Evasive Answers
Chapter 7 of 19
KingPig***Winner of the Judge's Choice: Best Avada Kedavra in The New Library Awards 2008***
A conversation between two friends ignites a passion, if not an obsession, to uncover Severus Snape's dark and violent past.
When Hermione's weightlessness abruptly ended, when she could make out images beyond incomprehensible blurs, when the strong arm around her waist suddenly ceased to support her staggering form, she knew they had reached their destination. The world around her still spun wildly, but she knew it had nothing to do with the Side-Along Apparition.
The man beside her moved forward at a brisk pace, leaving her behind as she gasped for breath. They had been transported to what seemed to be an unfriendly and uninhabitable neighborhood. Houses lined the streets in various states of disrepair and decay, and the only sounds she could hear were soft noises made by small creatures that lived in the grassy fields that must have, at one point, been manicured lawns. Yet again the icy fingers of fear gripped her stomach and heart. This place was deserted. She was alone. With him. Fleeting thoughts of Apparating herself back to Hogwarts flooded her mind, but before she could even successfully concentrate on the destination, a hand clutched her wrist roughly. The man, Severus Snape, had turned and stalked back to where she stood, as if summoned by her thoughts of fleeing.
"Come with me," he growled, then paused, stared at her a moment, and whispered painfully with a wince, "Please."
For the second time that day, she felt as though her jaw met the ground with enough force to shatter her teeth. Please? What game is this? She stood her ground and wrenched herself from his grip. "I will not move an inch until you tell me where we are going and why."
He raised his eyebrow at her, his black eyes searching her own, and eventually acquiesced. "While it may be encouraging to see that you refuse to blindly follow others into what could be the path of danger, I must confess I am disappointed to see that you honestly believe, at this point, that you have the authority, or ability, to demand anything. This little rebellion is a bit too little, too late... Although it has proven that you interpret signs of kindness as an invitation to take advantage of any given situation. Thus, kindness is something that I will no longer take pains to repeat in your presence." He grasped her forearm much more harshly than before and dragged her to his side. "However, I will tell you where we are going, so that I might avoid further delays. That," he pointed down the street to a house at the end with crumbling brick walls and an odd shaped chimney before continuing, "is my home, in which we will spend a few moments while I gather some... supplies." He looked down at her and arched his eyebrow once more, as if in a non-verbal challenge. She simply nodded numbly, and they began to walk toward the dilapidated structure together, his hand still tightly wrapped around her right arm, her eyes desperately seeking a means of escape.
When at last they stepped up to the last house on the row, Snape relaxed his grip on her. Hermione risked a quick glance at his face in hopes to catch a glimpse of his expression any tiny hint that might explain what she should expect next. His profile, however, was shrouded in the curtain of lank, jet hair. He released her after pushing her ahead of him to the front door and blocking her exit with his lanky form, ensuring she could not break free. The silence that hummed between them was a tense, living thing.
He raised his right arm, wand in hand, and performed a series of complicated movements accompanied with muttered words that she could not comprehend. The door before them shimmered slightly and after a few seconds returned to its original, dull, weathered finish. The wards on the house had been disarmed.
Severus reached around her, causing her to start slightly, and turned the doorknob. The heavy door slowly creaked open to reveal... darkness. She turned and gazed up at him expectantly. He shoved her forward, causing her to stumble into the nothingness before them ungracefully.
The door shut silently, and from somewhere in front of her she heard his malicious voice drawl sardonically, "Welcome to my humble home." At his words, the house was suddenly lit, and she frantically spun around to find him, her wand pointed directly in front of her.
"Put that away," he commanded in a bored voice. Whipping her neck around, she saw him leaning against a bookshelf at the opposite end of the room, arms crossed, gaze directed at something she couldn't see. Obeying the request, she slowly slipped the wand back into her robes, all the while casually observing her surroundings with an air of nonchalance, though her body visibly trembled.
They were in a small room that seemed to serve as a living room of sorts and smelled faintly of tobacco smoke. There were two ratty armchairs positioned in the center and facing a stone fireplace. A few small tables were placed around the chairs and were coated in a thin film of dust. There was a grand bookcase that took up the entire wall across the room, the same piece of furniture that her employer was presently inclined against. The rest of the room was indiscernible, as books and parchment littered every nook and crevice, pouring out of alcoves and shelves, stacked upon anything remotely stable enough to support their weight.
Though the room was shabby and in dire need of tidying up, it still was suffused with a certain warmth a cozy feeling that Hermione attributed solely to the amount of books. After her brief observation was completed, she returned her attention to Snape, who, she was pleasantly surprised to see, was staring at her with a look of trepidation. Another awkward silence descended as the two stared at each other, each willing the other to speak first.
"Where is...May I use the restroom?" squeaked Hermione. She winced at how helpless and pitiful her voice seemed to sound.
His eyes flickered briefly then shifted in the direction of the corridor. "It's the last door on the left. Hurry up, we will leave soon." He pushed himself away from the bookshelf in a lithe, graceful motion and exited the room through the long, dark corridor, himself taking the first right.
"We're returning to Hogwarts?" she called after him, curious as to why she had to dress in 'professional attire' if they were only going to his home, unless it was to meet someone? Her heart fluttered nervously. The house seemed empty, except for the two of them.
"Don't be daft," he replied to her from the other room, "This is merely a scheduled stop. Now, go and be quick, I don't want to arrive late because a slip of a girl wasted my time by asking ridiculous questions."
