Paybacks are a Bitch, or, Revenge is a Dish Best Tasted Cold

Disclaimer: Not mine. Not making money, just having fun. We all have to have a little fun, right? With massive thanks to my beta, Pandora, whom is hereby rewarded with a vial of Felix Felicis!

Part Two

Paybacks are a Bitch

or

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold

If one more student leaves a sheet of that damnable bubble wrap in my office or at my seat at the high table again, I will no longer be responsible for what I do.

That little bitch has made me a laughing stock. I have never, in my sixteen years at this blasted school, handed out this many detentions or deducted so many points. Even the students in my own house have laughed at me. The worst of them are Albus and Minerva, making those popping noises whenever I walk into the staff lounge. The doddering, old fool gave back all of the points I took away, too.

“She did warn you, Severus,” Dumbledore said to me, his eyes twinkling. Damn his eyes!

Very well, then. Two can play at that game, little miss know-it-all. Make me a laughing- stock will you?

I, Severus Snape, am no laughing stock. I am a Potions master, a powerful wizard and a former Death Eater. I have seen and done things you could never comprehend. I have access to places you will never see. You have no idea who you are dealing with, no idea at all.

I have waited two months for my revenge. I’ve used this time to plan my revenge on you, and I am very much looking forward to seeing the expression on your face tomorrow morning in the Great Hall. I am almost too excited to sleep.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I don't think that I have ever slept so well as I did last night. Perhaps I need to plot revenge more often. There are so many things I'd love to avenge that I could conceivably sleep well for two years straight. Potter alone could promise six months.

But... I must concentrate on the task at hand, which means I must attend breakfast in the Great Hall.

Gods, how I hate children in the morning! There is Albus, looking disgustingly chipper and twinkly in spite of the noise level; and myself, grinding my teeth, which will lead to a headache. I must stop this and put on the practiced scowl.

There, that's better. Now make eye contact with a student and gaze coldly at him. Potter is this morning's recipient. Very, very good, Severus. Now sip your coffee and ignore the odd popping noises coming from the vicinity of Albus and Minerva. They don't know it, but they are next on my list.

Ah, here she comes, right on time too. So dependable that girl is. I resist the urge to smile; after all, I don't want anyone fainting. I want as many people as possible to see her humiliation. That's it; sit down, my prey, all is well. Eat your breakfast, chat with your friends, today is nothing but another ordinary day here at Hogwarts.

Oh good, here comes the post. I am actually rubbing my hands together under the table. Pick up fork, Severus. Take bite of eggs, Severus. DO NOT stare at the owl that has just landed by her plate.

"Oh!" she squeaks in surprise as a popping noise echoes in the hall. I glance up at the noise and resist the urge to laugh.

Her mouth is hanging open. Her face is flushing red as the leprechaun standing in front of her bows deeply, straightens up and clears his throat. The silence from her table is almost deafening, but it is nothing compared to the song that the leprechaun is now warbling at the top of his wee voice.

'Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful

Makin' love with you is all I wanna do.

The entire hall is silent now; all eyes are fixed on the leprechaun and its recipient. I will not smile. I will not smile. I will not laugh at the horrified expression on her face. I will not laugh at the students that are climbing onto the tables to get a better view of the spectacle.

Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true

And everything that I do is out of lovin' you.

Oh, here it comes! I will not smile. I will not smile at her beet red face, at the giggles from the Slytherin table, or the Ravenclaw table or the Hufflepuff table or the Griffindor table.

La la la la la la la... do do do do do !

The note the little creature hit was so high that Minerva's glass has actually shattered!

Scowl Severus, scowl.

No one else can make me feel

And we will live each day in springtime!

She is trying to crawl under the table now; trying to crawl away from the outstretched hands offering her a hideous bouquet of flowers as he continues his serenade. Not so fast, my dear! Well, I’ll be damned! Potter is actually helping me along here by restraining her from doing so.

Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful

And every day my life is filled with lovin' you.

Most of the students at the Slytherin table are actually bent double in laughter. Malfoy is in a state of near collapse as tears stream down his face. I don't think he understands the Muggle song, but I know he appreciates the humiliation that is now apparent on her face.

Lovin' you I see your soul come shinin' through

And every time that we oooooh!

She has covered her face at these words and the implication of them. So she is a virgin, eh? Interesting. Brace yourself, Sev. Watch out for flying glass.

I'm more in love with you

La la la la la la la... do do do do do

The glass in front of Poppy has shattered, and Albus is chuckling along with the rest of the high table and student body. I think that I’ve actually out done the Weasley twins with this one. I permit myself a smirk as she runs from the hall, the echoing laughter chasing her out the doors.

Yes. Revenge is a dish best tasted cold.

A/N Song is "Lovin' You" sung by Minnie Riperton (1947-1979). Lyrics by Richard Rudolph.