A Night at Grimmauld Place
yumalanhans28 Reviews | 6.0/10 (28 Ratings, 0 Likes, 82 Favorites )
Snape is forced to attend another dinner at Grimmauld Place with the Order, and finds himself sharing a room with someone he least expected.
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About yumalanhans
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yumalanhans
Member Since 2008 | 1 Story | Favorited by 12 | 31 Reviews Written | 40 Review Responses
I'm an extreme supporter of SS/HG and that's about all there is to it! :)
Reviews for A Night at Grimmauld Place
Ooo steamy 
Ooo steamy
So PWP & OOC but oh so hot! I see a lot of potential here.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Yes, this is quite old :P But I agree, I think with more work I could do even better :) thank you.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Yes, this is quite old :P But I agree, I think with more work I could do even better :) thank you.
Really liked this story
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you :) It has been a while since I wrote this...but hopefully I shall find courage to write more in the future!
I loved it =]
Interesting set up and a passionate, emotional moment of time.
This was lovely, I feel all warm and fuzzy!
I like this bit of hope piercing through the night in a time of war. It could be interesting to see what morning will bring...
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I agree. Although I'll probably always wonder what happened the next morning, we'll most likely never find out. Sorry!Thank you though.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I agree. Although I'll probably always wonder what happened the next morning, we'll most likely never find out. Sorry!Thank you though.
That was hot! Well done.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Hot, indeed. Probably the best part of it. Thanks.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Hot, indeed. Probably the best part of it. Thanks.
OJ..IT´S NICE...:)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you!
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you!
The following is meant to be constructive criticism, please don't take it personally.1) This feels a bit cobbled together. It's both unoriginal (in that it uses most of the SS/HG clichés without attempting to bring anything new to them) and somewhat out of character (Snape going from grumpy bastard to devoted lover in a couple of paragraphs for example).2) The build up and the aftermath do not make sense. Neither with regards to each other or with regards to the sex scene in between. There is no story here, but it feels a bit as though the reader should think that there is. I would recommend that if you just want to write sex, then focus on that. And if you want to write a story with sex, the put more focus on the characters and make them make sense. (What is it that makes Hermione want to sleep with Snape? It needs to be something more than that the writer says so.)3) Think about tone. When you write a PWP, the setup and the scene have to go together. If you go for sensual, don't be crude, if you go for porn, don't be romantic, If you go for hot, don't make it sappy and so on. This is a bit all over the place, and even more so when you take the surrounding segments into count. The start is a bit comical, the next part is harsh, the lead up is hesitant-romance, the sex is over-the-top-romance-novel-perfect AND rather crudely-porny (in places, description of Hermione being shaved for example), and finally the aftermath is sappy, sugar-sweet... and rather patronising. Overall, this mix of tone creates a feeling of parody, which I don't think you were aiming for.As I said, don't take this personally. Learning to write takes time and the only way to learn is by reading and doing. So don't stop writing. Just try to focus a bit more on the overall feeling, the overall story, and to keep the characters internally consistent. And read other people's stories and think about what they do well, and what they don't.Best of luck/
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I would really like to thank you for taking to time to suggest all of these things to me. But, as I have said to a few others, I wrote this story months ago. I have read and learned from many stories since then and when I re-read this I was more than aware that it was just a small story that I wanted to give as a sample for the writing I'm going to be doing here in the near future.I'd like to think the things I have planned are much better than this. I have a story line actually written out in little pieces, and I know all that is going to happen in the story but I just have to write it out and have my beta read over it.Honestly, this piece was just meant for a little bit of fun for people who like these kind of stories. As this is my first piece I have actually posted on here after being here for months, I wasn't sure how people would take it. Some liked it for what it was, some wished it to be more in character.Thank you for the constructive criticism, I really do appreciate it. I hope that if you read my next story coming up, you will like it better :)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I would really like to thank you for taking to time to suggest all of these things to me. But, as I have said to a few others, I wrote this story months ago. I have read and learned from many stories since then and when I re-read this I was more than aware that it was just a small story that I wanted to give as a sample for the writing I'm going to be doing here in the near future.I'd like to think the things I have planned are much better than this. I have a story line actually written out in little pieces, and I know all that is going to happen in the story but I just have to write it out and have my beta read over it.Honestly, this piece was just meant for a little bit of fun for people who like these kind of stories. As this is my first piece I have actually posted on here after being here for months, I wasn't sure how people would take it. Some liked it for what it was, some wished it to be more in character.Thank you for the constructive criticism, I really do appreciate it. I hope that if you read my next story coming up, you will like it better :)
Oh my.....that was hot. *pant*
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks.
