Chapter 13

Chapter 13

For the last half hour, Severus had been berating himself over his treatment of Hermione. Why couldn't he just treat her nicely? What would be the harm in that? She was just trying to be his friend. Given her parting statement, perhaps she wanted even more. He had been thinking that over for the last little while. Why would she care if he were alone or not? Could it be possible that she wanted to spend more time with him?

Ever since he had barricaded himself in his room, he had been telling himself to distance himself from her because, surely, now that they had found the book, she would not need his help anymore. He had imagined a handshake and a thank you. Then he would never see her again. The realization that his life would seem empty without her bright personality had hit him strongly. Before Hermione had barreled into his life, he had thought it to be serene and fulfilling. Now he had realized the truth. It had been empty and lifeless. She had burst through his door with her sunny personality and had entwined herself in his life. How could he have not fallen in love with her? She was everything he admired in a woman. She was intelligent, she could hold her own in an argument, she was funny, and she was beautiful. The only thing that she wasn't was his.

The realization that she never would be had set a ball in the pit of his stomach. There would only be a few more hours with her, then they would part, and he would be alone. His insides had burned as he realized he no longer wanted to be alone. All of this reclusive behavior had not been the sanctuary for which he had hoped. He had denied himself real life. He had forgotten what it was to live and love. She had brought that all back to him. How could he possibly continue existing the way he had been without her? His life would be meaningless.

But what could he do? he had thought. They would separate, and if he were lucky, she would owl him once in a while. He had wanted more than that. He had wanted her... all of her. He had wanted to be the only wizard she smiled at, the one she confided in, the one she loved exclusively. But he had known in his heart that would never be. No one ever had loved him like that, and no one would. He had given up the gift of being loved when he had become a Death Eater and a spy. His dual role had forced him to keep away from everyone. Now, no one could love him because of his past.

He had stewed like that for hours, slowly resolving himself to the fact that Hermione and he would not be spending time together again and that he should distance himself from her to avoid further heartbreak. Then she had come in, and he had exploded. He had been angry with himself for even caring. Then he had had the gall to take it out on Hermione. She had only been trying to get him to go to dinner.

As he came back to the present, he found himself at a loss. Why had she said what she did? Why did she care if he was alone? How could it matter to her? She could have anyone she wanted. He knew she would never choose him. Not when there were so many better choices to choose from. He berated himself for reading too much into what she had said. She had obviously just meant that he would have no friends because of the way he acted. She was right, of course, but now she had fled, and he couldn't tell her that he agreed with her, nor could he apologize for being a git.

As he thought about her, he suddenly had a feeling of dread. The hairs at the back of his neck stood on end. This was not a feeling to be ignored. It had saved him more than once during his spying years. Hermione was in trouble, he knew it. Severus rose quickly and grabbed his wand. He left the room in search of her.

oooOOOooo

Stepping out of the lift, Severus went over to the corner of the lobby. He covertly extracted his wand and laid it in his hand.

"Point me to Hermione Granger," he told it.

The wand pointed toward the door. She had left the hotel. He exited the building and was surprised to see Hermione about a half a block away with a dark-haired man. He was trying to lead her down the street, but she was twisting her arm in his, trying to break his grasp.

"I said we should go this way," the man insisted.

"No, look," Hermione said with a laugh. She pointed in the opposite direction. "The canal is right over there." She pointed back where the man wanted to take her, "That way is dark and dreary."

"But it's more interesting!" the man said, desperately trying to convince her.

"No, I want to go this way," she said, her speech slightly slurred. Hermione headed off in the direction in which she wanted to walk.

The man tugged her back to him.

"Hey! Whatdja think yer doin?" Hermione tried to say haughtily.

Severus made himself known at that point.

"Hermione, is everything okay?"

Hermione's head moved around to him.

"Oh, Severus!" Her rapid head movement caused her to sway a bit. "I was just taking a walk with Steve, but we can't decide which way to go."

When she had said that, she promptly collapsed onto the pavement in unconsciousness.

Severus turned and pointed his wand at 'Steve.'

"What did you do to her?"

"What's it to you? Are you going to poke me with your stick?" Steve said in annoyance.

