Resolutions

Snape stared at the fabric canopy of Tonks' four-poster bed, listening to an owl hooting outside. New Year revellers had long since retired, and moonlight shone faintly through the large leaded windows of the bedroom. It was not necessary to draw the curtains around the bed or even to dress the windows; the room remained sufficiently warm, and the glass had been enchanted with a Reflection Charm, to protect inhabitants from Peeping Toms.

Tonks lay by his side, awake, with one arm curled underneath her head.

Snape arose to check that the tawny owl's cry was not an attempt to deliver a message. It was not. The small brown bird was perched on the hanging board outside Zonko's, surveying the high street for signs of passing vermin. Suddenly, with a silent flutter of wings, the bird of prey swooped towards the road and vanished into the night.

"Can't sleep?" Tonks said quietly.

He ran his fingers through his matted black mane, combing out knots with hair-sore tugs, until most of his hair was fastened in the nape of his neck by his hand. Tonks watched him, fascinated. Snape released the locks of hair and slid back into bed, sitting up against the headboard, wearing only his underpants and an unbuttoned shirt.

She turned over and rested her head on her elbow. "It's not the owl keeping you awake, is it?" she said perceptively.

Snape didn't answer. Ever since they'd returned to Tonks' quarters, his somnolence had been stolen by the thought of the approaching conversation. There were things he needed to know, and he was also worried he would be expected to develop feelings for Tonks. Now that she was attempting to open a dialogue with him, he knew he had to find the courage to respond or be forever trapped in turmoil and uncertainty.

Talking about emotions was usually something Snape avoided, and he felt loath to do it now, even though he knew it would be beneficial in the long run. He assured himself that he would not actually be wearing his heart on his sleeve but merely a fragment of it: one of the tiny, damaged pieces of muscle and sinew.

"What's troubling you, Severus?"

He banged his head gently against the mahogany headboard. "Us. This relationship."

Tonks didn't move or speak, and she waited for him to continue.

Snape's heart thudded against his chest wall, and he felt uncomfortably warm. He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth, and gathered courage from his hidden reserves. "I need to know what this is," he said, his voice strained. "I need to understand what we are doing."

Tonks laid a hand on his arm. "We're having some fun, Severus, that's all."

"No, you don't understand," he replied harshly, although he felt partially relieved. "I require some rules of conduct, some behavioural parameters. I have never... partaken... of this kind of relationship before."

Tonks snorted and removed her arm. "Neither have I."

Snape looked at her pale face reflected in the half-light. She appeared insulted.

"I was not implying that you had," he returned.

Mollified, Tonks rolled onto her back and stared at the shadowy canopy above.

"I merely wish to understand how our... arrangement... is to work," Snape clarified.

"It's just sex," she said after a while. "Friends... with benefits."

"Friends," Snape repeated. The word hung in the air like a viper waiting to strike. It seemed wrong, implied too much amity, and sounded... terrifying. He did not require friendship. Not with her. Not with anyone. He needed the boundaries to be clear. "Comrades," he offered tacitly.

Tonks laughed under her breath. "I believe Muggles call it 'fuck buddies'."

"Charming."

"Indeed."

Snape allowed the tight, constricted air in his chest to escape with a long breath out. "So, we each undertake to make ourselves available to the other, within reason, at times of our choosing, without fear of emotional attachment?"

"Blimey, Severus, are you sure you haven't done this before?"

"Quite sure. Emotional detachment is vital for my role. I do not need to be embroiled in romantic mire, whilst dancing to the tune of two masters."

"You do have plenty on your plate," Tonks conceded.

A flush of satisfaction spread through Snape, and he smiled to himself.

"What about outside appearances?" Tonks asked after a short pause. "I don't want our liaisons to be discovered."

"Nor do I," Snape agreed. "The enchantments protecting this residence allow me to Apparate inside the building. I expect you shall be able to make use of one of the secret passages from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, should you so desire."

"You've got it all figured out."

"There's a lot at stake if this affair becomes public knowledge," Snape replied curtly.

He knew he'd rather not have to explain their relationship to the Dark Lord; that would require weaving yet another tapestry of deceit in front of the eyes of the world's most accomplished Legilimens, and Merlin knew the intricate web of lies was complicated enough already.

Tonks sighed, the weight of repercussion lying heavily on her breath. "There's something else we should talk about," she said nervously.

"Contraception?" Snape asked shortly.

"No, not that," she replied, "but rest assured I take care of that once a month at New Moon."

"What, then?"

"Remus," she whispered.

Snape's breath caught on the back of his throat. "What about him?"

"If he comes back..."

"From the werewolf pack?"

"No. What if he comes back to me."

Snape couldn't answer. An iron-clad fist had grabbed hold of his heart, wringing it dry. He might not have any romantic feelings for Tonks, but he couldn't bear the thought of losing another woman to one of the Marauders.

"He must never know about this, Severus," she continued. "No-one must know."

"Agreed," Snape replied hoarsely.

