February

Disclaimer: Sadly, Severus isn't mine. Nor are any of the other characters in this story, but who cares about them, right?

Feb. 1, 1998

Feeling that horrid anxious feeling again, which means this condition, or spell, is getting worse. So, what is there to report today? Hmm...

Albus wants us to consider a Valentine's Day party of some sort. I can't believe I'm about to admit this, but thank heavens for that imbecile Lockhart. Without the horrendous memory of those dwarves and flowers and hearts, I expect most of the staff would have been thrilled at the suggestion.

I do enjoy seeing Albus' ideas rejected unanimously. My day is always brighter when I see his twinkle turn sullen.

Feb. 2, 1998

Anxious again already. This is completely unacceptable.

I don't understand how everyone misses the fact that Potter is most definitely worse than the Dark Lord. At least with the Dark Lord everyone knew (or at least suspected) that he was up to no good, if only because red-eyed monsters usually don't have everyone's best interests in mind. Potter, unfortunately, has the mien of a hero, and therefore everyone turns a blind eye to his nefarious plots.

Except me. I am immune to Potter's so-called charms. Someone has to be.

At least this time I was able to convince Minerva that his detention was deserved.

"The last thing Granger needed was to get stone drunk on school property. Imagine what would have happened if one of the staircases moved and she hadn't noticed? She is not wholly to blame, however, for Potter should have realized the potential dangers and acted accordingly, as any friend would."

Gryffindors are so easy to manipulate.

Feb. 5, 1998

The Ministry is worse than Gryffindors. It's worse than the Dark Lord. Those idiotic parchment pushers have even managed to exceed the complete repugnance that is Harry fucking Potter!

According to Albus, they're secretly creating a bill that will require forced marriages. It is supposedly to help the wizarding community recover from the Dark Lord's propaganda, but I smell more than good intentions in the air.

I must think how to circumvent anything they create. I have absolutely no wish to... finish this sentence, for fear of what the journal thinks I mean.

Feb. 7, 1998

Good God! And I thought I loathed Potter!

The Ministry, in all it's misguided glory, is fiddling around with eugenics! Not only would this law require an unmarried pureblood to choose an unmarried witch or wizard of Muggle descent, but it's requiring them to breed?

This is disgustingly stupid, even for those nincompoops.

On the bright side, with my pleasant personality, I'm sure I'll be topping the list of all the lovely pureblood witches throughout the isles.

***

Oh, shit. What if I am topping the list of all those lovely ex-students who are out for revenge? Must talk to Albus in the morning!

Feb. 8, 1998

It seems Granger has already started researching a way to block this piece of utter insanity.

I imagine that if I were in her place I would have thought of fighting this as soon as she did. I don't envy her. Not only is she the best friend of Potter, but she's also powerful, intelligent and quite pretty when healthy. I mean reasonably comely. In a homely kind of way. If you look hard enough.

The point is that she'd be topping the list of desirable matches for either side. I imagine Lucius would love to get his hands on her... The way he's been vocally decrying the state of the wizarding world since his release makes me wonder how he's involved.

I guess I'll have to keep an eye on that front.

Damn this life debt. It's most inconvenient.

Feb. 10, 1998

Hmm. Lucius knows more than he's letting on. He seemed remarkably cheerful for a man who's lost everything in the world. He didn't even mention Draco's disowning him once during our last chat.

Next time I go round for drinks, I'll question him about Granger. If I remember, of course.

Feb. 13, 1998

Right. Now I have to figure out how to protect Granger. She's becoming a right nuisance, she is! The worst part is she hasn't recognized a single thing I've done for her. I don't think she even knows she's in danger.

Then again, I'm not sure she's fully recovered. She looks as if she hasn't slept in a week, and her face seems even thinner. I'm beginning to get concerned. I haven't a clue why, though.

Feb. 14, 1998

Damn Albus! At least I'm not alone in plotting revenge this time. I think Minerva and I can come up with something suitably nasty for this display of unilateral decision making. Maybe Filius would be willing to help as well.

***

For some strange reason, Albus let me skip the party tonight, giving me hall duty instead. I wonder if it had anything to do with my demeanor. Or the crying Hufflepuffs. And Ravenclaws. And ghosts. I'll have to ask Minerva's opinion and keep it in mind for the next party he forces upon us.

