Peeves and Kitten

Author's Notes – The idea of Severus communicating with Scrabble pieces isn't my idea. I don't remember where I read it, but it was in a piece of fanfiction. A little section dedicated to one of my favourite comic strips - Calvin and Hobbes.

(Edited Note: The Scrabble idea is from "Spinster" by LadyoftheMasque.

Peeves, or Percival Evans-Esham on the official Spectre record in the Ministry of Magic, was no mere apparition. Sure, he was never some once-living entity like Nearly Headless Nick or the Bloody Baron, but everyone assumed that Peeves had nothing more than a brain cell on anything apart from pranking people.

Poltergeists like him came from excess magic. And Hogwarts, being one of the main Wizarding schools in England, had plenty of it. The stones that made up Hogwarts Castle practically exuded it. But Peeves didn't just come from Hogwarts' magic. He came from the magic that the students made.

Hormonal teenagers, mischievous boys, lovesick girls, you name it. Peeves was like a sponge, absorbing anything. He had a conscience of course, even though he wasn't quite living or breathing; he just didn't quite use it that much.

Like during that Umbridge fiasco. That witch depleted his source of magic immensely – no one cast nasty hexes to prank anyone, no one exuded excess magic from their havoc-wreaking.

In fact, this was the method that the Ministry of Magic used to destroy rogue poltergeists. They were cast into a room, heavily warded against any excess magic and left to starve. They withered away, a mere echo in the dark, dank room in which they were incarcerated.

Dolores Umbridge didn't have the necessary paperwork to do that, but Peeves knew she had certainly wanted him to suffer for what he'd done to her as a child. She had been a snotty, stick-up-the-ass, pink-obsessed Hufflepuff, Peeves recalled, and he had enjoyed ruining her days in Hogwarts.

And the Weasley twins had saved the day. They had brought in fireworks, the giant swamp (oh, that thing had almost completely rejuvenated him), allowing students to create the mayhem that Peeves had so desperately needed. Of course, when the twins left, Peeves was forever in their debt.

Following their orders, he had brought chaos to the ugly witch. And Hogwarts would never be bothered by her again.

But today, oh, he was dealing with a slick Slytherin who was rather high up in the Ministry and had the power to destroy him. And Hogwarts was in danger again. Peeves remembered the last three generations of Malfoys. Abraxas, Lucius and Draco were almost the same: blond, rich, and snooty. He had taken great enthusiasm in dumping dungbombs on them, destroying their clothes and dying their hair into some hideous colours.

Sure, Dumbledore had told him to behave himself when the Board of Governors was around, but Peeves knew the old man well enough. It was kind of like a double-entendre; by telling him to behave, Dumbledore knew he wouldn't and would even increase his pranking by tenfold. Well, the big bearded man, also one of the most powerful wizards to have lived, had given him the 'okay-go' for pranking, and Peeves wasn't going to disappoint Dumbledore.

The Governors and a Lucius Malfoy would soon find themselves extremely preoccupied soon. Peeves would make sure of it.

---

So far, Hermione and Severus had come up with a system for communication. The Muggle game Scrabble was useful – kitten Severus and hawk Hermione could nudge the letters into order to form words or phrases, to speak their mind.

Hermione, with her brown eyes, looked at the kitten that had just pushed his letters into place on the board. She had to duplicate several letters in order for Severus to make the cut up sentence, but the look on her face was rather incredulous.

"Are you sure that this was one of the words that you heard from Voldemort?" she asked, still sceptical about the word on the board. The black kitten nodded, sure of himself. Severus had escaped with his life, and this was one of the words that Voldemort had muttered in his homemade spell.

She looked at the letters again, hoping that he was joking. "Have you ever heard this word before?" He shook his kitten head.

"T R A N S M O G R I F Y," she read aloud, giving Severus a good look in his kitten eyes. "It's from a Muggle comic strip. About a kid and his tiger."

He didn't seem to believe her. Sighing, she didn't bother to explain. "Isn't it just some fake word? I think I'll have to research more on this one..." And with that, she gave him a half-hearted pat on the head and a kiss before leaving to the library.

His obsidian eyes followed her out. Sometimes, she worked too hard for her own good. She would go on for days, surrounded by piles of books, skipping breakfast, lunch and dinner just to research. Oh, if he were only in his human form, he could stop her from her unhealthy obsession.

But he was only a kitten. They were forever separated by day and night – and the bloody prophecy did them no favours. The Boy's prophecy didn't even pass yet; and Severus Snape doubted that it would. Divination was all wishy-washy and Trelawney was an unreliable hag.

