Save Me

A/N: Thanks again to my beta, Good_Witch!

***

You look like a perfect fit

"Save me" by Aimee Mann

He refused to speak to me the rest of the night and the following day. I stayed true to my promise to Dumbledore to be loyal to my "in-name-only-husband", but felt at the close of my discussion with Dumbledore I had gained a type of loophole. I would be loyal, but would be loyal only to what was healthy and noble. No matter how vile his behavior, I would continue to stay, but I would no longer sit silently by and watch him destroy our lives with his bitterness. I figured one of two things would happen: either he would crack under the pressure and accept me as his true wife and love me, or he was going to put me away. At this point I didn't really care which avenue he chose.

After the second day of silence, he poured us some elf-made wine and sat down in the sitting room. He began slowly.

"How did you learn Leglimency?"

"It came easily to me. My mother was eager to help me to flourish in my natural talents, so I have been working hard for many years now."

There was another awkward silence.

"It seems you have more magical abilities than I was aware," he said finally.

"I never saw myself as being special, and my tastes run along charms work. I love sewing and creating clothes, fashion...that sort of thing."

"You were to begin your N.E.W.T. levels...before..." He stopped abruptly.

"Yes, I worked on my wedding dress for the whole summer by hand...since I couldn't use magic. I was so eager to get going. Madam Malkin told me she would love for me to take an apprenticeship during my summers under her if I felt so inclined."

"Your wedding dress was very beautiful," he admitted softly.

"Thank you," I replied solemnly. "Honestly, I never thought of ever actually wearing it. It was so 'suggestive', but you only get married... once," I stopped talking slowly and sadly.

"I'm sorry I ruined it," he whispered.

We sat in the dark with the fire dying. Not once did he try to move closer to me or I to him. It was as if we were chained to our respective areas with a huge divide barring us from getting closer.

***

Later that night we lay in bed, and he whispered, "You had green thread in the design of the dress."

"Yes," I answered a little puzzled. "I wanted to wear your colors. Silver and green, I thought would be a nice touch."

"Green," he repeated. He turned over on his side and said, ", Lumos". He was holding his black wand up towards my face. He studied my face, burning his eyes into mine. "Your eyes," he started.

"Yes?" I urged.

"Your eyes are not blue, nor are they green," he assessed.

"Correct," I breathed, "but to be exact, I have golden flecks in my blue eyes which gives them a blue-green hue."

"Nox," he said deeply.

***

Months later, after Dumbledore's death, we moved back to Spinner's End, and I decided to sort out his house. I came across a drawer in Severus' desk that had been charmed shut. I easily broke though, and to my shock, I saw a torn photo of a laughing woman with red hair and brilliant, almond-shaped, green eyes. Next to it was a partial letter signed, "Lots of Love, Lily". I scrunched the photo and letter in my hand and shut the drawer. I was furious and felt angrier than I ever had been in my life. There would be no way for me to confront Severus; he was gone doing his spy work for the Order...not that the Order knew it. As far as they were concerned we were persona non-grata. I sat on our bed. Our bed! Nothing but sleeping ever had happened in this bed. It was a lie...all lies!!! I cried bitter tears and the past came roaring back. Why, oh why, did I ever agree to marry such a lying man? And why was I still allowing myself to feel hurt by him?

***

I was a "pure-blood", all tosh as far as I cared, but ever since the return of the Dark Lord, havoc was being wreaked all over the country: disappearances, mysterious deaths, etc. My parents were not in the Order, they were so terrified for me, but they worked the Underground Resistance, housing members, passing information. But when some unknown person to us betrayed my parents to Voldemort, his wrath was severe.

Death Eaters came to our home during the summer after my fifth year. I had just celebrated my 16th birthday the day before, and my parents and I were still riding high from the celebration. It was evening; we were finishing dinner and presents were still on the floor. We were eating leftover cake when the door burst open and red lights flashed everywhere. My parents screamed as Bellatrix Lestrange dragged me into my bedroom. I was locked in without my wand.

