to the odd couple. There were signs scattered about declaring "Méfiez-vous des Wrackspurts" and "Nous sommes à la recherche de Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Soyez de retour en Octobre." Although he didn't speak French, Severus could distinguish enough to recognise terms he had heard from Luna Lovegood. Severus shook his head, hoping that he could avoid these people if all possible. Miss Lovegood had tried his patience extensively in school with her crazed theories, despite the fact that she was highly intelligent and always achieved high marks in his classes.

Walking back into the cottage, Severus noticed the post lying on the table in the sitting room. The Prophet was resting next to a few other scrolls, along with a brown parcel. Even though the Prophet was rolled up, he could see his own face on the front page. Ignoring the newspaper, Severus sat on the sofa and began opening the remaining scrolls. The first was a letter from the Prophet, requesting an interview. With his wand, Severus set the scroll on fire before moving onto to the next. That was a letter from Lucius Malfoy.

Severus was surprised to hear from Lucius, as he assumed the elder Malfoy would be in Azkaban. Lucius was writing to report that he, Narcissa and Draco had been pardoned by the Ministry due to the fact that they defected prior to the final battle and, in reality, had been prisoners in their own home for the year before the final battle. They had initially been sentenced to confinement at home and stripped of their wands until the Wizengamot reached a decision. They were notified a few days prior to the letter that they were being pardoned and their wands had been returned and they were free to travel again. Lucius had learned that Severus was in France and felt anxious to meet up with his old friend. Severus' eyebrows arched as he read Lucius' request to meet up. Suspicion was second nature to him; therefore, he didn't really know if he could believe that Lucius just wanted to meet up for a friendly chat and a Firewhisky. Even if he were to meet up with the Malfoys, he certainly wouldn't be inviting them to his home. Severus cherished the fact that no one that he was aware of knew the location of his new house. He wasn't about to ruin that just for Lucius Malfoy.

Putting Lucius' letter on the table, he opened the last scroll and recognized Minerva McGonagall's familiar handwriting.

'Severus,

I hope you are well and enjoying the house Dumbledore left for you. I've been there a few times, and it is a truly beautiful place and exactly the kind of place that a person should spend their recovery time. I know today is the day that the Skeeter book comes out. I won't lie to you; I have ordered a copy, in order to see if any of it is actually true. I feel like I know so little about you, that I can't be sure if I'll be able to distinguish reality from fiction. I will have to rely on you for that. I will come to visit you during Easter holidays, and hopefully you can inform me of your decision regarding my offer, and we can comb through the book and I can finally know more of the real you.

Take care,

Minerva.'

Severus put the letter on the table and stared at it, remembering McGonagall's visit at St. Mungo's. She had come in the day after his interrogations had ended. She had looked much older than normal and extremely anxious. She hadn't apologized for not believing in him. She had understood that was the point of the plan. She asked him what his plans were after he left the hospital. He had merely shrugged. He hadn't expected to live that long, so he hadn't planned for the future. McGonagall surprised him with what she had said next.

"Severus, I would like offer you the Defence Against the Dark Arts position, along with Deputy Headmaster, but it comes with a condition." She had begun, looking at him as though he were sitting in her Transfiguration class once again.

"And what would that be?" he had asked, sarcastically. "Chop off my arm to get rid of my Mark?"

McGonagall had narrowed her eyes at him. "No, I want to you take a year off to heal and relax. And I don't want an answer to my proposal until April."

Her response had surprised Severus so much, he found himself speechless. Part of his brain told him to protest, tell her no immediately. His tired body told him that he didn't have the strength to argue. And a small voice inside him asked What am I going to do with the rest of my life?

He had nodded quietly, unable to connect his brain and his mouth.

With a small groan, Severus reached out for the parcel, having a feeling that he knew what it was. McGonagall was entirely too much like Dumbledore, though less manipulative. Ripping away the brown paper, Severus found his face staring up at him once more. The green book was outlined in silver along the spine and around his picture. Above his photo, which he recognised as the picture taken by the Prophet when he was named Headmaster, written in silver was The Secrets of Severus Snape. Below the photo was written, in the same loopy writing and silver ink, By Rita Skeeter, Author of 'The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore'.

The book felt as though it weighed a stone in his hands. There it was: his life exposed. He could see now whether Skeeter had actually got to know the real Severus Snape, or if she had written a book of lies before her death. If she had found out the truth, he would have to relive his horrible past by reading it. If it was false, he could potentially laugh or be extremely angry over the lies she had created about him. He continued to weigh the thick book in his hands, his pulse beginning to race in anticipation. He opened the cover of the book to help alleviate some of his nerves and found a note written on the blank white page that led to the title of the book. It was McGonagall's writing once more.

Use the present to make peace with your past and prepare for your future. M. McGonagall.

Severus' pride had got the best of him many times, and he had the feeling it was going to get the best of him again. He couldn't sit idly by, twiddling his thumbs, while the rest of the world potentially read his deepest, darkest secrets. Taking a deep breath, he turned the first few pages, skipping the introduction that he had read in the Prophet a couple of days previously and found the first chapter, titled "The Pureblood and the Muggle".

Not allowing his eyes to leave the title, Severus flicked his wand and Summoned a bottle of Ogden's and a tumbler. The bottle poured whisky in the glass mid-air and floated over to Severus. He took the tumbler and downed the drink in one swig. He closed his eyes as the amber liquid burned his throat. He would need the sedation. Finally able to breathe again, Severus let his eyes fall back to the page and began reading.

In order to truly understand this mysterious man, we must look at his roots. In my search to learn more about Severus Snape, I located a few people that were very helpful informants; Cygnus Prince, the older brother of his mother, Eileen and Tobias Snape, his father. From their interviews, I was able to put together a sad family history which seems to have shaped young Severus more than he may realize.

'That I am proud to have a son who is braver than I have ever been. And that I hope to be able to see him one day to tell him I'm sorry for being such a rotten father.'

Severus' eyes stung with tears as he let the book fall to his lap, the memory of finding his mother's dead body fresh in his mind. Even though he had killed and witnessed murders as a Death Eater, finding his mother's dead body had haunted him for over twenty years. Reading this chapter had been an emotional overload for Severus. It was not only surprisingly accurate, but also surprising in the fact that his father was still alive. He had assumed his father dead long ago, after failing to find him in the early 1980s. He had assumed his father had drunk himself to death and was probably discovered rotting away in some alleyway. This seemingly changed man made him angry. Fifteen years sober and wanting to apologize for being such a bad father? That was not the Tobias Snape that Severus had grown up knowing, and Severus was pretty sure he didn't want to know as an adult.

He was more intrigued to learn he had a surviving uncle, Cygnus, who had appeared to have wanted to have been in Eileen's life. Severus remembered his mother telling him about her parents and how they had turned her out when she told them her views on Blood Status had altered. When he was twelve, after witnessing another brutal argument between his parents, Severus had asked her if her views on Muggles had changed.

"There are good and bad people in all places, Muggle and Magical. It's a matter of figuring out which they are," she had told him.

Severus had thought his mother to be brainwashed by his father and that his grandparents had probably been right in their views of Muggles. That had only helped to cement his views on Muggles and Muggle-borns, with Lily always remaining as an exception.

Lily.

Severus groaned aloud as he closed the book and put in his head in his hands. He dreaded to read the chapters about her. He already knew how pathetic he had been and knew that reading it in words would only make him feel worse. Shaking his head, he stood up, letting the book fall from his lap to the floor and leaving the living room, desperate for anything to distract him.

A/N: A great big thanks to hexgirl for being my beta and Brit-picker and Iza, for correcting my French.