Hall duty tonight was actually fun. Gryffindor lost 100 points, Ravenclaw lost 60, while Hufflepuff lost 120 and gave Argus three hard workers for a week. Now to get that image out of my head.

Gryffindor should have lost more than 100 points, though. I don't know why I refrained from throwing the book at Granger. Not only was she out of bounds, but her intentions were clear enough. Stupid girl. She claimed she was only up there checking for miscreants, but I know that hopeless look too well. It was the same one Weasley wore before he went and buggered up my life.

Maybe it was just the life debt reasserting itself, I don't know, but instead of taking a nice round number from Gryffindor, I found myself only telling her off. Mildly, at that. She wasn't even crying when she left the tower, just resigned.

If it weren't for ol' Bloody, I would swear I was losing my touch.

I'll make sure Minerva keeps an eye on her.

Feb. 17, 1998

For some reason, Minerva thinks I want to be updated on all of Granger's actions. She wasted half an hour after dinner telling me about how Granger isn't studying, how Granger isn't bathing, how Granger isn't eating, how Granger isn't doing anything. It seems she's not even researching.

At least Minerva had the sense to alert Potter and Weasley, though she claims they didn't need the warning.

The question is, why does Minerva think I care? Maybe she saw me watching Granger during lunch and dinner, but that was pure habit. My eyes are trained to look wherever Potter is, and where Potter is, Granger is close by.

Well, hopefully she'll take my hint and not waste any more of my time with such drivel.

Feb. 21, 1998

I think Granger is topping my list of those I dislike. She's become more of a pest than Potter.

She left dinner early tonight, and although that's not unusual, I noticed Nott leaving early as well, which is unusual. I, of course, followed Granger. Her reactions have been very slow lately and if she were attacked, I imagine she wouldn't have the reflexes necessary to defend herself.

So, I followed Granger as she meandered around the school, keeping my eye out for Nott. She seemed completely oblivious to everything. She even passed by a couple of fourth years snogging in an alcove without looking at them.

I took a moment to separate the lovebirds and send them on their way, and when I caught up with Granger she was standing at a window staring out onto the grounds.

I have never thought of Granger as someone worth looking at, but that scene was hauntingly beautiful. If I could paint, it's the kind of scene I would render: all shadows with streaks of cold light revealing her face sharply, while making her mess of hair soft and appealing.

It had the same appeal as looking out onto the hills. They seem so velvety and soft, and yet, when you get close, the terrain is rough and full of rocks and twigs to catch on your clothes. But looking at her, watching her, I...

Why the hell am I waxing poetic? I need sleep.

Feb. 22, 1998

Just reread what I wrote last night and immediately thought two things. First, what the hell did I mean by saying that Miss Granger has any appeal at all? She is the impertinent, obnoxious, insufferable, bushy-haired, know-it-all friend of the biggest prat who ever lived, which means that besides being impertinent, obnoxious, insufferable, bushy-haired, and a know-it-all, she also has no taste whatsoever when it comes to people. How could that have any appeal to me? The "soft and velvety" hills at least have the benefit of being aesthetically pleasing, like Miss Granger. All right, at least the hills are mute. Can't pervert that, can you you, journal? And at least when you come down out of the hills you've gotten some exercise.

I am not thinking that! I-

Right, the second thing was I never got around to mentioning Nott.

I was standing there watching Miss Granger, like some besotted fool, when I noticed movement from down the hall. Nott had finally appeared. He was looking around nervously as he made his way cautiously toward Miss Granger, who was completely oblivious to the danger she was in.

I decided to watch for a bit, see what move he made, but I got my wand out, just to be safe. Nott is almost as talented as Miss Granger and not to be underestimated. However, my caution was for naught. He never drew his wand (foolish boy) as he crept up on Miss Granger. Surprised that he might actually be mounting a physical attack, I decided to make my presence known just as he was closing in on her.

I think I did a fairly good job of swooping in, if I do say so myself. Nott jumped back a foot, looking as startled as I've ever seen him, but Granger, blast the girl, she didn't make a move until I started speaking.

