Chapter 4

If the book leads the way, it is not a coincidence that it led us to each other's hearts... Hermione nodded to herself. "Back to St Mungo's it is."

Healer Shalva did not seem surprised to see Hermione that morning when she opened her office door. "Hello, my dear," she said as she welcomed Hermione into the familiar room. "I presume that you have an update for me on your... situation?"

Hermione smiled as she settled herself into the comfortable chair opposite her mentor. "I do have an update, and some questions, actually," she added.

The Healer nodded and smiled. "I would expect nothing less, Hermione."

Hermione smiled, blushing slightly. "Well, we have followed your advice and immersed ourselves in the Adfinitas Animarum." She laughed. "Which has been... quite an experience."

Healer Shalva smiled. "I can only imagine. So tell me, what has the book revealed?"

"Well," Hermione said thoughtfully, "it's been rather a progression over the last month or two." She paused, remembering. "At first, there were lots of activities that the book directed us to do ... together." She laughed, remembering Severus' reactions to some of those activities. "Some recipes to cook, some gardening guidance, building model boats...." She looked up to see the Healer watching her closely, a small smile on her face. "Each chapter gave us something to do that required us to work together and, often, to negotiate." She shook her head, laughing. "This is not a man who is accustomed to either of these. And yet, if the book directed it, he complied." Hermione looked intently at her mentor. "In fact, it seems as if the book knows something about each of us and about what we each needed to do..." Her eyes widened with sudden insight. "...and what we each needed to see in one another...."

Healer Shalva nodded. "It is as I anticipated." Hermione looked at her expectantly until she continued. "It is mostly theoretical since there have only been a handful of cases in the last three centuries, but there is thought to be a link between the Amplector Animum spell and the willingness of the Adfinitas Animarum to operate."

"To operate?" queried Hermione. "Doesn't it always work if someone opens it?"

"Oh, no, it does not work for everybody and especially not for a single person. The Adfinitas Animarum only works for a pair," replied the Healer. "In particular, it opens only to a pair whose souls – whose essences – are well-suited for one another. Souls who have a clear affinity. Its job is to illuminate the reasons for such affinity and, with the cooperation of the couple, to bring them into harmony with one another."

Hermione sat, absorbed in thought for a long moment. Colour dotted her cheeks as she thought about the weeks that she and Severus had spent together, the activities and conversations that had gradually opened each to the other, culminating in the explosive revelations of the previous night.

Explosive in more ways than one.

Hermione's blush deepened as she remembered their frantic coupling, and even more so, the profound knowledge that she had opened her soul to him, and he had found her beautiful.

"Hermione," prompted the Healer gently, "I can see that there is more to tell." She smiled warmly at the blushing young woman.

"There is..." replied Hermione. "There is so much to tell, and so much that I really need answers to." She looked up at the Healer. "And I now see that there is a great deal that you withheld from me when I first came to discuss this with you." The look on Hermione's face was severe. "Why did you do that? Why didn't you tell me more about the Amplector Animum spell and about the purpose of the Adfinitas Animarum?"

Healer Shalva chuckled, "And what would you have done had I told you that you and this man... this man whose soul you unwittingly saved, were well suited for one another?" Hermione began to reply, but Healer Shalva put up her hand to stop her. "Furthermore, what do you imagine you would have said had I told you then that in order to bring this man's soul back into his body you would have to solidify the attachment between the two of you?" Hermione gasped. "Do you think that you would have taken that well when you could barely understand why you felt strongly enough about him to wish that you could have whisked him away to safety when he was dying?"

Hermione shook her head, thoughts tumbling, seeking order. We were already well suited, and our ability to use the Adfinitas Animarum proves that... and it led us to the knowledge that we could... love one another.... And we did, we fell in love... surprised both of us, in fact.

"Hermione?" The Healer interrupted Hermione's reverie. "Are you still with me?"

Hermione looked up, startled. "I'm so sorry Healer Shalva; I was lost in thought."

"Clearly," the Healer chuckled. "I can see that what I've said has sparked some recognition... care to share?"

Hermione smiled, a blush darkening her cheeks once again. "It would seem," she began, "that the purpose of the Adfinitas Animarum has been met..." She looked quizzically at the Healer. "...if the purpose is to bring the pair to the realisation that they are suited to one another... and to come to love one another..." she finished, imagining that her face could not possibly have been redder.

