Donovan's Bear

A/N: This is the first installment of the Hilltop Chronicles, written for my own benefit, because I cannot seem to leave this world behind. Each story will be a one-shot. Please let me know your thoughts.

Many, many thanks to ARo for the beta. Huge hug, honey. You know why.

Donovan's Bear

The house in Spinner's End was dark and cold. The last of the coal had been used the night before, and Eileen Snape pulled her woollen cardigan tighter around her thin frame as she padded in stocking feet up the dimly-lit stairs to check on Severus.

He was restless in his cot. The blankets she had tucked around him had been kicked away, and he started to rub his eyes and whimper softly as she pushed open the creaky door. The boy's room was freezing, and not for the first time, Eileen wished that she still had her wand. A Warming Charm would have soon settled the boy, but Tobias had put an end to that when he snapped her wand in two during a particularly heated row. Pushing the memory to one side, she put the blankets back snugly and stroked Severus' pale cheek, humming 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' softly to him. His straight, black hair clung to his round face like a cap, and she gently mussed it with her fingertips. Her heart was torn as she looked down at his now sleeping form, and with a tinge of guilt, she hoped that he would grow up to be a Squib.

The front door opened and slammed shut below them, the whole house reverberating from the force. As Eileen stiffened and turned to leave the room, her toe caught something below the cot. It was the teddy she had bought for Severus just after he was born, and now, at ten months, he had started to throw it about for fun. Truth be told, it was his only toy, and he dragged it about with him wherever he went.

She lifted the bear quickly and dropped it at the foot of the cot so that Severus would find it when he woke and closed the door softly behind her as she left the room.

***

Severus was five. He sat in his room, huddled in the corner at the end of his bed with his chin on his knees. He had stopped crying a while ago, but his dirty face still bore the tracks of his tears. He rubbed his nose on the sleeve of his jumper and tried to shut out the noises from downstairs.

Daddy was angry again, and Mummy had been shaking when she told him to go to his room. He didn't want to go. Mummy was scared, and he wanted to stay with her. But she would have been angry with him then, so he ran up the stairs as fast as he could. He heard Mummy telling Daddy that she had dropped the plate, but it wasn't her at all. Severus didn't know why the plate had broken. He just wanted it, and it had flown towards him without him knowing why.

Daddy was still shouting, but Severus couldn't hear his mother now. He was frightened. Reaching out a thin arm, he grabbed his teddy, Albert, and wrapped his arms around him tightly, burying his wet eyes into his soft, furry body.

***

Severus was nine years old, and he had a wand of his very own. He was careful to hide it whenever his father was in the house, and Mother had made him swear that he would never practice his magic when his father was home, or in front of any other children. Mother had a new wand, too, and she kept it under her mattress. Sometimes, when Severus was at school and his father was working, he knew that Mother used her wand to help her with the cleaning. He never saw her using it, but he could feel it.

Severus was lying on his bed, lazily moving his wand around in slow circles. Above him, just below the ceiling, Albert the bear was flying like Batman. Severus had used an old handkerchief to make him a cape, and it flared out behind him as he moved him round and round with his wand.

Severus thought it would be brilliant to fly like Albert one day.

***

Severus was seventeen. His father had just died, and for the first time in a very long time, he felt almost happy. He was home for the funeral, which meant he had a break from school and chance to spend some time with Mother.

He stood in front of the mirror on the inside of his wardrobe door and straightened his robes. They were too big. He thought he looked a bit like a bat. As he closed the door, his eye was drawn to a cardboard box that sat on top of the wardrobe, covered in a thin layer of dust. He pulled the box down and sat on the bed to open it.

Albert stared one-eyed at him from the box. Mother must have put him in there. She had even made a bed for him out of one of Severus' old jumpers. He smirked and rolled his eyes before replacing the lid and throwing the box back where he had found it.

He glanced briefly around the room and grimaced. God, he hated this house and this room in particular. Suddenly he couldn't wait to go back to school. Lucius had promised to introduce him to Tom. Things would be different then. He'd make sure Mother didn't have to live in this dump, that's for sure.

***

Severus felt like he was going to be sick. He stood on the rug in the front room of the house, watching as people moved around him as if in slow-motion. The woman from the local shop had brought milk and tea. Mrs Bennett, Mother's only friend, fussed about, plumping cushions and casting sympathetic glances in his direction. There were other people, shadowy, hazy figures he could barely acknowledge through the fog.

