Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As they arrived back at Hogwarts, Severus started to feel anxious. The evening had felt somewhat like a date – two couples having dinner wasn't the same at all as four people having dinner, in his estimation. For example, if he and Hermione had had dinner with Filius and Minerva, he wouldn't have such qualms about whether to call it a date or not.

But it wasn't exactly like a date, was it? There hadn't been any private moments, really, except when he had collected her from her quarters. Of course, he had told her she looked nice ...

And now they were approaching her quarters, and Severus didn't know what to do. Last night it had seemed perfectly natural to kiss her cheek, but tonight it just wasn't so clear. If she thought it was a date, she'd probably be expecting a real kiss, not a peck on the cheek, and she might be offended if he offered the latter rather than the former. But if she didn't think it was a date, and he did kiss her, she might think him too forward.

The dilemma was fast giving him a headache, and then suddenly, he was out of time.

An awkward silence descended as they paused outside her quarters. He watched her face for some clue of what she expected, but for once, as only his luck would have it, she was inscrutable.

After a moment, she said, "I enjoyed the evening, Severus. Thank you for including me."

He was annoyed to find he couldn't think what to say to that, because he was preoccupied with the realisation that his palms were sweaty. He managed a nod and what he was certain was a tepid smile.

Hermione didn't say anything else, just continued to watch him for a long moment. It was only when her expression started to change to something like disappointment that he realised it had, perhaps, been hopeful. Without giving himself a chance to reconsider, he leaned down and kissed her quickly, tentatively, on the mouth. As he started to draw back, she reached a hand up to hold his head in place, then proceeded to snog him properly.

When at last they drew apart, her cheeks were flushed, her eyes alight, and her breathing rapid and slightly unsteady. She smiled slowly and said, "Good night, Severus." Then she stretched up to kiss him once more, chastely this time, before disappearing into her sitting room.

Severus found himself fighting an unaccountable urge to smile as he headed off to find his own bed.

When the owl post arrived the next morning, Hermione was happily engaged in reliving the pleasure of kissing Severus last night. She was starting to think maybe he really did like her, and maybe he could actually be ready to move on from his feelings for Lily.

So she wasn't paying enough attention to notice Hedwig the Second until the eagle owl had already dropped a letter from Luna into her porridge. Sighing, she nevertheless offered the bird a piece of bacon before fishing the parchment out. Scourgifying it quickly, she perused it as she sipped her tea.

Dear Hermione,

I probably ought to warn you that Harry was rather unhappy when he saw yesterday's Prophet. I had to persuade him not to run haring off to confront the headmaster about his intentions toward you. He seems to feel the recent change in Professor Snape's attitude is suspicious, and he says he wants to make sure you aren't being set up in some way. I tried to convince him you could look out for yourself, but you know how Harry gets, especially when the Nargles are as plentiful as they've been these last few months. Anyway, the only way I could calm him down was to promise we'd have you both to dinner sooner than not. Given all that, if you'd rather not bring the professor with you this time, I'm sure between us we can make Harry see reason.

Luna

Hermione smiled wryly. She should have known Harry would be worried at the prospect of her suddenly 'dating' Severus – or even seeming chummy with him – after all the years of unpleasant relations, especially since she hadn't told him much about the changes in Severus's behaviour in the last couple of months.

She debated internally whether to even ask Severus if he wanted to go. She was fairly certain he wouldn't. He and Harry generally behaved civilly toward one another when forced into each other's company, but so far as Hermione knew, they hadn't progressed so far that a friendly dinner was likely.

On the other hand, Severus probably wouldn't like her making decisions on his behalf. He would say no, most likely, but he would want to do so himself. She supposed it wouldn't hurt to ask him. She hoped.

Regardless, she knew for sure he'd be displeased if she asked him now, in such a public setting. She would ask him about it when she saw him after dinner for their usual meeting, she decided, as she noticed he was finishing his breakfast and preparing to leave the Great Hall. She suppressed a little shiver of attraction as she watched him leave.

She set the letter aside just as Minerva, who had been sitting further down the table, took the seat Neville had vacated next to her ten minutes earlier. "Good morning, Hermione."

"Good morning. How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you, dear. How are you?"

"Great," Hermione said, smiling.

Minerva paused to sip her tea before she asked rather tentatively, "I assume you saw yesterday's Daily Prophet?"

"Yes, I did. I suppose it would have been better to avoid Pansy altogether, but I promise, I tried. Unfortunately, when we met, she started out by trying to provoke me, and only got worse from there."