Sharing a room, I can get over. But it seemed like one minute they were arguing and then suddenly they supposedly had this connection? It seemed very OOC on both of their parts, and I didn't feel it at all. It just didn't happen for me... it was believable snarkiness and mutual dislike and then suddenly they abruptly decided to jump in bed.It was well-written and the smut was good... but overall just not very believable, even without the "why are they in the same room in the first place?" thing :-PBut I think I'd like to read other things you may have written, because I think you have a lot of potential, and as you said in other reviews, this is old :)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you for reviewing. I do have another story in mind that I will probably be writing some time in the near future. And mind you, it is nothing like this story at all.I'd like to think it is going to be a lot more in character than this one.I'm also aware that the smut is sudden, but, I wrote this a very long time ago. I was a little afraid to post this at first, I don't really regret it, because it helps me to see how much I have grown as a writer since then.But if you at least liked this a little, I'm almost positive you will like my story I will be posting soon :)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you for reviewing. I do have another story in mind that I will probably be writing some time in the near future. And mind you, it is nothing like this story at all.I'd like to think it is going to be a lot more in character than this one.I'm also aware that the smut is sudden, but, I wrote this a very long time ago. I was a little afraid to post this at first, I don't really regret it, because it helps me to see how much I have grown as a writer since then.But if you at least liked this a little, I'm almost positive you will like my story I will be posting soon :)
I think I will have to agree with Myst on a few points. Having Severus and Hermione share a room simply makes no sense to me. It reminds me of those Draco/Hermione stories where they're Head Boy and Girl and live in adjoining Head Boy/Girl quarters--with no wards or locks. I'm willing to suspend a good bit of dibelief for a PWP, but this pushed it a little. The smut was very nicely written, though.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you. You'll just have to go with what I said to Myst, this fan fiction was all just for a bit of fun.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you. You'll just have to go with what I said to Myst, this fan fiction was all just for a bit of fun.
I know this is fanfic and anything goes so I will probably be scoffed at tfor this, but no one is going to put them in the same room (stuck somewhere else and having to share a room okay, but Dumbledore placing them together there of all places--she'd be with Ginny or another female). The dialog between the two about the mudblud slurs was intense (which was well done)---but then to go hop in bed after HATEFUL racial-type slurs????? That wasn't light banter about him being a snarky bat and her being a know-it-all. You left me with the impression that he "really" meant what he said about her and his dad. Its not a matter of him being a cranky man, it was displaying his beliefs and expecting her to ignore that in the face of lust. I know its fanfic so I feel silly writing this review, but its unrealistic on Hermione's part, even with her liking the guy already. The righting and imagery was well done, just what I alluded to didn't work for me.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I know how you're feeling. I know most people on here like the most realistic stories they can get, but honestly, this story is just a little something I wrote along time ago that I decided to edit and fix up to post on here. I felt like when they were arguing, it was emotions they blurted out from the mutual dislike they were supposed to have, but ended up ignoring it in the end due to connection Hermione felt towards him.I know it's very unlikely that they would be paired up together, but like I said, it's all in good fun for writing a little fan fiction. I appreciate your thoughts and review, thank you for taking the time to share what you were thinking.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
I know how you're feeling. I know most people on here like the most realistic stories they can get, but honestly, this story is just a little something I wrote along time ago that I decided to edit and fix up to post on here. I felt like when they were arguing, it was emotions they blurted out from the mutual dislike they were supposed to have, but ended up ignoring it in the end due to connection Hermione felt towards him.I know it's very unlikely that they would be paired up together, but like I said, it's all in good fun for writing a little fan fiction. I appreciate your thoughts and review, thank you for taking the time to share what you were thinking.
