A Slice of the Man
Chapter 11 of 12
duniazadeTrust Luna to marry someone who doesn't exist.
ReviewedFickle Mansion, nineteen days later…
The vegetal doe had grown beautifully. Perfectly formed, she looked, in the slanted light of the dusk, ready to detach. Only the thinnest of threads still rooted the points of her hooves to the rich soil.
Luna crouched to the left, holding the wooden bowl, and stroked her side. The smooth, luscious green flank quivered.
Severus felt along the sternoclavicular joint and poised the tip of the dagger on the subclavian vein. A short thrust, and the milkblood began to flow, a lactescent, thick sap that turned to dark red as it fell into the bowl.
The doe tensed and strained against her roots. Luna soothed her again.
When the bowl was full, Severus applied a marigold leaf on the wound and pressed carefully, whispering a few words. At once, the leaf blended in the vegetal skin, as if there never had been a wound.
The doe pulled one last time, hard. The roots gave way; she leapt to her freedom and disappeared into the bushes.
“Here, or in the house?” asked Severus.
“In the house,” answered Luna. “I want to watch the news.”
~*~*~*~
Luna leaned over and tapped the small TV on the floor with her wand, then lay back on the pillows with a satisfied sigh.
The black and white image whirled, then, as the sound came in, stabilised. The chubby presenter winked at her. She winked back and reached out with her naked foot, pushing the set around so that she was just out of his vision field. He strained against the frame.
“I need both your feet,” grumbled Severus.
He was kneeling on the rug, well out of the presenter’s line of sight, the bowl of milkblood in reach of his right hand.
Except for the livid flicker of the TV, a single, floating candle lighted the room.
Luna obediently brought back her foot.
Severus was now holding both her feet in his left hand. In the pale light, they looked like twin almonds, fresh in their shell. He waved the candle nearer, dipped his right forefinger into the milkblood and began to paint. From the point of the toes, up the instep, the unbroken string of symbols expanded slowly towards the ankle.
“And now,” the presenter was saying, “the most anticipated programme of this evening. I’m honoured to host The Magic Hour talk show, and this evening’s subject is the Lovegood-Scamander wedding that is supposed to happen tomorrow evening before the new moon shows its crescent. I’m very pleased to welcome Mrs. Granger-Weasley, the renowned Arithmancer, whose last article in the International Journal of Arithmancy is said to be Bridget Wenlock Prize material, as well as Professor Wittgenstalt from the Wizarding University of Lübeck...”
There was a brief shuffle. The sound derailed and screeched with interference, then picked up again: “... I’m sorry, but it seems Professor Wittgenstalt has had to attend to a personal emergency. Miss Lavender Brown, from the “True Hearts” Agency, has volunteered to replace him. We are also greeting Mrs. Molly Weasley, Family Undersecretary, Ms. Rita Skeeter and Mr. Rubeus Hagrid. And now, Mrs. Granger-Weasley, could you please explain in simple words how this marriage is possible?”
Luna giggled. “It tickles.”
“Just be still.”
The interlaced runes had wound around the right leg and were plunging in the crease of the thigh before climbing again towards the navel.
“Mr. Scuttlebutt, I regret that my distinguished colleague saw fit to leave in such a hurry, but in simple words, I can tell you that I have proved, by a rather straightforward application of the premises of Muggle paraconsistent logics to Arithmantic hitherto unchallenged axioms, that for a given set of conditions, the appearance of an existential singularity was possible under the principle of explosion, or ex contradictione sequitur quodlibet.”
Severus stopped to kiss the navel before filling it with milkblood and resuming the complex interweaving down the left leg towards the foot.
“Just a moment, please... Mr. Hagrid?”
“Never taught young Rolf, I’m pretty sure of that.”
“Thank you. Miss Brown?”
“Truth is in the eye of the lover.”
“As it should be. Thank you. Ms. Skeeter?”
The dark lace had already dried up on the left toes. Severus put down her foot and took the right hand.
“My own investigations revealed that a Muggle information organ, known as the HP Lexicon, lists Rolf Scamander as being either the son or the grandson of Newt and Porpentina. How does Mrs. Granger-Weasley explain that?”
The filigree of charms glided smoothly to the tip of the left fingers.
