Water Cooler Skirmish

Part two: Water Cooler Skirmish

Draco drew back his office chair to sit at his desk and froze, his pureblooded yet muscled derriere hovering above the pale green stain-resistant naugahyde.

He had to be hallucinating. Or maybe it was a dream. Ow. That pinching charm really hurt. No, not a hallucination. Nor a dream, either. The tempting little silver wrapped morsel was still there, perched on top of a stack of precariously listing file folders. The stack of precariously listing file folders that belonged in the archives. The archives, a place he intended to avoid until the Dark Lord’s triumphant return from microscopic dust. As if. Draco snorted derisively. The teasing tidbit’s tissue paper banner wavered in the resultant breeze, enticing Draco to indulge. He eyed the permissive candy with both impassioned longing and paranoid apprehension. Where did you come from... Did you know I was looking for you, pining for you? The chocolate did not answer. I thought you liked Granger better than me. The confection’s foil coat prevented it from melting under the brilliance of Malfoy’s pout. Fine. Be that way.

Draco resolved to ignore the fickle little slag and concentrated on his work. For five whole minutes. Until he realized his own mother would have him committed for conversing with a foodstuff. No matter how delectable. Oh gads, hadn’t great great uncle Algernon been carted off to St. Mungo’s after he tried to marry a treacle tart he named Eliza? No standards, either. Only nutters and unstable Gryffindors liked treacle. Well. He was sane. He would just eat the damn thing and be done with it. Out of sight, out of mind. The unintended pun made Draco cringe.

He gingerly reached for the bit of silver in an effort to preserve the leaning tower of archival folders. The chocolate shivered violently, blew a raspberry with its blue on white banner and launched itself toward the ceiling, hovering near one of the overhead candles. Ignoring the toppled folders, Draco gaped in astonishment at the frisky sweet bobbing above him in a taunting manner. He had just decided not to go after it when the candy hurtled down from the ceiling and bounced against the crown of his head repeatedly, leaving pointy impressions in his stiffly gelled coiffure. The confection floated just beyond reach before his eyes and snapped its banner straight so that Malfoy could read its message: TAG! YOU’RE IT.

Draco lunged for the chocolate and then ran after it, as the confection led him on a merry chase through the maze of cubicles inhabiting the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department. He zipped by Granger’s empty desk, straining for a glimpse of the elusive morsel. He was very near the break room when he paused to catch his breath and wondered why he had given chase at all. Malfoys never pursue confectionery. Algernon was the exception that proved the rule.

A shiny miniscule foil-covered object hovered over him and then darted into the break room. Seeker instinct. Draco impulsively followed. And burst noisily into the break room, disturbing Hermione Granger’s quiet reading teatime.

Draco glanced at her irritated visage, muttered an insincere, “Sorry,” and searched the room for his target. Where has it gone? He knew it came in here. A-ha! He finally spied it, sitting on top of the water cooler. It hadn’t noticed him yet. Or is pretending not to. Draco stalked toward the infuriating little snack, intending to pounce.

“Malfoy, what are you doing?”

He froze. Keeping the candy firmly in his sight, he made a shushing motion toward the inquisitive pain in his arse.

Irritated further by that condescending gesture, Hermione opened her mouth, and then shut it abruptly, having followed Malfoy’s gaze to the water cooler.

“Malfoy, why are you stalking Frank?”

The candy had a name? The water cooler burbled nervously, as if clearing its throat. Draco looked at Hermione in puzzlement.

“Who is Frank?”

Granger rolled her eyes. “Only you, Malfoy. Been here, what? Three years, is it? And you still don’t know the water cooler’s name? One would think differently, the amount of time you spend in here.”

“That’s alright, Ms. Granger, “ Frank tittered. “Mr. Malfoy is quite busy, I’m sure.”

“Frank, “ Hermione huffed. “What are you on about? It’s not okay. You said yourself you wanted more respect!”

Uninterested, Draco recommenced stalking his prey.

Frank bubbled alarmedly and then exclaimed, “Mr. Malfoy, I’m sorry. Really. I won’t do it again. I promise. I hardly ever gossip like that!”

What is that blasted cooler nattering on about? And then it sunk in. “You are the Frank that Zabini is always crowing about? His best source, as I recall.” Draco stared at Frank with Avada-like intensity.

Little beads of moisture appeared on Frank’s bottle-head and dripped uncomfortably down his rectangular metal torso. “I… might have told Mr. Zabini thatyouareapoofterandthatColinCreeveyisyourbitoffluff.”

Hermione’s helpless laughter rang in Draco’s ears as he lunged at Frank, intent on bodily harm.

Frank had two things to be grateful for, as it turned out. One, that Malfoy did not have his wand with him, and two, the spirited Kiss launched itself into the air, engaging Draco’s Seeker instinct. And Hermione Granger’s undivided attention.

“Hey! That’s MY Kiss! It went missing from my desk yesterday. Viktor owled it to me from America!”

“No it isn’t, Granger,” A distracted Draco replied. “I ate that one already.”

“You! You! Kiss thief! This one should be mine, then!” Hermione pulled at his arms ineffectually, jumping to reach the bobbing chocolate.

Suddenly, the confection skidded sideways a short distance and dropped like stone to the floor. Hermione and Draco both dove for it and tripped over each other instead. Falling hard, Draco managed to twist around, landing on his nicely padded rump. Hermione landed seconds later, her face now intimately acquainted with the Malfoy family jewels (the only ones the Ministry had been unable to claim in reparation), with the wind knocked out of her.

An amused chuckle drew Draco’s scattered attention to the doorway.

“It’s a good thing you like boys, Malfoy,” Zabini drawled. “Otherwise, I’d have to report this as fraternization.”

Commission by nanthimus

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A/N: Originally posted to the Live Journal dramionedrabbles community for the 2008 St. Valentine's Day 7 Kisses Challenge.

Day 2 prompt: playful kiss.

Winner in the 7 Kisses "Funniest Kiss" category.

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