Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
notsosaintly24 Reviews | 6.25/10 (24 Ratings, 0 Likes, 20 Favorites )
Good Holiday Season Advice: If you own chestnuts, stay far, far away from the fire.
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About notsosaintly
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notsosaintly
Member Since 2005 | 38 Stories | Favorited by 707 | 843 Reviews Written | 2,009 Review Responses
Founder of The Petulant Poetess. Editor and full-time mother.
Reviews for Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
Perfect read for the season!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
*lol* Thank you! I think I need to go read this one again too. 
A point of symmetry is missing. If it is like-mother-like-daughter, then Severus should guess that Mrs. Granger either lusts after or is in love with someone other than her husband. This would give added punch and justification to the roast, but as another reviewer remarked, probing this deep might damage the fragile duality of the story.
"You are home." Oh, Hermione never did get used to semi-exile did she? After all, home is with your loved ones, but perhaps after seven years she no longer loves Severus as she did? There seems to be a bit more to loosing this bet than there is on the surface. Why would her voice drop with warning if it were only simple bantering? As as side note, I couldn't stand no sex for two weeks, let along my fiance. This seems more like hidden resentment rather than "punishment".I too find it easier to "shovel snow" than face some crowds.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
True, all of that could be seen in that way, especially since I gave no background whatsoever. I did this because it becomes relatable to more readers. One will see it one way, while another would see it another. There are marriages where having sex once a week is the norm, as are those where having it once every two weeks, or waiting two weeks and then having it three times in one week. And then there are those who have it every other day and would die otherwise. They key, of course, is finding a spouse that is on the same page as far as that is concerned, because if you are not, you are in for a life of trouble because a person's sexual appetite never changes. (Putting aside pregnancy hormones or menopause or prostate trouble, etc.)In actuality, this was meant to be light in humour, rather than showing a strained side of their relationship. She withheld the sex because he needed "to learn to appreciate her more". I figured that could have meant he was in it all for his pleasure, or was using her for sex every day without thought to what she wanted, whatever. I took my own offbeat humour with my husband and put it on Hermione. I never have bets with my husband like that (though, now that I think of it...) And, well, I revised this twice, thinking the story did not justify the title "Chestnuts Roasting..." enough. I did have the title in mind before writing the story. One of my new approaches. In retrospect, I should have given a lot more back story. But then again, I love the differing responses and viewpoints this is all bringing out!I almost forgot my final point. I'm glad I remembered. If you've never moved far away from where you grew up, you might not unerstand this. I grew up in Wisconsin (where there's a lot of snow right now, by the way). I lived there for 22 years and escaped (because I hate shovelling snow, getting the car stuck when the snow plow plows you in, the biting below-zero temperatures). I moved to Los Angeles as soon as I graduated from college. I've lived here now for a little over 15 years (and I just gave away my age), and even though we tried to live in Atlanta for a few months (nightmare, believe me), we came back to the same area. And even though we moved about 13 miles to the north for four years to try owning a house (failed endeavour), we came back to the same area. This is home more than anything, regardless of the things I dislike about it. But I still to this day refer to Wisconsin as "home". As in "I'm thinking of going home next Christmas." That's what happens when you have such a long-established connection to a place.I think I'm done writing this book now. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!!
A complex tale.
On the surface, it is a light-hearted story about visiting the in-laws over Christmas. It begins with the husband washing dishes after losing a wager – a scene dear to the reader. It changes to an argument over visiting the wife’s parents for Christmas – a segment familiar to the reader. There is an interruption as the husband wants more sex but is unsuccessful – standard marital scene. It continues with the husband facing a not-friendly mother-in-law but bonding with a sympathetic father-in-law – standard fare. It ends with the men performing male tasks and the women performing female tasks – a classic family gathering.
Under the surface, other things are happening.
His wife does not say she wants to visit mum and dad. She says she wants to go home. Perhaps she does.