Severus closed the distance between Steve and himself and poked him in the chest with his wand.

"This is no ordinary stick, I assure you," Severus warned. "What did you do to Hermione?"

"I just gave her something to make her relax," Steve said nonchalantly. "She won't remember a thing in the morning. What're you anyway, her father?"

Severus sneered at Steve and drew back his wand. He understood what this foul cretin had been planning. He would kill this evil bastard for trying to hurt Hermione. The curse was just about to leave his lips when he heard Hermione call to him.

Steve was looking at him with apprehension as Severus lowered his wand. Severus regarded him furiously. He raised his wand again and cast a spell at the man's private area. Steve doubled over and groaned in pain. Severus quickly Obliviated him. This creep would never hurt another innocent woman. With the spell Severus had cast, he'd be lucky to ever get intimate again, let alone try to take advantage of a woman. He rushed back to Hermione as Steve looked around stupidly.

"Where am I? Who am I, for that matter? Why does my groin hurt like hell?"

Severus offered him some help. "You were attacked by a robber. He kneed you in the groin. If you go into that hotel and tell the desk clerk you've lost your memory, I'm sure they'll be able to help you."

Steve nodded at Severus. "Thank you," he said as he straightened up. He grimaced and stooped back over, covering his privates protectively with his hands. Finally, he managed to stagger off to his new future.

Severus turned his full attention to Hermione as he helped her to a sitting position on the ground.

"Severus, I'm s-sorry I ran out on you."

"Hermione, it's alright. Did he hurt you?"

She smirked at him. "No, but he's an idiot. He didn't even know which way the canal was!"

"Can you stand?" he asked while looking her over for injuries.

"Sure!" she said flippantly.

He helped her to her feet, just to have her collapse again. He deftly caught her, slid his arm under her knees, and picked her up in his arms.

"I think my knees'r a little weak," she giggled.

"Let's get you back to the hotel, shall we?" Severus asked.

"Mmm," Hermione said as she rested her head against Severus' shoulder.

"Severus, you smell so good!" she told him, burying her nose in his neck and sniffing deeply. "Why do you always smell so good?"

Severus flushed crimson as he walked back toward the hotel.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked her finally.

"I am now that you're here," she sighed and snuggled closer into him.

"Severus, why don't you ever kiss me?" she asked plaintively.

Severus almost choked.

"I bet you'd be a wonderful kisser. Your lips look so soft." She took her fingers and traced his lips, sending shivers down Severus' spine.

"Perhaps we should speak of this when you're feeling better, Hermione."

"I feel fine!" she said as she slapped his chest. "I asked you a question, I 'spect an answer!" she demanded as she slowly poked his chest with her index finger.

"Hermione, why would I kiss you?"

"Geez, Severus, what does a girl have to do to getchu to notice her?"

They reached the hotel doors, and Severus headed for the lift, ignoring the stares he was getting as Hermione threw herself all over him. 'Steve' was animatedly talking to the desk clerk, saying he had no idea who he was or where he was from. He was slightly stooped over, obviously still in pain. Severus smirked at him. Finally the lift arrived. Severus stepped into it, moving his body into the panel and hitting the button for the right floor.

"Don't you find me attractive?" Hermione asked, her eyes wide.

Severus' heart melted within him. Of course he found her attractive, but how could he tell her that? She was under the influence of some drug that was making her hallucinate and say all sorts of things.

Hermione took her hand and stroked his face.

"I thought I was getting through to you. When are you going to let yourself feel again, Severus? Don't you deserve to feel? To love? To be loved?"

"Hermione, why would you ever be interested in someone like me? You have all of London to choose from."

"Phtt," she blew a raspberry. "They're all a bunch of brainless twits. All they want is a pretty lady on their arm. Forget about adult conversation. I'm tellin' you, Severus, I've looked and looked. There's no one for me out there."

She waved her hand around as she spoke in slurred speech. "No one understands me," she drawled. "They don't know how to talk to me. I'm too smart for them."

At this point she leaned so far back that Severus fought to keep her in his arms.

"They're all intimidated by me, or they're so full of themselves that they have no desire to learn anything about me. All I want is to have a decent conversation, for Merlin's sake."