Has she become imperturbable? I know I am not losing my touch, as I practice every god-damned day, but there she was looking placidly out the window until I started haranguing her and Nott for their secret rendezvous. Then all she did was turn to look at me with those mournful eyes of hers before shrugging and turning back to the window.

I was not pleased.

Not only did she not appreciate the effort I put into saving her, but she was actively disrespecting me, not even bothering to look at me while I impugned her lack of sense, decency and intelligence.

Of course I went for the jugular. I took off fifty points from Gryffindor for disrespect, another fifty for violating school rules, and twenty more for unseemly conduct by the Head Girl. She didn't react except to nod her head in mute acceptance. So, I turned to Nott, toned down my voice, and told him I was ashamed he didn't have the sense to find a better meeting place, then ordered him back to the common room without any further punishment.

For a moment I thought I saw a slight spark of anger in Miss Granger's eye, but then she simply turned back to the window.

I gave her detention, of course. She's serving it tomorrow morning.

Feb. 23, 1998

Well, that was uncomfortable.

Lucius showed up at my door this morning bemoaning the fact that wizarding society is still shunning him, him, of all people, and after all the money he'd donated, and all the good deeds he'd done. It was very difficult not to laugh in his face. I was sorely tempted to point out that previous good deeds are often disregarded if one is proven to be a psychopathic murderer, or even just a follower of one. He might have become a tad tetchy at that.

Anyway, I listened to him whine about his new status as social scum for half an hour. I was just about to break out my whiskey when I noticed the time; I was going to be late for Miss Granger's detention. Unfortunately, Lucius does not take hints unless you're predisposed to torturing him, and I, unfortunately, never did get into that happy habit. Respect for your elders and all that rot.

It's also possible he may have been trying to piss me off. It is Lucius, after all....

I left for my classroom, offering the excuse (true, this time) of having a detention to oversee, but he followed me! When I reached the classroom, Miss Granger hadn't arrived yet, which was a small mercy, but just as I was on the verge of convincing Lucius to go try talking to Draco, she arrived and all thoughts of leaving left his mind.

I don't know who was more nervous, Miss Granger or myself, at the attention Lucius was paying her. He chatted her up about how hard it was being a widower, how much he missed his beloved wife, and all that rubbish. I would have appreciated Albus' presence, but I didn't dare leave Lucius alone with Miss Granger, and it would have seemed a bit odd for me to only give a fifteen-minute punishment.

Lucius may not have money or influence right now, but I don't dare piss him off. The majority of his connections were not in the government, and I doubt many of them were dispatched (or even discovered) during the war.

The only thing I could do was stand by and make sure he didn't touch her. Not that I need to justify myself.

Now that I think about it, I could have contacted Albus rather discreetly, couldn't I? Oh, well. Next time.

So there we all were in my classroom. I watched Lucius as he watched Miss Granger, who was scrubbing cauldrons while she tried to ignore the both of us. In a way, it was reassuring to see her discomfited by Lucius' presence: It meant she hadn't lost all her self-preservation instincts.

I tried to get information out of Lucius about the progress of his reintroduction into society (i.e.: the bill), but he was very closed mouthed about it. Whenever I brought it up, though, he would let his eyes wander over to Hermione. And lick his lips.

I have never wanted to punch someone so badly before. Not even Potter. (I'd still happily hex Potter to the moon and back, but physical contact?)

It was a very long hour, and I have never been so grateful to see a student leave early. But maybe it was worth the discomfort. Maybe Miss Granger will see the need to snap out of her self-pity and get to work on researching a way to stop this infernal bill from becoming law.

Feb. 24, 1998

Minerva came over for a spot of tea this evening. She mentioned Miss Granger has started working on research again. I casually mentioned the detention, and though upset, she did seem to understand.

For some reason she kept giving me suspicious looks through the rest of tea.

We also devised a revenge on Albus. I'm not mentioning it here until it has occurred, nor am I saying when it will occur, just in case the old bugger does have access to these entries. Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise, now would we?

Feb. 27, 1998

Noticed Nott stalking Miss Granger again. I'm afraid I might actually have to warn her. Maybe I could get Minerva to do it. Would save me the trouble.

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AN: Big thank yous to muggle_prof for helping me whip this into shape.