*Oh, I like*Hmm, I think I like the first one best. The second one may flow better, but the energy is more raw in the first. To be completely honest (and let me just stress, I really do like the poem) there is something about the last line that bothers me a bit. There is a great dynamic until the last line and the gentle kiss thing is...*Looking for right word, but it doesn't find it*... well it takes it in another and less interesting direction. The danger/questions disappear. If you ask me...I hope you can use the above. If not, just note that I liked it a lot.

Although the second one is an improvement on the first, both of them are very sweet—they made me smile.  Good work.

I liked the first one better.

The imagery was slightly better in the first one, but only slightly better.  The rhythm of the words was stronger, more consistent, and better in the second one.Go with the second one.~Lotm

I know you didn't change a lot, but man is it better. I'd submit it if I were you. :]

i like it overall.  i think it reads fairly smoothly when done line by line, as i think you intended it to be read, instead of sort of running it together - then it seems a little less smooth, per the previous review.  the last line seemed to me to kind of lose momentum a little.  i'm not sure why.  oh, when i was rereading it, i read it as "your hands pull me into your gentle kiss," and i liked that better.  but that's totally subjective.  anyway, i say submit it - what have you got to lose?

really nice... i'd submit it if I were you.my only suggestion is to maybe make the fluency just a bit better. but i really like it!xxolivia