One Down

I don't own the Harry Potter universe, and I doubt anybody would pay me for my writing even if I did have the right to demand money, money that belongs to J.K. Rowling, not me.

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Like the Muggles Do

Chapter 4

One Down

~~~~

Hermione smiled at him, which could not possibly be a good sign. She turned back to the man next to her and mumbled something else to him. The man nodded and walked away, and Hermione returned to their table.

Severus wanted very much to know exactly what she had discussed with the young man behind the bar. But when the man came to their table, carrying two large glasses that he promptly set in front of the dining pair, Severus knew just what she had done. She had ordered for them both. He thought of arguing with her over his right to choose his own food, but decided that this way, if he hated the food he could blame it on her, and not any poor judgment on his part. She picked up her glass and motioned for him to do the same.

"This, Severus, is a pint."

"A pint?"

"Yes."

"Of what?"

"Beer."

He put his drink back onto the table with ardent disdain. When he spoke, he said the words as though they were an assault on his tastes by just saying them. "I will not drink butterbeer. It is a sickly treat for children happily visiting Hogsmeade. I did not like it as a third year, I definitely will not enjoy it now."

"Not butterbeer, Severus. Beer. It's an alcoholic drink."

"I have, unfortunately, seen its effects on house-elves. I can state for a fact that any alcoholic substance in it could not be considered..."

"Just try it, Severus. It's nothing like butterbeer. It's just beer. I... I can't describe it to you. Just take a sip."

Severus lifted the glass to his thin lips and, watching her over the rim with those dark piercing eyes, took a drink. The focus that he had established on her quickly left him, as his entire mind-set was switched from loathing of the know-it-all in front of him to figuring out what he had just swallowed.

It was Hermione's laugh that brought him back from his internal analysis of the amber liquid. "I told you it was nothing like butterbeer. And if you drink a lot of it, you can get quite intoxicated and do some stupid things. Most Muggle men do. So do you like it?"

"I-" he stopped his answer as he realized he wasn't sure.

His first instinct had been to tell her that he hated it and to insult her preference of beverages, but the taste lingered in his mouth and he found himself wanting another sip. He raised it to his mouth again, this time taking a larger drink. If he said he hated it, he would have to stop drinking it. And he still wasn't quite sure if he wanted to drink more of it or not. Adding to that the fact that he was still planning an assault to retaliate after her scolding of him in the department store, he decided to store his more barbed retaliations and agree to imbibe this questionable 'beer' of hers.

"I have not yet formed an opinion. But I do not openly hate it."

Her grin of satisfaction made him instantly regret conceding even that point.

==

"So what is it, exactly, that you ordered for us?" He took another sip of his beer, and before she had a chance to answer he continued, "Without consulting me."

She swallowed the bite in her mouth before attempting to respond. She looked chastised enough, though, so he shifted his glare from the woman sitting across from him to the plate from which she was eating.

"It appears to me that our first course is fried circles soaking in grease."

"Well, yeah. Pretty much. These," she waved toward the plate set in the middle of their table and picked up another hoop, "are onion rings."

Severus gave her a doubtful look. "I know, Hermione, what an onion looks like. And those are not onions."

He looked at the plate between them. It had several crispy looking bands piled on top of each other. In the middle of the large pile was an empty place that Hermione had burrowed herself, and then she had squirted a strange blood red substance into it. He sniffed at the plate and felt his stomach growl. They looked and smelled suspect but...at the same time, the scent coming from the platter before him made him quite hungry.

Hermione smiled at him as she picked up another ring. "Honestly, Severus. Try them." She took a bite, leaving a semi-circle which she then showed him. "See? That's an onion in there. It's just battered and then fried. It tastes good." As if to prove her point, she dipped the rest of her onion ring into the red sauce on the plate. "And this is Muggle ketchup. Tomatoes and sugar, basically."

She popped the remainder into her mouth and smiled a closed-lipped smile at him, gesturing at the plate. He winced, slightly, as he picked up the greasy, prickly food, and took a bite.

Damn her, it was palatable, almost good.

"We have not eaten all day. And dealing with dunderheads and clothing is enough to make anyone hungry. Even for," he sneered and gestured to the food on the table, "this."

