22. Reflection
Chapter 22 of 22
JinxieInsight into Severus's thoughts of everything going on around him.
Usual Disclaimer: They’re not mine; I only borrow and abuse them only to return them for others to do the same.
Memories of his time with Lily, of Hermione, the war and thoughts of what could have been flitted through his mind over the past week. To say his mind was in turmoil was putting it mildly. After Lily’s rejection he never thought himself to be in a position of being a father. Nor had he wanted to be. But there were times he woke in the night, cheeks wet with grief of what nearly was with Hermione. If he had known about the pregnancy at the time, he would have demanded she terminate the child, if not machinated its demise without Hermione’s consent. But, now that this child – his son, had been taken away from him, knowing how dearly Hermione must have wanted it to have attempted leaving everyone and everything she loved behind… He couldn’t fathom the depth of meaning and possibility that was now out of his reach. It was for closure that he decided he would attend their funeral service, even if he was stood at the back, watching from a distance.
The irony of holding the funeral service at Godric’s Hollow wasn’t lost on Severus. Funny how two women I’ve shared affection for are both to be buried within mere feet of one another. He thought to himself as he wound his way closer to the graveyard.
“This is a place which is not a place
In a time which is not a time
Halfway between the worlds of the Gods and of mortals.”
The clear voice of the officiants called out, carried to his ears on the wind as he wound his way through the crunching dead leaves in the graveyard to the service. The sense of mournfulness and grief of the other guests became increasingly stronger and more oppressive to him as he approached. Thankfully, the media hadn’t turned this into a circus; it was a small affair, fitting for a woman who didn’t like the fuss and attention of those outside of her close-knit circle.
The officiants, which he had seen at various burials after the war, weren’t entirely that important. They were just your standard ministry sanctioned ministers. The guests, who came to pay their respects, were important. They were the ones who would remember you after your time comes. There couldn’t have been more than twenty people there. The Weasleys and two Muggles whom he could only assume were Hermione’s parents were there along with Potter and the youngest Weasley son. Of course, Minerva and Hagrid would be in attendance, as well as Longbottom and that Lovegood girl. He’d seen worse. But, then again, Hermione wouldn’t have wanted a large public display. The people dearest and most important were there to see her off on this final journey.
AN: The words Severus hears are not my own, but quoted from: http://www.ladyoftheearth.com/rituals/wiccan-funeral.txt
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Latest 25 Reviews for To Know What I Have Done...
120 Reviews | 5.78/10 Average
I'm so glad to see this update. This is a lovely story. Well, if you can call Hermione being injured, and everyone thinking she and the baby are dead lovely, anyway :) I hope you continue to update as I am very invested in seeing what happens to all of them.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Aw, thank you! He he, it is a bit of a rum situation at the moment, isn't it?Yes, I will definitely finish this story, though it may take me a bit of time. I will get there!Thank you, again, for reading and reviewing! :)
Aww. we all need our mums. :)
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Definitely. ;)Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Powder blue is much more refined then lime green. We Southern hemispherites know this. :)
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
LOL. Definitely understated.Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
And there was I thinking I tormented Severus. I've got nothing on you, babe! :P
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
LOL. I rather enjoy a sexually frustrated Snape more than a Snape-in-the-dark (oh dear, I think I've just created a challenge that is begging to be put out there). Thank you, your praise means a lot! :)
I'm glad that Corvus is still alive as well as Hermione...but of course, that begs the question of why his name disappeared from the Hogwarts registry. You've already made it clear that Corvus isn't a Squib, since his name would never have appeared if that had been the case. For that matter, when are you going to let Severus know that both Corvus and Hermione survived? If I'm not mistaken, he's still under the mistaken impression that both of them are dead. I hope you won't keep him in the dark much longer...that would be cruel, and the man has been through enough in his life.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
As of right now Corvus has left the country with the intention (at the moment) to not return to Britain, so his name has disappeared from the list. You're correct that he's mistaken in his belief that they are dead. Don't worry, he will find out soon that they're still alive.Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
I'm so glad you updated. I've missed this story. Thanks for the happy chapter.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Aw, I'm glad to hear it. 
You've made my day!Thank you for reading and reviewing! More to come soon(ish). :)
But Severus still has to find them - and Harry, will he know where to look?
