Excursion

5: Excursion

That night, he didn't sleep well. He tossed and turned. He had dreams which he couldn't remember in the morning. Mumbling in his half-asleep state, he wondered what he should do about Tessa.

In his youth, he had been an awful sleeper. Always alert, always half-dressed, he had considered sleep a waste of time, as he had talking, politeness, personal hygiene, and friendship. Sleep stole away his thoughts; sleep brought unwanted hopes to the surface. He had only learned since coming to the island how wonderful sleep could be and how eye-opening a dream was. He had learned to listen to his body as well as his mind, and if his mind had told him to leave Tessa alone despite his specific wishes to lure her into bed, he would have done so.

Instead, both body and mind searched for her during the night. The bed was suddenly too big, the house too quiet, and when he woke, he wanted nothing more than to have breakfast with her. Unfortunately, it was only half past five in the morning, too early to even think about breakfast. Going back to sleep was equally impossible, so instead, he tidied up. He washed, cleaned, and made the bed. Dusted the shelves, swept the sand off the veranda, even cleaned the windows. When the sun finally rose on the horizon, he considered the possibility to bring her here, to his secluded little bay with the small, lovely beach and the boat that awaited him and any guest he might like to take.

He shaved off his stubble, then went to the market and bought fresh milk, bread, and butter. When he sat on his veranda, drinking his morning cocoa, he was finally awake enough to admit he had fallen in love.

Shit.

This wasn't good. She would leave in two weeks, would take her children and her sadness and her wonderful smile back home to a cheating husband and a life she didn't want to live. She would forget him, would force herself to erase those three weeks on the island from her memory, simply to be able to live her real life without regrets. And he would suffer, as he had once before.

He had no desire to suffer. His life had been bad for a considerable length of time, and he feared that, if he allowed himself more than an erotic adventure, his heart would be broken for good.

The only conclusion that he could come up with was that he would not see her again. He would stay for another week in his hut. He would eat, sleep, and swim, and then he would go back to his mountains and his vineyard and the work that awaited him there. She would vanish from his mind, and she could enjoy her holiday without him offering her something she didn't really want.

He sighed and stretched his long legs, arched his back, tried to relax his cramped muscles. Last night, when they had walked back to Chonchita's house, they hadn't talked anymore. Silently, she had wandered beside him, clinging onto his hand as if it were a lifeline. Occasionally, her wide, wet trousers had brushed his bare legs, and every now and then her hair had tickled his arm. He had enjoyed this a lot, despite the hardness of her grip, which was clear proof that she was scared of what might happen between them.

They each had carried a fast asleep child back to the hotel and into their beds. He had placed the little girl onto the mattress and had left quickly so as not to invade her private space more than necessary.

She had held him back with a whispered word, not looking at him. "I don't know if I can do this. But you are right. I want to." And had closed the door into his face.

Hell, he should leave today, go back home to his vines immediately. He could not afford to fall in love. The last time it had happened, he had been barely more than a boy, a teenager with lanky limbs, greasy hair, and the palest skin imaginable. She had been a beauty, red-haired and green-eyed, and Tessa didn't resemble her at all. His first love had been lively and wild, and when she had fallen in love with someone else, he had decided that life was cruel and worthless.

He truly feared something similar would happen again. Tessa, melancholic and lonely, had struck a chord in him he had thought didn't exist anymore. She had pierced his logical, calculating, cold heart, and it was simply impossible that he allowed this to continue.

The problem was that he had no choice anymore. For him, love was the strongest emotion possible, and it already ruled his thoughts. And he would not fight against his wishes ever again. He had done so far too often in his past

Sternly, he placed his empty mug on the veranda planks and went inside to fill his rucksack. His decision was made. In a day or two, he would bring her and the children here so they could enjoy the privacy of his house and his beach.

And he would go fishing. Alone.

*********************

"You are not wearing a hat today." A simple observation, but she blushed at his words.

"I thought... maybe a bit of sun wouldn't do me any harm."