"Oh ... er ... that wasn't the part I was concerned about, Hermione. Everyone understands why there's bad blood between you and Pansy; nobody expects you wouldn't defend yourself when she insults you." She paused. "I was more concerned about ... well, are you certain you know what you're doing where Severus is concerned?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, dear, it's just ... it's not so long ago that he was quite nasty toward you. He's ... well, complicated."

Hermione chuckled, unconcerned. "I realise that, Minerva. He apologised for his past behaviour weeks ago, and we've become friends since we've been working together on our project. You don't need to worry. Everything is fine."

"If you say so, dear," Minerva said, sounding doubtful. "Severus can be a wonderful friend. I just ... if you're hoping for more than that ... Please be careful, Hermione. I'm not sure he ever really got past his history with Lily Potter, and I'd hate to see you hurt."

"I'll be fine. There's no need to worry," she said again. "Severus is a good man. He wouldn't start something with me if he weren't over her."

"I agree he's a good man, and I even agree he wouldn't purposely hurt you, now that you seem to be friends. But he's never dealt with emotions all that well. It can hurt just as much if it's unintentional – even more, sometimes."

"Don't worry, Minerva. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. Really." The older woman looked like she wanted to continue arguing the point, but Hermione forestalled her. "I have an early meeting with a student, so if you'll excuse me?"

At Minerva's reluctant nod, Hermione hurried out of the Great Hall.

Severus was methodically working his way through the stack of parchments on his desk when the portraits told him Minerva was on her way to see him. Phineas added, "Looks like she's on a mission, too, Severus."

Great. Severus could just imagine what she wanted to discuss. He was rather surprised it had taken her this long to come and scold him about his purported relationship with her pet lioness. Well, he admitted silently, after that kiss last night, it's starting to seem like an actual relationship, isn't it?

He considered for a moment whether there would be any benefit to escaping through one of the hidden corridors, but quickly gave it up as a bad idea. For one thing, it smacked of cowardice, and for another, Minerva could be more stubborn than practically anyone he knew (with the possible exception of Hermione). Since he couldn't avoid her forever, he concluded it would be better to let her get it out of her system immediately.

That decided, he opened the door with a negligent wave of his wand and then continued with the latest budget projections until she arrived.

"Oh, good, you're here, Severus," Minerva began moments later. Severus made her wait several seconds as he made a note on the parchment, put it aside, and removed his glasses.

"Where else would I be? It's the middle of a Monday afternoon, and I work here."

"Yes, well, I wanted to talk to you about Hermione."

"What about her?" Severus reasoned that just because he knew what she was going to say didn't mean he had to make it easy for her.

She glared at him. "You know exactly what, Severus. What on earth are you thinking, messing around with Hermione, of all people? Two months ago you hated her! I hope this isn't some plot to get her hopes up and then crush her for good."

Severus glared back, beginning to get irritated. "Nice to know what you really think of me, Minerva. And here I thought we were friends."

"We are friends, and if it were anyone else, it would never have occurred to me to think that, but you've always been completely irrational where she's concerned. The change in your behaviour toward her is rather sudden, especially for you."

"What does that mean, 'especially for me?' Do you think I can't change?" Severus was fast becoming truly affronted. Did she really think so poorly of him?

"Really, Severus, must you take offence at everything I say? It's not that I don't think you can change – it's that you've never shown any inclination to change in all the years I've known you. Now suddenly you appear to be dating someone you've hated for the fifteen years you've known her? If you must know, I'm worried about you."

"Really? Because thus far, you've sounded remarkably worried about Hermione, but I haven't heard any evidence that you're worried about me." Hearing himself, Severus hoped that didn't sound as pathetic to her as it did to him.

"Have you considered that you're her supervisor? How do you think that looks for either one of you? She doesn't need another scandal after what Ronald Weasley did to her, and you don't need one with your history, either. Not everyone understands and loves you the way your friends do, you know."

Softening slightly, Severus said, "I don't really care for the opinions of strangers, Minerva. My behaviour has changed because once I gave her a chance, I discovered I actually like Hermione. Believe me, no one could be more surprised than I am, but there it is. I'm not going to let the uninformed masses dictate who I attach myself to. It's not as though I have so many friends that I can afford to give up any of them, is it?"

"I suppose not," Minerva allowed. "But Severus, her feelings for you appear to go deeper than friendship. Are you sure you can handle that?"

Severus opened his mouth to deny it was anything more than friendship, but what came out instead was, "Is anyone sure they can handle that? As far as I know, the only way to answer that is to try it."