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Harry is a font of information. But, he assumes Severus has already been told and is dealing with it in his own way.Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
Oh! You threw me off for a second! I didn't expect to read a chapter from this perspective!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
He he he. Glad you enjoyed it.Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
"I just love this line: Inferi are a rare sight these days, plus babies make dreadful Inferi. What would it do - spit milk at you to achieve its objective? That's just the sort of random thought I'd expect a shocked Severus to have ... Nicely done! :)
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
He he he. Thank you! I'm surprised no one else commented on it. :\",3/28/11 1:51,9/1/20 17:56,0,
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
182640,17820,23561,"Awwww! Poor Severus -- no one thinking to tell him they aren't dead! :( Hopefully
Well, that's a relief, but I hope someone thinks to tell Severus. Poor guy.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Yes, poor Severus and quite the relief. Now, does he know or do we assume he knows?Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)
Well, that's a relief. But now Severus has to find out...hooboy.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Yes, now to find out. Should prove interesting to him.Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
I'm so glad she's alive!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
He he he. Me too!Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
Severus' head must be spinning, nonetheless.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Spinning to put it blunt. Quite a bit to take in for one day. ;)Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Oh. My. God! Severus can't find out anything at St Mungo's. They aren't at St Michael's morgue. No one at the Ministry of Magic will tell him anything... other than a couple of Aurors who were overheard discussing plans for Hermione's funeral!Hey! I've got an idea... how 'bout the MLE planning a funeral for someone who isn't dead to try to catch the murderer? That'll work! Won't it? WON'T IT?If anything's happened to Hermione and the baby, I'm gonna wring Dolohov's neck myself. Severus must go see Harry next. Before I have heart failure.Thanks for another wild chapter, Jinxie! 
Beth
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
The next chapter's in the queue, so you'll just have to wait and see. Thank you for sticking with the story and reviewing! :)
Hope springs eternal. :)
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Indeed. ;)
Oh noes! :0
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
It's not entirely as bleak as it seems. ;)
The poor guy is disgusted and upset that they have lost Hermione and the baby which is completely understandable. I, on the other hand, am happy that they aren't at St. Michael's. It means there is still a chance that there was a misunderstanding and they are not dead. I shall hold out hope ...
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Disgust is just part of what he's feeling at the moment. More of Severus' feelings will be revealed in another chapter when he has time to absorb all of what's happened. He's only just found out he's fathered a child,and now cannot find closure or information as he can't find either mother or child... It's quite a lot to take in for a normal persona, let alone Severus.More to come soon (honest), and thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
I've had a chapter I've been working on for I think three years now. I cannot, for the life of me, get it written. Like, the following FIVE chapters are complete. So I feel you.
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
I hate that! You get a story mapped in your mind, have snippets of it in exact detail of how you want it to go, but you have point A and point C clearly, but point B won't co-operate! Story of my life. (If that made sense, congratulations.) Sometimes cutting out that chapter and alluding to how you wanted it to happen in later chapters is the way to go forward. Or time, but time's a bugger.Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
Response from cmwinters (Reviewer)
It made perfect sense!
It's a great story, Jinxie. And I'm so happy (yay!!!) that you had a chance to update now! I especially like the fact that you leave cliffhangers at the end of what seems like every chapter. It keeps me salivating for more!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Aw, thank you for sticking with it! He he, the cliffhangers keep you coming back for more. 
The next chapter should be in the queue later today. :)
this is so sad! It's so awful. Poor Severus!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Yes, poor Severus. He's not getting very far with the information side of everything. Hopefully information will be made revealed to him soon.Thank you for reading and reviewing all the chapters! :)
oh dear
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Yes, unfortunately Severus is a bit of a loss at the moment isn't he?Thanks (again) for sticking with it! :)
oh nnoo. Poor thing. Poor Severus waiting alone!!!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Yes, misunderstandings are rife in this story I'm afraid.Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)
very good. I can't wait to read more!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
I'm glad you've enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
oh dear! Poor Hermione. Poor Severus!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
Yes, misunderstandings abound.Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I am just so glad to see your update. I hoped that this story would be finished...especially since it is at such a heartbreaking part! I like how you only reveal snippets of the larger story in each chapter..it keeps me wanting more and to shake some certain characters for their stubbron pride.... Thanks for the update and looking forward to more!
Response from Jinxie (Author of To Know What I Have Done...)
No, it's not abandoned. It will be finished, it's just taking me longer to get time to myself as I work nights and have two small children (and a grown toddler husband). The snippets have been fun to write as they make up the whole instead of seeing too much of one side and not the other. It lets you see the whole picture, even though they can't - just yet.Thank you for reading and reviewing! More to come soon (honest). :)