“In even simpler words, Ms. Skeeter, it would prove my point that Rolf Scamander exists as a set of possibilities including non-existence. How an observer would perceive him would depend on the complex coordinates defining said observer’s position in a multi-dimensional space and time existential contiguity.”
“But,” Molly interrupted acidly, “wouldn’t that be like marrying more than one man?”
Severus rested his head on Luna’s knees. He was shaking with silent laughter.
Chuckling, she lifted his head between her painted hands. From behind the curtains of black hair, a sliver of white face grinned at her before the kiss obscured it.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Thin Man
68 Reviews | 7.91/10 Average
Severus was so gentle with the Runespoors, I'm sure they will find a way to get married, in the end.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Washing his hair in a pensive, that must have some kind of efect, trust Luna.
Lovely story. Thanks for writing this fic. I'll def. read whatever else you write!
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed this story and I hope you'll enjoy the others too.
Liked a lot, I so love how Severus and Luna got along. So sweet. Hermione just gave me a headache with all of her fancy talk lol
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.Hermione would give anyone a headache when she's in fancy talk mood. ;-)
Wow, I can't remember when I've read a ship other than SSHG. It feels like I'm cheating, or Severus is, but this is just delightful! You have quite an imagination.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Yes, yes, it feels like cheating! That's how I felt when I was writing it - guilty but excited. ;-)Thank you so much! I hope you'll continue to enjoy the story.
Poor Severus, what a time for an earthquake.
A great start , looking forward to more.
I like the rune painting; reminds me of henna for brides. And finally - physical contact; their first, I think? Two kisses, even. But do say it wont all be over with the wedding tomorrow! That would make me cry at this wedding for sure. So kind of you to post the day after I exhausted and confused myself doing my tax return; an equally strange universe but not in as good a way.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
I hope your tax return worries are all settled and forgotten!Nope, not first physical contact: she already washed his hair in a Pensieve. But, erm... I'm afraid we have just the wedding left for this story. However, I've just uploaded a couple of drabbles which are not directly related but have the same atmosphere and physical contact - even a tiny bit of kink. I hope they'll make you happy!
And now we come to the crux of the problem. I wonder who Aunt Fickle had to marry to inherit the house. Severus and Luna better figure something out so they don't all get eaten.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
I wonder who Aunt Fickle had to marry to inherit the house.Hee, that's a very good (and inspiring) question! *ponders prequel*Thank you for reading and reviewing.
He's clearly familiar with the home and it's inhabitants, yet he's still capable of being surprised. Wonderful!
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Fickle Mansion is always full of surprises. :)Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying this.
Anonymous
Uh-oh, did Hermione find something out? Suspect something? This bores no good, it seems! ;o)
Fascinating idea to have a "black hole" on the portrait. I asssumed so far that a portrait of someone still living simply stays inanimate.
Author's Response: On the contrary... if bossy Hermione is convinced, she'll do the convincing for the rest of the wizarding world - especially if she can discredit Wittgenstalt in the process.
Well, that's an echo of the "Snape-shaped hole" in canon - thought I'd put that cartoonish image to some use.
As always, your reviews are delightful. Thank you!
Alcina vom Steinsberg's response: Oh, I meant to ask you who that Wittgenstalt fellow is. It sounds close enough to an Austrian philosopher which could fit, but I suppose you invented your own magical fellow and probably close relation ;o).
The Snape-shaped hole has occupied my mind quite some time, too. It sounds so absurd in the book, but still, the image remains firmly in my head, if I want it or not *g*.
Author's Response: Yes, him. *g*
We'll probably never know if Rowling's Snape-shaped hole contained a cryptic message or was just silly... so let's enjoy the ambiguity!
Anonymous
all the colours of the known and lesser known rainbows
Oh what a lovely line that is.
The Shreks! The Proudfoots! The Baggins! *squees once again* And what a gorgeous idea, this Gobstone family tree...
Author's Response: Squee! I love your reviews, I truly do. I'm so glad you're enjoying this and so pleased that you've seen all the little details. :D
Anonymous
So Severus prepares for the inevitable. Poor him! It must be a dire life he is fearing right now.
I do love your Runespoors. And did I already say that I really, really admire and enjoy and delight in all yout details, usage of canon facts and beasts, particularly the rarely used, and all your inventions? This is so rich and entertaining!