The wager appears punitive. It’s possible there is a history of good-natured give-and-take between the two, but the story did not seem to imply this – especially when one of the conditions was hands-off for two weeks, which is taken as harder on the male than on the female. The conditions of the bet were not that if his wife won, she got a massage every evening for two weeks – she would rather dole out punishment than receive pleasure. In an extreme case, a massage from a husband would not be wanted: his wife would not want his hands on her in any way whatsoever.
Ostensibly, he will appreciate her more after two weeks of abstinence, but this is fictitious sugar-coating. Two weeks is enough for a callous distance to develop between them. They will have to become re-acquainted. They may not make the effort. Two weeks of thinking his wife does not want him to touch her will cause at least partial destruction of his affection for her. (Yes, Virginia, men have feelings, too.) His wife may know this and not care. See below.
While the husband is polyjuiced as another man, his wife quickly reaches orgasm during a brief tussle. The husband knows and must live with the fact that his wife is more sexually responsive to another.
The husband pegs his wife’s mother the second he walks in the door. By now, he recognizes the type.
He discovers his father-in-law can guess the more stringent elements of the bet, and the father-in-law all but offers the assessment Like-Mother-Like-Daughter. He is in for a lifetime of this. (“Make him suffer,” is arguably the most passionately-felt phrase found in reviews on this site.)
When the two women announce they wish help roasting chestnuts, the men leave a warm and cozy house to shovel dirty snow in cold and miserable weather. They have chosen the less painful option. They know who is going to be roasted, and they don’t want to hear it.
The women are perplexed that the men prefer miserable weather to their company; the women do not realize they are abrasive, they have done damage, and their husbands are reacting to this. The two men have agreed that this is part of the basic temperament of their wives and the best plan is to reduce the harm and pain by reducing contact time.
As Death said in ‘Hogfather,’ “Happy Hogswatch. Ho … Ho Ho.”
Writing has been described as sitting at a typewriter and opening a vein. After this story, there was blood on the keyboard.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Ah-ha! Ooooh, you are good, you know that?First of all, let me begin by telling you that when I saw the email that I had a review, right before I clicked on it, I knew it was going to be from you. (Yes, I am vaguely and intermittently psychic.)You are the only one who let me know that the underlying story was understood. Yes, on the surface, you get the vindictive woman getting back at the man for something vague—doesn't matter what, could be anything really. But ... this type of woman exists in various degrees. Some are like this 100% of the time, always making their man pay and not caring (or even realizing) that Men Have Feelings Too. Some are like this when a little revenge is in order: Beware a Woman Scorned!We don't know what the bet was. I left it open purposely to fit any sort of situation, to let a wider group of women (and men!) relate to it. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what the bet was—Severus wouldn't tell me. He's a fickle muse. My imagining was that they often had bets because she's very competitive, always has to be right, etc. etc.But the withholding sex thing ... there was one line in there that might have been missed. She told him that he needed to learn how to appreciate her. He must have done something ... and she felt like he was taking her for granted.Being turned on by Remus. That was nasty, wasn't it? It is a good thing we do not have that possibility of taking Polyjuice Potion—it would probably increase the divorce rate. Fantasies are best left within the confines of the mind, not to be shared.Two weeks, by the way, might cause a callous distance ... if the reason for the haitus was based on something negative. I really painted a negative picture here, haven't I?To the masses: Yes, girls, men do have feelings. It actually took me a few years into my marriage to discover this about my own husband. He never shows them. Holds everything inside. My father never had emotions. Never had an opinion either. (Still doesn't.) What was I supposed to think? I poke him with a stick every once in a while just to provoke a release of emotion. Sort of like checking if he's still alive. *lol* (Just kidding. *grin*)
Silly, very silly! Thanks for sharing!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
I try my best to put silliness into every day. Thank you!
Well that was just too adorable! Happy holidays
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
I always thought Hermione roasting Severus' chestnuts was adorable myself. Happy holidays to you as well.
Oh, I personally liked how you twisted the idea around! This is a delightful CHristmas treat. It's so cute how Mr. Granger so undestood about magic, the Ministry, and the bet! LOL Thank you.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Men need to stick together when chestnuts are in danger of being roasted. That is for darn sure. Safety in numbers, I always say.