She rolled her eyes and started down the dark hallway, unsure if she would be able to find the last left in the absence of any light. It was of no real importance, however; Hermione, of course, did not need to use the facilities. This was her opportunity to find a way out, to find a way back to Hogwarts, to escape. That word kept scrolling though her mind in an endless cycle. Escape. She quickly continued down the corridor, her ears perked for even a ghost of a whisper to gauge her captor's whereabouts. She fumbled for her wand, cast a quick Lumos, and looked around.
The corridor was simple and as dingy as the first room she found herself in; the walls were adorned with faded, cracking wallpaper, and the wainscoting was yellowish, dirty, chipped and decayed in a few spots. Affixed to the walls were numerous picture frames; most of them were empty or else sporting the fantastic burns of hexes, obliterating the contents. One, however, remained untouched, though not by lack of trying (Hermione saw the scorch marks and holes in the wall that surrounded the picture, but the object itself was intact and in pristine condition). As she leaned forward to examine it more carefully, she pressed her hand onto the wall for support and felt something blunt push into her palm. Glancing underneath her hand cautiously, she found a common light switch. A Muggle light switch. Bemused, she flicked the tiny lever upward, illuminating the hall with artificial light.
Hermione returned her gaze to the undisturbed portrait. It seemed to be immune to dust and dirt as well as hexes and jinxes. Within the spotless glass enclosure was placed a slightly faded magical photograph, depicting a small family. A tall, wiry man was glowering at the camera, perched behind the other two inhabitants, and sporting a beak of a nose. He had short, black hair, dark eyes, and wore a thin, white t-shirt and dirty denims. He also wore a pair of black worker's boots that were caked in some sort of dark substance. Standing next to him, with an expression of dreamy listlessness that would rival Luna's at her best, was a frail-looking woman with fine, black hair that was tied back and revealed a thin neck with several suspicious-looking blemishes that formed a shadow of a hand. She wore a wispy sundress that fluttered in the wind and looked several sizes too large. Between them, though, was a figure that captured the most of Hermione's attention. A small boy, no more than four or five, stood with an air of solemnity that was far beyond his few years. He shared the same shade of black hair as the two adults, and it was also cut short to resemble the style of the man's behind him. The boy's nose was thin and long, his eyes as dark as his hair. There was no doubt in Hermione's mind that she was staring at a young Severus Snape.
And the more she examined the photo, the more disturbed she felt. The young Snape's fists were tightly clenched at his sides, his legs slightly apart, and anger seemed to radiate from his tiny form. His left cheek and the area surrounding his left eye were noticeably darker than the rest of his face and it was here, when she was staring into the boy's eyes, that she saw an action that troubled her more than the obvious bruises that decorated Mother Snape and Child Snape's skin. Every five seconds or so, the boy's eyes rolled back into his head for a fraction of an instant, and his entire body trembled slightly, listing to the side as though he were about to collapse. Then the enchanted loop of the magical picture would start again, and the boy would return to, for lack of a better word, normal.
Was the boy seizing? Was he being cursed, hexed, jinxed? Hermione quickly ran these symptoms through the catalogs of medical information stored within her mind, magical and Muggle alike. She remembered tales told from other Muggle-borns that similar physical ailments were suffered due to the suppressing of magic within one's body for an extended period of time. That, of course, would make complete sense, were Snape a Muggle-born. Which, she knew, he was not. But she did know that he was a half-blood, that his father was a Muggle, and by the evidence in this picture, he was not a tolerant man. But was he a man that would abuse his child for accidental, involuntary displays of magic? Harry's relatives did. Was Tobias Snape the same? Or, possibly, even worse?
Hermione tore her gaze from the picture and resumed searching for avenues of quick departure; she could no longer stand to see the young child in obvious pain. She passed the room that Snape was engaged in with only a secondary glance. It looked to be a kitchen or dining room she wasn't entirely sure which. She hazarded another brief, cursory peek inside, and it revealed his figure bathed in natural light from an unseen window; his black robes and cloak discarded once more, the sleeves of his white shirt pushed up, the bandage on his arm exposed with a faint, red semi-circle seeping through the cloth. Around him was an assortment of what seemed to be liquor bottles. The rest of the scene she was unable to retain in such a short span of time. She quietly slipped away, journeying deeper into the hall.
Following that room was a door on the right, the surface scratched and riddled with large pieces of wood missing in chunks that were not fresh, judging by their smoothness and dark color. Hermione surreptitiously glanced down the hall in the direction of the kitchen area before cautiously, soundlessly, turning the knob and entering the room. Once on the other side, in complete darkness, she used both hands to close the door to ensure its silence. She stood absolutely still for a few tense moments, straining to hear if the Potions master had somehow been notified of her trespass and was on his way to... to what? Kill her? Not likely. Punish her? Definitely.
But no heavy hand of scorn rained down upon her, no roaring voice split her eardrums, no indication whatsoever that he was aware of her presence in this room. Cautiously, she stepped further into the chamber and wordlessly cast Lumos. At once, the shadows surrounding her yielded to the bright light that burst from the tip of her wand, revealing a tiny bedroom fitted for a child.
Thick layers of dust lined everything in sight a great amount of it disturbed by Hermione's entry, causing her to forcibly stifle a few coughs behind her free hand. The bedroom seemed to currently double as a storage room with stacks of discarded items littering the dirty wooden floor. Through the heaps of neglected objects she could discern a small bed in the corner near the only window which was boarded up to prevent any light from leaking through. The bed was covered in blankets of dull gray and green, the sheets a silver hue, the pillowcases mismatched in differing shades of emerald. It looked as though it had not been slept in for several years.
