Chapter 29
Chapter 17 of 31
JackieJLHDuring the second war against Voldemort, Petunia Dursley spent nearly a year in hiding with her family. This is her story.
ReviewedAuthor’s Notes: Many thanks to slyth_wolf for Brit-picking and Pyjamarama for beta-reading!
That night, long before Vernon normally retires for the evening, Petunia slips away and heads for bed. Their bed. She won’t sleep in the spare room, barely four feet from the attic door. Even with Hestia’s reassurances of safety, lying in the dark and jumping at each little noise doesn’t seem like it will lead to sleep under any circumstances.
Curling up on the far side of the large bed, she tries to go to sleep. Eventually she hears Dudley go to bed, and then Vernon’s slow footsteps echo down the hall as he climbs the stairs. As he walks into the room, the candle he holds reveals her lying there, and he stops in his tracks. It’s nearly a full minute before he says anything, and she holds her breath almost the entire time.
“I’m not sleeping in that room,” he finally says, irritation lacing his tone.
Petunia suppresses a sigh. “Neither am I,” she answers, not getting up. “Come to bed, Vernon.”
He looks as though he can’t decide whether to yell or just leave, and she bites her lip and looks away. “Do you really hate me so much that you can’t even be near me?” she asks quietly, and he pauses in his fidgeting and stares at her, but doesn’t answer. “I can’t do it, you know. Magic. I wasn’t trying to anyway, but I couldn’t even if I wanted to. It’s not something you can learn.”
Vernon begins to open his mouth to reply, but then glances down the hall toward Dudley’s room and seems to change his mind. Finally stepping through the doorway, he closes the door behind him before saying, “You’re lying.”
Her wounded expression doesn’t seem to have any effect on him, but then it didn’t the last four times she tried to discuss this with him, either. At least this time, she’s made it past the first three words without him walking away.
Petunia sits up, pulling the blanket up around her chest to protect herself against the cold air and the anger coming off of him in waves. “I can’t learn to be magical any more than you could learn to get pregnant,” she says, and if a hint of impatience creeps into her voice, it’s only because she can’t understand why he refuses to believe her. Vernon’s eyes bug out at her words.
“It’s physically impossible,” she elaborates. “I read a book, Vernon. I needed something to do, and so I read a book. You can’t honestly hate me for that?” Looking down at her knees, she blinks back angry tears. A few escape onto her cheeks, hot against her skin, and she hastily dabs them away with the edge of the blanket.
“You’re the reason we’re here,” he says accusingly, and her head snaps back up, her eyes wide.
“Harry—” she begins to say, but he hits his fist against the door so hard that the mirror on the opposite wall falls to the floor and shatters.
“You!” he insists. “He’s your nephew. You wanted to keep him!”
She feels anger boil up within her, and she gets out of bed and storms across the room, carefully avoiding the broken glass, stopping so close to him that she can see the red in his face even in the dim light. “I wanted to keep us safe! Protecting Harry meant protecting us as well! Protecting Dudley!”
“We could have moved away—far away, somewhere those freaks couldn’t find us!” he grinds out, his expression all exasperated anger, and Petunia wonders just how long he’s wanted to say this.
“He was a baby! You’d have let him die?!” she asks, the words leaving her mouth before she even knows she’s saying them, and for a second she feels as shocked as Vernon looks.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Vernon looks at the broken glass on the floor around them and shakes his head. “We all would have been better off if he had.”
His words feel like a slap in the face, and Petunia hugs her arms around herself and avoids his eyes. She begins to walk toward the door, but he doesn’t step out of her way. “Please move,” she says softly. “I need to get out of this room.”
A knock on the door startles them both, and then Dudley’s voice calls out, “Mum? Dad?”
Vernon’s eyes don’t leave her, and Petunia clears her throat and says as calmly as possible, “Yes, darling?”
“I heard things breaking…. Is everything okay?” Dudley asks, and Petunia winces at how afraid he sounds.
“Everything’s fine, sweetie,” Petunia says, moving again to walk past Vernon, and finally he steps aside and lets her open the door. Even with nothing more than the light from a single candle to illuminate the hallway, she can see the concern and apprehension in her son’s eyes, and on impulse she reaches out to take his hand in hers. “Come downstairs with me. I was just going to get some ice cream,” she lies.
Dudley stares at his father for a long moment before nodding and allowing her to lead him down the hall.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Filling in the Spaces
119 Reviews | 8.21/10 Average
I'm so sorry to have missed this update! I haven't been feeling well, myself, so I'm finding several stories I've missed.
On to business. This was lovely! That slight hint of, dare I say, "warming" from Vernon was just about right. He didn't actually have to do anything he had not done before. He was acting on his own self-interest in getting himself fed - something he'd have to get used to if he were going to throw Petunia out at the end of this, anyway.
I find myself honestly coming to feel for Dudley. After DH we find that he has the capacity to care for those near him, and this trait is blooming nicely in this story.