"Ahh," said the Healer, "and is that what prompted your visit today?"

"In a sense," replied Hermione. "Last night, it was like the last layer of mist burned away – we could see one another clearly and fully for the first time. It was incredible," she whispered. "And when we were together, I felt as if the rest of the world could disappear and it would make no difference to me. But then I woke up, and I was alone, and I realised that... I can't... we can't have a half-life.... And we didn't even have an opportunity to talk about it." She ducked her head at the memory. "Talking wasn't high on the priority list." She smiled at the Healer who looked rather pleased with the tale.

"Yes, Hermione, yes, that is exactly the point," said the Healer. "Without the experience that you just had, there would not be the same motivation and understanding of why his soul must be released. Even more importantly, there would not be the necessary attachment to make it happen."

Hermione took a moment, breathing deeply, before replying. "Do you know how to make that happen? Do you know how the Amplector Animum spell is reversed?"

Healer Shalva gazed intently at Hermione for a long moment, a troubled look resting on her features. "Hermione, the reversal of Amplector Animum is no simple matter. It is not always clear what happens to the soul when the release occurs. Even if the body is in sufficient condition to house his soul, sometimes... well, sometimes the soul moves forward instead."

"No!" Hermione cried out. "But you just said that the attachment is what makes it possible to release the soul from the spell! What do you mean the soul sometimes moves forward? I thought that the attachment brings the souls together!" Hermione was breathing rapidly, panicked.

Healer Shalva moved to sit next to her, and drew her close. "Hermione, Hermione. I'm so sorry. The nature of this enchantment is complicated, and reports of its resolution are... scarce. There is no written record describing the process and some say that it differs from couple to couple." She paused, gently rubbing Hermione's back, trying to calm her. "All I know is that there is risk involved in this; the attachment between you is necessary in order for the reversal to occur, but sometimes, the attachment means letting the enfolded soul... go."

Hermione looked at her for a long moment, grief clouding her vision. "Let the soul go?" she croaked. "I've only just found him...."

"The love that you feel for one another will release him, Hermione. Where he goes once he is released... nobody knows why the soul sometimes reanimates the body and other times, moves on." She paused. "He was ready to die, was he not?"

Hermione sobbed, "He was." Her voice broke. "He was ready to die. He said that this... being in limbo... was unbearable... when I first remembered, when we first spoke, he said that it was unbearable, and to leave him...."

"You cannot compare then to now, Hermione. He knows you now; he loves you now, does he not?" Hermione nodded. "Perhaps the nature of the attachment will determine where he will go when his soul is released. I wish that I could be more certain. This is all that I know." She squeezed Hermione's shoulders as she wept.

After Hermione's sobs quieted, the Healer added one final thought, "Hermione, one last thing – you must find him. You must find out where his body is and if it is in any condition to house his soul once more."

***

Hermione wandered through the remainder of her day in a daze. In the space of twenty-four hours, her world had been upended, and she was at a loss as to what to do next. Still absorbing the new information gleaned from her meeting with Healer Shalva, Hermione was torn between embarking on a search for Severus' body and climbing into bed to fall asleep so that she could return to the shadow space and talk to him about what she had discovered. Well, I'll be asleep soon enough. I may as well start to figure out where to search for his body... while I'm awake, at least.

Easier said than done, thought Hermione grumpily as she prepared for sleep that night. A full day of investigation and she was no further in her quest to find Severus' body.

Well, I shouldn't say that. I know that he's not tucked away somewhere in St Mungo's, and I do know for certain that I was right and there is no grave recorded for him. So I am left with the supposition that his body is alive somewhere, and probably not in the wizarding world. She moaned, tired and discouraged. How am I to find him if he's hidden in the Muggle world?

***

He was waiting for her on the couch in front of the fire. She appeared, almost as if Apparating in the salon, and smiled at the look of pleasure on his face when he caught sight of her. Seemingly embarrassed at being caught out, Severus quickly dipped his head, fiddling with the book in his hands.

"Severus," she said, oddly relieved to find him sitting there, reading.

At the tone in her voice, he looked up, quizzically. "What is it? Has something happened?"