Author's Response: Oh yes, poor Severus - a life without Luna, without Fickle House is a dire perspective indeed.
Thank you so much!
Anonymous
Elves reproducing vegetatively! *squee* That was the best of all your wonderful inventions and introductions this chapter has, too. Such a delightful read!
But the future seems to look rather dire for Severus and Luna.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed the vegetative reproduction of elves - I'm rather fond of that little idea.
Trust Luna - she'll find a solution. :)
I assumed you had made up the name and character of Porpentina until I looked it up to see if it came from some where and found she's a Jo Rowling (very bit) character. But the name seems like one you would make up, it's so well suited to your story. Almost as if Rowling invented it for this fanfic, even though she could never have known it would exist.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
What a lovely compliment! Thank you so much.No, I didn't invent Porpentina, but the best detail I've found is about Rolf Scamander. When I checked the Lexicon, I saw he's identified once as the Scamander's son and the next time as their grandson - hence the idea of the "existential instability."
I love the female Runespoor. I am trying to imagine a world where the planner and the dreamer can gang up in the critic, In my experience, it's usually the critics who manage to prevent almost anything from getting done!
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Oh, yes, you're right about the critics (and in this world the planner and the dreamer just had enough of the nay-attitude), yet poor Snape rather identifies with Sally. :)
Anonymous
So Severus plans to travel, packing all the necessites - Sally, of course, and "Spare wand, liquorice allsorts, spare silver dagger, reading glasses..." - sums it up SO nicely! :o))))
Rolf Scamander - now THAT is a great idea! I'm just wondering how Severus would fit into "Rolf". *g*
Author's Response: He's very organized. *g*
Hehe, we'll see how Severus fits into "Rolf" - Luna and her godmother have more than one trick in their bag.
Shhh, Hermione! At one point, I wished you would move the plot along in each chapter, then I realized what a mistake that would be. This story matches perfectly the little dollops you give us. If you released more at a time, I might read faster to see what would happen, rather than absorbing each exquisite little tidbit you've invented.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Oh, what a lovely thing to say! *clutches review to heart*Thank you so much.
Response from luminosa (Reviewer)
Where was the snape-shaped hole in the books? I missed it.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
It's in the Sacking of Severus Snape in Deathly Hallows. Minerva and Harry are pursuing Snape and he escapes by jumping through a window of the castle, leaving a "Snape-shaped hole" in the glass pane, then he flies away.
This gets more and more convoluted, with more and more delightful and completely believable details.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much! I hope you'll continue to enjoy it. We'll be back to Severus and Luna in a little while.
Ohh, dear. Is the cat about to be let out of the bag?! Can't wait for the next bit.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Well, not exactly... The cat is rather about to be stuffed in the bag. Trust Luna and Porpentina. :)Thank you for the lovely reviews!
Response from mimmom (Reviewer)
Poor Severus.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
No, no, it will be alright for Severus. I wouldn't do that to him!If we keep to the cat simile, let's say this is a Schrödinger's cat, both in and out of the bag. :)
Response from mimmom (Reviewer)
LOL. I love it. You must be a Ravenclaw.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
You've guessed it right! Ravenclaw to the point of my beak. *g*
Just found this little gem and have read it in one sitting. What a delight! Reminds me of Terry Pratchett. Every chapter is like a chocolate bar packed with hidden fruit and nuts.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you're enjoying this.The next chapters are already in the queue. :)
Marvelous tale. I don't even get irritated with the short chapters because they are so jam-packed with madly brilliant stuff.-Wahoo
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you! I'm sorry about the short chapters - that was a kind of experiment, but I thought they would go up faster (the story is already finished). It seems the queue is slower than usual. For the next story, I'll do it differently.Anyway, I'm glad you're still enjoying the story!
Mathoms, ha! and Proudfoot and Baggins, LOL. Still, What an imagination you have! You have no need to borrow even names from others. You have a real way with words, to use a terrible cliche. -Wahoo
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Hee! I borrowed for the LOLZ and it seems it worked. Wasn't it wonderful, the way Tolkien gave a name to that universal and obscure practice of circulating unwanted gifts?Thank you so much for the lovely compliments!