Hugo and Rose grinned widely at their mother's words. After ten days on the island, they had tanned to a golden brown without the slightest hint of a sunburn. "But then you have to take your blouse off as well, Mummy," Hugo said matter-of-factly, and Rose added, "And your trousers, too."

"Now, look," Tessa replied, a tiny smile hiding in the corner of her mouth. "If you two don't behave, I'll send you back to the hotel and you can stay inside all day whilst I enjoy the sun. Without you!"

Both children giggled and vanished to find some shells. Tessa lowered her head and avoided his eyes.

"You will look good with a tan," he said as light-hearted as he could manage. "Am I right that you don't spend much time outside?"

Goodness, he was too curious, and he knew it. But he wanted to know more about her, about her life away from the island, although this was something he wasn't interested in normally. Well, whatever it was that was growing between them, wasn't normal.

"I read whenever I find the time," Tessa answered, walking alongside him on the way to his hut. "Which isn't often, nowadays. I used to read a lot more. I was a bookworm. But our house is far too big for us, and I don't do much else but cook and clean and cook and clean again."

"Pity," he answered. "Somehow, I cannot imagine you as a housewife. A librarian, yes. But not someone who finds pleasure in ironing the tablecloths. You will find a few books at my place – take whatever you want. Read all day, if you like. If Hugo and Rose are interested, and if you allow it, I will take them fishing. One day for yourself. If you want."

That made her stop in the middle of her step. "You... are you serious?" There was doubt in her voice. "Do you know when I had an hour to myself the last time, not to talk about a whole day?"

He stole her hand, and his heart skipped a beat when she didn't pull it back. "Everyone needs time for oneself. One goes crazy if there is always someone else around, even a dearly loved child."

She swallowed hard, and out of nowhere, a tear ran down her cheek. One single tear. She didn't even bother to wipe it away. "I'm lost without my books," she whispered. "I have been lost for years. Just that no one understands it. Especially not my husband or my mother-in-law." She swallowed hard. "At least I now know what is wrong with me – I'm crazy."

"You are not," he said, barely audible against the sound of the waves caressing the beach. "Take today as an opportunity to figure out what you want. And I will try not to come back too early."

She considered that for a moment. There was no second tear. "Can you cook?" she asked, and he nodded. "Better than the cook in the hotel? As good as Conchita?"

He shook his head ruefully. "No one can cook as good as nana. But I am definitely better than Luciano, who's preparing the meals in your hotel. Why? Would you like to stay for dinner?" Damn. He was unable to keep the hope out of his voice.

And there was her smile again. It was not only wonderful, but a little bit cheeky as well. "A day at your beach, a day with books – you can bet you have to cook for us, Carlos."

***********************

He sailed out with Rose and Hugo an hour after they had reached his house, after he had shown Tessa the kitchen, the bathroom, and the spare bedroom under the attic. Where his books were stored, all four or five dozen he wanted to keep close wherever he went. Classics, many of them, but a bunch of short-story collections as well as some fantasy stuff. When he saw her eyes widen with delight, he smiled and left her up there, trying to figure out what to read first.

He packed sandwiches, fruits, and water, but instead of going fishing, he would take the children round the island to a waterfall, where they could play pirates or hide and seek or whatever they liked until sunset. On the way back, he would dive for some scallops, and hopefully, Rose and Hugo would be too tired to mind the fact that they were actually served sea food.

His boat was small with only one sail and no motor. Both children got life vests, waved good-bye to their mum, and didn't look back once when he manoeuvred the boat out to the sea. They managed to sit still for one-and-a-half hours before they became restless, and because it was a nice and easy day, he pulled in the sail and handed out the first sandwiches, accompanied by peaches from his yard.

Rose talked a lot, and Hugo nodded eagerly to everything she was saying. Carlos listened and learned. At one point, Rose said, "Grandma always says Mummy should look after us and cook better food and that the kitchen is the most important place in a house, not the library."