Nonetheless, he still had to find out whether Lucius Malfoy knew about his new form yet. Voldemort was rather secretive about his methods of creating spells, and Severus knew this 'Transmogrify' spell had been completely new. He probably didn't know the proper results of the spell yet.

And he had to help the stupid Weasley boy in order to keep Dumbledore as Headmaster. Merlin, if there was another witch or wizard like Umbridge, Snape felt like quitting his job permanently.

Hopping off the couch, he exited Hermione's rooms and wandered through the halls, bored. Mrs. Norris, the dust coloured half-kneazle was there, away from Filch. He'd met her early on when he'd become the black kitten.

Frankly, she was just as bad as many people believed. They'd communicated through meows and purrs when Argus Filch wasn't around – she was possessive of the castle; being the only cat in the vicinity, she wasn't about to share it with him. The last time they'd been caught together, Filch had attacked him with a broom, accusing him of "attempting to impregnate Mrs. Norris" even when Mrs. Norris was attacking him with her claws. Personally, Severus wouldn't do such a thing – he was supposed to be human after all. And she was rather ugly for a cat. It was like she could read his mind and assaulted and harassed him more than before.

Well, he was definitely getting back at her for it. Hermione had introduced him to catnip, some Muggle herb that drove cats crazy. It didn't work for him when he decided to try it under Hermione's insistence.

An idea popped into his head. Hermione had shown him videos on her computer (he really hated those things) of cats' reactions to the herb. Perhaps if he could concentrate the pheromonic receptor stimulants...

He would be able to kill two birds with one metaphorical stone. Now all he needed to do was to find someone willing to do the deed.

---

Gliding through the large doors of the Great Hall, Lucius Malfoy's critical eyes scanned the teachers' table for Severus Snape, the traitor. The school governors behind him were all doddering fools, despite their apparently-regal appearance. Everyone, though, was silent.

He wasn't there. Instead, the blood traitor Weasley was in the Potions master seat, and the bushy-haired Mudblood was in the Charms professor seat. Snorting silently, he walked to Dumbledore's seat, his entourage following behind. The Mudblood Granger didn't deserve the Professorship.

"Hello, Governor Malfoy, and the rest of the Board of Governors," started Dumbledore as he stood up. "Welcome to Hogwarts. Everyone resume eating."

Lucius replied him with a 'hmph'. He was going to get to the bottom of this. "Where is Professor Snape?" The vultures behind him looked ready to pick up any slip of the mouth.

"He's sick right now, but Professor Weasley is taking over his classes." His eyes were still twinkling with mischief. "You all are welcome to examine the school. I assure you it is fine, despite what you may have heard." Lucius Malfoy seemed displeased and turned to the exit. "We'll be monitoring the classes then, Headmaster Dumbledore."

Outside the hall, Lucius Malfoy organized the schedule. Each governor was to monitor each class – and he himself would observe Potions classes, making sure to pick up each and every mistake that Professor Weasley would make. Hopefully, he would be able to find out where Snape had disappeared off to, since he was under his master's spell.

Ah, the Mudblood. He wanted her to be fired too, and so he assigned his most ruthless pawn, Lyle Higgs, who was also a Death Eater, to look at her classes. Higgs would most definitely bring back good news.

Dismissing the acolytes, he wandered the halls, glaring at the wayward children running to their latest classes. The ghosts he had encountered as a child were still here, floating around the castle, and the Bloody Baron gave him a stiff nod as he passed by.

Suddenly, a deluge of liquid splashed all over his body, and he glared at the perpetrator, who cackled impishly. "Smell ya later, Lucy!" came the falsetto voice of Peeves the poltergeist.

The stupid poltergeist had poured some liquid all over him. If he could prove it was a potion of sorts, he would be able to destroy the poltergeist that had tormented his Hogwarts years.

But nothing was happening to him. Perhaps it was a time-delay potion. Hurriedly, he rushed to the Infirmary, hoping Madam Pomfrey would be able to tell what on Merlin's sake the poltergeist had put on him.

As he turned the corner, he was greeted by a frenzied-looking Mrs. Norris, purring with content. Other cats, probably the students' familiars, had the same hungry-like look in their eyes and stood near Filch's cat.

Whatever Peeves had poured on him was getting the cats all riled up. Whipping out his wand with the words of a spell on his lips, he was assaulted by drooling cats, rubbing themselves all over him.

Peeves, who had reappeared behind the wriggling cat-infested Lucius Malfoy, gave thumbs up to the kitten with a Cheshire grin on its face.