Demons
Chapter 1 of 4
MHaydnOur team of writers return.
Reviewed1. Demons
Tzorg sniffed the air. “Wizard.”
Bazor extended his seven senses. “Dark, very dark.”
With all the majesty befitting his kind, Tzorg placed his hands on T’tang’s shoulders, and broad shoulders they were too for one so young.
“My young protégé, we did not expect such opposition when we set out,” he said. “We must send you back to the village. It is your duty to ensure that our blood line continues.”
“That means I shag every female in camp, right?” asked T’tang.
“That’s one way of putting it,” said Bazor.
Ha, thought Cho. They were afraid I would produce some dry, boring, bookworm narrative.
She swigged down more coffee, which seemed to be in abundant supply at this place.
The witch peered around the rock and gave her report. “Two of them. Large. Wings with talons. Claws. Spurs on their heels and razor sharp tusks.”
The wizard peeked and ducked back behind his bush. “And blue fire coming out of their brains.”
“Blue fire is cool,” said Lavender.
“Especially if it comes out of your brains,” said Severus.
Giving in to a sudden urge, Cho dashed off to the loo, leaving Theo to examine what she had written.
So this is what a Ravenclaw considers high adventure. Luckily, I can rescue it in time. he thought.
“You’ve transfigured into your new persona, the most powerful creature you can imagine and still be able to walk normally, right? You’ve been practicing your stunning spell, right? You said you could take out an elephant, right?” asked Lavender.
He nodded assent.
“Right,” she said, “I’ll distract them.”
She stepped into the clearing, hiked her skirt, and struck a pose. “Yoohoo, boys!”
“Is that a human female?” asked Tzorg.
“I think so,” said Bazor. “Yuck.”
“It’s a wonder their species hasn’t died out,” said Tzorg.
“Hey,” cried out Bazor. “Do boys put a bag over your head first? I’ve always wanted to know.”
“What! What are you saying!” said Lavender, whipping out her wand.
The air sizzled.
When the atmosphere had returned to normal, Severus began looking for the jewels the envoys were supposed to be carrying. Irked by the wasted effort practicing his stunning spell, he pointed to the scattered parts and said, “You made the mess. You clean it up.”
“Okay, okay,” she said. “I’ll handle it.”
She took her broom and whumped out the smoldering bits of brain before they could set the brush on fire or maybe the peat on fire in this godforsaken moor. When she was finished, she examined the burnt and broken bristles. She was certain her broom would never fly right again. Right.
Trekking into the wilderness and waiting in ambush had left Severus feeling, well, depleted. He eyed Lavender: healthy, luscious, full of life, full of enough life to spare, really luscious. She wouldn’t mind, would she? Since she had come willingly on this venture knowing what he was, she was practically inviting him, and he didn’t want to face the fury of scorned lady. He considered the scattered bits of demon and decided he should act and act quickly and decisively before he met the same fate.
Lavender screamed and flailed as ice-cold fangs sank into a vein.
“Mmmmm,” went Severus a few moments later, licking his lips. “That hit the spot.”
“I know you’re a vampire, and I know ‘sneaky-predator’ is your middle name,” stormed Lavender, “but you can’t do that.”
She took a deep breath. “I wet my pants.”
From MuseAmusant: Why transfiguring oneself for nefarious purposes is a really, really bad idea.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Shard
7 Reviews | 10.0/10 Average
Love the changeable, challenging contributions of each, each one's different singular penned contribution and revelations on Severus, Mrs Weasley and reflections on all the characters. The poem was subtly *profound*, and Biff definitely came through for the editor, creating such lovely poetry... Severus' vampirism, the origin and exploration of it, along with the subtle and steady theme of impregnation--quite enticing on a metaphorical and literal level--is quite powerful, coming seemingly full circle, with both Theo's back story and then was quite lovely and moving with Cho's culminating conclusion... The editor's dialogue scene is enticing as it touches upon and elicits reactions from both the character and reader--the notion of being human and what that entails, on several levels... It is a lovely duality that through his actions (his perceived darkness of himself, it dawning on her and the need/desire to save him, her awakenedness and ability to make love to him), she has metamorphed, conception occurs, and feeling alive is experienced as never before (enjoyed her proving her in-laws wrong and being, at long last, 'permeable' for Severus and for herself--lovely, lovely work! As always, looking forward to more!
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
A deep analysis of a sparse, possibly underwritten, narrative. A low-key vampire acts as an enabler: Lavender lusting after jewels; Pansy being her parent’s daughter; Padma seeking passion and business opportunities; and Hermione desiring intelligence, power, and darkness.
His willingness to perform a heroic deed thrills Mrs. Weasley, but its commission terrifies her and pushes him over the edge.
The experience does bring her out.
(“But what if a chappie doesn’t want to be ‘brought out’?” as Bertie Wooster might say.)
She is now the very human companion of a creature who is intelligent, powerful, dark, and doomed. It makes one think that if Tom Riddle had been able to control his dark side, he would have been perfect for her.
