An Author's Story
Chapter 2 of 3
oohdearPart 2 of a trilogy, this being an Authors view of the site(or at least what i think of it)
ReviewedFishing for words
Notes from the Author:
AHEM: The All High Elevated Minions
MITE: Minions in Training for Elevation
Dani: Dani, a poor beta
She ran from pool to pool, trying to find suitable words. Most of the words had been previously used, so were standing in stagnant waters; others were just not suitable for what she wanted to write. Yet others were in pools that smelled bad like rotten eggs, and yet others were either in the baby pools or too-adult pools. This writing was hard business. This trawling through pools and pools to fish for the right words and she had spent many a sleepless night trying to finish her story.
Everywhere there was desolation; on one side there was a desert, hard to find words there, she thought, Well, it is a desert after all. On the other side were the Wetlands, numerous pools, but numerous dangers as well, things that bit and cut and generally did nasty things to her work until it was in shreds and no-one wanted to read it anymore.
Then she lifted her eyes, and in the far distance she could see the castle called The Site. A shiver went through her at the thought of the Minions called the Admins, the AHEMs and the MITEs who resided there and who would read and validate her story. Without the AHEMs’ approval, her story would never be published on The Site. No-one would ever know all the hard work, the days and nights she had spend trawling through the word pools to find suitable words for her story. And then she thought of the zealot called the ladyinthecloak who might end up reading her story, and a slight shiver ran down her spine at the thought of those dispassionate eyes gazing, nay scrutinizing her work, and unconsciously, she rubbed her hands to make them warm again. As she gazed longingly at The Site, another thought hit her brain: what if SW69 saw her story or what if…? And her brain stopped dead in its track. What if... notsosaintly saw her story? Now it was not just a shiver—her body was trembling uncontrollably, and she had to clench her hands and forcibly stop her teeth from chattering. It would be okay, she tried to convince herself. notsosaintly probably did not even look at the Q; she was probably too busy running The Site. And then she started dreaming what if? What if notsosaintly saw her story and really liked it and left a review? She knew she would probably faint. Then she thought of the Q. The dreaded Q, the abyss where her story would go and stay until one of the Minions approved it.
She thought of the AHEM sitting there with the power of the Validate and the Delete buttons within her reach. The dreaded Delete button; if there were too many mistakes, the Delete button might be pushed. But she knew she was too good for that fate. The Validate button had her name written on it.
The last time she had sent her story, there had been so many so-called mistakes (the nasty AHEM had insisted) that she had refused to post the story. She had roundly berated her beta Dani for letting her story go through, but then Dani had reminded her that she had fainted reading her story. She had picked too many words from a fetid pool, and the story was totally unreadable, Dani had said, which of course she had not believed a word. Her story bad? How was that possible? She was a good author, no, she was a brilliant author. It was just that the world had not recognized her brilliance yet, but soon they would; very soon they would come to her on bended knees and beg to publish her story. Just wait. She knew it would happen soon.
And then she thought, I have to stop day dreaming and finish my story so the world can appreciate my brilliance and I can get another step closer to the Holy Grail of publishing...
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Site
21 Reviews | 5.67/10 Average
Very witty. It has that grain of truth in it that highlights the humor even more. Good job. It will be fun to see your take on the Admin's point of view.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
are you an Admin?thanks for the review, much appreciated.
Response from Prof M McGonagall (Reviewer)
No, but I've been a high school English teacher, so I think I can understand a bit about the frustrations of an Admin's job. *grins*
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
If you are going to get frustrated with a job, then don't take it on! saying I don't get paid for it, is not good enough, at least in my view. It is like any other job, you cannot have just the good bits and bitch about the bad bits.
Poor, misguided Author. She looks in all the wrong places for those all-important words. All she need do is use the most common, banal words, and then click on the "synonyms" feature on her word processor and replace those common words with ones that almost (but not quite) mean the same thing but sound so much fancier. That's how all the really good writers do it. No, really.Also, I love her "unconsciously" rubbing her hands. So often we do our very best work when comatose. I do, anyway. ;)Love the biting satire. Keep it up.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
thank you, appreciate it, coming from you it is high praise indeed!
ahem. (not to be confused with AHEM!) this is just as delightful as the first installment. i loved the image of the poor author trawling all the different pools for the right words. (and i still sometimes tremble when submitting my work to the Q.)
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
makes two of us! the dreaded Q, the words to inspire fear in any Author!!thank you very much
Oh, just found this! Perfectly hilarious. I love love love the grains of truth running throughout this!! ~a humble, unwashed author.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
thank you very much, i am glad that you liked it
Who would that author be, I wonder? ;)
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
have a guess!thanks
Hitting the mark. Again. Perfectly. An arrogant, delusional author. Mistaking beginner's faults for craftsmanship. (see, how masterfully I fish the ponds? *preens in rightful brilliance*)Thank you very much for your punch in the guts.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
you are getting good at fishing!thank you very much
Oh, this exausted admin really needed this laugh today. THANK YOU!
