Retorts and Runespoors
Chapter 5 of 12
duniazadeTrust Luna to marry someone who doesn't exist.
ReviewedOnce Luna had left, Severus went to his potions lab in the cellar.
The last batch of Harpyria droppings was simmering happily in the copper cauldron on the blue flames. The pinkish fumes writhed in the glass retort like fat, lazy snakes, rising and falling.
His first impulse was to turn off the fire and vanish the whole load. On second thought, if Firewhisky was the usual tipple of the modern wizard, the Harpyria Raspberry Triple Sec had been all the rage in Aunt Fickle’s generation. If he could find one or two eccentric fogeys, he could still sell it for a nice amount, especially as the nasty denizen of the cage under the beech trees was, to Severus’ knowledge, the last of her kind to live in captivity.
He checked the temperature of the viscous concoction and slammed the strongest wards he knew around the whole installation, making sure not the faintest whiff of raspberry scent could drift from the alembic.
Then he attended to the other underway potions, sorted out the raw ingredients, tidied up the finished products cupboard, scoured the empty cauldrons, whetted the knives to dreamlike sharpness and polished them until they shone like mirrors.
By five o’clock, Luna still hadn’t come back.
Severus made a tour of all the pens and cages, checked the wards and Summoned food when necessary. The Harpyria gave him a dirty look and uttered a string of unholy expletives when he passed by.
“Wait until the Riddicks take over,” he muttered bitterly.
The elf sapling hadn’t progressed much, but the vegetal doe had benefited enormously from the Pensieve watering. It was now almost perfectly formed with a foreleg slightly bent as if ready to bolt, and the ears were twitching.
He glanced at the tank containing the baby Lethifold—it had unrolled, and except for the lazy undulations, looked every bit like a small, white, straggly hearthrug. It would turn black in about three months, but the chances were good that he wouldn’t see that. Then he stopped by the cage of the Runespoors.
The male was nowhere in sight—probably dozing under the pile of rocks that served as shelter. The female was coiled against the magical mesh. Two of her heads continued to feign indifference, but the critical one, Sally, reared and rubbed against the divide, greeting him in a flurry of hisses. He hadn’t bothered to name the planner, who was keeping a watchful eye on him, nor the dreamer, still lolling on the floor with an absent gaze.
As often happens, the planner and the dreamer had ganged up on the critic and had almost shredded her throat. Severus, using both wandwork and dittany, had managed to save her, but she now needed a permanent reinforcing bandage to keep the head from drooping. Severus had procured unicorn hair wrappings and had moreover imbibed them with a bitter potion, meant to dissuade the two other heads from biting again. It had worked.
He put a finger through the mesh and tickled under her chin. Sally hissed again, on a lower tone, flicked her soft tongue against his finger, just once, then drew back with utmost dignity. The audience was over.
The wizard stood up and took the path back to the house. He had some research to do.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Thin Man
68 Reviews | 7.91/10 Average
Severus was so gentle with the Runespoors, I'm sure they will find a way to get married, in the end.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Washing his hair in a pensive, that must have some kind of efect, trust Luna.
Lovely story. Thanks for writing this fic. I'll def. read whatever else you write!
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed this story and I hope you'll enjoy the others too.
Liked a lot, I so love how Severus and Luna got along. So sweet. Hermione just gave me a headache with all of her fancy talk lol
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.Hermione would give anyone a headache when she's in fancy talk mood. ;-)
Wow, I can't remember when I've read a ship other than SSHG. It feels like I'm cheating, or Severus is, but this is just delightful! You have quite an imagination.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Yes, yes, it feels like cheating! That's how I felt when I was writing it - guilty but excited. ;-)Thank you so much! I hope you'll continue to enjoy the story.
Poor Severus, what a time for an earthquake.
A great start , looking forward to more.
I like the rune painting; reminds me of henna for brides. And finally - physical contact; their first, I think? Two kisses, even. But do say it wont all be over with the wedding tomorrow! That would make me cry at this wedding for sure. So kind of you to post the day after I exhausted and confused myself doing my tax return; an equally strange universe but not in as good a way.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
I hope your tax return worries are all settled and forgotten!Nope, not first physical contact: she already washed his hair in a Pensieve. But, erm... I'm afraid we have just the wedding left for this story. However, I've just uploaded a couple of drabbles which are not directly related but have the same atmosphere and physical contact - even a tiny bit of kink. I hope they'll make you happy!
And now we come to the crux of the problem. I wonder who Aunt Fickle had to marry to inherit the house. Severus and Luna better figure something out so they don't all get eaten.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
I wonder who Aunt Fickle had to marry to inherit the house.Hee, that's a very good (and inspiring) question! *ponders prequel*Thank you for reading and reviewing.
He's clearly familiar with the home and it's inhabitants, yet he's still capable of being surprised. Wonderful!
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Fickle Mansion is always full of surprises. :)Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying this.
Anonymous
Uh-oh, did Hermione find something out? Suspect something? This bores no good, it seems! ;o)
Fascinating idea to have a "black hole" on the portrait. I asssumed so far that a portrait of someone still living simply stays inanimate.
Author's Response: On the contrary... if bossy Hermione is convinced, she'll do the convincing for the rest of the wizarding world - especially if she can discredit Wittgenstalt in the process.
Well, that's an echo of the "Snape-shaped hole" in canon - thought I'd put that cartoonish image to some use.