The walls were also a matte gray with a coating of a thin film of dirt, and nearly bare, save for one faded poster too worn to distinguish. There was a closet opposite the bed, and a chest of drawers shared the closet wall. Hermione was unable to differentiate anything else amid all the clutter.
Sinking to her knees while listening for any indication that Snape was near, Hermione gingerly began to sort through the mess, unsure of what she may find, or even why she was still interested. A few minutes into her dividing of used Hogwarts standard textbooks, a few packs of Exploding Snap, and the shattered remains of a Quidditch broomstick, she happened upon a curious-looking box. For all intents and purposes, it appeared to be an old Muggle shoebox advertising the name of a popular footwear company. Quite ordinary to find in a Muggle child's room, but for some reason, it struck Hermione as an odd object to find in the boyhood bedroom of Severus Snape. When she had first spied the container, she felt an intense spark of curiosity. However, upon touching the box, she felt a faint flutter of anxiety and a sudden determination that it was only a box a plain, common shoebox. Puzzled, Hermione set the box back down and cocked her head to the side as all the previous thoughts immediately drained from her mind.
She smiled, recognizing at once that some sort of cloaking spell had been cast over the container. Judging by its present weak state, the spell must have been cast decades ago, and most likely by a child. Possibly, a young Snape. "What is in this box that you don't want anyone to see? What secrets could a little boy possibly need to hide?" she whispered quietly at the shoebox.
Hermione took a moment to once again check for any sights or sounds of her employer within her proximity. Satisfied, she focused her attention to a quick wandless disarming spell, should the box contain any traps. Slowly, she pulled away the cardboard cover and gazed inside in wonder. The shoebox had been magically expanded and was filled to the brim with loose parchment, photographs, broken toys, medals, coins, snapped quills, sweets, and a petrified rat carcass, among other things. Hermione let out a tiny shriek and dropped the box at the sight of the animal corpse, then quickly covered her mouth and listened for footsteps approaching. Though none came, she realized that she had been absent for far longer than time normally allotted for a toilet break. She quickly gathered the shoebox and lid together, cast a charm to reduce its size and pocketed it in her robes. As carefully and silently as she entered the room she exited, undetected.
When she returned to the sitting room, he wasn't there. Retracing her steps, she stopped again at the first right off the corridor. The kitchen/dining room. This was where she found him, still bent over the suspicious looking bottles with an expression of intense concentration. Again, her mind screamed at her to escape, to flee while he was distracted. Yet she was intrigued with the mystery of where he planned to take her, of what he was doing with these bottles and potions ingredients spread out before him. She was intrigued by him.
Her sharp gasp at this sudden epiphany startled Snape, and before she could blink, he was before her, his wand digging sharply into her throat. A few moments passed, agonizingly slow, before he frowned, narrowed his eyes and lowered his wand. Tilting his head to the side slightly, his eyes traveling from her head to her feet and back again, he quipped, "Were you struck by an illness of some sort?"
"An illness? No..."
Snape cocked his eyebrow at her response, but said nothing. Belatedly, she realized he was offering her an out as to why she had taken so long to return from the toilet. Frowning inwardly as she mentally chastised herself, Hermione quickly shifted her gaze to the left of him to avoid his probing stare. More minutes ticked by, the silence making her shift uneasily. When she gathered the courage to glance back at him, he was once again behind the worktable, corking the two bottles with a silent charm.
Without looking up from his activity, he stated, "Where we are going, you will need to present a gift. Seeing as you have nothing valuable, I purposely refrained from informing you of this before." Hermione clenched her jaw to prevent a retort. He continued, addressing the ingredients he was now cleaning up, "You will offer this Muggle wine a Japanese plum wine. They will accept, though they will not drink it. You will request that it be served, and you will drink it, and only it. It has added elements of crushed beozar and other anti-poisoning agents, should you forget my instructions, or should you be offered food that you will, undoubtedly, have to consume." Snape at last looked up at her, waiting for a sign of understanding that she soon rewarded with a slight nod of comprehension.
"And that bottle?" she inquired bravely, indicating the green glass container that was crafted with a magically embossed fairy that circled around the circumference of the bottle lazily.
"That will be my gift. And it will be consumed. Though, again, not by you." Severus began to unroll his shirt sleeves, starting with the left and covering the faint bubblegum-pink scar that was the only remnant of the Dark Mark, and reaching over to his right before abruptly stopping with a mutter curse that sounded suspiciously like the word "fuck." Hermione's eyes widened perceptibly at the obscenity it was a bit of foul language that she never expected to hear from her former professors, not even him. Her vision of her boss, in a long standing position of authority over children, on the high pedestal she placed him upon with all the other former teachers in her life, all the adults this vision cracked and wavered a bit for the second time in a day. Professor Snape has sex. Professor Snape says 'fuck.' Professor Snape is... human.
The entire thinking process took only a few seconds, leaving her dazed slightly at yet another epiphany. She glanced at the source of his frustration: his right arm. It had bled through the bandage. He glared at his limb with such irritation, an expression that she and her two best friends were often treated to in her school years, that she briefly wondered if he would attempt to take points from it.