The tattoo on his arm throbbed. It always did, but right now it was just a dull ache.

Mother was dead, and he only felt the wrenching pain of her loss and the deep desire to tell everyone to fuck off and leave him alone.

He didn't know how long he had stood in the middle of the room on his own, but the silence eventually seeped through his grief, and he realised then that everyone had left. He hadn't spoken to anyone.

He didn't know what to do, so he did what he had always done and trudged, unseeing, up the stairs and along the hallway to his bedroom. He sat on his bed, which was far too small for him, and still didn't know what to do. Like the pricking of small needles, memories of his childhood flashed before him, drawing fresh blood. Anger bubbled up inside him, and unconsciously, he withdrew his wand and put the force of all of his grief behind the hexes that he shot around the room, not aiming, not seeing, just feeling with an intensity that felt powerful and frightening all at the same time.

Shards of wood and glass splintered around him. His wardrobe was no more. He shielded himself as the debris flew his way, and then he sank to his knees and grabbed what was left of his only childhood friend. The bear was in pieces, and an anguished sob finally broke free from Severus' throat.

Albert looked pathetic. One of his legs had gone, his head was hanging on by a thread, and most of his stuffing was floating about the room, vying with the bits of sawdust and dust motes for airspace.

Later, Severus sat on the floor of his room, calmer now but still surrounded by broken furniture, and he slowly stitched Albert back together. It was what Mother would have done.

***

Severus was older and wiser now. He pulled his jumper smoothly over his head, shaking his black hair loose as he checked his reflection. His stomach was full of butterflies and anticipation, and for the umpteenth time that evening, the face of his son swam in front of his vision.

He had a son now. The sense of awe and responsibility settled onto his shoulders, and it felt comfortable and exciting at the same time. He would make sure that Donovan's childhood was as far removed from his own as possible. There would be laughter, love, and tactile affection. There would be magic, lots of magic, and plenty of foolish (but safe) wand-waving. He would buy him a broom, there was room in the garden behind Hilltop Cottage and it was safe enough as long as he didn't fly too high. He would decorate his bedroom in bright, cheerful colours and encourage him to love books as much as his mother.

One last look in the mirror and he shrugged. There wasn't much he could do to improve the image that he saw, but he had a feeling Hermione wasn't much interested in looks anyway.

Hermione. His heart clenched. He still loved her, although he had yet to tell her.

Slowly, Severus. Don't jump the gun. It's still early days. Who knows where this is going, really? But there is hope, certainly.

As an afterthought, Severus went into his old room and lifted his old teddy bear from his resting place on top of the wardrobe. Deciding that Albert also deserved a second chance, he shrank him and slipped him into the pocket of his jeans.

***

'Shhhh,' Severus whispered. Donovan's hands clasped the front of his jumper tightly as his sobs slowly abated, and Severus kissed his forehead gently before sitting him in his cot and searching for a change of clothes.

Immediately, Donovan stood up in the cot, his dark eyes unblinking as he stared back up at the man who was his Daddy. He was too young to understand, but when he was older, Severus would tell him everything.

'You know, Lexie is very kind to you, Donovan. You will have to learn to control where you throw your food in future,' Severus murmured, arching an eyebrow at his child.

Donovan giggled as Severus removed his dirty t-shirt and joggers, and he jumped into his arms as he lifted him to get his playful legs inside his pyjama bottoms. He was very close to Severus' face, and he explored the large nose and dark hair with his hands before planting a soppy kiss on his lips.

Severus was stunned. Tears started to fill his eyes as he held his son against his chest, and they threatened to spill until Donovan giggled again. Severus chuckled with him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

'Amazing,' he murmured. 'Here. I have a gift for you,' he said seriously. With one hand, he fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the tiny bear. He placed it in the cot, withdrew his wand and transformed Albert to his normal size. Immediately, Donovan stretched to grab him, and Severus lifted the bear for him to reach. Donovan grabbed him by his arm and smiled happily.

'This is Albert,' Severus whispered, fighting to stop the lump in his throat.

''Bert...' Donovan repeated.

'If you like.' Severus smiled. 'Come on. Let's go and find your mother.'

***

They were entwined in her bed once again. Finally. Severus felt his heartbeat return to its usual rhythm and his breathing slowed, and he extracted himself from between her legs, slick and sticky from sweat and other bodily fluids.