Tears welled in her eyes as the lift doors opened. "I just want someone to love me for me. I need someone who I can talk to about anything. Don't you see you're that person?"

Severus stared at her in shock. He had stopped dead in front of the lift. Regaining his composure, he headed back down the hall to their room. How could she say such things to him? He was not deserving of her admiration, or her love.

They reached their suite, and he opened the door. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her on the bed. She refused to let his neck go. Pulling him close, she kissed him sloppily. A fire raged inside of Severus as the woman he wanted was now giving herself to him freely. Merlin, she was delicious. She tasted of hot chocolate. He drank her up as she attacked his mouth. He knew this wasn't real, however, so he pulled away from her. He sat down next to her, trying to keep her hands from wrapping around his neck and pulling him down again.

"Severus, kiss me again," she pleaded. "I've waited for so long."

"Do you know what that man gave you?" he asked her, trying desperately to change the subject and calm her down.

Her arms relaxed and fell to her sides. She narrowed her eyes and thought. It took three times as long as usual. Her mind was sluggish and felt as if it was full of cobwebs.

"It was probably some kind of date-rape drug," she said finally.

"Are you in danger?"

"I don't think so, unless he gave me too much. Those drugs could kill." She laughed at the thought. Propping herself into a sitting position, she gave him a wide-eyed look. "But I think I would be comatose if he had overdosed me."

"He said you wouldn't remember anything in the morning."

She looked into Severus' eyes. They were so dark. She could lose herself in the depths of them. He was so close to her. She moved her eyes down to his mouth. It was so close, she could just move a little closer... She came back to reality as he called her name. He had sounded quite flustered.

"Yeah, that's one of the side effects," she told him. "It gets the attacker off the hook, because the girl can't remember anything that happened."

"Hermione, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

"S'all right, Severus, I'm just glad you came." She gave him a lopsided smile, and his heart melted within him.

"You should get some rest," he told her finally.

"No! Don't go, Severus, please! Stay with me." She grabbed his arm, trying to will him to stay seated on the bed with her.

"I don't think that would be wise."

"Who cares about wise? Can't you just go with the flow for once in your life?"

Hermione sunk down in the bed. "I knew you'd be a hard nut to crack, but I didn't realize you would be impossible."

"What are you speaking of, woman?"

"This whole book search thing. I did it to get closer to you." She laughed again. "I mean, I appreciate and value your help, but I just wanted to get to know you better." She had sat up again. Now she was just an inch from his nose. "I thought that perhaps I could convince you that I would be worth spending time with."

Severus raised an eyebrow at her revelation. He didn't know whether to be happy or upset with her.

"So, this was just a ruse of yours?" he clarified.

"No, no, no, no, no! I needed your help!" she cried as she slapped him on the chest some more. "I would have never found the book without you, you know that! I just thought that, maybe... just maybe... you could... you know..." she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "fall in love with me."

Severus fought off the temptation to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless. She already was senseless, after all. He looked at her levelly, trying to read her mind without actually doing it. Were her feelings real? Was this story true? Had she really set out to make him fall in love with her? If she had, she had succeeded fully. He needed to think, and thinking was the last thing he could do with Hermione so close to him, whispering of love. Severus stood abruptly.

"I must go. You must lie down and go to sleep. When you wake in the morning, you will feel better."

She gave him her puppy dog eyes. "I thought you were going to stay with me." She pouted up at him, widening her eyes even more.

Severus' heart melted at the sight of her, but he knew he couldn't stay. "That would not be prudent, Miss Granger. Now lie down and get some sleep."

"Well, okay," she said like a little girl.

She lay down once again, and he pulled the covers over her. He looked down at her, his face filled with emotions that he normally hid, and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. She looked up at him and gave him a beautiful smile.

"I love you, Severus," she said before she closed her eyes and passed out.

Severus stroked her cheek and finally said what he had wanted to for a long time.

"I love you too, Princess."

He stood and went through the door, closing it behind him, and retired to his own bedroom. He knew he would get little sleep tonight.

A/N: Next up: The lovebirds finally talk.

So, what do you think? They'll finally admit their feelings in the next chapter. Major thanks to Lilith Kayden for looking this over and helping to make it presentable.