Snape peeled the bandage back slowly, barely suppressing a wince as he tugged on the piece of cloth that stuck to the wound. Despite her conflicting feelings toward him of equal parts fear and fascination, she could not resist walking toward him and leaning over the worktable slightly to get a better look at the offending injury. The area surrounding the abrasion was swollen with an angry red color. The bite mark bled freely now; the removal of the bandage had taken with it any healed skin, reopening the series of small cuts. As she leaned even closer, Hermione saw that not only blood, but also a yellowish liquid oozed from the lacerations. She recoiled and stated, more to herself than to the man present, "It's infected."
"Again, your skills of observation astound me." he growled. Snape turned his back to her and rummaged through a few drawers and cabinets before returning to his spot and laying his right arm roughly on the table surface. In his other hand, he set down a jar filled with a brilliant red paste and glanced up at her. "Open that, but be careful not to touch the contents." he commanded.
She did as he said, all the while watching him keenly as he snatched a nearby bottle of Firewhiskey. Snape then turned away from her once more, retrieved a small shot glass and faced her again as he filled it with the liquor. Placing the bottle aside, he reached toward her with his uninjured limb, and after a small awkward moment of confusion on her end, Hermione quickly offered him the opened jar. She watched with growing interest as he set the jar down, wincing slightly as he gathered up some of the crimson paste and proceeded to apply it to the wound. She gasped as the affected area began to audibly sizzle, barely visible smoke rising from his skin as the smell of burning flesh assaulted her senses. Snape's wince had graduated to a painful grimace, his eyes tightly shut as he blindly fumbled around for the glass. Hermione reached forward hesitantly to assist, but he finally grasped the shot glass, throwing back his head as he downed the amber liquid... and subsequently collapsed.
In a panic, Hermione rushed to his side, kneeling down on the floor as she did so. "Professor?" she inquired in a high-pitched voice. He didn't answer. His body rocked somewhat, listing to the left then the right as he cradled his injured limb, his eyes still clamped shut. She watched in horror as the skin on his right arm sealed itself and the sizzling sound slowly subsided.
Snape panted and carefully opened his eyes after a few minutes, then sat up and rubbed the newly formed scar gingerly. An eternity seemed to pass by as they both stared at his forearm, the silence hanging between them like the stench of burning flesh that still filled the room. Slowly exhaling, he carefully unrolled the right sleeve and stood, a bit shakily at first, and donned his robes and cloak, flexing his arm every so often.
Hermione was at a loss for words. She knew better than to acknowledge his display of humanity, or weakness, as he would undoubtedly perceive it to be. Her only option was to ignore the scene that had played out before her only moments ago. Snape was gathering the bottles together as she rose to her feet and cleaned off imaginary dirt from her skirt, wishing that she could somehow dissolve the thick tension between them.
"Let's go." He hissed curtly, gripping her wrist gently and leading her back into the living room area. Snape let go of her then and glanced over his shoulder to ensure that she followed as they made their way out the door. Pausing on the steps, she patiently stood aside as he reset the wards, then turned to face her, his left arm bent and aloft in a gentleman-like fashion as he waited for her to grab on. Once Hermione did, they walked together to the end of the street, and she had just a moment to look back at the home of Severus Snape before the world around her once again spun violently.
***
They gracefully landed in a thick blanket of snow with a faint pop! There was a swoosh sound that grew louder and louder as she waited for her senses to stop reeling. As she opened her eyes, she jumped back in alarm as a brightly colored sleigh rushed by them, propelled by magic, with two figures seated at the top, laughing derisively as they passed. Snape did not move, but watched the event with a bored expression before offering his arm once more to her and assisting her across an expansive lawn that was inhabited by the strangest creatures Hermione had ever seen: white peacocks that preened and pranced around in the snow, visible only by the sheer radiance of their unblemished plumage against the suddenly dingy, off-white fluff that coated everything else in sight. She vainly tried to locate a female amongst them, but the effort was futile. The male birds huffed and haughtily strode out of their path when it became obvious that Professor Snape preferred to barrel through them, rather than gently wind his way around their bodies, as Hermione attempted to do.
"Where are we?" Hermione asked, still trying to keep up with Snape and step around the peacocks as he dragged her forward. A bird squawked at her as her knee connected with its flank, causing her to dance awkwardly as she tried to avoid tripping over it.
"You'll know soon enough," was his gruff reply. They walked together in silence, Snape seeming to take pleasure in the occasional squeak of a peacock that had the bad grace to fall underfoot. Angry at both his lack of concern for the well-being of the animals as well as his evasive answers and the manner in which he dragged her from place to place as though she were a leashed dog, Hermione suddenly locked her knees and refused to go any further. Snape also stopped and turned to look at her with a curious expression on his face.
"I want to know where you are taking me. If you don't tell me, I'll Apparate back to Hogwarts immediately!" Fury infused her voice, and she glared up at him defiantly.
He smiled genuinely. An action that frightened her more than his infamous temper tantrums and rages. Still, she glared. "You can't Apparate from here. You've already been seen, so to leave now, without my presence, will leave you unprotected. But, by all means, if you feel you still need to prove something, go ahead."
Her eyes narrowed. "It is a simple, logical question. Please answer me. Where are we?"
"Malfoy Manor." He waved his hand around dismissively.
"Why?" she growled, her eyes narrowing even more, obstructing her vision.
"We've been invited to tea."
"Tea?"
"Yes. Tea. It's a afternoon event, in which you sit..."
"Let me rephrase. I know what tea is. My question is why are we having tea with the Malfoys? Why did you bring me here? Is this another intimidation tactic, because I will not be..." Hermione was cut off mid-rant as another voice, a sickeningly familiar voice with a false cheeriness interrupted.