Conversation died and silence lingered like dense fog. Soon, Tonks was fast asleep. Snape, however, took some time to fall into peaceful slumber.

Snape's mouth tasted like the floor of the Hog's Head when he awoke. His thumping headache suggested he had drunk more than he had realised the night before. Tonks lay by his side, her breathing sounds heavy and rhythmic, untidy mousey-brown hair sticking up in tufts, her lips softly parted. Snape watched her sleeping for a while and then turned to face the morning sunshine which streamed through the windows. Daylight shimmered against the amethyst ornamentation, illuminating the room with the cold, thready light of winter.

It was the first day of 1997, and the year had commenced like no other before. To begin with, Snape had spent the night with a woman and not felt the need to flee the scene. This time the cold light of day had not revealed folly or misconception; instead it revealed tentative buds of contentment and an unfamiliar sense of reparation. Somewhere deep within, Snape was at ease with his choice and satisfied with the situation. He had found a companion who understood his needs and asked little of him in return. She would give herself bodily to him, without demanding his time, fidelity, or love. He would give her the only thing he could offer in return.

She stirred briefly and muttered something under her breath. The sound of her own voice seemed to rouse her, and she blinked sleepy eyes as she resurfaced from a dream. Tonks turned over and pressed her naked body into his back, her breath warm and ticklish through the thin material covering his shoulder. Her hand slipped under his arm and snuck inside his shirt, gently kneading the spare, lean muscles of his chest.

"Take this off," she whispered into his ear, pulling at the front of his white cotton shirt.

Snape felt a knot plunge and twist in his stomach. He had no plans to remove his shirt and allow her to see his Dark Mark; he had shown it once before in public, and that was more than enough for a lifetime.

He pushed himself off the bed and fastened his buttons with nimble fingers. "Do you want coffee?" he asked.

Tonks slumped back against her pillow and sighed. "Yes, please. That would be nice."

Snape found his trousers and socks thrown over a chair, pulled them on, and then picked up his wand. He ambled into the kitchenette and opened the cupboards, to find that all supplies of food and drink had been left untouched. With a sudden pop, Impy the house-elf appeared in the kitchen and jumped with surprise at the sight of the male house-guest.

"I didn't summon you, elf! What are you doing here?" Snape hissed.

The elf shrank a little bit and took a step back. "Impy apologises, Professor Snape, Impy was instructed to arrive whenever Madam Tonks was in the kitchen."

"I am not Madam Tonks," Snape said, sneering.

"Impy realises that now, sir. Impy is sorry. Impy will go."

Tonks appeared at the doorway wearing a towelling robe. "No need to go, Impy. We'd like coffee, black, with a pot of sugar."

Impy bowed and vanished promptly, leaving Tonks and Snape glaring at each other.

"I'm not having Impy punishing himself because of you," Tonks said.

Snape slammed the cupboard door shut. "It's lucky I instructed that elf not to speak of my visits to anyone."

Tonks' lips pursed.

"What are you doing, asking him to appear whenever you step into the kitchen? Are you completely devoid of simple skills?" he asked, aggravated.

Tonks shifted on her feet, and she crossed her arms. "I'm not very good with household spells, and, well, I don't have much of an appetite these days. Plus, the first time I tried to brew up, I was bitten on the nose by a joke teacup. It put me off," she said with a hint of embarrassment.

Quickly, Impy reappeared with a tray. He placed coffee, hot milk, sugar and two large mugs on the small tabletop and left without saying a word.

"You've frightened him," Tonks said as she sat down and dropped two sugar cubes into her cup.

Snape exhaled with a low growl.

"Sit down," Tonks instructed him. "Drink your coffee."

Manoeuvred into supplication, Snape pulled up a chair and took a long gulp of his drink. The coffee was excellent. He closed his eyes.

"Now you know why I ask Impy to make me coffee," Tonks said.

From the tone in her voice, Snape could see her smile, even with his eyes closed. They sat quietly until they had finished their coffee.

The silence was eventually broken by the sensation of burning skin on Snape's left forearm, and he stood up with a jolt, clutching his Dark Mark reflexively.

"I must leave immediately," he said.

Without giving Tonks a moment to respond, he paced through the hallway and into the bedroom, where he quickly retrieved the remainder of his clothes.

He passed Tonks on his way out of the apartment.

"When will I see you again, Severus?"

"Tonight," he replied.

Snape shut the door behind him, took out his wand, and donned his Death Eater robes. Affixing his mask, he was pleased that Tonks had not seen him appearing that way.

He pushed the memory of her to the back of his mind and Disapparated away from the cold, windless air of Hogsmeade.

Snape had not wished to spend New Year's Day at Malfoy Manor with the Dark Lord and his cronies, but he was not allowed the luxury of choice in such matters. Whatever the Dark Lord wished for, the Dark Lord received. It was the way of the things, the way of Snape's world, and it was the only life he knew.