*smiles - A wonderful addition to the story. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Truffles - Sara
She should feel proud--it's that first little step that's the most important of all! I get the feeling that Petunia's never taken any risks for herself before, that her whole life she's made the choices that felt "safe" to her. Choosing Vernon as a husband because he was so emphatically "Muggle" in every sense of the word, with no imagination whatsoever; living in a subdivision where almost nobody is different (well, except for old Mrs. Figg and all her cats, but even that's to be expected in a way). Every day is the same, and every day she is the same--no worries, no surprises.Hopefully Petunia will learn that surprises can sometimes be wonderful, and not always a trial to be endured.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
I agree--I think Petunia can be very brave and take risks, but has only ever done it for someone else. She's slowly beginning to learn that it's okay to be brave just for herself. She may not realize it, but slowly she's beginning to find that she can be happy--happier, even--if she lets herself open up to the possibility that people different from her aren't automatically evil or freakish.
"Record keeper" huh? I wonder if that's a euphemism for "fudging the paperwork" so it doesn't show any improprieties? That would be a hard thing to do, even if you had to do it in order to keep your position as a spy within the organization...in a way you'd feel as though you were actually helping the bad guys to win.Sounds as though both ladies have a lot to unburden.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
She's definitely not enjoying her job--it involves a lot of things that she'd never imagined herself doing. : ( I think that for all Petunia needs Hestia, Hestia needs Petunia just as much right now.
Poor Petunia, but if this experience doesn't kill her then it will make her stronger.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
I agree. If she can make it through the war, she just might discover that she's become a better person.
I'm willing to bet that some 'girl talk' will happen on the roof. I think Petunia is learning the valuable lesson that women need women friends.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
Definitely! Petunia really does need a friend--everyone does, I guess. I can't imagine having gone through nearly my entire adult life up to this point without having had any real friends. :(
I loved the information about Hestia, you gave her some depth that was missing in canon.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
I'm glad you enjoyed it! If you feel so inclined, you might want to check out a story I just posted--Missing Spaces. It's a missing scene told from Hestia's POV. If you like background on Hestia, you might find it interesting. :D
I am continuing to enjoy this story. Please update soon.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :D
Stepping out into the unknown...how appropriate! Petunia needs to learn how to be brave again, for her own sake and not for someone else. And if she's brave, Dudley will follow her example and be brave also, which is a Good Thing. I'm not sure if Vernon can learn to be brave, because I suspect he never was to begin with.Can't wait to read about the conversation up on the roof!
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
She really does--I think she has a lot of bravery inside of her, she just doesn't really see that. Her bravery only becomes apparent when she's doing something to benefit someone she loves, and I think if she could realize that she's worth taking a risk for sometimes, she'd be a much, much happier person. *hugs Petunia*
Now that's the mark of a true friend...someone who will come over at Oh My God In The Morning with little to no advance warning just because they know you're hurting. I'm so glad that Petunia has found someone like Hestia to comfort her during this trying period in her life...The awkward conversation with Dudley was well done also. I think Petunia worries too much that her son will turn against her, but since Vernon is doing that very thing, I really can't blame her for being paranoid about it. I wonder if he'll try to ask his dad for his version of what's going on, and if so just how badly will he feel about the answer?
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
*grins* Everyone needs a friend for those late-night moments when you feel like your world is turning upside down. :D Dudley's not done with his questions, though we still have a few chapters before we hear from him. :)
The proverbial leap of faith. I am liking this story more and more with each update.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
Yes! *is heavy-handed with the symbolism in this chapter* Lol.I'm glad you're enjoying it!! :D
Great chapter, I think Dudley is coming around as well.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
He is! :D I'm glad you enjoyed it!!
I think everyone should have a friend like Hestia. I enjoy watching Petunia's relationship with her grow.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
I think so too! Lol. She's really the friend that everyone could benefit from, I think--not perfect, but still perfectly understanding and caring. :D
Oh, honey... Going outside- how exciting! Hopefully nothing's wrong, but it seems more likely (at least to me) that Petunia's about to get a breath of fresh air. Last two chapters have been pulling at my heart more than usual. Hestia's very careful circumlocution, to avoid mentioning Tonks' first name, and to not assign blame to Petunia for pureblood prejudice- though Petunia's realization made something inside me >squeeze<.You're really good at that.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
Yep, a trip outside!! :D Some fresh air might do Petunia some good. Lol. And I think poor Hestia is (a) too painfully nice to point out Petunia's part in furthering attitudes of pureblood prejudice, and (b) too afraid to test the limits of their newfound friendship with information like, "Oh, by the way, I date women"--especially since she knows Petunia can be an uptight pain in the butt about people who are different from her. This may not be something she'd freak out over, but it might be, and since Hestia doesn't know, she's not quite willing to take that risk at this point. Can't say I blame her. Lol. Petunia doesn't have a reputation for being very accepting. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story!!