"Severus! You had me worried; you are known for your punctuality! Oh, who is this, then? Your mystery guest? What woman this week...Oh! Oh, it's the M...Ms. Granger. Really now, Severus, I thought you had better taste than..."
"Spare me, Lucius, you know why she's here. Let's skip over the pleasantries, shall we?"
Lucius' voice suddenly dropped an octave into his normal pitch as he replied, "Jovial as ever, I see. Come then. Narcissa's setting the table as we speak." Malfoy senior then led his guests to the grandiose mansion that sat atop the hill a short distance away. Had Hermione been in a mood to appreciate the beauty of the house, she would have marveled at the architecture, the stone walls with ivy climbing to the uppermost top of the roof, the stained glass windows that rounded slightly before peaking sharply at the pinnacle. The Manor seemed to be elegance and beauty personified, yet it was bathed in a cold, emotionless energy, surely mirroring the family that resided inside.
Author's Note Happy Holidays to all!
Angel Mischa truly is an angel for taking the time to correct all my grammatical errors, spelling errors, and my comma binging. Any mistakes found are mine cause I ...am human!
And special thanks goes to both Angel Mischa and Amsev for suggesting titles for this chapter (I was at a loss), and again to Amsev for not only coming up with the title you see here, but also changing it for me! Whoo, Amsev's awesome! (*leads everyone in a big round of applause*)
Up Next: Pansy enters stage left.
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Conversations
323 Reviews | 6.63/10 Average
Wow, what a wonderful story!I've been finding those kind of stories for a long time.Love the way you describe Snape and his horrible past.This is the first time I've ever wrote a review on a fic.Please continue with your story! :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so very much! I'm so honored to be the first receipient of a review from you! I know I haven't updated this story in almost a year, but my RL career has had me working overtime constantly, and I'm almost finished with my all-consuming project, and around this time next month, I should have the free time available to post the next chapter. Thank you again!
I'll say that you've continued to write wonderfully. I like your plot, and the way you protray the characters. I've happily favorited this story and hope to see it up-dated soon.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! The story is on a little hiatus right now, as I have a deadline for my RL work – but in the next few weeks I should have time to come back to Conversations and update! Thank you again!
I LOVE your banner!! It looks amazing! And I really like the chapter! I hope the rest of this story is this good!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so, so very much! I hope I don't disappoint!
Anonymous
I do love Luna. What a wonderful vehicle she is for all things wise. If you need any help with chapter 20, don't hesitate to poke me. I promise there'll be no more disappearances! ;)
Author's Response: LOL! I'd be really, really, really grateful and appreciative of any help you'd offer! Kittylefish has graciously offered to beta for me, but I can use all the help I can get! LOL.
I have all but the very beginning of chapter 20 – which may be superfluous anyway (the beginning). Not sure.
I just found this story by accident a couple of days ago. Now I see that you have not updated for months. I do hope that nothing has gone so terribly wrong in your life that you cannot finish this thrilling tale. That is a selfish attitude, I know, but it is all your fault for being such a good writer. I simply must know how Hermione wins him over and helps him to realize how precious and beautiful and special he really is. Please, please update soon. Don't abandon this exquisitly written piece of fan fiction.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
LOL, no, not a selfish attitude at all! I greatly, truly appreciate your review and encouragement! I do feel very guilty about the lack of updates, and thankfully I have no tragic excuse – I have just been extremely busy with "RL" issues regarding work, vacations, and, unfortunately, a horrible case of writer's block. However (!), I have written a bit of the next chapter, and am posting a little snippet of it on my livejournal today (I'm a bit worried that this particular section of the story might be too... fluffy, so I'm looking for some constructive criticism), which you can check, if you'd like, at http://kingpig.livejournal.com/ ... please let me know what you think if you do take a look at it, and don't mind a bit of a spoiler. Once I get it all worked out, and find a willing beta, then I should have something posted here soon. Thank you, thank you, thank you again!
I've been reading all day long to read this story in one rush and it was so, so worth it! Psychological stories are hard to write and I have to say that I love this one! Please keep going! xox
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! I'm so thrilled you enjoyed it, and I agree, psychological stories are very difficult to write (and very draining) – but without at least some psychological aspect, a story can become very hard to read. I am working on the next chapter, but I am stretched a bit thin when it comes to RL occupation, RL in general, and the SBB project... plus the fact that Severus is just not cooperating :( But I am working on it, so please stay tuned, and thank you again!
Oh, welcome back! I just love having my empathy beaten up from all directions at once. Your portrayal of Snape's PTSD is so believable. I can imagine that he must feel like a accident victim brought to a trauma center to have his life saved. First you're found (by strangers), then immobilized on back board and hard collar to prevent further injury (whether or not you find it uncomfortable or claustrophobic), then you're poked and prodded and a mask put over your face. Transported who knows where. Everyone is talking at you all at once. You arrive at the ER and then they cut off all your clothes in front of God and everybody and proceed to expose you, open your wounds, clean them out with industrial solvents, manipulate your body, more needles but no pain meds, blinding lights, a whole cacophony of incomprehensible sound, and no control, no say in what is being done, nowhere to hide, no way to escape. And all the while, they say they are helping and you're supposed to believe them. **small animal sounds of distress**Hermione will need every bit of her very old soul's experience to help this terribly battered hero with the new soul to learn that there really is love in the world for him. Bravissima. Please continue.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
I absolutely adore your review, and I don't think I could ever apologize enough for my response being so late. *hangs head in shame* I'm very, very sorry!I love the analogy as well, as I never really thought about it in that context, although I had quite a similiar experience! (On top of all that you described, my little sister had witnessed the car accident, and because they put me on a board with the collar, she called my mom and told her I was paralyzed, then she called my grandmother to say I was dead. She was only ten, and I 16, so you can imagine my surprise when I was wheeled out into the lobby in a wheelchair, with only superficial wounds and one cut needing a paltry three stitches, and my entire family – including some I had never before met – greeted me with tear stained faces and the expression as though they were looking at a ghost. I fear most of them were disappointed I didn't at least break a bone, LOL!)And I agree that Hermione will need to draw on her wisdom-beyond-her-age reserves, but she'll also have a few issues of her own, in regards to emotional maturity, so it probably become a "blind leading the blind" scenario for a small bit.Thank you, thank you, and thank you some more! I don't know when the next chapter will be posted, but I am spending what little free time I can to devote to it! Please stay tuned!
