Overture

2. Overture

I, Lucius Malfoy, am an evil man, a wicked man, an obnoxious and petty man. I believe my shoelace is untied. But will I reach down and remedy that? No. I don’t know why not, but I will let it drag on the ground through the dirt on which I walk.

In the meantime, I was waiting for Cho at the outdoor café where we first met. Waiting for Cho and staring at my shoelace.

She arrived and immediately launched into her ideas of introducing non-wizard technology into our world. I admitted that modern plumbing was a good thing, but I reminded her of the terrible Victorian social attitudes we adopted.

“It’s a blasted infusion of non-wizard culture, a moral code at odds with nature and common sense,” I said. “It comes from a bloody mindless adoration of Victorian England.”

“You’re being reactionary,” said Cho.

I shook my head in remembrance and said, “If I hadn’t been young and naïve, I would have known something was amiss the moment I boarded a steam locomotive at King’s Cross.”

“Think about electrical appliances,” said Cho. “It’s the only hope of freeing the house-elves.”

When I gave her a quizzical look, she stated that appliances would eliminate drudgery and wives could lead a decent life without elves. She didn’t think any social movement would end their enslavement until the economic reasons were removed. I maintained that new technology inevitably modified society’s standards.

She claimed we could pick and choose. I talked about the Law of Unintended Consequences. She replied there were unintended consequences of doing nothing.

She looked at her watch and declared she had to hasten back to the office.

“This was great fun,” she said, grabbing my hand.

She didn’t let go when I held her hand. Something stirred inside me.

“No one else will even talk to me about this,” she said. “Can we meet again next Friday? And your shoelace is untied.”

The next Friday, I came prepared with a balanced assessment of introducing new technology ending with a fair and unbiased conclusion that doing so would be a mistake. I had even retrieved an old essay I had once written about rejecting alien culture.

Cho arrived, plunked herself down, and declared she had brought some documents.

“More about electrical appliances?” I asked.

No, she worked in the Department of Archives and had come across references to lost and valuable artifacts. She wanted someone to help her, but she needed someone not as old and decrepit as the men in her office to assist her in retrieving those treasures for the benefit of wizard society. Did I know anyone robust enough?

Then she gave me a big grin.

I decided to add to the merriment. “Right ho, let’s bring a shitload of alien technology and mores into our lives and follow that by digging up a bunch of stuff that should remain buried. Life is getting dull.”

“It’s all there and waiting for us,” said Cho sadly, “but I don’t know if I can live up to the Malfoy standards for this type of enterprise.

“I have no doubts about your capabilities,” I said.

“Oh, Lucius,” she said, “I’m so glad. I was afraid you would think I was a silly girl and refuse to be my partner.”

As I was wondering how this had happened, she placed the briefcase on the table.

But she paused and gave me an entreating look. Did I really want to participate?

I took her hand and said, “I would only go on this adventure if I had a steady and reliable companion.”

She gave a knowing nod. “Someone to restrain your impetuosity, no doubt.”

She opened her briefcase and said, “I told the people in archives that I needed to copy some of the old documents before they deteriorated.”

“Are these the copies?” I asked.

“I left the copies in the files,” she said. “I brought the originals in case there were secret messages on them. Was that worthy of a Malfoy?”

I said, “We don’t want another Malfoy, we want a Chang. You bring something new to the mix. You’re doing great.”

While I wondered what had got into me to utter such sentiments, Cho glowed. One might think no one had ever said such a thing to her before.

Meanwhile, she had moved closer and her knees were against me. Hadn’t anyone ever looked beyond her beauty to see what an incredible woman she was?

Cho claimed we could legitimately spend the afternoon examining the manuscripts since the people in her office were making a big fuss about possible evil influences associated with the old artifacts.

“I’m consulting with a Dark Wizard or the best I can come up with,” said Cho. “It’s time for triage: stuff not worth going after, stuff too dangerous to go after, and stuff that’s valuable enough and safe enough.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Oh, nothing,” said Cho, rolling her eyes. “I thought you might like to watch.”

“Okay. Okay,” I said. “We figure out how to get the good stuff. As a cover we write up the worthless stuff as too dangerous and turn in the report. Tell the bureaucrats what they want to hear, and they won’t question what we’re doing. ”

“Diabolical,” said Cho. “You’re corrupting a civil servant which establishes your bonafides as a Dark Wizard and legitimizes my working with you.”

Several days later, while tying my shoelaces, I was still trying to parse that one.

After several hours of examining the old manuscripts, I suggested a break and asked Cho if she wanted to visit my beach house in Ireland for a broom ride. Her eyes widened as we approached the cottage. While I was thankful that the only evidence of my dissolute life was an empty milk bottle by the fireplace, Cho was in the kitchen, counting the appliances.

“You hypocrite,” she said.

She was standing at the large window overlooking the beach. “Who designed this place,” she asked, “Frank Lloyd Wright?”

“I’m renting it from a rich American who uses it one month in the summer,” I said.

She nodded. “That explains the longhorn over the fireplace.”

“Would you prefer a dank place with a smoky peat fireplace that was more suitable for brooding?”

She shrugged off the question, chose one of the brooms, and tore into the stratosphere. Luckily, I was in good shape since I had been riding several hours a day since my wife left me to keep my mind off things.

“That helped,” said Cho when we were back at the house. “It cleared my head and let me realize the wisdom of what you said.”

I was wondering which of my wise words she had taken to heart when she announced that since we were Victorian in outlook, the most valuable artifacts would be the sex toys. She was waving a document and raving about ‘The Ring of Everlasting O.’ She was searching for the map to ‘The Thunderous Wand’ which turned a demoness into a household goddess.

The sun was going down when she suggested I escort her home because of the valuable material she was carrying. As we were walking down a deserted street near her flat, she took my hand. When I intertwined my fingers with hers in approval, she placed her other hand on my waist. I reciprocated and kissed her on the forehead.

Her arms were around me; her lips were devouring me; her tongue was probing me. Fortunately, she came up for air before I swooned from the aroma of perfumed and excited girl.

“Come to my flat for lunch tomorrow?” she asked. “It’ll be simple, but we can study everything in private.”

Yes, we certainly could study everything in private. We should study every private thing, I thought.

And those thoughts, dear reader, are sufficient explanation for not noticing that Cho was standing on my shoelaces, and when I started to back away, I fell on my bum. A gentle reminder that women are dangerous.

---

From MuseAmusant: Ireland, milk bottle, an old essay.

---

Author’s Note: Apologies are due to Dostoevsky and the ‘Notes’ and for late submittal because of network connection problems.