Tears

A/N: I'd like to thank RobisonRocket. She is an amazing beta!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters...

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Hermione did not understand why she had broken down in front of her former professor or why she had allowed him to bring her back to his personal quarters without a struggle. It mattered not at the moment though. She was clutching Severus Snape’s hand, and he had not pushed her away yet. The truth be told, Hermione felt a sense of comfort in his presence, and she had no desire to be deprived of it anytime soon.

Hermione gave a tentative smile up to Snape, and to her surprise, the corners of his mouth turned up.

“Are you feeling better, Hermione?” the professor inquired, not unkindly.

“A smidge, Professor.”

“Well, Hermione, if I am to call you by your first name, I insist that you address me as Severus.”

“Hermione,” he paused and cleared his throat, “I would like to know what happened to your arm.” Hermione’s gaze dropped. She removed her hand from his and didn’t answer.

“Hermione,” his voice was softer, “tell me what happened.” He assumed the cuts were self-inflicted, but he hoped he was wrong.

Hermione muttered something inaudible.

“Who did this to you?” Severus demanded.

Hermione sighed. “I did.”

“May I inquire as to why?” he questioned. Tears came to her eyes as Severus’ disappointed voice reached her ears.

“The pain,” she mumbled, her tears starting to fall, “I can’t bear it.”

“Excuse me for pointing out the obvious, Hermione. You are inflicting this pain upon yourself. If it hurts so much, why do you continue?”

Hermione glared at him, her eyes shining with tears. Sobbing, she fell on the floor in a heap.

Once her tears had stopped flowing, Hermione muttered, “I need to use the loo.” Nodding, Severus led her to the bathroom.

Entering, Hermione locked the door and cast a Silencing Charm on the mahogany door. Looking around, a small smile threatened to pull at her lips. ‘Typical Severus,’ she thought.

The room was made of black marble, which reflected a faint image of herself. The clawed tub was silver, as well as the toilet, sink, and cupboards. The towels were made of forest green terry cloth.

Moving quickly, she reached into her robes and pulled out a silver blade. A grim smile formed on her lips as she lifted it to her arm. She pressed down and dragged it across her translucent skin. The skin parted like butter, and her red blood trickled out of her arm, dripping onto the marble. Hermione moved to the sink and, wincing, placed her arm under the running water. After rinsing the razor off and placing it back in her robes, she Evanesco’d the blood on the floor and opened the door.

Severus was still standing where she had left him five minutes ago. “Are you ready to answer my question now?” he asked once they returned to the living room.

Sitting in a chair facing away from Severus, Hermione began. “Not what I inflict upon myself, but what the world inflicts upon me. My parents died before the war when Death Eaters raided our house. So many have died since: Lavender, Parvati, Dumbledore, Cho, Fred, George… Bill. They all meant so much to me, and they just disappeared, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I know that others have lost loved ones as well, and I’m not so weak to think I couldn’t handle their losses. But after the war, after all that tragedy, after what he did to me...” Hermione paused, and Severus urged quietly, “Go on.”

“Lucius Malfoy had escaped from the Ministry. I was walking to my flat from Grimmauld Place when he found me.”

Severus’ heartbeat quickened.

“I had been drinking and wanted the night air to bring me back to my senses, otherwise I would have Apparated. The bastard saw me and before I saw him, he had my wand.”

Severus closed his eyes, not wanting to hear the rest, but knowing he had to.

“He caught me from behind, and the harder I struggled,” Hermione’s voice broke, and Severus wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. Instead, he held his head in his hands, listening.

“He raped me and then left me there to die. I somehow made it back to my flat. I was going to kill myself. Then I thought of what Bill would say if he were still alive. He’d tell me that I still had friends. If I took myself from them, Malfoy would win. So I didn’t. Things haven’t improved. Harry has drifted away over the years, Ron is trying to turn into Bill to be closer to me, but I’ve only pushed him away.”

Severus could hear her slump down in her chair, and he moved into her view.

“You need to rest. You can sleep in my bed.” Hermione’s eyes flew open. “I can rest out here,” Severus amended. She nodded wearily. Sighing, he picked up her small form and carried her to his bedroom. She was asleep before he lay her down.

Transforming her robes into a suitable nightgown, Severus looked more closely at her now bare arms. Some of the scars looked quite old, and some were new – too new. Leaning closer, Severus saw an open cut on her arm. Mentally cursing himself for letting her leave his sight, he placed her wand on the table next to the bed and flicked off the lights.