Minerva must have a lot of grief on hr plate. She made some serious mistakes with Severus over the years. Hopefully he will be willing to try to let her make amends.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much for the review! Yes, I believe Minerva is just now realizing the magnitude of her and AD's past behavior. I think Severus may be feeling as though it's really convenient, that MM and RL and PP suddenly want to apologize, now that the damage is done and was ignored for so long. But, that's not to say that Severus will completely shut her, them, out.Thank you again!
Yay! I'm glad you're back!This is a great story, gripping and intense, though I found difficult to read sometimes.A lot of authors who go high on angst can't portray their characters as -well- f#cked up enough for what they've allegedly been through - your Snape is a stellar exception!It's chilling to watch him vacillate between the persona of the controlled Professor and that of a wounded child. You make it all psychologically believable - great job!My only worry is how on earth will he be capable of forming any sort of functioning relationship with Hermione.You DO have "romance" listed in genre tags for that story, albeit at the very end - is that how long we'll have to wait to see some lovin'?Do you have this story mapped out, or do you write as it unfolds for you? (I think I've read in one of your Author's Notes that it started off as one-shot. Sorry if I got it wrong, I seldom notice A/N's when on a reading binge.)Good luck in all your RL exploits, may nothing distract you from updating ASAP!Thank you for a great evening!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so, so much! Although it can be very difficult indeed, I'm so thrilled that you stay with it. And I very, very greatly appreciate your comment about my characterization of Snape as a realistic survivor of intense trauma. I often feel, because I'm my own worst critic, that I'm not truly conveying the gravity of his circumstances, so a review like yours means so, so much to me! I also share your concern over how he and Hermione will be able to form a healthy relationship – I know it will happen, as that's the true plot and original direction of the story, but <i>how</i> and how long it will take is a little worrisome, I admit. I do know that it is possible, as I write some of his childhood directly from my own experience, and I have found and formed a healthy relationship with my husband – it just took a while to do. And, also, I sadly don't have this story really mapped out, there was no outline – you are correct, it did just start as a one-shot, and I'm letting the story write itself. Which may upset some readers, because I have no idea how long this story will be, or exactly what obstacles it will contain, and I have a feeling people can tell that it's unfolding as it goes... mostly because, to me, it seems to jump around a lot, and there are a few scenes that have yet to be really explained (what Minerva saw when she walked into his room that made him so angry, what Hermione will do with the shoebox of mementos, what kind of potion Severus was about to drink before his fight with Remus...). Sorry to make this response such an epic novel in and of itself, but I really appreciate your insightful review, and I wanted to reply to it with the respectful explanation that it is due. Thank you so, so much again! Chapter 20 is in the process of being written as we speak!
“I bet this is a strange world to him.” Luna is so remarkably perceptive! And I do hope she is right about Hermione's ability to help this poor, tortured, brave soul.I think it may be a testimony to his courage that he did not become a true psychopath, that he did what he was driven to do yet still did not break into a thousand pieces.And good for Minerva trying to get through to him, telling him of her own shame and shortcomings, as well as of her love. He may never truly believe it, but his confusion suggests that perhaps he might be able to at least know that she believes it.Who is Patsy communicating so carefully with? And how will they use the knowledge of Severus' role in the family tragedy?Fascinating!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! In regards to the Luna comment, I'm really relieved that you enjoyed it. Their entire dialogue (HG and LL) was something I wasn't sure of including, even up to the point of clicking "submit." It was in constant risk of being cut, and I'm so glad that you liked it!As for Minerva and Pansy, I can't really elaborate on that just yet, as it's central to the upcoming chapters, but I don't think you'll be disappointed! Thank you again, your reviews are always delightful!
This was a most interesting chapter!! I loved the 'discussion' between Luna and Hermione. Luna always has such a deep understanding of life. I think her 'knowing' always leaves people a little confused. What really surprised me was the whole bit on Pansy's letter writing. It made me laugh as it is basically the same way I write things. The rewriting, the editing, the careful scanning to make sure it says only what I want it to say... it was funny to see my own unconscious process under a new light.I was also very taken with Minerva's heart-felt speech to Severus. "And every time you proved your intense loyalty, your passionate veracity, your inherent Light that shines so blindingly bright, it casts pale shadows over all the others I had ever perceived as heroes – every time, Severus, I would stand in awe..." - Oh Yes! That is our Severus.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you! I'm so relieved to hear that you enjoyed the scene with Luna and Hermione – it very nearly ended up on the cutting room floor. Even after it was submitted, I was very uncertain about it.LOL, yay, another person who writes things with such a neurotic process as Pansy and I do! I'm really bad about it, for because of this, it takes me forever to even type out a text message. And I see tones and inflections in emails, texts, etc., so people are always confused when I call them and say, "What did I do to make you so disappointed/angry/sad/etc?" They're like, "Wha?" and I say, "You used '...' after [insert word here], which could only mean you were slightly annoyed/uncertain/etc." It drives my friends, family, and especially my husband insane. And I'm thrilled that you enjoyed Minerva's speech to Severus, it was, admittedly, my favorite piece to write in this chapter. Thank you again!