I knew they were performing the Cruciatus Curse; the screaming was so awful. At first, I tried to bang on the door and force the handle, but after a while I realized it was hopeless. I crawled into the far corner of my room and curled into a ball. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. Then it was over.

The Death Eaters came into my room, and I lifted my head slightly from the floor. I gasped as I saw the dark figure of my Potions master stride in my room. I recognized the fathers of Crabbe and Goyle amongst the other Death Eaters. A strange look came over Crabbe's eyes as he slowly made his way towards me. Snape swooped between us and said darkly, "She is a pure-blood and a student a Hogwarts. She is not responsible for her parents' treachery. She is only a girl. Let her live."

"But the Dark Lord!" began Bellatrix.

Snape interrupted her. "The Dark Lord gave orders to kill Chandler and Samantha Whitfield. Nothing about Victoria was ever said!" He turned with pity on me. "Let us take this chance to restore this pure-blood to her rightful place!"

***

I remembered being in front of Lord Voldemort, repulsed and disgusted by his appearance and demeanor. He asked me many questions with penetrating eyes. He had been very curious about exactly what had occurred at my house, especially Snape's part in saving my life.

"Severus," he crooned, as if to a pet.

"My Lord," Snape replied deeply.

Voldemort looked upon Snape as if he were assessing his worth.

"I seem to recall a conversation many years ago about a certain Mudblood you desired." Several jeers emitted from the gallery. Snape looked like stone, his face set as granite. "I hope you have overcome your previous tastes. Look at her, Severus! A pure-blood!" He bored into my mind. "A virgin as well! You could have so much pleasure in your middle age with such a young flower, unless..."

"Unless, my Lord?" Severus asked with a twinge of dread in his voice.

"Unless... you are above bedding 16-year-old girls?" He smiled sadistically.

"My Lord, Victoria is my student. She has only just taken her O.W.L.'s...How could I possibly... She is not of age!"

"Very well, Severus, I'm sure McNair or Crabbe would love to have her for company. Poor Lucius, he won't be available for a while yet. Blonde, voluptuous, such his type!"

I cringed inwardly and thought I would die right where I stood. I didn't know what to do. I felt trapped. Voldemort sensed my fear and pulled me closer to him.

"What would you prefer? Would you like to be a wealthy mistress to my Death Eaters or the wife of a very sad and depressing dark arts master?"

I looked up at an incredulous Snape, watching for any sign of direction. When none came, I was left standing there with my mouth gaping open.

Voldemort's mouth curled wide into a malevolent smile. The silence was palpable.

"The time has come, Snape, for you to forget your old affliction and prove your word to me that there truly are... purer women for the taking," Voldemort sneered. "I believe it to be imperative for you to show your loyalty in this regard to ME, your Lord and Master! After all, you have displayed such dedication to my exact commands. Therefore, since you were so gallant in protecting one of our own, I think you should be the one to care for her."

Snape grabbed my arm forcefully and bent me down with him to kiss the foot of the Dark Lord. I kissed the foot as well.

"My Lord, I am most grateful for this chance to prove myself worthy." His arm squeezed mine so hard I squeaked out in pain, "Y-yes, my L-lord, I won't let you down. I am very grateful to become the wife of such a powerful servant of yours."

Snape led me out of the throne room, and once out of the lair we Disapparated back to the edge of the Hogwarts Boundary Line. I was in total shock. I could barely move. Snape was livid with rage and fear. He shook me so hard I could barely see, and his grip on my arms was so hard I thought they would snap off. I remember he was screaming obscenities that I couldn't register. Then I fainted either from fear or pain. Or both.

***

I woke in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey was busily rushing around trying to help rouse me. She was arguing with Snape. I kept hearing, "My wife" and "my responsibility." Then, Pomfrey and McGonagall were talking at the same time back at Snape saying, "Ridiculous," "barely 16," "a student," and "you can not possibly!"

I opened my eyes, and a haze of faces hovered over me, pouring words of concern and sympathy. But all I wanted was to talk to Severus...I needed to know if my memories were true. After much prodding and discussion, mostly by Dumbledore and Severus, I found myself alone with my future husband.