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
you are most welcome. wait and read the Admin's story, i hope you will like itthank you once again
I love the sarcasm. This is a really funny parody.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
thank you very much, i am glad you enjoyed it
Oh my God this is funny. Blasphemous, but funny I can't wait to see more.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
Thank you very much. part 2 has sat in the Q for the last 2 days, eventually someone will get around to validating it. and this with 2 Admins in the house!!!!!
Admin's response: Yes, eventually, dear Author. In the meantime, L to punctuate. The comma should have been at least a semicolon. *back to slaving in the Q*
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
Response to Admin's responseIf I L to punctuate, dear High Minion, who the hell would need you on The Site??
Anonymous
That's absolutely brilliant! Great work, and oh so true!
Signed one of the multitude of unwashed authors *giggles*
Author's Response: please read part 2 and then tell me if you are still happy with the way the authors are depicted!! and don't forget I am one of the multitude of unwashed authors as well!!
thanks once again
Alcina vom Steinsberg's response: I would love to, but I seem to be too stupid to find it... is it one of the other stories you wrote? Which one?
Author's Response: Sorry it is still in the abyss,oh i mean the Q waiting to be validated by one of the Minions.
'And she thought long into the night and ….' LOL! There is even a mini 'cliffie' at the end of the chapter. Nice work. I'm waiting for the point where She gets around to creating Man... Tall, dark and hawkishly handsome with an acerbic personality perhaps? Do we get to vote on the wearing of fig-leaves?
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
definitely! will get LITC to set up a survey for the votethanks for the comments
Well, I shall wait to see what notsosaintly can do to fix poor punctuate when the masses refuse to be educated.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
thank you for your comments, read par1 Deux, which will be in the Q later today, gods only know when it will be posted!
I can't wait to see what
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
did to fix this. *lol*This is a wonderful and entertaining read. 
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
it is on a need to know basis, we might have to kill you after we tell you. But stay tuned
Response from notsosaintly (Reviewer)
Ah, but if you kill the site owner ... what would happen then, I wonder? Hmm... the plot thickens.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
the angels/Minions might revolt! naw can't kill the godess, so will have to tell you.
You missed a comma. I'm sure you did. Ask You-Know-Who. *looks around furtively and ducks*Haha, missed me!
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
ha i knew it, the All High & Mighty Minions are also mortals! How sad though. I will have words with my beta, maybe i won't feed her today as punishment. The Gall!
Response from sunny33 (Reviewer)
Withhold her cheese. That will fix her!
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
done! no hold on i have a better idea, i will put it in a mousetrap!!
Response from sunny33 (Reviewer)
Nooo! She might get her fingers damaged, and she has betaing to do!
This is so to the point. Thank you for coming up with such an idea, and hopefully it will open a few eyes and ease mission of the Admins.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
let me know what you think of part 2 and part 3 as well. thanks for the comments
omg! roflmao! you are brilliant, and this is among the funniest things i have ever read. (please note the exclamation points standing proudly in their rightful place.)
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
thank you very much, also note "under the minions" !!!!
Custard pies... mmmm... what? Oh, yes, I was writing a review. Got sidetracked a little. Can't remember what I was going to say now. That's it. Consultants. Hire external consultants. OK, they cost a bomb, but they produce lots of pretty charts and handouts, and you could set them onto the recalcitrant authors to bore them into submission, or out of submission... :)
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
I am glad that you liked it, I have hired myself as a consultant! let me know if you are interested in joining, because i am crap at producing pretty charts and handouts, you could do that part.thanks
Response from sunny33 (Reviewer)
The trick is to realise that the charts don't have to make sense, because no one pays the slightest bit of attention to them anyway. They are all just wondering when the hell they can get out of there!
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
too true, looks like you have done this many a times!
LOL! The title made me do a double take, tee hee. Hiring an Author? *Gasp* I can't wait to see how this turns out. Maybe a vegetable garden should be started.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
well if the trip to the vegetable market turns out to be too expensive, NSS, SW_69 and Ladyinthecloak will probably have to start a vegetable garden for the rotten vegetables anyway.thanks, much appreciated.
Too funny, but as sure as God made little green apples, you can bet someone will take this chapter literally. It might even be me lol.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
Too true, hope the Godess and the High Minions do not get angry with me!thank you much appreicated
this had me literally cackling gleefully throughout - starting with the title - wtf? you are an evil genius.
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
thank you so very much, you made my eveningthanks
Lol, this is awesome! I feel sneaky. As if I am getting a sneak peek behind the scenes. Thanks for the enlightenment!~Stef =o)
Response from oohdear (Author of The Site)
i am glad you enjoyed it. thank you very much, the story of my life!!!!!!!!