Starting Over

Chapter 6: Starting Over

By Monday morning, I was in a dismal mood. Madam Pomfrey's textbooks no longer enthralled me, and I could add boredom to my list of complaints. Physically, I was improved to the point where I no longer needed to remain in bed. Emotionally, I was miserable. The primary reason was the inability to prosecute Lucius Malfoy for attempted murder, even though I knew the reasoning behind our inaction. It was Remus' calm acceptance of the situation that made me even angrier.

"You act as though it's perfectly fine that we can do nothing about it," I complained.

"That's not true," Remus countered. "I hate this as much as you do. I'd like to see Malfoy hang for what he did."

"You don't act like it," I muttered.

"What do you want me to do?" Remus asked wearily. "Go after him myself? End up in Azkaban for murder?"

"No, of course not. But do you have to be so maddeningly complacent about the whole thing?"

Remus sighed. "You need to understand something, Kailin: as a werewolf, I've been impotent under the law most of my life. The idea that I could lodge a complaint, have the complaint addressed by the wizarding legal system, and actually have it decided in my favor, has never been a remote possibility. This is no different."

I closed my eyes and leaned back in the bed, digesting Remus' words. The remains of our breakfast, as well as the morning's edition of the Daily Prophet, sat on a tray table in front of us. A headline read: 'Malfoy Donation Will Allow New Wing at St. Mungo's to Open'.

"I'm sorry," I said, utterly defeated. "I don't blame you for anything. I'm just bored and tired of being here."

"I know, dearest." Remus reached for my hand and squeezed gently.

"Do wizards really hang murderers?" I asked after a moment.

A smile played around the corners of my husband's lips. "No," he admitted. "I'm afraid that I've seen too many Muggle Western flicks."

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Look," Remus said, standing abruptly. "This is ridiculous. I'm going to see Mr. Najib today. See if there's any chance at all we can move home."

"We can always hope," I said wryly. Remus had checked on the status of the flat two days ago. The answer was an apologetic 'not yet'. "How will you get out of the school without being seen by someone?"

"All you need are the right connections." Remus peered out the door into the main ward to make sure that Madame Pomfrey was alone. "Poppy?"

I could hear the woman's starched apron rustling down the ward toward us. Finally, she appeared in the door of my room. "What is it?"

"Could you summon Harry Potter for me, please?" Remus asked politely.

Poppy was instantly suspicious. "No one is supposed to know you are here," she pointed out stiffly.

"Albus didn't say that, exactly. He said only that we shouldn't be seen by others."

"And how is that different?"

"Just do it, please? For old times' sake?"

The woman still looked suspicious, but there was a twinkle in her eye. She turned on her heel and left, and five minutes later she was back, with Harry Potter in tow.

"Professor?" The boy's jaw dropped when he saw the two of us in the private room. "What are you and Kailin doing here?"

"Come in, Harry," Remus said, closing the door behind him. Madam Pomfrey sniffed loudly in disapproval, then there was the sound of her retreating footsteps.

He explained briefly about the fire at the cottage. Harry's eyebrows shot up.

"That was you? Hermione saw the article in the paper, but we didn't realize that you were involved. Didn't it say a Muggle died?"

"It said a Muggle was rumored to have died. Kailin was hurt, but she made it out alive."

"Wow!" Harry looked impressed. "Do they know who did it?"

Remus hesitated, evidently debating with himself before answering. "Lucius Malfoy," he said, and immediately held up a hand as Harry's expression turned stormy. "You need to keep this under your hat, Harry. No one is to know that Kailin was involved in the fire, or even that we're here at Hogwarts."

"Of course, Professor. Can I tell Ron and Hermione, though?"

"I suppose, but it can go no further than that. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Harry," I interrupted, "how is Hermione doing?"

"Since her parents died, you mean? She's doing okay."

"Really?" I was skeptical. I knew from personal experience that 'doing okay' was very much a relative term.

"Well..." Harry said, shrugging his shoulders, "I honestly don't know, Kailin. She studies as hard as ever and says that her parents would want her to do that, but it's a little weird. She says she refuses to dwell on what happened, but it kind of seems like she's trying to forget about it."

I nodded. I felt badly for the girl, but I was sure that Minerva McGonagall was keeping a close eye on her. On the other hand, Minerva was hardly the maternal type.

"What are you going to do about Malfoy?" Harry asked, turning to Remus.

Remus and I exchanged glances. "For now, nothing. The reason I asked Madam Pomfrey to call you, Harry, is that I need your help. Since Kailin and I are temporarily in hiding here, we aren't free to walk around the castle. I need to go into London today to check on repairs to our flat, but as you know, you can't Apparate in or out of Hogwarts."

"I know. Hermione keeps reminding me."

"What I need is to get out of the castle without being seen."

A grin spread over Harry's face. "I believe I can help you there."

Remus grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. "Good boy. I was sure you could."

Harry left, promising to be right back.