She crossed the room to join him, settling in at his side on the sofa. She smiled as she took his hand, stroking it as she spoke. "How odd it is to live all day long, to see people moving about their business, to ask questions and receive answers... and at night, to come here where we have our own world in which time stands still."

She felt him stiffen and grasped his hand more tightly as he made to pull away. "I am sorry to interrupt the flow of your life, Miss Granger," he said, tight and formal again. "I had not realised that your forays here distressed you...." Taken aback at his rapid shift in mood, Hermione's heart pounded in her chest, and she moved to cut him off before he could continue.

"Severus... Severus, look at me... please," for he had turned away, refusing to meet her gaze. "Severus, don't you realise... this is the best part of my day, of my life?" She reached out to stroke his cheek, and while he did not pull away, he still would not look her in the eye. "I wait all day to be here with you. The rest of the world can go about its business, and I would be perfectly happy to leave it... to be here with you."

Several moments passed, Hermione distracted by the rapid beating of her heart and the brooding look on Severus' face. Finally, he turned to look at her. "I thought that you... regretted..." He swallowed. "...I thought that, perhaps, you regretted... last night. That you thought it impetuous or foolhardy." He looked at her sternly. "As, indeed, it was."

He stood, beginning to pace the room. "We were not thinking clearly... We cannot do this." Hermione moved to interrupt him, but he continued, "No matter how pleasant the surroundings," he swept his hand to indicate the cottage, "I, Miss Granger, am still in limbo." He turned to glare at her. "I should be dead. And you... you, Miss Granger," he added, without a hint of the pain in his eyes reflected in his voice, "you should be living your life, not passing into limbo with the likes of me."

Still so prickly... so quick to assume that he will be abandoned....

She stood and stalked over to where he was standing with arms crossed, looking out the window at the garden in which they had both spent countless hours planting, watering, weeding – coaxing the spectacular array of flowers to bloom.

"Severus," she said in a quiet voice, "hasn't it occurred to you to question how it was that our link to one another was sufficient to prevent you from... well, from dying?"

A huff from Severus' back was her only response. She continued, a small smile on her face that he could not see, "Do you imagine that any pair could have pulled off such a coup? To rescue a soul from the hands of death?"

At this, he whipped around to glare at her, "What do you mean, 'any pair'?"

"I mean," continued Hermione calmly, "that there is a reason that the Amplector Animum spell occurred between us, and... there is a reason that the Adfinitas Animarum will open for us, that we can read its pages." She paused, meeting his piercing look steadily.

"Well, are you going to stand there gaping at me or are you going to tell me what you are babbling about, Miss Granger?" he snapped.

More shaken from the intensity of his glowering and his rapid shifts in mood than she wanted him to see, Hermione took a moment to compose herself. Holding Healer Shalva's words close, she stepped forward, reaching out to softly stroke his brow. She was encouraged when he did not flinch at her touch.

"Severus... the Adfinitas Animarum opens only for a couple and will only display its contents to couples whose souls are... suited for one another. The fact that the book not only opened for us, but has spent weeks... months instructing us... proves...."

The look of desolation on his face was heartbreaking. "Proves what, Hermione? That you are doomed to a half-life, just as I am?" His voice broke. "I cannot condemn you to this..." Finally, finally he reached his hand out, stroking the line of her jaw. "I was supposed to be dead... you were supposed to be living your life – dating, working, enjoying yourself." He wrinkled his brow. "What do you do during your days, Hermione? Other than your work, I mean... I've never asked... I'm sorry...."

Hermione smiled softly. "My days have been nothing to write home about, Severus... even before... before remembering... you... us... being here." She stumbled over her words. "I've been focussed mostly on my work, on learning to be a Healer, and seeing my patients. I haven't had much time or energy for much outside of that..." she trailed off. Severus was silent for a moment, looking pensive.

"Why did you not make time for a life outside of your work, Hermione? What happened to your family... your friendships?" He paused. "How did you come to be so alone?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, really. It's not something I ever planned." She stopped, thinking for a moment. "I never was someone who had loads of friends, and I've always had a tendency to become intensely absorbed in whatever I do..." she smiled at him, "...a quality we share, I think." He nodded, a quirk of his lips indicating recognition of this commonality.