We were quiet for so long. We didn't know what to say. I kept very still on my bed, trying to meet his eyes. I wanted to read his mind; I wanted to know how angry he really was with me. Snape finally jerked up his left sleeve to show a hideous black mark...the Dark Mark! I shivered at the look of it.

"Yes," he sneered, "this is what you agreed to marry! I will not be a loving husband. The day I had this branded onto my flesh, that sort of life was gone forever! There will be no children, no love; all I can give you is a respectful existence. I will never beat you or touch you in any way. I will protect you and give you my allegiance. I will never commit...adultery..." He said the word with disdain. He got up, seemingly unable to face me, and then swung around angry, his eyes glittering. "I can't love...I'm already dead. So, make your choice." And with that he swept out of the room.

After two days, I went to Dumbledore's office. I was still so weak and weary; I didn't know what to think! Dumbledore sensed my confusion and spoke tenderly to me.

"Miss Whitfield...Victoria," he began. "Severus is a difficult man. His life has had so much tragedy. Do you know how old he is?"

"No," I admitted.

"He's 36. Oh, I know that seems like old age to a 16 year old, but it really isn't."

"Yes, I understand." I choked up, unable to speak more.

"Ah, yes. Your father was 20 years older than your mother, correct?"

I nodded as the tears fell from my eyes.

"So, you see, age doesn't have to be a huge factor in a successful marriage. But, I digress. Severus, for such a young man, has endured far too many abuses in his life and unwittingly aided in the death of the only woman he ever loved."

His kind eyes became dark and serious as he leaned toward mine. "I trust this information will never leave this room."

"Of course," I murmured.

Dumbledore resumed, "Severus was a destroyed young man. He felt his life was over. At 21, that is a terrible thing to believe, that you are already dead..."

"That's what he said," I sobbed.

"He loved her so much. He still loves her, I fear. I know I'm asking for you to sacrifice so much. Severus still has the capacity for love, but I wonder, if the right woman ever came along, could he nourish that love and thus become nourished himself?"

"Why me?" I cried. "He is so...so bitter to me!"

"Lord Voldemort did the choosing, but he always had such an unfortunate habit of neglecting the true talents of people he deems as 'weak'. You see yourself as a little Hufflepuff, not much going for you, but I see you, Victoria, and your capacity for love, sacrifice, and loyalty is so strong. It runs in your veins. Could you find it in yourself to hand your allegiance to Severus and love him, even when he is at times, 'unlovable', or if he ever expresses a desire to put you away? Will you stay and love him?"

"Why is it so important? What about the murders of my parents?" I hurled at him.

"Well," he began as he rose from his desk to stand closer to where I was sitting, "there is the obvious reason that Severus is, for all intents and purposes, your savior. He saved you from a terrible fate...even death. Victoria, Severus did not kill your parents. He was there and for the Order had to keep his status as a Death Eater intact. Believe me, child; he is so very distraught over what happened to your family. But, that aside, what nobler purpose can there be in laying down one's life for a friend? And Severus Snape is your friend. I believe this because he took a great risk by not allowing the Death Eaters to kill you as well. Also, there is a personal reason that I hope you can forgive me in not divulging too much. Suffice it to say it concerns the death of the woman Severus once loved and grieves for to this very day."

"So, you want me to help him 'get over' this dead woman?" I asked impatiently.

Dumbledore's eyes were so very sad as I followed his gaze down to his deadened black hand that was resting on his leg. "My dear, Severus...very soon...is going to need a great deal of support and endurance to get through the task that has been laid before him. Love, perspective, and forgiveness are all crucial to his work. Dear child, will you be his companion, his helper? Endure with him, perhaps even cry with him? After all, you are both in the grips of deep mourning for those you love."

I felt overloaded. Yet, the answer was so simple. He had saved me and asked for nothing in return. On the other hand, Dumbledore sensed he needed comfort. I knew the art of gratitude and I was a Hufflepuff! I knew all about loyalty. So I could be loyal to the one saved me. Yes, I could do this. I would be his wife.

"Yes, Dumbledore," I said eagerly. "I will!"

Dumbledore smiled, but it was a tragic smile.