Petunia is learning more than one lesson today, it seems. Her and Vernon's treatment of Harry was abominable, and while I think she realized it on a vague superficial level before, it's really been driven home to her in a more profound way now. What will she do to try to make it up to Harry in the future? Hopefully not start treating him like Dudley and calling him cute names like "ickle Harrykins" or some such! Although the look on Harry's face would be priceless...I'm glad that she and Hestia are not only overcoming the Wizard/Muggle gap, but also the age gap! One of my best friends is about twenty years older than I am, and we've known each other for about...twenty years. I suddenly feel very old now myself. Anyway, it's certainly possible and very rewarding, and I think Petunia and Hestia have real "staying power" as friends. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
Lol, I think I'd gag a little if she started treating Harry like Dudley. Honestly, it makes me a little annoyed when she's that way with Dudley, let alone anyone else. Lol.Like you said, friendships with large-ish age gaps can definitely work--one of the best friends I ever had was nearly 16 years older than me. In some ways, that age difference can be a benefit instead of an obstacle--you don't have the same life experiences, but it just gives you a different perspective on things, and sometimes that can be very refreshing. I can totally see Petunia and Hestia having the sort of friendship that could last for a really, really long time, given the opportunity. :D
Vernon truly is ungrateful. Probably he wants to drive them (=the wizards) to the breaking point so they would abandon them, which only would reinforce his bad opinion of them ...
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
I think there is a lot of that happening in his head. He may not consciously realize that's what he's doing, but he really emotionally doesn't know how to handle kindness from the world he despises and that he's only ever thought the worst of before. :(
Ah, Petunia learned that how she treated Harry is known in the wizarding world. I'm glad she felt ashamed.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
Yeah, she's slowly beginning to understand exactly how awful her treatment of Harry really was, and how people outside her home look at it. And for the first time, she's in a position where she can actually understand those views and realize--and accept--that she was wrong. Maybe once she can come to terms with that, she can manage having a relationship with her nephew that is better for BOTH of them than the one they had previously--if he's still interested.
Oh, I bet there's a boggart in that trunk!
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
*grins* Shhhh... lol.
Vernon is dreaming himself away in his chair and Petunia is trying the best she can to occupy herself. By holding contact with the only one she has on the outside and reading everything she can get a hold on.And bit by bit her prejudices are melting away. Which makes her a traitor in Vernon's eyes.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
Right, exactly. Poor Vernon... I almost do feel bad for him, because he's just creating his own hell, not making anything better by refusing to acknowledge what's happening around him and alienating his wife in the process. :(
A longer double chapter - *huggles and truggles Thanks! Sara
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
*grins* You're welcome!! :D I felt like these two chapters really needed to be together--they're not as good split apart, somehow. Lol. I'm glad you enjoyed them! *hugs*
Such a sad situation to be in. I hope Petunia finds happiness in the end.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
It is sad--and the war's far from over at this point, so there's still plenty of story left to tell. *hugs Petunia*
Poor Petunia. And in a way, she's reaping what she herself had sown all those years ago...she deliberately chose a man who was dead-set against wizards and everything to do with them, who would vindicate her own resentment. Now she's changing the way she thinks, but Vernon is still the man he was when they married.I can't wait to see where Petunia's personal journey eventually ends up taking her.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
You're exactly right--she chose him because he was this way, except she never thought that he'd ever have reason to be this way toward her. Suddenly she's finding herself not hating magic or the magical world, and in fact managing to find friends in that world, to find a place for herself among magical things, and he's not handling it well at all, but this is who he's always been. Unfortunately, Petunia's quickly discovering that she can't have both Vernon and the wizarding world without there being major conflicts.
If Hestia thinks telephones are confusing, wait until she encounters a Muggle with a bluetooth! She'll probably think he's crazy and talking to the air...
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
LOL. I know I totally did. When those things first came out I spent half of my daily commute thinking the people walking past me were entirely out of their minds. Lol.
Oh man, I hope Dudley brought his Smeltings stick with him when they moved to the safehouse...I can think of some very satisfying things he could do to Vernon with it right now! Still, clearing the air like that might just possibly be what saves their marriage. Get rid of all that festering poison and resentment and maybe finally really talk to one another. One can hope.I still think Dudley needs to use that stick, though!
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
LOL! I agree. I'm sure Dudley could find a decent substitute somewhere. :D That chair leg Petunia was wielding in the attic, maybe. *is evil*
It's so sad that Petunia couldn't have made this breakthrough when her sister was still alive...they could have shared so much. And how interesting that Petunia "was told" that her parents died in a car crash shortly before Lily's death. What if they had been targeted by Death Eaters as well, and since Petunia had cut all ties with her sister she never knew what really happened? Or maybe it really was a car crash and I'm reading way too much into one little sentence. I do that.
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
No, that's kind of what I wanted to imply--that she really doesn't know. She was told it was a car crash, but it came so close to Lily's death, and to suddenly be robbed of her parents like that when Lily is in the middle of fighting in a dangerous war against people who couldn't care less about killing a couple Muggles... well, I'd be pretty suspicious too. She doesn't really have any proof, but in my head, she's always suspected that wizards had something to do with it, and resented them all the more for it.
I hope Petunia will teach Dudley how to play chess! Not only is that little chess set very cool, but chess would be an excellent way to teach Dudley how to think. And it would be a way for Petunia to be close to her son without smothering him, very important when dealing with teenagers!
Response from JackieJLH (Author of Filling in the Spaces)
The chess set is going away for a little while, but it will definitely be back--those little chess pieces are really fun to write! :D