"After the Battle of Hogwarts, there was so much rebuilding to do, so much repair. So many lost...." Her voice was choked with tears, but she continued, "I threw myself into my training program and into my relationship with Ron." She bit her lip and shook her head sadly. "That didn't last terribly long. He didn't appreciate the demands that Healer training made on me – especially the emotional drain." She met Severus' eyes. "It was worse to be in a relationship with someone who was resentful and who didn't understand the passion or the pain I felt for my work. That was much lonelier than being alone." He nodded sharply at this, as if no more explanation was needed.

"It has been years, Hermione, have you dated other men?" asked Severus, a slight edge to his voice.

"Some," she answered, "but nobody who captured my interest. There has been nobody who I cared enough about to argue with; there has been nobody who I cared to work on a project with apart from work, or who could make me laugh or make me care... not until recently." She took Severus' hand in her own. "There has never been anyone for whom I would be willing to sing – to expose my emotions the way I did last night." She hesitated. "And there has never been a man who made me feel the way you did when you touched me."

A glint of masculine pride swept across his features, remembering. "But why, Hermione, why... me? I have no life to offer you...."

"I could ask you the same question, I suppose," she replied, thoughtful. "This is not something I planned, not something you did either. It would seem, Severus," she leaned forward, "that the affinity that we have for one another was always there, waiting only for us to have the opportunity to discover it, and to choose one another. I have wondered why I went so long without remembering my dreams of coming here. It's only now that I have the energy to put to anything besides my own healing and my work. I've longed to find someone who... fits me. I admit," she smiled wryly, "that this is a rather... unconventional way to discover one another, and certainly an unusual method of choosing each other as well. But... it's what we have and I for one am reluctant to turn it away."

His eyes narrowed. "You will take it because it is what you have, will you?"

She sighed deeply. He is the most stubborn man.

"Do you insist on mishearing me, Severus? Please listen. I've spent years focussed only on one aspect of my life – yes, I have some contact with my friends and with my parents, but they have busy lives, and well," she opened her hands as if in surrender, "time marches forward. I have a career, some old relationships, but until now, I've had no relationship that really... lights me up. Not until now, until you."

The thought that his presence could cause Hermione's world to brighten seemed to be a revelation to Severus. "I am accustomed to being a shadow that darkens everyone's world, Hermione, not a source of pleasure... or light. I fear that shadow will show itself, and...." Dread darkened his features, bringing out harsh lines and angles. "I have led a hard life, Hermione, and am not a man who brings... light... into the lives of women. In fact, you would be well advised to steer clear of me." A look of grief flashed across his face before he could shield himself from her view. Hermione's heart clenched.

Oh, Severus. What can I say to help you to see what I see? What would persuade you that you are not the shadow-creature that you believe yourself to be? Had Severus been less preoccupied with his worries, he would have noted the steel that darkened Hermione's expression. All right, bluntness, it is.

"Let's get something straight before this goes any further, Severus Snape," Hermione said briskly. "Since you insist on missing the point, let me make it perfectly clear." She inclined her head for emphasis, eyes locked with his. "Some powerful magic is at play here, and has indicated to me, at least, that you are a man worth loving. I do not believe for one moment that the Amplector Animum spell would have held onto a soul as Dark as the one you believe you have. And I don't imagine that the Adfinitas Animarum would draw my soul close to yours if we were not suited for one another. So, either you are inferring that my soul is Dark," she raised her eyebrows at his gobsmacked expression, "or you are going to have to face some realities about the state of your own soul."

Both sat silently for a long moment. Let him absorb that. Finally, Severus opened his hands in a gesture of surrender. She smiled and let out the breath that she didn't realise she had been holding. Relieved, she let her eyes drift, taking in the cosy surroundings.

"Severus, I just thought of something." A raised eyebrow and smirk were his only response. "Do you remember when I first came here how you commented on how desolate the space was?" He nodded. "But look at it now." She looked around the lushly furnished room, filled with books, a tray of their untouched dinner, soft pillows and blankets for curling up by the fire, and the bedroom door across the room.

"I think that you were right." She narrowed her eyes when he let out a sharp laugh at this. "You are not always right, but in this case, I think that you were right. This place is inside me, and it reflects the state of my... self, or my soul. I was in bad shape when you first got here and obviously hadn't improved at all even by the time I woke up to this place."

"It was rather... grim," he agreed.

"Look at it now," she repeated. "Maybe there is some magic to this place that reflects the innermost state of its inhabitants."