She pulled him back, not wanting him so leave her side so soon, and he smiled down at her before bending to capture her lips with his.

'Missed you,' he said quietly.

Hermione giggled. 'I noticed.'

'I'll show you again, if you like,' he said suggestively, then stifled a yawn.

Hermione laughed loudly. 'Maybe you should have a snooze and recover, first?'

'You've killed me with your insatiable appetites,' he moaned, flopping exhausted onto the pillows beside her.

'Severus, even the most virile of men couldn't go more than four times in one night,' she insisted.

'Aha. So you admit I am still a sex-god, then?' he teased.

'I'll admit that if you tell me about that horrid bear,' she mused.

Damn. He was hoping she had forgotten about it.

'The bear?' He wondered if he could stall her, and his hand drifted to her exposed breast and pert, pebbled nipple. She batted him away.

'Don't change the subject,' she said with a smile in her voice. 'The bear. Now.'

'It was a toy my mother bought for me. It's been sitting in a box for years. I just thought Donovan might like it,' he said blandly.

'Is he special? The bear, I mean?' Hermione propped herself on her elbow in order to see his face.

'Not really. He's just a bear,' Severus said quietly.

Hermione knew he was lying, but she said nothing.

***

The house was fully of people. Donovan sat on the bottom step and observed as Mummy ran to the door and let even more people in. He was waiting for Megan, his friend from school. There were other children playing in the garden already. Uncle Harry and Auntie Ginny were already here and Nana Minerva. She had come by Floo, and as soon as she saw him, she had scooped him up for a hug and planted a dry kiss on his cheek. He didn't mind, because she had brought him a birthday present, but Daddy wouldn't let him open it until everyone was here.

The doorbell went again.

'Donovan, that's Megan. Do you want to let her in?' Mummy was now in the kitchen, giving out drinks.

He leapt from the step to the front door in one jump and grinned from ear to ear as he saw Megan on the doorstep. She was holding a present out to him gravely, and in her other hand, she was holding her teddy bear. It looked quite new and it had pink fur. Donovan was disappointed. Megan had told him her bear was lovely, but it just looked girly.

A cough behind him alerted him to the presence of Daddy, and he turned around with wide eyes.

'Donovan, invite your guest inside. Never leave people on the doorstep unless they are your enemy,' Severus chided.

'Yes, Daddy,' he said with a smirk. He knew what an enemy was, Daddy had explained it once. Megan was not an enemy, so he invited her in.

Severus watched as Donovan led the curly-haired girl through and into the garden and shook his head. Why he had agreed to this, he had no idea. He caught Hermione's amused glance and shrugged. He was about to go and find a drink when Donovan ran, panting, back into the house.

'Daddy!' he shouted in panic. 'I forgot Bert!'

Severus held his hand up, and Donovan stopped dead in his tracks. 'No running in the house, remember?' he said softly, tousling Donovan's silky black hair. 'Go and save him a seat. I'll get him.'

Severus walked into the crowded garden carrying his precious cargo and handed him solemnly to Donovan, who placed him on the chair between himself and Megan at the table.

Harry walked over to him and handed him a beer. 'Hard to believe he's four already, isn't it?' He nodded in Donovan's direction.

'Hmm,' Severus murmured before taking a drink.

'This was his idea, was it?' Harry said, with a hint of amusement in his voice.

'Actually, no. I thought that a Teddy Bears' picnic was an ideal way to celebrate my son's fourth birthday, and he seemed to agree,' Severus replied flatly.

Harry looked at Severus and for a brief moment thought he was serious. Then he let out a huge guffaw, slapping Severus on his shoulder.

Hermione walked from the house, carrying a large cake with four candles burning merrily on top. Severus was immediately at her side.

'You shouldn't be carrying anything this heavy,' he berated her.

'Don't be silly, Severus. I'm only three months gone; it won't do me any harm.' Hermione let him take the cake anyway and gave Ginny a rueful smile.

'He's going to be impossible, isn't he?' Ginny laughed.

'He already is.' She sighed.

A baritone voice started to sing Happy Birthday, and for a brief moment, Severus sang solo and everyone stared at him before joining in. Afterwards, Severus cut the cake; and no-one said a word as he handed two paper plates to Donovan, one for his son...

... And one for the bear.

The End