==

"So, next time we have pub food-"

"We will not be dining at any other establishments like this one."

"Oh, right. Of course, no more pubs." She paused for a moment, as if to pretend she believed what she had said. "So. Next time we have pub food I want you to try nachos. Pork scratchings are delicious, if you're brave enough to try them. And I think you might enjoy a tuna melt."

She paused again and his paranoid mind assured him that she was only pretending she was finished speaking in an attempt to lure him into a false sense of security. Her next words confirmed his suspicions.

"And a BLT. Oh, you have to try one of those. You see, what they do-"

"I simply cannot digest properly with you talking so much. I must demand that you be quiet this instant."

"Wow. That was... almost polite." With his glare, she bit back her next teasing remark and turned her attention to the little amount of remaining food. She picked absently at the dish before her.

She popped a lone chip into her mouth and looked at the man across from her. He appeared to be studying the plates. She wasn't sure exactly how much they had drunk, but she was quite sure that for every one pint that she drank, the man had downed two. And she was feeling a tad light-headed herself.

She had ordered two of her favorite pub dishes, ones that weren't common at Hogwarts. Fish and chips was such a staple in the Muggle world that she couldn't understand how she'd never come across any wizarding versions, nor had she seen anyone eating chili con carne.

She had expected that Severus and she would each eat half of both dishes, the greasy balancing the spicy, but she had ended up eating mostly the fish and chips. Severus had, with much less trepidation than the onion rings had brought on, agreed to try the food the waiter had brought them. After a few comments about cleaning charms and presentation, Severus had taken to the spicy dish and quite enjoyed it.

Hermione assumed that he was contemplating his chili and his sample of fish and chips as she gave their server the credit card Albus had included in their provisions. The usually glaring eyes had become slightly glassy, and he had not made a truly cutting remark for several minutes, now. He did look up when the waiter brought back her card and asked her to sign a slip of paper. His questioning look did not go unnoticed and as soon as the man could not overhear her, she tried to explain the card to the slightly inebriated wizard.

"They just swipe it through a machine, and later a company will ask us to give them money along with a little extra in interest and..." she trailed off. He was looking at her blankly and she had lost track of where she was trying to go anyway. "It's like magic."

He looked doubtful but did not argue with her. Definitely sloshed she thought, having rarely experienced a calmly accepting Severus Snape.

==

When Hermione stood and pulled her coat from the back of her chair, he rose and helped her into it before putting on his own long black trench coat. They walked out the door and Hermione realized that between a very full stomach, a bit of beer, a long time away from the city, and a brand new address... she had no idea how to get home. She threw her left arm into the air and called out, "Taxi!"

"Don't those cost money?" Severus asked her, looking highly displeased.

"We can afford it."

"Nonsense. Whether we can afford it or not is not the issue. I see no point in wasting money when my feet and legs are in perfect working condition."

"Oh yeah, smart guy? What direction is our flat in?" She had brought her hands to her hips and was tapping one foot on the pavement. She had raised an eyebrow and slightly pursed her lips, waiting for his answer.

He looked around them once... twice... three times before turning back to her with a look of anger. Alas, he would not concede defeat so easily.

"I admit that I am not quite sure where we live in relation to this questionable establishment. But shouldn't you know? You are the Muggle expert, are you not? You know everything, surely you aren't lost."

Every word dripped with sarcasm and she found herself a little hurt. She had never liked it when he called her a know-it-all and she could see the insult forming on his lips. She chose, probably unwisely, to launch a counter-attack before he even got a chance; if he was going to call her a bossy know-it-all, she would act the bossy know-it-all.

"If it weren't for me you would have been reduced to a dribbling wizard idiot by now. It's only been one day of this game and already I have proven to be essential. You, however, are in no position to argue. You could not live like a Muggle without me."

"I'm afraid you think far too highly of yourself, you foolish gir- woman."

"Oh, look at you! Pissed on Muggle beer. I have ordered your food, helped you find acceptable clothes, toured you around the city.... Without me," she sneered, "you'd still be standing outside the front door trying to work the dead-bolts."