"What in the world was that all about?" I asked, bemused.

"You'll see," Remus said smugly and refused to tell me anymore.

A few minutes later, Harry returned and passed a package through the door. "Here you go, Professor. Good luck."

Remus winked at him and shut the door so that we were alone once more.

"What's that?" I asked, watching him intently.

"Let me show you." He opened the package and shook out a silvery cloth that looked like flowing liquid. Chuckling, he held it up in the air.

I still had no idea what was going on until Remus wrapped the cloth around him. When his body disappeared, I began to get a glimmer of what he had in mind.

"What is that?" Fascinated, I hobbled out of bed, toward the spot where Remus had stood just a moment earlier.

"An Invisibility Cloak. This belonged to James Potter. We got a lot of use out of it while we were at school." Remus peeled the cloak away from his head, an impish grin on his face.

It was terribly disconcerting to see my husband's head floating in mid-air. "Can I try it? Would it work on me?" I asked, wide-eyed.

"I don't see why not," Remus said, swinging the cloak off his shoulders and around mine.

I looked down to find that my body was completely gone. I started giggling, my bad mood forgotten. "This is bizarre!"

"It's an odd sensation, isn't it?"

"I'll say." I was busy admiring my reflection, or lack thereof, in the small mirror above the sink. "So you'll use this to sneak out of the castle?"

Remus nodded. "Classes are in session, so it's not likely that I'll run into anybody on my way out. Still, it pays to be careful. I'll be back as soon as I can. Is there anything I can bring you?"

"Some clothes?" I asked hopefully. "I hate to ask, because it means you'll have to go shopping."

Everything we'd brought with us from Grimmauld Place had burned in the fire. My only recourse was a lost-and-found box that Poppy assured me should contain something in my size.

"Anything in particular?"

"Just some sweats," I said. "And maybe some cheap shoes of some sort."

"Done. May I have the cloak back now?"

"Oh. Sorry..." Sheepishly, I unwound myself and handed it back to him.

Remus kissed me lightly. "Now that we have the cloak, what say we take a little tour of Hogwarts tonight? You need to see where your Grandmum and I spent our formative years."

"I'd love that!" I said, my eyes shining. "But can we do that? Can we both fit under there?"

"You'd be amazed how many people can fit under this thing."

It was mid-afternoon when Remus returned. I'd fallen asleep after lunch and didn't wake until I felt him kiss me gently on the cheek.

"Hi," I murmured, rolling onto my back and stretching hugely. "I didn't plan to fall asleep."

"You're still catching up," he said, dropping a bag onto the bed.

"Mmm." I sat up, blinking in the afternoon light. "How's the outside world?"

"Still there, believe it or not." Remus told me, dropping into the bedside chair.

I reached for the bag of clothing and pulled out a set of navy sweats and some clogs. Immediately, a frown creased my forehead. True, I hadn't specified colors or styles, but these looked exactly like some clothes that I already owned.

Startled, my head snapped upright. "These are mine!" I gasped. "You got them from the flat!"

My husband grinned broadly. "I did, in fact."

"Does this mean we can go home?"

"Tomorrow," Remus said, looking quite pleased with himself. "Mr. Najib says that the work is complete, but the insurance company won't allow anyone to move back in until tomorrow. Something about an effective date for insurance to start."

"We're really going home!" It hardly seemed possible.

The change in fortune was enough to put thoughts of Lucius Malfoy and justice behind me. In the morning, Remus told me, we would go into Hogsmeade and catch the Hogwarts Express back to London.

"Hogsmeade?" My face fell. "But I'm not supposed to go into Hogsmeade."

"We have the Invisibility Cloak, remember? I know it won't be exactly comfortable, but you can wear that into town, and on the train. There aren't many passengers on the Express when the students aren't coming or going."

At that point, I would have ridden on top of the train if I thought it would get me back home.

We spent the rest of the day making plans. Late in the evening, when the student curfew went into effect, Remus pulled out the Invisibility Cloak once more.

Madam Pomfrey didn't exactly approve of our scheme, but as we were adults, there wasn't a lot she could do to stop us. Still, she was smiling as we began to wrap the Invisibility Cloak around us at the door to the Hospital Wing.

"You look like a couple of first years, up to no good," she said, arms crossed sternly across her chest.

"I'll have you know I was up to no good all seven years," Remus told her indignantly as he pulled the cloak over our heads.

"I thought as much," she murmured, opening the door for us. "Be careful, you two."

And so we prowled the darkened halls of Hogwarts, Remus providing me with a hushed travelogue as we went. The dormitories were not accessible to us, of course, and my only regret was that I couldn't see where Marvy had lived long before my mother was a twinkle in her eye. We saw the Great Hall, the library, and several of the classrooms. I detected a faint, wistful note in Remus' voice when he showed me the classroom where he'd taught Defense against the Dark Arts, and I wondered if someday he would want to return here to teach once more.

