...Leads to Selective Hearing

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don’t own it. Not making money.

The last thing he said before Apparating them to the gates of Hogwarts should have hit her brain. She should have asked herself what in God’s name he meant by “duck.”

But her sex-addled brain heard what it wanted to hear. They arrived at the front gate, breathless and disheveled.

“I don’t think I can wait another day, Severus. Let’s do it now!” And, just as before, she confused him with a smoldering kiss.

Before he could ask her what she meant, she was dragging him through the doors of the castle and down to the dungeons.

“Oops,” he smirked.

~~&&~~

He barely remembered the walk down to the dungeons. He wasn’t sure how they managed to not encounter any students, but he was utterly grateful. He was pretty sure she had ripped several buttons from his frock coat, and he knew that by dawn he’d be sporting at least one hickey on his neck. They had desecrated half the nooks he normally ousted students from, and given his less-than-illustrious sexual career as a student, he was exceedingly proud of himself.

They arrived at his chambers tousled and breathless. Upon entering, he lifted her and carried her to his bedroom.

~~&&~~

They lay in his bed in a post-climactic haze, side-by-side, her hand clasped in his. He rolled to his side to face her and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“If I had known suggesting duck for Christmas luncheon would garner this sort of response, I would have suggested it months ago.”

Hermione blinked. What the hell was he talking about?

“What duck, Severus?”

“The text I sent you earlier… about whether or not you’d like a duck instead of normal, boring turkey.”

She replayed their entire encounter in the alley in her head. Fuck. Fuckityfuckfuckfucker.

~~&&~~

Fight or flight, Granger? Fight or flight? I choose flight.

And with a very un-Gryffindor squeak, she grabbed a sheet around herself and bolted for his bathroom.

I guess that’s a ‘no’ to the duck. What’s gotten into that girl?

Walking towards the bathroom, he knocked softly. “Hermione, what’s wrong?”

“Read the message you sent me,” she said, between sniffles.

As if I bloody well know where my phone is right now! Cursing softly, he walked back into the living room and began rifling through his cloak pockets.

Flip open. Click Menu. Click Messages. Click Sent Messages.

Oh, buggering hell.

~~&&~~

So many emotions passed through him in that moment: annoyance at the phone for causing such a mistake, shock that such a crass message would work on the Gryffindor Princess, and plain amusement that he now had a naked Hermione locked in his bathroom.

This last emotion won, and in a moment completely out of character for himself, he began giggling. Giggling gave way to sniggering before it capitulated into full-out belly laughs.

Hermione couldn’t stand it—she left the bathroom and found him sitting on his living room floor, wiping the tears from his eyes as he continued to chortle.

~~&&~~

“I fail to see what is so funny, Severus.”

“Oh, nothing. Just that I’ve been looking for a way to get into your knickers for months, and it took my old eyes and my inability to use Muggle technology to make it happen. You don’t see the irony in that at all, do you?”

She stared at him blankly.

“Ironic, given all the impassioned speeches and lewd comments I’ve gone over in my head, that ‘Am considering a nice fuck instead of the normal fare. Thoughts?’ actually worked!” He was holding his stomach, the laughter threatening to tear him apart.

~~&&~~

Who knew Snape was the kind of man to lose all his inhibitions post-coitus? The normally straight-laced, no-nonsense man was crumpled on the floor, naked, giggling gleefully. If we’d known that all Snape needed to be in a good mood was to get laid, we all would have chipped in for a hooker…

Snape looked up at her. Oh, gods, this is what hysteria must feel like.

“You didn’t mean to send me that message, did you, Severus?”

“No.” Don’t laugh.

“Yet, you let me have sex with you for no apparent reason.”

All he could do was nod.

~~&&~~

He took a few deep breaths to compose himself.

“I’m sorry if our… miscommunication led us to act in an unexpected manner, Hermione. But frankly, I don’t see why you are angry at me.”

“And how do you figure that?”

“Well, it takes two to… do the horizontal tango, so-to-speak…”

“So, this is all my fault, I suppose.”

“Fault? Fault! This was nobody’s fault, woman! This was two, consenting adults having what I thought was an excellent time. After months of baiting me, you owed me this, at least!

“Owed? Really?” She looked ready to punch him.

Or jump him.

~~&&~~

Hermione couldn’t believe what was happening. After months of wanting this, she was ruining the moment. And honestly, that mistake in texting was incredibly funny.

“You’re right, Severus. I owe you a nice fuck."

He quirked an eyebrow questioningly.

Summoning her wand, she hexed Snape into a chair and cast a non-verbal Binding charm.

The eyebrow became less quirked and more angry.

“Miss Granger,” he growled.

“If all you wanted was a nice fuck, Professor, all you had to do was ask. Please sit back and enjoy the ride.”

And, completely content in the direction his evening was going, he complied.

AN: Thanks so much to my wonderful beta, debjunk! She truly is the queen of drabble-betas! Also, thanks to all of you who asked for a sequel. It really made me verklempt!