"Correction: You have spent the day scolding me as if I were a child and not a grown, competent man. You have bossed me around as if I were those two idiot friends of yours rather than your superior. You have picked out clothing and food for me despite the fact that I can manage myself just fine, have for several years now. You have been completely intolerable, and a bossy know-it-all. I will not tolerate your behavior a moment longer."

She glared at him, refusing to even consider changing her actions or attitudes in the least.

He caught her intention, or lack thereof, and gave a small insincere sigh, continuing, "Then I believe that now is the time that I tell you how childish and stubborn you are being. It seems slightly redundant, I'm quite sure I've told you just what I think of your methods before. I will not repeat myself and explain to you why your actions today, and right now, are strictly inappropriate. You have always claimed to be an intelligent witch. I'm sure that you will be able to come to your own conclusions. I'm sure that you can find your way home on your own as well, I know I can."

He spun on his heel and started walking in the direction opposite her. She had to admit, when he just got going, the turn changing to a stride, his long black coat had swirled around him quite nicely. It did not billow as he walked away, but for a Muggle, the effect was quite impressive. Perhaps not all of his intimidation tactics were false. The man truly was a great bully. But he was good at what he did. For a moment she had agreed with him completely and felt very bad about all of her actions.

Sense came to her quickly and she realized that his tactic had worked and stifled a groan. The great terrorizing bastard, she suppressed a grin, He's good.

She would let him win this round, if not just because she was slightly drunk and standing alone in the middle of London. It would be best to allow him this victory, to keep the game even and assuage his stubborn ego. She ran after him and grabbed his elbow as she reached him.

"Severus, I'm sorry. You're right. My actions today were inexcusable and the accusations I made just now were terrible. I, like you, just want to win this game. I know that I can't do it without you. Forgive my thoughtlessness."

He regarded her with a skeptical look, but finally gave her a slight nod of his head. She knew that was as close to a "you are forgiven" as she would get. He began walking again, this time at a pace slightly slower than before. She could just barely keep up with him at this speed with her shorter legs, but it was better than when he was in full Bat-mode, which usually meant she had to keep at a steady jogging pace to stay at his heels.

She stopped him again. "But I'm pretty sure the flat isn't this way." She saw his indignation return, about to respond haughtily at her implication, once again, that he was lost. "Look, here comes a cab. Can we please just catch it? I really don't know where we are and I'm somewhat frightened of walking around Muggle London at night. Besides, I am tired and don't think I could stand walking much now."

His look of superiority at her obvious weakness as compared to his infallible persona was exactly the response she had been going for. Slytherin or not, he was still Severus Snape, Potions master of Hogwarts, and he still loved hearing that he was better than other people.

"Very well," he conceded.

But she could see the small relaxation in his tense shoulders when he opened the door for her, glad that he would not have to admit to being lost or being wrong, nor walk about in the cold.

==

"Oh, turn it up. I love this song."

Severus looked at her like she had just sprouted another head, but the cabdriver didn't even bat an eye as he leaned forward to twist the knob. She had recognized the song right away; really those opening bars were unmistakable. A smile crossed her lips as she internally debated telling the dark man next to her about her little wish. She experienced a slight head rush, from the combination of beer in her system and a sharp turn the taxi had just taken, and she took a moment to listen to Sting's voice before turning back to her companion with her confession.

"I always wished, when I was younger... well, even now I guess... I always wished that someone would think this about me. It always seemed like such a nice sentiment, I've always wanted to be the kind of woman that could inspire that."

"Well, you are."

"Huh?"

"Everything you do..." his eyes locked onto those watching him from the rear-view mirror. Their driver was doing nothing to hide the fact that he was listening to their conversation. His next words were spoken to the nosy man.

"Could you turn it up a bit more... more... just a tad more?" he was shouting to be heard by the eavesdropper in the front of the car, and only then did he nod slightly, indicating that the volume had reached his desired level. He leaned in closer to Hermione and said, just loudly enough for only her to hear, "Everything you do is magic, woman. You are a witch. And a very powerful one at that."

"Yes but not everything I do-"

"Yes, every little thing. Even in these silly games where we pretend to be Muggles, there is still a strong magic coursing through you. Everything you do and everything you are is magic, which is something many purebloods cannot even claim."

