Shattered Pieces of Heart

Chapter three

The next few days were like a dream. Severus and Evelyn were both giddy with falling in love. Even the students noticed a slight softening in his manner. Every night they walked together all over the castle and the grounds, recalling memories, trading stories. Evelyn was full of questions. Why do the staircases move? Why do you live in a dungeon? How did the ghosts become ghosts? Severus answered what he could, and wondered how long his heart could be torn between joy and fear before he lost his mind. They each fell into their beds each night smiling, they slept well, and their dreams were sweet.

On Saturday they strolled, aimlessly, talking constantly. Severus was determined to see again that smile he saw that day in the library, the exact curve of her lips that he remembered from childhood, that wide-eyed innocence that nonetheless promised mayhem. He recalled she had a loose tooth before she left. His heart sank as he realized he had missed her 6 year old tooth fairy smile. And many many other things. But he did indeed evoke that priceless smile many times that day, and in fact he himself smiled so much that his face hurt, a smile seen by only three Ravenclaw third year students, that day in the early afternoon, but by that night the entire castle buzzed with rumors, some true, some not, but no one knew the whole story, not Albus, Severus, or Evelyn, and not Harry, Ron, Dean, Seamus, and Neville, who took turns with the Marauder's Map. They wanted to know the truth about Snape and Evelyn. So far they had done nothing but walk all over the castle and grounds, perfectly innocent, but the whole of idea of Snape dating someone had them all intrigued. And although they all agreed that she was a bit of a flirt, a "friendly flirt" as Neville put it, and Seamus proclaimed her saucy, "but in the nicest possible way," the fact that it was Miss Evelyn from the library had them all unable to believe it until they continually saw Snape and Evelyn walking together. Three of them were exceedingly amused, one was touched by this turn of events, and one was tormented, his heart wrenched every time he saw them together.

The picnic lunch Severus suggested on Saturday afternoon was probably the best time either of them had ever had. After some discussion, they decided that Severus would conjure up whatever they wanted, anything, but it must be bite-sized, and then he would make them both forget what he had conjured. So he did. Then they played their picnic game.

Severus closed his eyes and Evelyn looked into her bowl, chose a macadamia nut, and placed it in Severus's mouth. He opened his eyes, smiled and chewed, and then waved his hand inpatiently at her to close her eyes.

Severus chose a strawberry and fed it to Evelyn.

Then Evelyn fed Severus a piece of fried okra, giggling, knowing that he had not possibly ever had fried okra. And it was warm. Evelyn loved magic.

"What was that? We must have more of that," he proclaimed, laughing.

"I don't know. That stuff can kill ya," Evelyn warned.

The game went on. They had everything, anything they could imagine, but it wasn't until halfway through the game that Severus thought to mention that he could have shrunk anything to bite-sized.

"We'll do that next time," he promised, smiling.

After a while Evelyn chose the Hershey's kiss. She pondered for a fraction of a moment and then instead of unwrapping the kiss and feeding it to him, she kissed him.

Severus knew it was happening before it happened. Not only could he feel her thinking it and doing it in his mind, which he could not prevent at this moment, he could also hear the intake of breath as she inhaled, and then he could smell the scent of butterscotch, which was what he had given her in his last turn.

He opened his eyes at the last moment. Hers were closed. She began to kiss him. He waited 2 heartbeats and then grasped her firmly in his arms, and took over. Surely, never in all history, had any two people engaged in such a perfect kiss than Severus and Evelyn did that day. They literally ceased to think until a flapping noise announced the arrival of an owl.

Severus was not pleased about having to leave Evelyn, but he had no choice.

"It's business, darling," he announced unhappily.

"It's ok, Sev," she assured him.

He kissed her once more quickly, but he held her tightly, and then several more quick soft kisses, and they left.

Then Albus brought Severus back to his senses with a crash, that night in his office. "You have been like a son to me, Severus." he paused. "And it hurts me to have to say this to you, but you realize, my boy," Albus said gently, "that by your association, you are exposing Evelyn to danger. And everyone else." Severus, speechless, looked at him with dawning comprehension.

"I have no objection once Voldemort is gone. No objection whatsoever." Albus stressed.

"Nearly any other woman would escape his notice or interest. But my niece? It may be that he would think nothing of it, if he found out, but who knows... Severus, don't you agree that it is too much of a risk? For both of you? For all of us? And if he decides in the end to destroy you, you can be sure he will destroy her also. You have knowingly accepted that danger. She has not."

Severus looked away, but agreed.

"You must wait, Severus. Until it is safe."

Then Severus leaned over, put his face in his hands and confided to Albus, "She's the woman from my dreams."

"Are you certain?" Albus asked. Severus nodded slowly.

"And I dont want to let her go. I'll risk my life."

"But Severus? Will you risk hers?"

"No," Severus answered softly. "Not hers."

Severus raised his tear-stained face and looked at Albus in despair. "I can't let her go." His eyes begged for another answer, some chance they had overlooked.

Reluctantly, Albus said, as kindly as possible, but with quiet logic, "But Severus, in your dreams, don't you both fall into the abyss?"

Severus fled blindly from Dumbledores office. He ran across the grounds and into the forest, where many creatures heard and witnessed his screaming, kicking, and beating himself, hurling himself against the rocks and trees until he bled, and were relieved when before dawn Severus picked himself up and walked back to his dungeon. Today he would feel all of the pain. Tomorrow morning he would heal the wounds that would not be covered by clothing.

So, unable to think of what to do and what he could say, Severus avoided Evelyn. He rarely saw her, and when he did, would not look at her or speak to her. After a few days, Evelyn, being the bold and outgoing person that she was, sought him out, and found him in his office, sitting at his desk, writing.

"Severus," she said softly. His heart raced. How he loved the way she said his name. He did not take his eyes off his papers.

"Yes, Miss Dumbledore, what is it?" he snapped. He could not speak to her. To begin would be to never stop. He must not.

"Severus? What's wrong?" she asked. He didnt have to look. He could feel her emotions; they fell on him like sharp daggers.

"Nothing is wrong." His heart was breaking, and he could not tell her.

"But I haven't seen you in days," her voice shook. "Severus, look at me. What's going on?"

He glanced in her direction, but wouldn't look at her eyes. He looked at her feet instead. "I've been very busy. Let's leave it at that, shall we?" He managed a believable icyness in his voice.

"Severus?"

"Good evening, Miss Dumbledore."

She left, holding back the first of many tears destined for her immediate future. She turned at the door and looked at him. She saw him sitting there, like a rock, stone cold and still, but she was unable to see the tears that burned as they flowed down his face and onto his papers, ruining the work of hours. Severus didn't care. His entire life was ruined now, as advised by one of the people he trusted the most, and the person he loved the most no doubt hated him now. He wished to die, but logic prevailed, as always. He had a one-way ticket and he was the only one who could use it. After closing and locking his door, Severus screamed and swept everything from his desk onto the floor. Unsatisfied with that, he kicked everything from the desk that had not already been broken in the fall, and then paced, tearing his hair and destroying everything in his path. Later, exhausted, he crouched in the corner, crossed his arms across his bowed head, and wept.

Harry witnessed this scene, the guys knew something was up, and here was the proof. He watched Evelyn run to her room. He watched Snape doing something that included alot of weird pacing. He knew there were more important things to be doing, but this had captured his attention and now he couldn't quite put it down, like a mystery, he thought, although Professor Snape in the corner was a detail he could do without. He shuddered. He wondered if they should bring the girls into the secret, and it occured to him that they would probably have some answers, as usual. He decided to put the idea before the rest of the guys. It should be a group decision.