Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Hermione, I..." He what? How could he make her understand that he had changed? He wasn't the spoiled brat she had known for the last seven years.

He took a deep breath and decided that if he truly wanted a new start he had better start by being honest.

"Have a seat, please. I would really like a chance to talk to you. No yelling. No disparaging remarks. Just promise to listen to what I have to say. You can choose to believe me or not when I am finished."

Hermione eyed him skeptically. She moved to sit down when he spoke again.

"Could we possibly speak in private?"

"Oh, I don't think so, Malfoy. If you want to say something, you will say it here."

"Fine. Look, I know that I am the last person you want to talk to or even help, but I want to explain myself to you. Maybe make you understand where I come from, who I am."

"Where you come from, Malfoy, is a dark and twisted pureblooded family. I know you to be a spoiled, little prick. I had had hopes to never see you again, but unfortunately here you are."

Malfoy flinched. It is how he expected people to look at him now. He could understand; he had said the same things to himself, many times, over the last few months. He needed to make her listen to him. Maybe if she listened, she might help. After all, he was just like those many lost causes she had championed over the years. Everyone had given up on him. He needed her to believe him.

"I don't expect you to believe me. I know I have never giving you, or anyone really, any reason to trust me. I just want a chance to explain myself to someone, even if they don't care to listen."

She looked at him. Her expression changed from anger to curiosity. When she didn't move to leave or speak again, Malfoy took that as a sign to continue.

"I grew up thinking, no, knowing I was better than everyone else. I was a Malfoy. It was expected of me to behave a certain way.

"I knew from a young age that I would one day marry another pureblood witch. In old pureblood families the thought of tainting our bloodlines with anything less was appalling. My father told me the arrangements were made shortly after my first birthday.

"The wedding would have taken place one month after my graduation from school. I would have learned the identity of my future wife two weeks before the wedding, at the engagement party.

"If the Dark Lord was still around, I would have been married by now and well on my way to producing the next spoiled Malfoy heir."

Hermione raised her eyebrows at this, but did not say anything.

"My early education came from tutors. I usually had several different ones each year. I learned basic spells, charms, and potions. I also learned to read and write from these tutors.

"When I was eight, my father began teaching me himself. Our lessons centered on the Dark Arts and discipline. I learned quickly to never question him or his beliefs. The Cruciatus Curse is a powerful motivator.

"Over the next three years, I slowly became a smaller version of my father. I was hateful and cruel.

"By the time I reached Hogwarts, my future was set in stone. I would be placed in Slytherin. My friends were already chosen, my name guaranteeing me a place in the hierarchy that is Slytherin House. The whole of my seven years were planned for me, before I ever set foot in this castle."

Malfoy paused for a minute, and a rare smile graced his face.

"I even knew that I would become the Seeker in my second year. It was planned that I would be the second youngest to do so, but Potter beat me to it.

"Once school began, it became increasingly difficult for my father to control every aspect of my life. He used my 'friends' as his eyes and ears. During breaks I was punished severely for anything he considered unbecoming behavior for a Malfoy. He claimed he was doing this to toughen me up.

"When we all got detention that time in our first year, he actually came to the castle to 'speak' to me about my actions."

By his tone, Hermione understood that Malfoy was punished for his detention.

"By the end of our first year, I had had enough of my punishments and became the proud Slytherin I was supposed to be. I sometimes wonder what I would be like today if I had had friends that first year, real friends that weren't under my father's control.

"Although my behavior and attitude were more like what my father expected, he was extremely disappointed in my grades. Not that they were terrible. It was just that I was not top of our class. You were. And that was unacceptable. A mere Muggle-born beating a Malfoy, you can not even imagine how disappointed he was about that."

He stopped when he saw her expression change from curiosity to pity.

"I am not telling you this for your pity. This is how it is... was in families like mine, families that had ties to the Dark Lord.

"I know that both of my parents loved me. They may never have told me that until the end, but I could tell. They could never express their love; someone might have seen it, and it could have been used against them or me. Love is a burden, and the Malfoys do not do well with burdens... of any kind.

"That summer my father redoubled his efforts in my 'training'. It was you that I focused my anger on. I blamed you for every curse, comment and beating that I endured. I hated you by the time school resumed, more than I hated anyone, even more than Potter.

"That was my father's plan after he found out about you. He wanted to be sure that I was cruel to you. He wanted to guarantee that I would not let you beat me again.

"I am not sure if he knew what that diary would or would not do, but once he found out that the Chamber was open, he told me in every letter that he hoped you would be one of Basilisk's victims. He even said if there were any way in which my friends or I could arrange this, we would be rewarded.

"I knew what you were doing. I saw you with the mirror. I did nothing to stop you," he admitted, a look of shame on his face.

"Were you rewarded," she asked.

He laughed, actually laughed. Leave it to her to ignore the fact he had willingly endangered her life.

"Yes, I was. I received a magnificent Andalusian stallion when I returned home that summer." He told her with a smile. "Maybe someday... no, never mind. Where was I? Ah, third year. By now I was beginning to live up to my father's expectations. He continued to tutor me in the Dark Arts when I was home on break. He began to teach me what I now believe to be a corrupted version of wizarding history.