She stared at him, surprised, for a moment, letting his words hit her fully. She chose to take the easiest route she could think of in response to what he had just said to her.

"Why, Severus, if I didn't know better, I'd think you had just complimented me."

"I am not incapable of praise, Hermione. I am simply discriminative about whom I praise. And before you say anything, you know I have not unduly praised any son-of-a-death-eater in a long time, my compliments are much more sparse now that I have the freedom to choose the recipients. I will only praise someone or something when I think it worthy."

"And you think I'm worthy? I'm flattered."

"Don't be. If I have never praised you before, it means I have never thought your actions, ideas, or powers to be worthy of the honor." He smirked at her, knowing that it raised her ire when she thought of her many years in his class, aching for the tiniest bit of acknowledgement. "Besides, I really didn't like you much when you were a student."

"Really, Severus. That means a lot to me." He graced her with a small smile and she allowed herself to grin shyly back at him until she realized the true reason for the smirk on his face. "It means a lot to me that you think me a worthy witch, not that you didn't like me in school."

His smile faltered a bit, as he contemplated allowing what was originally a mocking smile to turn into a sincere one.

The song ended and Severus called to the cabdriver to turn the radio back down, bringing Hermione back to the original topic.

"Anyway, I want the whole song to be about me. Did you not listen to the rest? The next line was 'Everything she do just turns me on.'"

"Oh. Well you definitely do not inspire such sentiments from me."

"Yes, I know."

"Lots of things that you do most definitely do not turn me on."

"I'm aware, Severus."

"When you eat rice pudding, your mouth makes a slurping noise that turns my stomach."

"Well, I'm-"

"And the odd look on your face after you cast Lumos certainly does not turn me on."

"Yes, Severus I-"

"There are many things about you that do not turn me on."

She tried to interject again, but he simply kept speaking as though she hadn't said a word, a trick he had learned from the headmaster.

"Do not forget that I have seen you in the morning, with your hair knotty and your teeth unbrushed... surely not a turn-on. The week you spent terribly sick last fall, with your nose all runny and you coughing and sneezing all over the place, needless to say I was not turned on. And any time you're within five meters of Potter and Weasley... well, the three of you have kept my libido in check for years."

She was giving him a strong look now, still opening her mouth to try to interrupt him. But he went on.

"Your bit with the house-elves was definitely not attractive. And I don't think I need to mention the weeks you spent as half-cat. I am surely not turned on when I see you attempting to maneuver a broom. And I will never be turned on by the sight of you retching into a toilet like a drunken teenager."

"Are you quite finished yet, Severus?"

"Well, I could go on," she gave him an exasperated and angry glower before he continued, "but I think that I have properly established that 'everything you do' does not 'turn me on.'"

"Yes, you have made your point quite clearly." She looked from his face, out the window, and then leaned forward to speak to the cabbie. "That's our flat just two blocks down there, with the strange looking plants in front of it." She turned back to Severus, and the second he had her attention again he began speaking.

"Oh, I mustn't forget. Calling me a spoilt child, in public, loudly, laughing hysterically in the middle of a shoe section without explaining why, eating those onion loop things... most everything you did today can be easily classified as not turning me on."

"Oi, professor." The cabdriver barked, as he pulled to a stop in front of their new flat. "Don' yeh think yer bein' a bit 'arsh on the lady? She don' seem tha' bad. 'Ave a bit o' class."

Before Severus could tell, or maybe show, the man where he could put his 'class', the cabdriver had turned his attention to Hermione.

"I'm sure yeh do sometin' to turn 'em on. You keep yer chin up, miss, don' let 'im bring ya down."

Hermione's small smile of appreciation appeared to be response enough for the man, and he accepted the bills she gave him with a "Thank yeh."

As he pulled away from the pavement, he called out the window, "Good luck to yeh wit tha' one, mate."

The thought did not cross either Hermione or Severus' mind that the cabdriver had not specified who he was speaking to.

==

"Wake up."

Hermione gave up her fight and released her hold on slumber. She had just been reaching a particularly nice part of her dream. As she bitterly climbed back into consciousness, she could already feel the lovely visions fading away from memory. She slowly opened her eyes, not yet ready to focus on her surroundings. There was sunlight hitting her face, and she was only able to make out a few blurry images. With a contented sigh she let her eyelids droop back to closed; she was still in her dream world.