Lovely, heart-warming, and a very in-character Snape. Just the right thing for a cold morning in Germany. Thanks for sharing, and just in case: Merry Christmas to you!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
And a 'Frohe Weihnachten' to you as well. Hope you don't have as much snow to shovel. My mother has been sending me pictures of their "little" snow storm and I have them playing on my desktop as a screen saver just to remember why exactly I moved to Los Angeles.
That is so funny! LOVE your comment that the first line is the most important! Made me think of a pal who once sang, "My ex's nuts roasting on a open fire."Thanks for this amusing christmas gift. Happy Holidays!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Yup, an excellent alternate line if I ever heard one. *walks away whistling innocently*
What's wrong with roasting chestnuts?
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Ooooh, absolutely nothing. I rather enjoy roasting them myself. Quite a bit, actually. 
Oh, I do think they need to play with Polyjuice a bit more often. They were just getting, um, warmed up! And whatever was that bet?!Good to see that Severus gets on so well with his (very perceptive) father in law. Hope they don't wear themselves out before those chestnuts get roasted!But isn't Severus a little concerned about being seen outside as himself? Surely the wizarding world has spies everywhere?Nice little holiday tale!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Warmer clothes whilst shovelling snow entails hats, scarves, mittens, things that cover the pertinent bits of skin.
Oh, that was funny. I enjoyed reading it!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Vielen Dank! Have a Merry Christmas!
It's adorable, and I'm pretty sure everyone thinks of 'The Christmas Song' that way at least once in their lives.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Believe it or not, and I have no idea why, it just occurred to me this year.
Lovely:)I nevcer really thought about it, everyone thinks Severus would be difficult to live with, but Hermione is a High-maintenance person, too:)Perfect for the holidays, I just came in from shopping, which was madness, to read this and relax and smile before the next onslaught:){{hugs}}Fizzabella
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Yes, usually Severus is the domineering one, isn't he? It's so fun to play with these characters in new and different ways.
Quite cute. It seems they escaped just in time.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Yes, and lucky for them, Severus didn't forget the whisky.
You know, one very rarely sees any bonding with the Grangers during SS/HG fics. You show it perfectly here. A really delicious piece of fluffy slice of life cake :) Merry Christmas!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Merry Christmas to you too!
Response from HermioneJeanSnape (Reviewer)
And a happy and prosperous New Year! *Toasts*
Too cute - I often find myself in giggles when I hear the song, because the double meaning is so blatantly obvious.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Makes you wonder if the writer of the song had thought about that ... doesn't it?
One should never bet with a Granger LOLYou included a lot of the ingredients that make a good holiday fic: fun and snow and let's not forget some lemons ....
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Yeah. You think he would have learned in seven years NOT to do that. Perhaps he's hoping that one of these times he actually wins, and then ... watch out!
Leave a child in the hands of ses two and he/her will be completely spoiled. Nice story for christmas.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
I'd pray for a girl so Hermione could pass on the tradition of roasting chestnuts....
What a delightful, happy, and funny Christmas fic! I loved it!
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
I'm so happy you thought so!
Nothing like a common enemy. This was wonderful. Perfect for the holidays.
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Thank you. Christmas always inspires my muse. *pets Severus on head*
Those "Granger women" are a handful, aren't they? I had to laugh when Frank told Severus, "I'm kind of surprised she didn’t add ‘no shagging’ to the list."It's a safe bet that Severus should never bet with Hermione. But at least he gets to shovel the pavement with his father-in-law... I wonder how much work they'll really get done with two shovels, two glasses, and a bottle of Ogden's Finest?Lovely story! And Merry Christmas to you and yours!Beth
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Not much, I'd wager. But they did say 'head start'. They never said they were going to finish. *tee hee*Merry Christmas!
Na, that was just too cute :-)Happy Holidays!/M
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Happy Holidays to you as well!!
cute! reminds me of my boyfriend and my dad. only they escape in my dads corvette, they come back sunburnt from riding around in the car with the top down all day. lol
Response from notsosaintly (Author of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Yes, I thought it'd be nice for Severus to have a playmate who understood him. *grin*