Answers to the Tough Questions

Disclaimer: I play with them as I like, but alas, they are not mine. Neither these characters nor this world in general belongs to me, or anyone not named J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: A great big bout of appreciation goes to my beta, VelvetMouse.

Hermione slowly closed her eyes, allowing a single tear to escape. She didn't honestly want to recount what had happened, but now she cried out of shame for the way she had handled her life. She had run from the Wizarding world like a coward.

"I... Glamoured Tonks to look like me..." There it was. The truth. She couldn't say she believed the truth would set her free this time.

She shed more tears, allowing them to fall faster, as she relived those hours. She was lost in her own thoughts for several minutes, before she noticed Severus' confused look.

"No," was all he said; all he could say. He had seen the body himself. There was no Glamour that had been cast. No Transfiguration, and definitely no Polyjuice Potion. It was a dead, mangled body; burnt (scorched, really), and battered.

He shook his head slowly, trying to clear some old cobwebs. This whole bizarre day wasn't making any sense to him.

Then a single thought struck a chord deep within him. Nymphadora Tonks was a Metamorphmagus. It was actually plausible that a simple Glamour would have a permanent effect on her. He remembered, too, that Tonks was still missing.

She saw the spark in his eyes that told her he now believed; he now understood.

"But, that doesn't explain why. Or how. How you could hurt so many people that believed, that still believe, you are dead? Not to mention the fact that Lupin still holds out hope that Tonks is out there somewhere, alive," he said. He was teetering between confused, incredulous, and extremely angry, all at once. He was no longer relieved to see her alive. Things were simpler before he knew. He now saw a monster before him, not the Hermione he had known and loved.

She flinched harder now than she had when a wand was pointed between her eyes, and she let the tears flow freely. She had kept herself from thinking about any of the Order members for so long. To hear that Remus still held out hope, after all this time, was devastating.

Hermione had detached herself from everyone that night and never let herself think of them as people again, not until now. Now the floodgates came crashing down, and she knew them again. She saw Tonks' sheepish smile as she tripped, Remus' tired eyes, and Harry and Ron's goofy grins.

Severus just watched her sit there. He sensed her inner turmoil, but let her simmer on her own. When he could take it no more, his eyes barely visible slits, he asked, "What made you do this?"

She thought hard this time, about things she hadn't thought about, hadn't let herself think about, in years. She revived those memories now. She wanted to tell him everything, but knew he must already see her as the fraud, the coward, that she was. She sucked in a deep, shuddering breath before finally saying, "I saw it... I was there when Harry fell."

A sharp intake of breath was his only response for several minutes. He had been there as well. In those last few minutes of life, the Boy-Wonder had been magnificent. His months of searching for Horcruxes had finally paid off. His years of torment and life-threatening attacks had all culminated in that one moment. It was blazoned in Severus' mind as clear as day, probably clearer than breakfast that morning was.

He now understood, to an extent. Her life-long friend had been absolutely blown to bits saving the entire world, both Muggle and wizard alike. She had seen it all.

"After Ron died in that Death Eater raid the month before, Harry and I really stuck with each other." She had somehow found her know-it-all tone so that she could get through this. "I mean, we weren't romantic or anything, but we were inseparable. We were all we had left." She waited a few seconds, just breathing, before continuing. "I don't know if you'll understand, but I just sort of lost it. I looked around me for the first time since the fighting had begun, and I saw the dead. They were everywhere. They were my friends and enemies alike."

He remembered. He had looked around in that moment, too. There had been a brilliant flash of light that had consumed anyone and everyone around it. In the very center had stood the Dark Lord and Harry Potter. Then the light imploded on them, and it took them both with it in its sheer radiance. That was when he had looked around. There had been only ten or fifteen people left standing. It was terrifying, even now, to know how many people had either been completely destroyed, or nearly lost their lives that day. It had been a devastating sight.

She was continuing now. "I panicked. Everyone was gone. The ones that were dead were lost forever, and the ones left standing were lost with me. We had been through too much to come out whole again. Everything was a blur. I couldn't tell Death Eater from Order member anymore. So I ran." Her cheeks were stained now, with streaks visible even after the tears had descended. "I... stumbled upon Tonks, and I knew. She was clumsy, but brilliant, and if she had to die, then so should I. That's when I Glamoured her, and left the world I loved."

It was the truth, and he knew it. He had seen it, felt it, and was still feeling it. He hadn't come out whole and was doubting that, after this, he would ever be whole again. She had been the light that shined into his darkness. Her memory alone had kept suicide at bay. But now that memory was tainted. It left a foul taste in his mouth.

He pulled out his wand and quickly conjured a tea set. He offered her some, even as he poured some for himself. He had a feeling there was plenty more to discuss.

She looked at him oddly, like he would actually poison her. After staring her down, he took a sip to show her it was fine. She drank slowly, cradling the cup carefully.

"But why, Hermione; why did you run? There were people that needed you. That needed to know at least one of their saviours had survived. Your friends left standing wanted to see you standing, too." He was using gentle tones. He could tell she hadn't thought about this in quite a while and wanted to keep her talking. He wasn't so much angry now as he was hurt.

She was shaking. "What friends, Snape? They were all dead. Whether it was physically or mentally, they were dead. Just like me."

His tone got rougher now. "You could have helped them. And maybe, just maybe, you would have been helped in the process. Those of us who have recovered haven't done so alone. We leaned on others for support, and were leaned on in turn. We've slowly recovered. Perhaps we're not whole, you're right there. But we're damn sure more whole than a girl Glamoured to hide from the world." He was yelling by the end of his speech.

She looked taken aback now. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to watch those big, brown eyes gloss over. The lip would tremble, with a possible sob escaping. He knew now that his light was not only dimming, but was about to flicker out. He couldn't watch it.

He threw both teacup and saucer against the wall, narrowly missing Hermione's head. She didn't even flinch; she was looking down now.

He stood up rapidly, knocking over his chair in the process. He stormed out of his kitchen, through the living room, and straight out the front door.

He walked; he ran. He didn't know where the hell he was going; he just had to go. He had so many things to say to her and no way to say them. Damn, he still wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He still wanted to grab her and kiss her until the only thought in her head was his name. Damn, the only thought in his head was her name.

Had he really never called her 'Hermione' before? Had it really been ten years since he had truly seen her face? Was she really a monster?

He had walked a full five miles before he remembered that he was a wizard and therefore could Apparate. But then he had to think of where he wanted to go. There was only one place that still, despite all the reasons why it shouldn't, felt like home. So he went to Hogwarts.

Hogwarts had closed one year after the war had ended. It was just too much to stay open, for no one wanted to send their children to a graveyard to learn. And despite the fact that no one was actually buried there, that's truly what it was.