"Granger. Wake up!"

Hermione sat straight up and her eyes snapped open, quickly adjusting to the light and the shock of wakefulness. Severus Snape stood over her bed, scowling at her, likely preparing to try to wake her again.

She reflexively yelped and pulled the covers up to her chin. He looked a bit startled by her reaction and she had to wait for an awareness of both her surroundings and her situation before she relaxed. She let the covers drop back down, revealing a highly un-revealing set of pajamas – a tank top and a pair of light flannel pants. It had been an impulse to pull the covers up, as though her clothing needed to be hidden from Severus' eyes.

She looked at Severus, who had lost the somewhat hesitant expression in response to her reaction and now looked extremely annoyed. The way he eyed her was such that she felt that she had somehow imposed on him, rather than being the one to be awaken from a peaceful sleep and a dream about... well damn, she had already lost the details, and could now only remember that it had been pleasant. This man had just plunged her back into reality and he was standing there glaring at her as if she had done something wrong?

"What are you doing in here?"

That had meant to be cutting and mature, but had come out more like a petulant child arguing with an older brother. She took a breath and tried to proceed in a suitable manner. "Severus, do you have a reason for waking me?"

There, that had sounded much better. She felt herself waking up more as she waited for his answer. She swung her legs over the side of her bed and gave him her best 'you'd better have a good reason for waking me up, you great bastard look.

She should have known that her half-hearted quasi-awake glare would have no effect on the man that had once faced a trapped and enraged Lucius Malfoy.

"It is time to wake up, Granger. Make yourself presentable and get into the living room." With that he exited her room. She had the chance to take in his attire as he walked away; loose, black (of course) cotton pajama pants and a plain black t-shirt. She had rarely seen him dressed in something without long sleeves, and she marveled at the informal short-sleeved shirt. From just below one sleeve she could see a long scar snaking out and wrapping almost completely around his left arm, just above the elbow. She ached to ask him where it had come from. He did, after all, know what and where her nastiest scar was, as he was partly responsible for how she had survived to have said scar.

She groaned a bit as she hefted herself out of bed, still unhappy about being awake in the first place, and padded across the room on a mission to find her toothbrush.

==

Teeth brushed, clothes changed, and mood slightly brightened, Hermione walked into the living room expecting to find Severus in a similar state. Well, with his teeth brushed and clothes changed at least, she did not expect a better mood than she had already witnessed.

He sat, still in his pajamas, in the dark chair by the bookcases. He was quietly scribbling in a notebook of some sort, but looked up as she entered. His disposition had not brightened, it actually seemed to have gotten even worse.

"It is morning. I am awake. There is no food and no coffee."

"Well, because we took so much time shopping for clothing yesterday, we didn't have a chance to go grocery shopping. Would you like to go out somewhere?"

"Most assuredly not, Granger."

She felt frustration bubble towards her surface. She did not like having to deal with people without food or coffee in her system, but being in such a state while dealing with Severus Snape promised to be quite testing.

"Well then what would you like? For me to wave my magic wand and get you a meal? Or would you like me to pop down to the corner café and pick you up some breakfast and coffee?"

"Waving your magic wand would do nothing but send us back to Hogwarts, where my meals are cooked and ready for me when I wake. You may, however, go get us something."

"I was being facetious. I am not going to go get you breakfast. What next? Will you expect me to be up with the sun every morning to cook you a gourmet meal? I suspect that is what you expect of women, we should be in the kitchen or cleaning the house or otherwise at your beck and call..."

"Do not be foolish, Granger. That is what house elves are for."

"I am NOT-"

"Just go get it," he snapped, stopping her mid-tirade. "I am not a sociable man, nor am I a morning person. I am, however, a creature of habit. I do not... function... well without a cup of coffee."

She thought back to the two years that she had been sitting next to this man every morning at the Head Table. He was always in the Great Hall before her, holding a steaming mug of coffee. She had only once or twice seen him on the way to breakfast. She tried to remember those times and all that came to mind were serious losses of house points from any student in his way. She studied the man sitting in front of her; he looked dangerous.