Another fascinating and particularly profound chapter... 'No mere wizard could match the female mind for twisty and raunchy.'--HA!Each and every scene with each specific point of view of the different contributors being added on is truly wonderful, piquant, and quite a pleasure to read and experience. The last vignette, in particular, culminates and is resonant of manifold impressions, climaxing with '(...) and all once thought gross shall be beautiful, and all once thought lost shall be found.' Your poetical prose and insight is quite breathtaking. Thank you for your continued evocative writing, as always
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
Thank you very much. Yes, there does appear to be rivalry between Theo and Cho. The last soliloquy asks a lot of site admins since it uses commas in the old-fashioned manner of indicating phrasing instead of following syntax. Some of the soliloquy deliberately does not scan - it does not let the reader skim through it quickly and easily.
Response from nagandsev (Reviewer)
I love your usage of the commas as I personally (and in real-life professionally) feel punctuation is a vital emotive symbol system... vital to the rhythm, forcing the reader to experience those pauses and the human need behind them, in between the phraseology or word(s). The last soliloquy, the unique phrasing, the intense commas, caused something to build and snap within me and tears to flow... Each time I read it, so... It leaves me speechless in its exquisite intimacy yet universality of what is conveyed. I, for one, am so glad that it does not scan and does not let the reader skim through it quickly and easily--I've probably written it before, but one of the many things I love about your writing is each and every deliberate, exquisite usage of the language/punctuation--again, I have an emotive reaction to commas (or the lack of them), dashes, ellipsis, full stops, etc. For me, language and punctuation reflect a mental and physical flow, emotions, and communication of need/intentions/action-reactions... And your delicate and intriguing usage of them makes me squirm with delight. Okay, I'll stop gushing now, but, as always, looking forward to more!
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
Thank you very much. Yes, there does appear to be rivalry between Theo and Cho. The last soliloquy asks a lot of site admins since it uses commas in the old-fashioned manner of indicating phrasing instead of following syntax. Some of the soliloquy deliberately does not scan - it does not let the reader skim through it quickly and easily.
Response from nagandsev (Reviewer)
I love your usage of the commas as I personally (and in real-life professionally) feel punctuation is a vital emotive symbol system... vital to the rhythm, forcing the reader to experience those pauses and the human need behind them, in between the phraseology or word(s). The last soliloquy, the unique phrasing, the intense commas, caused something to build and snap within me and tears to flow... Each time I read it, so... It leaves me speechless in its exquisite intimacy yet universality of what is conveyed. I, for one, am so glad that it does not scan and does not let the reader skim through it quickly and easily--I've probably written it before, but one of the many things I love about your writing is each and every deliberate, exquisite usage of the language/punctuation--again, I have an emotive reaction to commas (or the lack of them), dashes, ellipsis, full stops, etc. For me, language and punctuation reflect a mental and physical flow, emotions, and communication of need/intentions/action-reactions... And your delicate and intriguing usage of them makes me squirm with delight. Okay, I'll stop gushing now, but, as always, looking forward to more!
Another yay! The editor and Biff are back, I do so love each one's insight and varying styles of writing and input and vision--yes! Vampires, yes! Vampire, Severus, yes! Enjoyed Cho's and Theo's further contributions and elaborations on the origin, in particular, the 'saving grace versus character defect' insight about Severus, as well as reflecting on how much romance in his soul he had, indeed... Regarding the length, I'd reached the end of the chapter wishing for more! More Pansy, as lengthy as you wish, and all of the others--looking forward to more!
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
Thank you. The chapter is about two people in transition: the other side of Pansy and a Pansy who is deciding to be her own person; Severus transforming with hints, as from the goblin and the seduction of Pansy, about what is inside. At any rate, glad you enjoyed a slightly different Pansy.
Yay! Cho and Theo are back! This has my imagination going wild--immediately thought of Genghis-Khan-like-blended-with-Babylonian-mythological creatures in the first section, and then the wonderfully kooky and enticing dynamics between Lavender and a vampire-Severus! Looking forward to more!
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
I am in envy of your imagination, not to mention scholarship. The Babylonian creation myths look fascinating even though I had already decided on a clumsy plagerization of 'Journey to the West' for the obligatory background.
Response from nagandsev (Reviewer)
Oh good grief... What have I been missing out on? I've read Japanese folktales, and I vaguely remember some Chinese... but never even adapted English variants/versions, such as Arthur Waley's Monkey... just I'm ashamed to write that I have never read 'Journey of the West' ... although I love oriental literature, as I've come across translations over the years, but it is now on my list for immediate novels to read! So thank you for sharing the reference! Is there a particular translator's version you could recommend? W.J.F. Jenner or Hu Shih or Anthony C. Yu or ...? More new worlds to be discovered :-)
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
Oops, a late response since I hadn't noticed your reply. You overestimate my scholarship. As it happened, I remembered my copy of 'Journey to the West' had a long-winded intro, but when I wanted to plagerize it, I discovered I had misplaced it and was forced to be creative. :(
yea! 
Vampire Severus is back, and in fine form I see.
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
Glad to hear you are glad to see him back. 
This story will look at his origin.
A very novel way to become a vampire, but is he a true vampire yet, has not been blooded, will Pansey be his first? Can't wait for more.
Response from MHaydn (Author of Shard)
Thanks for the review. Apparently, this novel way of becoming a vampire produces a slow transformation. In the meantime, he is experiencing feelings that he previously was incapable of. The first chapter describes him further along in the process, and we know he sampled Lavender. (And she was delicious.)