this has to be one of the darkest fics i've ever read. but phenominally well written. everyone failed severus, everyone. and your story shows that perfectly. thanks so much and i await the next chapter.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! The next chapter is currently in the works, but has been delayed due to a recent death of a family member as well as current job deadlines looming over my head. I hope to have something up in the next few weeks, please stay tuned!
well, the idea of young snape having to take matters into his hands that way is fairly disturbing, and pansy sending off that article with her letter is of concern. perhaps minerva's words will somehow get through to him. very dense and complex chapter.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so very much! Things are starting to come together, and the next chapter is in the works!
Can't wait for the next chapter! Plese don't make it too long! I've just discovered your story and I really appreciate its psychological depth. But I have to confess that so far, I really don't see how Severus and Hermione could end up together. Not that I don't want them to! Snape seems to be a "hopeless" case. But I trust you to make it credible:)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! I know it seems bleak for our heroes, but love often pops up in the most unexpected, even inappropriate, times. I can say it won't be all roses and rainbows – but have faith... love may not be able to heal <i>all</i>, but it can still heal.Thank you again! The next chapter is in the works, but may be delayed due to a recent death in my family in addition to a looming job deadline. I do, often, give updates to the story's progress on my livejournal – my LJ name is kingpig (I'd post the link but I don't know if I'm allowed to...)
okay, so Pansy might just be caught in a bad situation and not really doing something wicked, although she knows she needs to be careful. Minerva has finally communicated to Severus, and I hope she sticks with her intentions. the article Pansy found is heart-wrenching, and I can see a small Severus always regretting that he didn't act soon enough to save his mother's life. stupid wizarding world had no Dept of Social Services to care for wizarding orphans and maltreated kids! Dumbledore was not a good parent-figure to anyone.thank you for the new chapter, and thanks to Sonia and shellsnapeluver for stepping in to help you!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! I agree, a Wizarding equivalent of a Dept. of Social Services is desperately needed – hopefully, in the future, Hermione will be able to remedy that. :)
I usually can't read stories that involve abuse and rape, but your writing manages to do that in such a touching manner that I find myself helplessly reading it all in one go. Thank you for such a powerful chapter.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you for such a wonderful review! I do apologize that it has taken this long to respond, RL has really caught up with me these last few months.RL as in real life, not Remus Lupin, lol. Just for my own clarification.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you for such a wonderful review! I do apologize that it has taken this long to respond, RL has really caught up with me these last few months.RL as in real life, not Remus Lupin, lol. Just for my own clarification.
Just re-read this wonderful tale, well as much as you have written, and am eagerly awaiting your next chapter...
Loves you, Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! I dearly appreciate your reviews. I did write a little of the next chapter, and it is turning out to be pretty dark. Grrrrr, I can't wait until things start to look up. Did you have a chance to go over the SS/HG x-change stories I sent? Did they send okay? I ask because the last time you replied to my email I didn't get it, only your message on LJ. If you haven't had a chance, I totally understand!
Response from sbrande (Reviewer)
No I went through it that night and wrote you back a lengthy reply as well as beta'ed it.
Damn it... Did you get either of them back??? I am VERY reliable and if I say I will do something I do. Shite a brick, I think I deleted it too. Please re-send.
I think you should go with the second one as the Zombie one will be too complex, unless you want to write like the wind. I like the Zombie one better for plot, but I think you will receive more reviews for the other one as that is what people want... NOT ME.
Love Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Aaaw :( I'm so sorry. For some reason, it seems as though I can't receive emails from you, but I can send them to you. I'll give you another email addy to try (kingpig@mac.com) when I resend you the files. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't do it, just that I'm afraid I can't receive emails from you, or that perhaps you are a little busy. I agree with what you said, and I will probably go with the first prompt (though I'm afraid to state either here, as the prompter may be reading the reviews...). It is less complex, but I really would have loved to do the, uh, more interesting one. But I agree, it is something that does not lend itself to a short story format – it is something I'd like to explore in depth. So, I'll do the the prompt that most people might want to read, and then after the exchange, I'll probably write the more interesting prompt in a chaptered format, dedicate and credit the idea to the prompter, and probably ask permission to write it. I'll resend!
Response from sbrande (Reviewer)
Okay. Have just woken up. Am feeding the dogs and then the kids are next however, I shall get right on it.
love Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much! I dearly appreciate your reviews. I did write a little of the next chapter, and it is turning out to be pretty dark. Grrrrr, I can't wait until things start to look up. Did you have a chance to go over the SS/HG x-change stories I sent? Did they send okay? I ask because the last time you replied to my email I didn't get it, only your message on LJ. If you haven't had a chance, I totally understand!
Response from sbrande (Reviewer)
No I went through it that night and wrote you back a lengthy reply as well as beta'ed it.
Damn it... Did you get either of them back??? I am VERY reliable and if I say I will do something I do. Shite a brick, I think I deleted it too. Please re-send.
I think you should go with the second one as the Zombie one will be too complex, unless you want to write like the wind. I like the Zombie one better for plot, but I think you will receive more reviews for the other one as that is what people want... NOT ME.