"What he taught was nothing short of propaganda, probably fed to him for years by He-Who-Was-Once-A-Dark-Lord. He said that Muggle-borns where the cause of the unusually high number of squib births. That their tainted blood was going to be the downfall of our society.

"His lessons continued for the next several years. I was rewarded for being a 'proper' Malfoy and punished severely for any mistakes."

Malfoy paused and looked as if he was going to say more, but Hermione interrupted him.

"That must have been awful. Did your mother let this happen."

"Even if she had tried to stop it, it would not have changed anything. My mother had no control over my upbringing. As I was the Malfoy heir, it was expected that my father would be the main influence in my life.

"When I was young, she tried her best to instill in me a sense of right and wrong. Her family raised her much the same way I was raised, pureblood supremacy and all.

"She was more like her sister Andromeda than Bellatrix. They were very close when she was younger. When Andromeda married that Muggle, she was cut off from her by her parents and then later by my father. She would often tell me stories about her when I was small. I think she regretted not knowing her sister later in life.

"My mother was never cruel like Aunt Bella. She could see what was happening to purebloods from all of the inbreeding that was going on. She just wasn't strong enough to fight her family or their prejudices."

He had been pacing around while speaking, but stopped for a moment. He looked at Hermione and smiled.

"My mother knew of you from our first year. Though I doubt she would ever admit it out loud, she admired you for your intelligence. She could see the power in you the first time she saw you, at the World Quidditch Cup.

"I remember her telling me all the time, 'The most powerful thing in the world is knowledge. Never mind what your father or the Dark Lord or even Dumbledore say. Without knowledge of ourselves, our world and our magic, we are no better than Muggles. Blood and love can only get you so far.'

"I was never allowed to bad mouth your intelligence in front of her. I could say anything about you heritage, friends and family, but not that. Trust me; I never crossed my mother when she was truly angry.

"When you were brought to the Manor last year, my parents had already begun to doubt their allegiances to the Dark Lord. She really didn't want any harm to come to you or Potter.

"Even though it looked like she was trying to get me to say who you really were, I saw her eyes. There was something different in them."

He stopped again, lost in his thoughts. Hermione shuddered as she remembered what had happened there. It was a while before either of them said anything. Hermione broke the silence first.

"Malfoy, I highly doubt you told me all of this just to get me to help you study. What exactly do you want from me?"

"I want to disappear. I want to live somewhere where no one knows who or what I am. I don't want people staring at me with hate in their eyes. I can hardly stand to look at myself." He sat down next to her and looked directly into her eyes.

"When I finish school, I am leaving England. I will go to Europe or America. Anywhere as long as it is far from here and when I get there, I will not use magic, ever again. I am done."

Hermione stared at him, dumbstruck. She tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come. After stumbling to find her voice, she managed to speak.

"You are done with what, being a wizard? Malfoy, you cannot possibly be serious."

"I am. I don't want this life anymore. I need you to teach me to be... a Muggle."

"Well, just let me run down to the bookstore and pick up a copy of 'How

To Be a Muggle in Thirty Days,' she snorted.

"No, not thirty days, five months. I promised McGonagall I would finish school."

He was completely serious.

"So, you want me to help you learn to be a Muggle."

"Yes, I thought I made that pretty clear."

"You have lost your mind. There is no way a pompous, arrogant git like you could survive living like a Muggle. You realize that there will be no one there to wait on you. You will have to cook and clean up after yourself. It is just not possible." She was beginning to rant.

Harry and Ron would have known to head her off now, before she really got going. Unfortunately, Malfoy did not.

"I know, while I am helping you, I can house train a Chimaera to keep you company."

"Granger."

"Maybe I'll leave the Wizarding world too."

"GRANGER!"

"Then we can get a place together, and I can keep right on teaching you how to be a Muggle."

"HERMIONE."

She stopped. He had used her given name. He had to have completely lost his mind.

First he is polite, then he wants her to help and now he is calling me Hermione. Yep, he has definitely lost his mind.

"I have not lost my mind. I have actually given this a lot of thought. It is either this or I become a hermit in my house. I won't push myself on people who don't want me around."

He looked at her. She could see the defeat on his face. Upon closer inspection, she could see how tired he looked. The arrogance that usually showed through his eyes was replaced by something else. It took her a moment to recognize it. It was fear. Draco Malfoy was afraid.

Neville chose that moment to appear in the common room.

"Hermione, McGonagall is looking for the two of you. Class started ten minutes ago."

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Hermione and Malfoy made it to class in record time. After a stern lecture from the Headmistress on being prepared and on time for the first day, she gave them their course outlines and study guides.

Sitting at the last empty table, Hermione began to pull her books out of her bag. She glanced down at her course outlines and decided to begin with Ancient Runes. Malfoy sat next to her and began with the same book.

Just before lunch, Hermione began to gather up her belongings. She looked over at Malfoy and nudged him.

"Meet me in the common room in fifteen minutes, so we can finish talking."

"You're going to help me," Malfoy said, somewhat amazed.

"I might." And she left to grab a quick snack.

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A/N: Thanks to my Betas: lilywillow and sempra