I. Pathetic Pilgrim
You Only Cross My Mind in Winter
Chapter 1 of 5
SubversaHe makes this pilgrimage every year at Christmas, but nothing ever comes of it. Will it be different this year?
ReviewedI. Pathetic Pilgrim
The snow fell lazily, almost as an afterthought, from the fraught grey clouds overhead. Afternoon in the park boasted only happy, family-types this day before Christmas. Fathers, charged with keeping the children out of the way, pushed swings and stood at the foot of slides and threw balls in the company of their progeny. Teenagers stole last minute meetings with their friends before being consigned to the doubtful felicity of family celebrations. Lovers strolled, hand in hand, oblivious to all others, enjoying the festive, holiday atmosphere of the small neighbourhood park.
One dark, solitary man moved on the periphery of the scene, somehow neither present nor absent. He lurked in the trees and patrolled the edges of the green, now ankle-deep in snow, seeing everything and nothing at all. Those in the park, for the most part, did not notice him, as if some magic spell hid him from their eyes.
Well, of course it did.
Severus Snape stalked impatiently through the Muggle neighbourhood, Disillusioned and further protected by both a Muggle-Repelling Charm and a strong Notice-Me-Not Spell. He loathed his presence here, and even more, loathed himself for being unable to stay away. It had been three years since he had chanced to see her here one day near the Solstice. Since then, it had been his custom to humiliate himself annually with these pathetic treks to Wanstead, to watch for her again, as if he were a bird enthusiast on a quest to view the endangered species, Bushy-Crowned Know-It-All-icus.
He scowled and kicked at a rock, watching it bounce over tree roots and disappear into a small drift. He had been in the area on business that day three winters ago, and on impulse, had walked from the High Street down to a small play park. It had been a fine day then, unseasonably warm, with the sun shining in a cloudless blue sky—quite different from today’s snowy misery. The park had been relatively deserted, and he had seated himself upon a bench, under cover of a strong Disillusionment Charm, to enjoy the quiet. Christmas was a difficult time of year for people laden with family and friends—for a solitary man burdened with neither sets of dependents or supplicants, it was … brutal.
She had strolled into the park from the High Street, as well, a diminutive figure in brown boots, blue jeans, and a short, cranberry red coat, her crazy brown hair lifting from her shoulders and blowing about her face with the intermittent gusts of wind. It had been the work of mere seconds for him to recognise her. His stomach had clenched, as had his hands in his pockets.
Now, his fists clenched in memory of his distress, and he did another visual sweep of the area, though he had never seen her again, since that day. Yet by the simple act of strolling through this park before his eyes, she had made his pilgrimage an annual event, as he hoped against hope to see her again.
For what? he mocked himself. It’s not as if you have the stones to approach her now, any more than you did then. Pathetic!
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Latest 25 Reviews for You Only Cross My Mind in Winter
83 Reviews | 7.06/10 Average
Cute little story. At the end, i thought she was inviting him to her room upstairs or something with the left-off conversation from the other room.
oh how I love this so very very much!
(happy sigh....) Thank you for this lovely Christmas story! Reading it is a favorite tradition. Nice to see Harry as Cupid, the Weasley twins together, and Severus and Hermione as each other's present. Together indeed. Merry Christmas to you, SubHub, and your family!
Response from Subversa (Author of You Only Cross My Mind in Winter)
Thank you for leaving a note for me, June darling. Merry Christmas to you and much, much love.
Response from Subversa (Author of You Only Cross My Mind in Winter)
Thank you for leaving a note for me, June darling. Merry Christmas to you and much, much love.
It is a Christmas miracule that brought them together. I like how its has small peices of your own courtship in it. Thank you Subversa
Oh I had my fingers crossed that the doll was not for Hermione's child! Thank you for not letting me down!
Its so sad all these senerios he can invision and yet can do nothing to bring about this future that he craves. Foolish man! Oh the angst my dear!
I am tickled with Hermione's chatting him up and chivving him into having a drink with her. Severus being a man that would have to be convinced into doing it. I wonder where she went after the war that their friendship lagged? Do tell Subversa!
Wheeeee a new Subversa story! Color me one hapy fangirl 
He may not have the courage to approach her but he yearns too oh how he craves her!!
Bout time, I'd say. This is quite different for you. Did you get a touch of melancholy as the holidays drew near? I like it though.
Finally he has overcome his fears and received his reward. Thanks for the Christmas treat.
Severus is rather pathetic so far in this story. And not because of his circumstances, but because of his self-pity. He reminds me of Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol."
What a lovely Christmas present, Subversa. Thanks.
Truly lovely, subversa. Their kiss was perfect and the road there, although heartbreaking and filled with missed opportunities, made the 'getting there' all the better.
thank you so much for this wonderful christmas present for not just severus and hermione, but us fangurlz as well. this is a beautiful story. the picture you painted of him sitting on that bench, too paralyzed by his fears to let himself break through the wall of his self-imposed isolation to try to find some happiness was haunting - and heartbreaking. it made the happy resolution all the sweeter. i teared up several times in just these few short chapters. thanks again for the lovely holiday treat, and merry christmas to you and subhub!
loved it - very nice and sweet for the holidays
*sigh* that was such a lovely story. when you're in love you want the whole world to be happy. thanks and christmas and holiday smoochies
Words fail as happy tears cloud my vision. This story truly moved me. Thank you so much for such a beautiful Christmas present! Peace and Joy to you and yours this holiday season.
Thank you sweetie for this Christmas Treasure...Happy Holidays to you too
WONDERFUL, I LOVE IT...I'm so glad she found him..WELL DONE!!
*Jumps about* !!!
So very beautiful. Your writing is always filled with poetry. I love the way Hermione is determined to keep him--brilliant use of mistletoe. Every movement the two of them make in the last chapter is a dance, and the last line of dialog is perfect.
Aww. She still feels for him; it's palpable. You are a genius.
What a wonderful christmas story!
This was just achingly beautiful. I loved the yearning that was wrapped around the whole thing, and a great happy ending that the feeling was reciprocated by both parties. Happy Holidays to you!
hi subversa. thank you so much for another wonderful fic. neelix rec'd it on her livejournal, and i just had to come read it.
what i love about your writing is that you can write any rating believably and i always enjoy it.
this story was beautiful--angsty and sweet at the same time, and brimming with hope.
i've been reading your stuff for years, but until recently have been rather crap about leaving reviews. i'm truly sorry for that. congrats on yet another beautiful tale.