Silence Screaming

When my shift began, things went smoothly for a while. One of us would check the tickets, and the other would sweep the floors as the shows were starting. When the shows were letting out, one of us would pick up left over cups and bags, and the other would take the broom and sweep up the popcorn and candy wrappers. We had an unspoken agreement not to speak. It wasn't a comfortable silence by any means, but I was able to get my work done and was pleased that nothing terrible had happened.

We had been alternating who swept and who picked up when we got really busy and had to rush as a few different movies all ended within a few minutes of each other. The turn-around times between the showings were not very long on a Friday night like this one. We reached the third auditorium, and as we both reached for the broom, our hands touched briefly. After a sharp intake of breath, I pulled my hand back just as he did the same. Our eyes met for a moment, but he reached for the broom again and started sweeping before I could look for any meaning in his eyes.

That touch and that look were just enough to make me blurt out, "Dan, this is just messed up. We need to talk."

He looked up, surprised by my deviating from our silence routine, and murmured, "You talked plenty the other day."

"Just listen to me for a sec, okay? I know I flew off the handle, but your friend Zach is just so . . . irritating! Every time I see him, he does his best to humiliate me. I don't know why he insists on doing so, but he is obviously just a big jerk."

Daniel didn't say anything for a minute, then said, "Zach has been my best friend since middle school, and sometimes he doesn't think about what he's doing. He likes his games—likes having fun."

"Some fun!" I retorted.

"So, it's all Zach's fault?" Daniel asked me then.

"Well, no . . . um," I stammered.

"So, is it true?" he asked me next.

It took me a moment to realize what he was asking me. Zacharias had said I was jealous and wanted Daniel to like me instead of Karina. I couldn't believe Daniel was blatantly asking me if that was true! He probably hoped I really was jealous . . . just another *Dan the Man Fan!*

I sighed and decided to lie. "No, it isn't."

When I said this, I thought I saw his face grow softer and something like relief settle there. That was strange. I thought he'd be disappointed. Maybe he was actually worried that I liked him when he didn't want me at all, and so he was relieved to hear that I felt otherwise so that he wouldn't have to break the bad news to me!

"Why did you say it then?" he asked as we neared the last row.

That didn’t make sense. Now I was really confused about what he was asking. I said, "Wait, what do you mean?"

"You tore me down and called me arrogant and and all that. Now you say you didn't mean any of it. So, why say it?”

"Oh! Whoops! I thought you were asking if what Zach said was true—that I was jealous."

Daniel stood up straighter, no longer bending over to sweep. He brushed a lock of hair back, which had fallen over his eyes and stared at me. "Okay, so you're not jealous, and you were just mad at Zach for riling you up. Why did you take it out on me? Why did you say those things? Were they true?"

This time I could not mistake the question. It was very clear. The problem was that I had spoken my true feelings. He had played with me, teased me I thought, and from what I noticed—was always the center of attention; and if he didn't enjoy every moment of it, he showed no sign of it! Seeing Karina hugging on him had set me over the edge, but it had confirmed for me that all those things I said were true, even while I still inwardly hoped that they were not.

I frowned at Daniel and didn't answer immediately. He saw it in my face though, and his eyes narrowed as he took a step back.

"I'm sorry," I finally said. Even though we were both upset, I could feel the energy between us crackling. It felt so good to be near him but so horrible that we were fighting. I wished I could hug him and hold him . . . but he was angry with me now. And I was angry with him for choosing to go out with Karina. These feelings between us were so wrong and so unwanted that I felt shaken to the core.

"Theater nine should be out now," he said, no longer looking at me. He turned and walked back up the auditorium.

As I watched him walk away, I felt the tears rising again and wanted to call to him, wanted to fix this mess. Yet, he was right; we had to keep working. I didn't even know what I could say or do to fix anything, anyway. In fact, I felt like I had only managed to make things worse.

The rest of the night passed with the same silence as it had begun with. Only this time, it was an extremely uncomfortable and tense silence. When the end of the shift came, I hurried outside, but Daniel was following right behind me.

Most unexpectedly he caught up to me and walked alongside me into the parking lot. Looking ahead, he said, "This is my last weekend here at work, you know."

Surprised and disappointed, I said, "Really? Why?"

Daniel replied, "I gave my notice back before school started. I won't have enough time with homework, the upcoming school play, and my football games and practices."

"Oh," is all I said.

"So, I guess we won't be seeing as much of each other," he said in a tone that made it sound almost like a question.

"Guess not," I said. Then I added, "Well, except in class, and you will definitely be seeing me in the school play!" I grinned at him almost in the same flirty way I had so often used with him. Though this time I wasn't so happy on the inside. He gave me a small smile.

We had reached my car, and I pulled out my keys to unlock it. "Well, see you around," I said.

As I opened the car door, Daniel called, "Janey?"

Daniel saying my name took my breath away yet again. I looked back at him, and he looked hesitant. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about in that message you sent me?"

"Oh that . . . it was . . . nothing. It was nothing. I thought you could answer something for me, but it has already been answered." I said it dismissively, but in my head I was screaming, 'It was answered when you kissed Karina!' I didn't want to let him know how I felt anymore. Since he had no interest in me, it was better to pretend that I had none for him either.

"Oh, uh, right," he said, "see you then." He walked on over to his own car.

That night when I went home I curled up with my pillow and finally cried. All those intense emotions Daniel had made me feel were swirling like crazy inside me, and the knowledge that we weren't going to have something more between us had hurt me a lot. Finally I wiped the last tears away and decided I was just going to have to get over Daniel. I would concentrate on my school work, on acting, on my new friends. Surely I would be able to forget about him soon enough. Surely I would forget that charming smile, those piercing eyes, that rugged sexiness portayed by his hair and his poise—and his sweet, fun personality . . . Oh my God! I am never going to get over him! I realized, burying my face in my pillow. I have to try! was the last thing I thought to myself as I started to drift off to sleep, a picture of him in my mind of that day when he smiled at me so sweetly in History . . . and I knew nothing else until morning.