"Yes, but do you really want to try that? I hate to bring up ancient history, but you've had no room for anyone but Lily Potter for more than thirty years."

"That's not true," Severus replied in quick defence, regretting it when he saw Minerva's surprised look. Taking a deep breath, he confessed a truth he'd kept secret for the last eight years. "I let go of Lily soon after I realised I had survived the war. She was never mine, anyway, and when everything else was finished, that was finished, too. I've had little enough energy for the past eight years – I couldn't afford to waste any of it pining for a dead woman who was never mine to begin with."

"So, that's it?" Minerva sounded sceptical. "Twenty-odd years in which practically everything you did was for her, and suddenly she doesn't matter anymore?"

"It's not that she doesn't matter anymore, exactly. It's more that she's part of my past, not my future. But Hermione could be, if people will let us give it a chance."

Minerva sighed, her features softening. "All right, Severus. I hope you know what you're doing. Relationships between co-workers can get complicated, even without the sort of uncomfortable past you have, both with her and with everything else. And considering your relative positions, and both of your personalities, I shudder to think what would happen if it didn't work out between you."

"As of this moment, she hasn't rescinded her resignation, so that point may be moot, although I've asked her to reconsider. I hope she decides to stay, but our personal relationship does not depend upon that. Nor, for that matter, does her professional standing have anything to do with any personal relationship we might be developing. Now, I believe it's time for dinner. Shall I escort you to the Great Hall?"

Minerva didn't look happy, but she seemed to recognise that he would refuse to discuss the topic any further. Instead, as they left his office, she asked, "Will there be money in the budget next year to add the new greenhouse Pomona and Neville want, do you think?"

When Hermione arrived at Severus's lab that evening, she wasn't sure what to expect. She had hardly caught a glimpse of Severus all day – just at meals, really, and someone else had always seemed to be commanding his attention. Or maybe he had reverted to avoiding her? It certainly seemed so, as he wasn't there waiting for her like he usually did. Reminding herself that he might have been detained by other duties, she mechanically began getting out the ingredients they would need tonight. As she did, she mulled over what might – or might not – be happening between them.

The truth was, despite her confident words to Minerva earlier, she really wasn't entirely sure Severus was looking for more than friendship with her. Or maybe friendship with a little sex thrown in. After all, she had snogged him last night – he had really just given her a tiny kiss, and he hadn't seemed sure he wanted to do that much. Then she had practically attacked him ... though his response to her kiss had seemed plenty enthusiastic, she mused. But that could just be the normal male response to being thoroughly snogged by a seemingly willing female ...

Minerva's comments about Severus's long-lasting feelings for Lily had suddenly reawakened her memories of how desperate he had seemed for Lily's forgiveness when he was in hospital eight years ago, and how certain he had been that he had nothing to live for without her. What if he just figured he could at least have a passable shag, even if he could never love anyone besides Lily?

By the time Severus arrived twenty minutes late, Hermione had herself almost convinced that whereas she was starting to fall for him, he probably was just passing time with her because Lily wasn't available. She examined his face carefully for any sign that she was wrong, but as usual, his expression gave nothing away. He didn't say anything right away, which seemed to confirm her fears. Eventually, he asked, "How's the potion coming along?"

Deciding he apparently wanted to forget the whole thing, she forced herself to keep her tone even as she responded, "Fine. You're late."

He seemed wary at her tone, so maybe it wasn't quite as even as she had hoped. Still, he said calmly, "I was arranging a Portkey for James Lichtmann to Germany. His grandmother in Berlin is ill, and his parents requested his presence." Lichtmann was a third-year Hufflepuff, a sweet boy who reminded Hermione a bit of Neville when she first knew him.

"Oh, I hope she'll be all right," Hermione said, distracted from her own worries by concern for her student. "The ingredients are almost ready. Just the asphodel left."

Taking the hint, Severus began separating the dried flowers from their stems. They worked in silence for a few minutes, until it started to feel awkward again. Eventually, Hermione couldn't stand the silence any longer. "If you want to pretend last night didn't happen, just say so."

Severus's hands stilled for a moment before he resumed crushing the petals, looking uncomfortable. After a seemingly endless silence, he said, "That would probably be best."

Hermione busied herself rearranging the ingredients until she could swallow the lump in her throat and reply. "Fine." It came out as a squeak – she wasn't even sure Severus heard her, since he didn't respond. Realising she was either going vomit, or worse, cry in front of him if she kept trying to swallow her hurt and disappointment, she managed, "I have to ... I feel ..." Her knife clattered to the table and she ran for the relative sanctuary of the corridor.