My eyes went wide as saucers when I saw a ghost floating through a wall, and Remus told me that this was a routine event here. But the truly suspenseful part of our tour came when he spotted the caretaker, Filch, and his skeletal cat coming our way. We stood pressed against the wall, breathing silently as the pair passed, and I had the distinct feeling that my husband had done this on more than one occasion.

The next morning, we ate a leisurely breakfast and prepared to leave Hogwarts. Poppy Pomfrey suggested that I stay off my ankle for the rest of the week, then presented me with the excused absence note I'd need in order to return to work. It was written in quill pen on heavy parchment, and even as I thanked her for it, I wondered how in the world I'd explain it to my boss. I supposed I could say that my doctor had a latent interest in calligraphy and old writing materials or something.

At any rate, our exile was over.

* * *

The flat looked the same as it did the day we left it. It should have been a comforting thought, but it wasn't. Here, nothing had changed, while in the space of four weeks' time, my life had changed dramatically.

"It looks very, very good to me," the Indian landlord said cheerfully in his lightly accented voice. "Does it look good to you, Mrs. Lupin?"

I smiled. "It looks great, Mr. Najib."

"The workmen did a good job, yes? You can dance on this floor, and it is as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar. You see, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus nodded reassuringly. "Excellent workmanship," he agreed.

"And there is no smell of the smoke or fire from downstairs," the animated Mr. Najib went on. "Very good, eh?"

Remus and I exchanged grins. Little did Mr. Najib know that after his professional cleaners had left, a number of magical spells had thoroughly eliminated any odors left by the grease fire. I don't think I could have lived in the flat again if there'd been even the faintest odor of lingering smoke. I had my experience at Miranda McGonagall's cottage to thank for that.

"I welcome you home then," Mr. Najib went on, thrusting a potted geranium into my hand. "It is a nice spring day outside. You open the windows and enjoy."

"We will," I said politely. If there was one thing I would never again take for granted, it was an open window.

As the door closed behind the landlord, Remus took the geranium from my hands and set it down. Then he pulled me into a tight embrace there in the middle of the kitchen.

"We're home, dearest," he murmured. "Finally."

"Finally..." I sighed the word.

"It was nice of Najib to give us an extra month's free rent, considering everything we've been through."

"Uh-huh."

"Are you all right?" Remus inquired. "You're very quiet. I rather expected you to be bouncing from room to room."

"I can't bounce on the ankle yet. Poppy won't let me." I tried to make a joke out of it. "I'm fine, really. It's just that everything in here is just as we left it. But I'm not."

"Of course you're not."

I snuggled deeper into my husband's shoulder, grateful for his steadying presence. Life went on, and the most important thing was that Remus and I were together, alive and well.

"I have reached a decision about one thing," I said softly.

"You've come to your senses and decided to sit out the war in the States?"

"No, and this is even less sensible than staying." I took a deep breath. "I want to have a baby."

Startled, Remus held me at arm's length. "We've talked about this before," he said carefully. "We decided that it would make sense to wait until the war's over, as I recall."

"I know," I said nervously. "But I don't want to wait until the war is over. I want to have a baby now."

"Now?" My husband's smile was a tad forced. "I believe it takes nine months, unless the laws of nature have changed recently."

"I'm not joking about this, Remus. I had a lot of time to think, back there in the hospital wing."

He frowned, obviously certain that I had lost my mind. "Why do you want to have a baby now?"

I tried to marshal all the arguments I'd stored up. "We don't know when the war will be over, for one thing. It could be next week or next year or ten years from now. But the real reason is that I want to do something positive, to create life in the middle of death, if you will. I want to make sure there'll be a Lupin at Hogwarts in eleven years," I added lamely, hoping the last bit would score the winning point for my side.

"I want that too," Remus said hoarsely, "but if something happens to me, then you're left alone with a child to raise."

"And if something happens to me," I retorted, "you'll be the one left alone with a child to raise."

"And what if, God forbid, something happens to both of us?"

I had no answer for that. Remus released my arms and walked over to the kitchen counter. He leaned back against it, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Is this going to be another of those issues like you going back to America?" he asked quietly.

"I suppose. I don't know." I ran both hands through my hair in frustration. "I just want you to think about it, all right? I'd like us to have a baby as a deliberate act of faith, Remus. In spite of everything that's happening. Because life goes on, Voldemort or no Voldemort. Lucius Malfoy or no Lucius Malfoy."

My husband studied me carefully. "We'll think about it, but let's take a bit of time, shall we? Tomorrow there could be another Death Eater attack somewhere, and you might change your mind."

"Or you could change your mind," I pointed out hopefully.

"What makes you think I'm disagreeing with you?"

I gaped at him. "You mean you think we should have a child now?"

"I don't know. I see the wisdom of what you're saying, but part of me wants to follow the most cautious route at all costs. Let's just take the time to be settled back in for a while."

"We could practice," I said demurely.

Remus grinned.

"Lots of practice."