As always, your reviews are delightful. Thank you!
Alcina vom Steinsberg's response: Oh, I meant to ask you who that Wittgenstalt fellow is. It sounds close enough to an Austrian philosopher which could fit, but I suppose you invented your own magical fellow and probably close relation ;o).
The Snape-shaped hole has occupied my mind quite some time, too. It sounds so absurd in the book, but still, the image remains firmly in my head, if I want it or not *g*.
Author's Response: Yes, him. *g*
We'll probably never know if Rowling's Snape-shaped hole contained a cryptic message or was just silly... so let's enjoy the ambiguity!
Anonymous
all the colours of the known and lesser known rainbows
Oh what a lovely line that is.
The Shreks! The Proudfoots! The Baggins! *squees once again* And what a gorgeous idea, this Gobstone family tree...
Author's Response: Squee! I love your reviews, I truly do. I'm so glad you're enjoying this and so pleased that you've seen all the little details. :D
Anonymous
So Severus prepares for the inevitable. Poor him! It must be a dire life he is fearing right now.
I do love your Runespoors. And did I already say that I really, really admire and enjoy and delight in all yout details, usage of canon facts and beasts, particularly the rarely used, and all your inventions? This is so rich and entertaining!
Author's Response: Oh yes, poor Severus - a life without Luna, without Fickle House is a dire perspective indeed.
Thank you so much!
Anonymous
Elves reproducing vegetatively! *squee* That was the best of all your wonderful inventions and introductions this chapter has, too. Such a delightful read!
But the future seems to look rather dire for Severus and Luna.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed the vegetative reproduction of elves - I'm rather fond of that little idea.
Trust Luna - she'll find a solution. :)
I assumed you had made up the name and character of Porpentina until I looked it up to see if it came from some where and found she's a Jo Rowling (very bit) character. But the name seems like one you would make up, it's so well suited to your story. Almost as if Rowling invented it for this fanfic, even though she could never have known it would exist.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
What a lovely compliment! Thank you so much.No, I didn't invent Porpentina, but the best detail I've found is about Rolf Scamander. When I checked the Lexicon, I saw he's identified once as the Scamander's son and the next time as their grandson - hence the idea of the "existential instability."
I love the female Runespoor. I am trying to imagine a world where the planner and the dreamer can gang up in the critic, In my experience, it's usually the critics who manage to prevent almost anything from getting done!
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Oh, yes, you're right about the critics (and in this world the planner and the dreamer just had enough of the nay-attitude), yet poor Snape rather identifies with Sally. :)
Anonymous
So Severus plans to travel, packing all the necessites - Sally, of course, and "Spare wand, liquorice allsorts, spare silver dagger, reading glasses..." - sums it up SO nicely! :o))))
Rolf Scamander - now THAT is a great idea! I'm just wondering how Severus would fit into "Rolf". *g*
Author's Response: He's very organized. *g*
Hehe, we'll see how Severus fits into "Rolf" - Luna and her godmother have more than one trick in their bag.
Shhh, Hermione! At one point, I wished you would move the plot along in each chapter, then I realized what a mistake that would be. This story matches perfectly the little dollops you give us. If you released more at a time, I might read faster to see what would happen, rather than absorbing each exquisite little tidbit you've invented.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Oh, what a lovely thing to say! *clutches review to heart*Thank you so much.
Response from luminosa (Reviewer)
Where was the snape-shaped hole in the books? I missed it.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
It's in the Sacking of Severus Snape in Deathly Hallows. Minerva and Harry are pursuing Snape and he escapes by jumping through a window of the castle, leaving a "Snape-shaped hole" in the glass pane, then he flies away.
This gets more and more convoluted, with more and more delightful and completely believable details.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much! I hope you'll continue to enjoy it. We'll be back to Severus and Luna in a little while.
Ohh, dear. Is the cat about to be let out of the bag?! Can't wait for the next bit.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Well, not exactly... The cat is rather about to be stuffed in the bag. Trust Luna and Porpentina. :)Thank you for the lovely reviews!
Response from mimmom (Reviewer)
Poor Severus.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
No, no, it will be alright for Severus. I wouldn't do that to him!If we keep to the cat simile, let's say this is a Schrödinger's cat, both in and out of the bag. :)
Response from mimmom (Reviewer)
LOL. I love it. You must be a Ravenclaw.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
You've guessed it right! Ravenclaw to the point of my beak. *g*
Just found this little gem and have read it in one sitting. What a delight! Reminds me of Terry Pratchett. Every chapter is like a chocolate bar packed with hidden fruit and nuts.
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you're enjoying this.The next chapters are already in the queue. :)
Marvelous tale. I don't even get irritated with the short chapters because they are so jam-packed with madly brilliant stuff.-Wahoo
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Thank you! I'm sorry about the short chapters - that was a kind of experiment, but I thought they would go up faster (the story is already finished). It seems the queue is slower than usual. For the next story, I'll do it differently.Anyway, I'm glad you're still enjoying the story!
Mathoms, ha! and Proudfoot and Baggins, LOL. Still, What an imagination you have! You have no need to borrow even names from others. You have a real way with words, to use a terrible cliche. -Wahoo
Response from duniazade (Author of The Thin Man)
Hee! I borrowed for the LOLZ and it seems it worked. Wasn't it wonderful, the way Tolkien gave a name to that universal and obscure practice of circulating unwanted gifts?Thank you so much for the lovely compliments!