"Fine. I will go get us breakfast. This time. But you will..." she didn't yet know how she wanted to finish her demand and she stopped speaking so she could devote her attention to figuring out how she would make him pay for her morning of discomfort.

"What? What will I do?" he questioned – in such a way that she knew he would not take any demand graciously – and his tone and demeanor dared her to challenge him. The thought crossed her mind that if she said the wrong thing, he might simply decide against morning coffee and instead break her neck and drink her blood.

"I don't know. I am too tired and too hungry to think on it. And I need coffee to function as well, especially if I'll be trying to get along with you."

"Then go."

"You are such a-" the door slammed behind her before he was able to hear the rest of her pronouncement.

==

Hermione leaned her head back and took in a deep breath. She had been back home for fifteen minutes now and neither had said much more than a few words. He sat across the comfortable table from her, serenely drinking his coffee.

He had not reacted well at the first sip of his Muggle beverage. He had calmed considerably, though, when she took the cup from his hand and handed him the other drink she had carried in. She took her coffee black, with two sugars, he did not. The second cup that he drank from contained coffee with a bit of cream and no sugar, and since then he had been drinking it silently and contentedly.

She finished the last of her doughnut as a knock sounded at the door. Knowing that Severus would not be a very welcoming host until his cup was drained, she rose to answer it.

==

"And who saw fit to disturb us at this hour?"

"It was the post."

"Not possible. Owls cannot knock."

==

Hermione opened the large Muggle envelope and pulled out a sheet of white paper. On it was a typed note with a handwritten post-script.

Harry, Draco, Ron, Molly, Remus, Luna, Fred, George, Neville, Arthur, Severus, Hermione, Tonks, and Ginny --

Hermione chuckled a bit at the Headmaster's careless attitude towards his many accomplishments and read the post-script.

SS&HG --

Hermione handed the sheet of paper to Severus and reached back into the envelope. She pulled out another, slightly smaller manila envelope and a few sheets of paper.

"This must be the research he did for us." She noted to Severus as he finished reading Albus' letter. She handed him the group of papers and he studied them while she opened the other package. The first pages were a list of restaurants, shops, and some other locations in their vicinity, along with a brief description of each. The next two papers were maps; one of the surrounding area, and another just like it but covered with little stars with numbers in them. The page after that was another list, shorter than the first, that was numbered down the side with the names of, he assumed, the coordinates marked on the second map.

Hermione handed him another letter, which had likely come from the second package. She dug through the second envelope while he read the note, this time handwritten on parchment.

American, Japanese, and Kenyan Foreign Exchange Offices.

~

"I was almost sure the Curse-Breaking Department had been betting on us."

"No, it's only sensible that they'd be behind Molly and Ron. They definitely have faith in the Weasley genes. How could they not with Bill being one of their best?" There was a short pause while Hermione counted the bills she had pulled from the second envelope, and then Severus spoke again.

"I am a bit surprised that the Japanese office is behind us."

"Yes, I thought they favored Tonks and Ginny." She counted the money in her hands again. "They've sent us fifty pounds."

"Is that a lot?"

"It's about ten Galleons. We can definitely have a nice Muggle dinner on that."

He arched an eyebrow at her use of the word 'nice'.

"Meaning somewhere that's not a pub."

==

"Well, I am off to do a bit of shopping for myself. Don't look at me that way, I don't enjoy it any more than you did, but it has to be done. You will be okay without me?"

"I am sure I will manage. I will take a shower and look over our bookcases."

"Do you need me to show you how to work the shower? It's different than in the magical world. You have to-"

"I have used a Muggle shower before. I do not need you to teach me how to read, either. When you return we will look at the office that Albus seems so proud of."

"Are you sure you can resist exploring it without me?"

"The bookshelves will keep me satisfied for the time being. As I am not a Gryffindor, I have patience."

"Since when?"

Before he could answer the rhetorical question she was out the door.

==

~~~~~

Author's Notes whew.

Because if I'm going to admit to being an author, I'll damn well insist that I've no idea what I'm doing, and admit that I'm scared as hell.