Love Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Aaaw :( I'm so sorry. For some reason, it seems as though I can't receive emails from you, but I can send them to you. I'll give you another email addy to try (kingpig@mac.com) when I resend you the files. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't do it, just that I'm afraid I can't receive emails from you, or that perhaps you are a little busy. I agree with what you said, and I will probably go with the first prompt (though I'm afraid to state either here, as the prompter may be reading the reviews...). It is less complex, but I really would have loved to do the, uh, more interesting one. But I agree, it is something that does not lend itself to a short story format – it is something I'd like to explore in depth. So, I'll do the the prompt that most people might want to read, and then after the exchange, I'll probably write the more interesting prompt in a chaptered format, dedicate and credit the idea to the prompter, and probably ask permission to write it. I'll resend!
Response from sbrande (Reviewer)
Okay. Have just woken up. Am feeding the dogs and then the kids are next however, I shall get right on it.
love Sonia :)
Hey Babe,
I am going to read this wonderful story again now. Just read the first chapter because I love it so very much.
Love Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
LOL oh no! If you read it all from the beginning, all the plot holes will become obvious!! *ducks*
Response from sbrande (Reviewer)
No, because it is not complete yet. If it were complete then sure there would be a whole heap of plot holes ;)
Love Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
LOL I need to remember to fill those holes at some point...
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
LOL oh no! If you read it all from the beginning, all the plot holes will become obvious!! *ducks*
Response from sbrande (Reviewer)
No, because it is not complete yet. If it were complete then sure there would be a whole heap of plot holes ;)
Love Sonia :)
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
LOL I need to remember to fill those holes at some point...
Uh oh. So many intriguing questions! What is Pansy's role in all this (and it's interesting to see her reluctance); Hermione's decidedly odd not-Hermione'ish dream certainly explains her sleeping through the disturbance Pansy caused.I really liked Poppy here. Her concern for Severus feels achingly real.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much for the thoughtful, encouraging review! I very much enjoyed writing Poppy's scene, and I felt very saddened that I have to write him leaving like that, which only ramps up her anxiety and concern to new levels. I hope she'll forgive me.Thank you again!
I enjoyed Poppy the most in this chapter. Her concern made the chapter for me.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed that! It was very cathartic to write Poppy's scene, in a way. Thank you for the thoughtful review!
Ah so, the precious, precious shoebox and its contents have once again been "found." Hermione still seems to be tangled in Severus' most intimate memories. Is he in any way tangled in hers? And Pansy Malfoy ne Parkinson, a woman who feels scorned by everyone, presented with such an "opportunity"... What will she do with it? I wonder what happens when someone hands a beyond-Hades fury a monkey wrench? Welcome back.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much for this thoughtful review! Unfortunately, I'm not quite "back" yet... I will try really hard to update before Feb 1st, but as that is my newest work deadline, I can't make any promises. But I'll try! And, though it'll be explained more in coming chapters, I'll go ahead and answer at least one of your questions... No, Severus is in no way entangled in Hermione's memories. It's a one-way phenomenon. Thank you again!
The dream Hermione is having is quite interesting!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you for the review! I'll be able to explain the dream more fully in the coming chapters.
Another tantalyzing chapter, filled with more questions than answers (that is not a criticism!).Poppy's concern is very touching, while Severus' near-catatonia is frightening. And what in heaven's name is Pansy up to, and at whose behest? (I know you've warned of a not-at-all-nice LM, so I'm assuming he's part of it, but part of what, I wonder?) That letter (and the box it came from) should be interesting--what is it doing there?And what's with that funky, odd dream? Who is dreaming, and how do Hermione and Severus get so mixed together, and in Lily's presence?SO many questions! Hope you have time to give us more soon--this is a dark and twisty tale, and I am hooked!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
LOL, thank you so much!! I just adore your reviews! I had a lot of fun writing Poppy in this chapter, and I think if she had her way, she would have showed up at his doorstep intending to spend the next two weeks with him, 24/7.As for the dream, it will be explained in depth a little more later, but I'll try and clarify it a bit for you now. It's not quite so much a dream as it is one of Severus' memories, inexplicibly (for now, and did I even spell that right?) connecting her and Severus like a long-distance, unconscious Legilimency... thing. Heh. I promise, it will all become clear (...eventually)!I will try really hard to update before Feb 1st, but as that is my newest work deadline, I can't make any promises. But I'll try!
(blinks...) wha??? I need more, please!!! what did Pansy find, are Lucius-Cissa-Draco part of the thing she's in, who is masterminding the thing that Pansy is in, what is the meaning of Hermione's dream?? at least I know Severus is able to get about on his own, and he prolly feels "safe" at Spinner's End. I will cross my fingers for you to finish your yourdeadline! thanks for updating.
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I really, really want to answer your questions right here in this response, but then I know it will take all the fun of discovery out of it. I will try really hard to update before Feb 1st, but as that is my newest work deadline, I can't make any promises. But I'll try!
so happy to see the update! and i do hope it won't be so long until the next, as what a place you've left off! i shudder to think of pansy seeing what's in that box - poor snape has already been violated enough. plus, not knowing what her agenda is, it worries me. anyway, i am still really enjoying this story. happy holidays and good luck with the work stuff. and i hope rl lets up soon so we can hear more from you on this story!
Response from KingPig (Author of Conversations)
Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! I do have a work deadline of Feb 1st, so I can't promise an update until after that date, but I will work really hard to try!