Severus wrinkled his brow. "Perhaps.... It is... possible." He continued, "I have not mentioned it because I did not know what to make of it, but the more immersed we have become in the Adfinitas Animarum the more influence I appear to have on our surroundings." Hermione gasped. "What is unclear is whether this is a reflection of the true state of my... self," he smirked, "or if you prefer, soul, or if it is merely a by-product of my growing... affinity... for you."

Hermione nodded slowly, thinking. "That is the fundamental question, I think. Are you merely a resident, trapped in a gilded cage, or are you active and able to influence what happens here?" She stumbled, "I mean, I think that you have free will – I have not felt as if my desire... controls you..." and then, more softly, "does it?"

At this, Severus smiled wickedly and scooted closer to Hermione on the couch. Reaching out to toy with an errant curl, he drawled, "Oh, no... I believe that my actions here are entirely my own." The hand caressing her curl moved then to stroke the soft skin behind her ear and then to the nape of her neck.

No wonder Crookshanks purrs so loudly when I stroke him. Hermione hummed contentedly and leaned into Severus' touch.

"Good," she murmured, "I would be... devastated... if this," she brought her hand to where he was stroking her, "was merely a figment of my fevered imagination."

Severus chuckled darkly, "I can't say that I have ever been the subject of a woman's fevered imagination, Hermione."

Oh, don't be so sure of that...

He brought his lips to the delicate juncture between shoulder and neck. "But I find that I would do... anything... to stay in yours."

Hermione wrapped her arms around him and drew him close, burying her face in his shoulder, revelling in the scent of him – the real, earthy scent. No figment of her imagination here.

"And I would do anything, Severus, anything to stay with you," she whispered. She felt him relax against her, his cheek resting on her head. "Please trust me, Severus. Can you trust that what I feel for you is real and that I want... you?"

His arms tightened around her and she felt his breathing quicken. "Trust. Yes... Well, you must understand that it is difficult for me to believe that you will not wake up tomorrow in your own bed and realise that you have been foolish," he murmured, voice silky and low.

"I woke this morning in my own bed, Severus," Hermione replied, tilting her head up to kiss the pulse point on his neck, "and all I could think about was how much I wanted you to be there with me – and how to make it so."

He pulled back sharply, the look on his face fierce as he cupped her face in his hands. "This is what you want, Hermione?" He ran his thumb gently across her lips, making her shiver. "You want me... you want to find a way for me to cross back over – out of here?" She nodded as his trembling hands began to stroke the outline of her face, and then her wild mane of hair. "Have you any idea how to accomplish this?" he asked, and she had never heard him sound so desperate.

"I don't know, but there is a way – Healer Shalva said so, but she did not tell me how...." She shook her head. "I don't understand why she didn't tell me how...."

Severus turned to where the Adfinitas Animarum lay on a table by the sofa. "Perhaps," he said, thoughtful, "the book will provide a clue. If its role is to draw us together."

Hermione leapt up and snatched the book from the table, sitting down again next to Severus. She stared at the book for a moment, as if by glaring at it she might get it to speak to her, to explain how to reveal the secret of joining Severus' body once again with his soul. "Perhaps...." she muttered, looking at Severus once more. "Do you think we might ask it to show us?"

Severus smirked. "My dear, what do you think it has been doing all these months if not listening to us and showing us what we need most?"

"Oh!" Her eyes were shining. "I know!" At his crooked smile, she kicked him playfully. "Shall we hold it together – usually one or the other of us opens the book to see what it presents, perhaps by opening it together, we demonstrate... our bond... in a tangible way, that is..." She trailed off, confused by the intense expression on Severus' face.

Turning his body so that they were face to face, Severus placed the book between them, open, each of them touching it with one hand. With his free hand, Severus drew her close and lowered his mouth to hers, brushing her lips with soft kisses. Humming with pleasure, Hermione threaded her fingers through his hair, caressing the nape of his neck and drawing him closer, deepening the kiss. Severus' deep groan sent sparks of electricity through Hermione's body and her moan joined his.

As the intensity of their longing fed their desire, hands holding an amber book were more desperately needed elsewhere, for stroking heated skin, for seeking and releasing buttons and fasteners.

Fallen to the floor, all but forgotten, the amber book began to glow.