Snape tolerated it as best he could, laughed when laughter was necessary, bowed and kissed the Dark Lord's feet when subservience was expected, and walked a fine line between revealing too little and divulging too much of the Order of the Phoenix's activities. All the while he had to endure the narrow-minded fascism of fellow Death Eaters and pretend to share their ideals. It had been this way for as long as he could remember, and it was difficult not to let the twisted morality of the group seep into his own frame of reference. In the last few years, Dumbledore had helped Snape maintain his own sense of right and wrong, despite the old Headmaster being prone to harsh judgments of his character from time to time.

And so Snape had endured New Year's Day, listened to plans being hatched to kidnap and torture strategically placed wizards and witches without a single flinch, and enjoyed the hospitality of the beautiful (if somewhat preoccupied) Narcissa Malfoy. She was the only bright light in an otherwise agonising and frustrating day.

When he returned to Hogwarts, he chose to Apparate straight to Tonks' apartment in Hogsmeade.

She was in the small living room at the back of the flat, curled up by the fire, wearing flared jeans and a Weird Sisters T-shirt. It was not how he had expected to find her.

"And what do you call this?" he stated, as if his meaning were obvious.

Tonks arose to meet him by the door to the living room. The smile she had worn when he arrived had disappeared, and she frowned at his hard composure.

"When I tell you I intend to call upon you, I expect you to be dressed accordingly," he said, taking out his wand and running its tip over the curve of her breast.

With a flick and a non-verbal spell, Tonks' clothes Vanished to reveal her black satin underwear. She gasped with surprise and indignation.

"That's more like it," Snape said with a smirk. He grabbed her by the shoulders, drawing her into a hungry, impassioned kiss.

Any protestation she might have made was consumed by the fusion of lips, and soon he was dragging her through the hallway and into the bedroom without care or ceremony.

He pushed her backwards onto the bed, so that she lay sideways across it, and he quickly unbuttoned his trousers. With one more flick of his wand, he undid her underwear, and her bra and knickers slid gently away from her body.

Snape pretended to pay no attention to the expression on her face; he had already noted the look of approving excitement on the young Auror's face and knew she was ready for him, even if her attire had suggested otherwise.

He forced himself on top of her and snatched her wrists into his grasp, holding them tightly above her head. When he looked down at her, her hips bucked to meet him. Snape raised his eyebrows in a deliberate gesture. "Now, now, we are impatient, aren't we?" he murmured.

Tonks closed her eyes, trying desperately to behave. He knew that look from long ago, and it pleased him that she was attempting obedience for him under these changed circumstances. He found it quite... endearing.

"That's better," he whispered into her ear when she had ceased wriggling. She now lay open and waiting for him, her hands no longer fighting against the weight of his grasp.

Snape balanced himself carefully, taking both of her wrists in one hand and brushing his tip against her core. She was wet, warm and willing. He pushed inside her in one slow thrust, until he was enclosed in her hot, welcoming flesh. Snape couldn't stop himself from groaning at the sensation – he felt he'd arrived home somehow. It wasn't that Tonks was his home; it was more that he felt he'd arrived at a longed-for place. Somewhere he belonged. It was a curious feeling, and he took a moment to enjoy and appreciate it.

Beneath him, Tonks' hips bucked eagerly. She snapped him from his trance and broke the moment of serenity.

"What did I just tell you about your impertinence, Nymphadora?" he said, moving again to grasp one of her hands in each of his and leaning his weight onto them, so that she was effectively pinned to the bed. "Learn some deference," he chided, withdrawing slowly from her.

She yelped her compliance, and he plunged into her with such force that she gasped.

"That's more like it," he said, satisfied.

Snape drove into her with an increasing sense of mastery. He exorcised the frustrations of the day with each thrust of his hips, and from each gasp of the young woman beneath him he reclaimed power and a renewed perception of balance. He became so overwhelmed by the heady rush of dominating his Auror that he lost the power of speech.

He heard her screaming his name – Severus – and he tumbled into euphoria, knowing Tonks did not cry for Lupin, but for him alone. It was enough to send a stunning climax crashing through his body, originating in his groin and spreading outwards in all directions, to the very tips of his toes. He rejoiced when he felt the subtle ripple of Tonks' muscles which confirmed her own orgasm, and he fell down upon her, wilted and spent.

They were both panting and their bodies were hot and sweaty, despite the small amount of time which had elapsed. Snape eventually rolled away onto the bed and Summoned a robe for Tonks to wear, so that he would not feel self-conscious about her nakedness, whilst he remained fully-dressed.

She took the garment gratefully, sitting up and shrugging the robe over her shoulders. Tonks then lay down beside him for a moment and leaned her head on her upturned hand.

Her breath was warm on his earlobe.

"Stay a while longer, Severus, I don't want to be alone just yet."

"An encore may take some time," Snape replied drolly.

Tonks sniggered. "It will be worth the wait," she coaxed.

Snape continued to lie with his Auror by his side for a while longer, and he contemplated that New Year's Day hadn't turned out so bad, after all.