Tsk tsk tsk Albus, that's called procuration ;-) Turned into a very nice read though.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Oh I know, I'm afraid the old Headmaster is losing his touch :)Thank you very much.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Oh I know, I'm afraid the old Headmaster is losing his touch :)Thank you very much.
I can't wait to see what happens next ;)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
You know, I've always wondered since the day I wrote this many months ago if I should ever continue this and twist it totally around...But I don't think I'm going to.Thank you for reviewing though! :)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
You know, I've always wondered since the day I wrote this many months ago if I should ever continue this and twist it totally around...But I don't think I'm going to.Thank you for reviewing though! :)
Interesting why Dumbledore would place Severus with Hermione? What was his reasoning? But oh, what a night! Hot stuff!Livvy
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Like I told someone else, I don't really know. It's not very realistic, I'm aware, but it's something I came up with that I wanted to write.Thank you for your thoughts though, I appreciate it.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Like I told someone else, I don't really know. It's not very realistic, I'm aware, but it's something I came up with that I wanted to write.Thank you for your thoughts though, I appreciate it.
Very nicely done! This line made me giggle:“I think this should make up for the attention you deserve,” he said quietly, leaning back in to kiss her hungrily, his hands now running down her curves and landing upon her inner thighs.Lucky roomates!
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you very much!Don't we all just love a fiesty Severus? ;)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you very much!Don't we all just love a fiesty Severus? ;)
Wonder why they had to share a room, not that I'm complaining mind you.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
You know, it seems a lot of people are wondering why they had to share a room, and to be honest with you, I don't really know. It's just a little something that I came up with in my head and decided to write. I know it's not very realistic, but, we all got what we wanted did we not?Thank you for reviewing.
Response from Isode (Reviewer)
Yes we certainly did, LOL!
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
You know, it seems a lot of people are wondering why they had to share a room, and to be honest with you, I don't really know. It's just a little something that I came up with in my head and decided to write. I know it's not very realistic, but, we all got what we wanted did we not?Thank you for reviewing.
Response from Isode (Reviewer)
Yes we certainly did, LOL!
You know I have always felt his snarking at Hermione after about 4th year was indeed due to his own attraction to her. This is very believable indeed.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
If only JK felt the same way, huh? Thank you for reviewing.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
If only JK felt the same way, huh? Thank you for reviewing.
Enjoyed that very much, despite having to minimise the page when customers came in at inopportune moments - don't they know I have fanfic to read ;o))
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
LOL I know how you feel, don't they understand our needs for a bit of fan fiction? Thanks for reviewing!
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
LOL I know how you feel, don't they understand our needs for a bit of fan fiction? Thanks for reviewing!
Very hot, I liked it!!
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you very much... I'm glad you liked it :)
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Thank you very much... I'm glad you liked it :)
I agree with some other reviewers that this is OOC and OTT. Out right racism doesn't make anyone hot, let alone lead to romance-book-perfect sex. However, I'm disappointed that you don't have any other stories posted because your writing has great potential.
Response from yumalanhans (Author of A Night at Grimmauld Place)
Yes, quite OOC. A long delay in a response but, it has been a while since I have written this. It was one of my first fics, so I believe that through time, perhaps a new one would be much better...if I could only find the courage through this lovely reviews! Thank you.
I normally love this pairing, but I'm reading along and they hate each other and are arguing, then they suddenly are in bed together? I hate to leave negative reviews (or at least hope the authors take it as constructive criticism!), but this story needed a bit more development from point A to point C, I felt like you skipped point B altogether. It made no sense to me, without some sort of development between the two. (and I do realize that you can only do so much with a drabble/one shot, since they are so short). Please take this as something to help future writing, not me bashing you. ;)