And Carlos felt his stupid heart ache at her words.

*********************

"Mummy! We had a shower under a waterfall!" Hugo burst with the news, running towards his mum and knocking her off her feet in one go. Rose, for good measure, jumped on top, squealing, "I saw a snake! A big one, Mummy. A snake!"

Tessa, who had waited for them at the beach, laughed, hugged her children tightly and kissed them both about half-a-dozen times before she got to her feet again. Hugo jumped up and she caught him and placed the little boy on her hip. Rose grabbed her mother's hand and nuzzled her face against her arm. It was such an intimate family-reunion that Carlos instinctively drew back, giving them space.

Tessa ignored it completely. Turning towards him, she brushed her fingertips across his cheek; her whole face had lit up at his sight. "A snake?" she teased and raised an eyebrow at him. "You got my children close to a snake?"

His lips quirked at her joy. "A big one. At least ten feet long and thicker than my thigh," he said with deepest conviction. "It chased us, and we had to seek shelter in an old pirate's hut."

"He's lying, Mummy," Rose piped up, nearly too tired to walk.

Tessa pushed the door open with one foot and slumped down with her children onto the old, cosy couch that stood in his small living room. Hugo's eyes had dropped closed for the moment. Rose sat on the floor and hugged her mother's legs. "So did you enjoy the day, then?" she asked, tenderly stroking over her daughter's curly hair. "And did you drive Carlos crazy with your constant chatter, Rose?"

Rose shook her head. "Will you make dinner, Carlos?" she asked instead of answering her mother's question. "Spaghetti? You promised!"

"And a promise needs to be kept," he said earnestly and vanished towards the kitchen. He needed a moment to recover from what he just had seen.

One day, less than twelve hours, and she had changed. Not into another woman; to him, it seemed he could finally see the woman she really was. The melancholic, serious armour had cracked open, and underneath, her real self appeared: louder, happier, with a sparkling intensity he hadn't expected. If one day could trigger such a change, how much would a week do? Or a month?

He shook his head and forced his thoughts on other, safer directions. They might have another ten days or so, but they didn't even have two full weeks, let alone a month.

******************

Carlos was a good cook, but he was used to cooking for himself and maybe one guest, not for two adults and two starving children. He had made too much pasta and not enough sauce, which was fine as the children favoured dry spaghetti anyway. Between bites, the little ones talked, and Tessa listened and laughed and admired their bravery and their adventures. In the candlelight her eyes appeared dark – black? Brown? – and with a sparkle he hadn't seen there before.

He didn't say much. He just watched her and wished the evening wouldn't end. Hearing her laugh was even better than seeing her smile, and tonight she didn't wear her long trousers and blouse, but a wide skirt and a top that left her arms and shoulders exposed to the warm night air. Her skin wasn't pale in this light; it shone golden whilst his own appeared even darker than usual.

Rose yawned first. Hugo followed after a moment of consideration. Before Carlos could offer to take them home, she looked at him. "Would it be awfully impudent to ask if we could stay the night? There is a big bed in your guest room. The children could sleep there, and we could talk a bit. Would that be all right for you? I fear we are all too tired to walk back to the hotel."

"Cool!" said Hugo and padded upstairs, followed by his sister and Tessa.

"I will just tuck them in," she said over her shoulder. "I would like to sit on your veranda later. Share a glass of your wine. Would that be possible?"

Rarely, he had been at a loss for words, but the turn of events had paralysed his tongue and stultified his mind. So he just nodded, went to clean up the table and wondered what had happened today, what had managed to change her so profoundly. She was so much less shy than only a few short nights ago. When they had left on the boat this morning, he would have sworn she would never ask him to be alone with him, let alone spending the night in his house.

Anticipation bubbled up inside him. She was up to something. Maybe just talking. Maybe more, he hoped, took two glasses and uncorked the bottle. The magical fragrance wafted through the night, and he sat down, waiting for her in the darkness and treasuring the possibilities the night might offer.