When We Practice to Deceive

Chapter 5 - When We Practice to Deceive.

After Severus leaves Hermione for the last time, he walks into a pub with only one end in mind. To get drunk. To get so drunk that he can't see her tear-stained face any more. So drunk that he can't smell her on his skin, can't feel her touch and hear her voice whispering his name into the soft air. He walks to the bar and orders a whiskey. Neat. Its not until after the fifth drink that he even notices the woman. He glances to his left to see a thin face, surrounded by black long straight hair, and dark blue eyes staring at him with what could only be described as, well, lust. With the heavy smell of whiskey on his lips, he downs his sixth and staggers towards her. She's not his type. He barley even finds her attractive, but anything – anything – to make him forget those bouncy brown curls. He offers her a drink and with it sells to her what has only ever belonged to one. One who he hopes he has left far, far behind.

***

The rain fell fast and heavy against the window sill of Ginny Potter's kitchen window. It seemed to be a suitable reflection of her best friend's mood.

The kettle simmered loudly on the fire, and Hermione wiped her eyes again.

“I'm really sorry to burst in on you like this, Ginny. I just didn't know where to go.”

Ginny looked at Hermione's tearful face and felt truly awful for her friend's sorrow. Where had the strong, independent woman she had once known gone?

“Hermione, you know you can always come to me if you need someone.” Ginny spoke with sincere concern.

“It's just that with him, it was perfect. Nothing else mattered when I was with him. I didn't think about how much pain I'd gone through or caused, I was just me again. The Hermione before the war, before everything became complicated. How can that be over? How can he have not felt the same way? How can he be getting married?” Hermione's voice broke on the last sentence, the pain of this truth still so fresh and so vivid.

“Oh,” said Ginny. “This is about him.”

Hermione looked up, surprised at the tone in Ginny's voice.

“No, I didn't mean it like that,” said Ginny, quick to amend herself. “I just meant, well. I understand why you're so upset now. To be honest, Hermione, I can't believe it either.”

***

Severus slipped through their front door as quietly as possible, praying that he would have a moment to compose himself before the confrontation with his fiancée . Sadly no such moment was allowed.

“Severus, where have you been? We had dinner reservations with the Malfoys at seven. That was two hours ago! I had to call and cancel. I owled your secretary and she said you left at four. Where have you been for the last five hours?” Cecilia screamed at Severus with indignation.

Severus sighed as he prepared to lie through his teeth to his wife-to-be.

“Must you know where I am every second of the day, witch?” Severus spat, pausing for effect. “I left the office early to have a drink with an old friend in regards to a surprise for the wedding day. I may as well tell you about it now, seeing as a man is no longer entitled to any privacy. It lasted longer than expected. I apologise that I had forgotten about the engagement with the Malfoys. However, had I known you were close to sending out a search party, believe me I would have hurried home at once,” he hissed with a smirk. He was so good at being an arsehole. His ability to lie was still intact.

Cecilia was silent for a long time as the rain pounded hard against the windows.

“Now, if it's alright with you, my darling,” Severus drawled, “I'm going to the study, but don't worry. I'll inform you should I decide to move rooms.” He swept past her without a backwards glance, leaving her like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

***

She stares at the paper, and unreal horror, pain and disbelief floods through her body to her heart, the heart that she wishes would stop beating. The engagement announcement stares her in the face and seems to rip apart his kisses, his touches, the words that always went unsaid but that she was sure were true. The life she believed she had rebuilt shatters around her as the false hopes and futile lies at the pretence of perfection die. He never loved her. She really meant nothing.

Her disguises come more simply now, and even she doesn't know which mask is really hers to hold. She spits the lies of happiness out to those around her like acid. The world of illusion cracks around her and occasionally she breaks, breaks down the walls that are never repaired. Happiness gets harder to feel and easier to fake. Now the people around her even seem to encourage her to pull that broken smile she wears so well. The falseness sinks deep into her core.

“How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to realise there is no going back?”

________________________________________________________________

AN: I'm sorry this fic hasn't been updated in such a long time! I had finally fixed my problem with betas by finding myself a good one, then went and lost her because I suffered an awful case of writer's block. Luckily the lovely Neelix has agreed to beta for me. I had originally intended this fic to be ten chapters long; however, I have decided that the next chapter will be its last. Thank you if you've managed to stick with this fic :)

Also the quote at the end is from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings: The Return of The King. I'm not sure if it's a direct lift from Tolkien or was simply in the film. I borrowed it because I've always loved it and I think it suits Herione in this situation.